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The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free episode artwork

EPISODE · Mar 23, 2026 · 1H 20M

The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free

from Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson · host Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then he and Dr. Rick explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side. Key Topics:  0:00: Intro and overview of self-abandonment 4:38: What are we abandoning? 8:30: The self-abandonment loop 21:55: How a parts model can help us understand the shame 26:20: The double-bind of self-criticism 32:56: How to get out of the double-bind 41:34: Anger and resentment 49:47: Moving from shame to grief 56:15: Breaking the self-abandonment loop 1:10:22: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What this episode covers

Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win” situation to keep us stuck. Then he and Dr. Rick explore what actually breaks the cycle, including the role of anger, the difference between shame and grief, self-compassion, and what it really means to get on your own side. Key Topics:  0:00: Intro and overview of self-abandonment 4:38: What are we abandoning? 8:30: The self-abandonment loop 21:55: How a parts model can help us understand the shame 26:20: The double-bind of self-criticism 32:56: How to get out of the double-bind 41:34: Anger and resentment 49:47: Moving from shame to grief 56:15: Breaking the self-abandonment loop 1:10:22: Recap Support the Podcast: We're on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Go to Zocdoc.com/BEING to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.Level up your bedding with Quince. Go to Quince.com/BEINGWELL for free shipping on your order and three hundred and sixty-five -day returns. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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The Self-Abandonment Loop: Shame, Self-Criticism, and How to Break Free

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Frequently Asked Questions

How long is this episode of Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson?

This episode is 1 hour and 20 minutes long.

When was this Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson episode published?

This episode was published on March 23, 2026.

What is this episode about?

Why is it so hard for us to do what we actually want to do? In this episode, Forrest explains the hidden structure of self-abandonment: how shame drives the loop, how the loop produces more shame, and how the inner critic uses a “can’t win”...

Can I download this Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson episode?

Yes, you can download this episode by clicking the download button on the episode player, or subscribe to the podcast in your preferred podcast app for automatic downloads.
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