The Shart Game Show of My Dreams

Episode SummaryThis sponsored best-of from 2016 is a beautiful disaster built around Tim’s poop-fueled nightmare game show, a revolting BBC smegma sissy story, Frankie McDonald’s suspicious earthquake wizardry, a pastor blaming porn for a miscarriage, and a Florida gay ramen-noodle domestic battery. Vintage DV, in other words.Ropes of Nut sponsors a best-of for the sheer joy of paying Tim to do almost nothing, which is honestly a strong business model.Tim reveals that after a scat-heavy show, he actually dreamed up an entire low-budget game show called Shard Attack, where contestants answer trivia while a diarrhea-ridden fat man threatens to shart on them from the rafters.Sextastic Tuesday delivers a truly stomach-turning piece of erotica involving a sissy, a giant uncut dick, and enough smegma discussion to permanently damage the soul.Frankie McDonald, the beloved screaming weather oracle, appears to correctly predict a major New Zealand earthquake, forcing Tim into a very reluctant respect spiral.Tim explains that Monday’s poop marathon followed him into sleep, resulting in a vivid dream where he’s summoned to save a collapsing Game Show Network production.The solution is Shard Attack, a live television event featuring trivia, an asshole card, and a naked stinker perched above contestants deciding their fate with either a safe fart or a round-ending shart.Highlights include the round called Vowel Movement, a doomed contestant named Mary, and a fake sponsor plug for Dorothy Lynch dressing, lovingly described as the salad dressing of the elderly and weak-jawed.Tim is both horrified and weirdly proud that his subconscious produced a show this stupid, which frankly feels on-brand.This week’s literary crime is titled Sissy BBC Cleaner, and it wastes no time diving into plugs, panties, pigtails, and catastrophically misguided tranny fantasy logic.The story escalates into a gag-inducing cleanup scene centered on a nine-inch uncut cock buried under a truly upsetting amount of smegma, because apparently someone thought that was the hot part.Tim picks apart every disgusting beat, from the fetish confusion to the nonstop dick-cheese worship, while the whole thing somehow gets worse with each sentence.It is gross, stupid, overcommitted, and exactly the sort of thing that earns a place in the Sextastic gutter archive.Frankie McDonald, once mocked as the retarded weatherman, correctly calls a major earthquake in New Zealand and suddenly looks less like a joke and more like a drooling prophet of doom.A Christian pastor suggests a man’s porn habit and lust may have played a role in his wife’s miscarriage, because apparently God now punishes jerking off with targeted fetal vengeance.A Florida man gets arrested for domestic battery after throwing a cup of ramen noodles at his live-in boyfriend during an argument over infidelity, proving once again that gay drama and discount soup are a dangerous mix.Tim reflects on the weird mental damage this show may eventually leave behind, imagining an elderly future where he babbles about shit game shows and mushy salad dressing like a nursing-home lunatic.The 10-year anniversary of the Sideshow gets a plug, along with a reminder that there are now more than a decade’s worth of shows festering in the archives.There’s also a brief return to the never-ending grievance that Frankie McDonald somehow enjoys greater fame and merchandising success than Tim, which honestly is fair to resent.Critical Madness asks whether Lord Douche is officially Tim’s husband and whether weird porn folders have ever sabotaged a relationship, opening the door to some nice lonely-freak self-awareness.Tone Deaf Sean resurfaces from the void with a pre-election anti-everyone message that aged exactly as uselessly as you’d expect.