THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK

What this episode covers

Hey... Welcome to THE TEENAGER'S DIARY where you hear the different feelings, thoughts, and emotions of the teenager. Well, this is your host, SHADOW SPARKLING. I'm a different teen of 14 and I hope to enlighten you by sharing everything I have. Well,... Today, we are going to talk about "THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A FUCK". And like always, I would love if you keep an open-mindset while listening to this. This was finished in a little bit of hurry. This orange guy had been my companion during our trip to Kalimpong. It’s total shit. The trip. Not the book. I bought it in the set of its brother. This book’s author is Mark Manson. This guy’s a stay blogger, the back cover said that. Well, I’m a blogger myself... actually you are reading my blog. Well, anyways let’s get this review started. PREVIEW. So, this book is of 9 Chapters. Each chapter having sub-contents totally worth reading. Mark Manson has really well-placed the chapters in order. The first chapter’s name is Don’t Try. In this chapter we learn that success and self-improvement aren’t the same thing and they obviously don’t occur at the same time. Then we are introduced to the Feedback Loop from Hell. Actually psychologically, it’s feeling of feeling what you previously felt because of something which before even that made you feel like you are feeling now. What I mean is, suppose you are feeling guilty. Then, after sometime, you’ll feel guilty about feeling guilty. That’s simple enough. At the end of first chapter there’s WHY this book was written which lowers your expectations and hence doesn’t make you unhappy. The first chapter generally tells you to not go for things which might be better or make your thing look better. And hence DON’T TRY. Because sometimes not giving a fuck to something returns a lot. LIMITED FUCKS. We all have limited number of fucks to give to this world and Mark Manson has just verbalized that through this book. The fucks we give to something is choosing to give that something our time. Our time is the most important resource any human has. And hence, we should only spend it for important stuffs. Stuffs that are really worth it. As he says, “These moments of non-fuckery are the moments that most define our lives.” And “To not give a fuck is to stare down life’s most terrifying and difficult challenges and still take action.” Well, this book generally sums up everything one must have in order to what to give a fuck or not. HAPPINESS ??. When we chase something, the more we chase, the more we will incomplete (by reminding us always what we lack). Finding yourself more fuck-worthy fucks are worth your time than doing this. Welcome to Chapter 2- Happiness is a Problem. It technically is. BTW, what is HAPPINESS? Is it just a smile? Is it the face of someone laughing? How about someone totally in eternal bliss realm? Well, the meaning varies for different people. But the process by which it starts is the same. HAPPINESS ALWAYS COMES BY SOLVING PROBLEMS. Well, life itself is a form of suffering, ain’t it? So, there’s so many tons of opportunities lying around for you to get the 9-lettered-word. The thing most of us get wrong about happiness is that, we think if we achieve X, then we can be happy; if we make ourselves like Y, then we can be happy. But its not that. As I wrote before, Happiness Comes from Solving Problems. Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged or upgraded. WHY CAN’T YOU HAVE HAPPINESS? Happiness is a constant work-in-progress. It really is. And TRUE HAPPINESS occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving. Problems definitely cause pains and the thing is PAIN SERVES A PURPOSE. The pain is gonna go away once it’s done teaching you the lesson. Unfortunately, for most people, life ain’t that simple. “The secret sauce is in the solving of the problems, not in not having problems in the first place.” Well, many people don’t actually get happiness due to two reasons. 1) They DENY having problems. For them problems don’t EXIST. 2) Then, there are people who believe that there is nothing they can do to solve their problems, even when they actually could. They are gonna face a big wall when they realize it. But that’s okay. After all, it’s gonna make them a better person after that. Happiness also requires another thing. It’s STRUGGLE. And the thing about STRUGGLE is, if choose your own fucking struggle, the better you’re gonna be able to solve it. So, yeah CHOOSE YOUR STRUGGLE. The best question asking yourself to determine your struggle is (as given in the book): “What PAIN do you want to sustain?” Well, THE PATH TO HAPPINESS IS A PATH FULL OF SHIT-HEAPS AND SHAME. YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL ??. Now, we come to chapter 3- You are not special. You actually aren’t at all. You think you went and finish school early, you think you only have X which no one else has and for whatever reason you think YOU’RE SPECIAL, trust me YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. You think you alone are going through your own personal problem. But the truth is that there’s no such thing as a personal problem. If you’ve got a problem, millions of other people have had it in the past, and are probably going through it now. The main thing this chapter teaches you is NOT BE TO ENTITLED. Thinking you are awesome and everyone else suck, or the other way around. That’s just a really broad definition. Being entitled means thinking you only deserve something. No one’s gonna understand your pain. Thinking you are some kinda of big deal, and now you deserve special treatment. FUCK IT. JUST THROW THAT SHIT INTO AN ABYSS or VOMIT IT OUT. That’s nothing but the fuel for ego. And trust me, that’s gonna make you DROWN WITHIN YOUR OWN HELL, WHERE YOU WILL BE THINKING YOU ARE IN HEAVEN. Don’t show what you don’t have. THE ONION. One of new things I learned was that self-awareness is like an ONION. There are multiple layers and the more you peel them, the MORE LIKELY YOU’RE GOING TO START CRYING AT INAPPROPRIOATE TIMES. We all have emotional blind spots. And the thing is, we often forget about HONEST QUESTIONING ourselves in front of our own mirrors. Well, its HARD and sometimes SCARY. But there are parts we don’t discuss with ourselves; we would be generally going to live a MEANINGLESS LIFE. Realizing that we had just HOVERED OVER like a ghost, all the time when we would be on your deathbed. Well, there are some questions which definitely need to be have answers for yourself: “Why do I consider this to be success/failure?”, “What’s my SUCCESS/FAILURE?”, “How am I even choosing to measure myself?”, “By what standard am I judging myself and everyone around me?”. Questions like this are a MUST to be answered. VALUES. Well don’t forget about VALUES and METRICS by which we choose. “Values underlie everything we are and do.” And without values, life is meaningless. Values are what define us and our HAPPINESS when the tides get tough. And the good thing is: we have the complete freedom to choose which value to make our shelter under. Values often helps us change the way we look at a certain problem if choose value and metric to judge it from. ACCEPTANCE is the key. And in some situations, some values and metrics are definitely better than others. Good values are a necessity to a healthy meaningful life. Good values are a) reality-based, b) socially constructive, and 3) immediate and controllable. Bad values are basically just the opposite. Values are what defines us in the end. And hence, they must be chosen very carefully. Good values never leave till you die. FREEDOM ??! The best freedom we all have is how we respond. It’s such a great gift. And sometimes there are situations where it’s not our fault but still it becomes our responsibility. With more responsibility comes great power. You get to choose how to live with it; You have to choose how to live with it. ‘It’ signifies all kinds of shits one might go through. Life is kinda poker game. And sometimes we deal with bad cards as well as good cards. But the thing is THE GAME LIES IN THE CHOICES WE MAKE WITH THOSE CARDS. In some of the really fucking situations, choosing our metric appropriately is essential because after all, this is what defines “GOOD” or “BAD”. Accepting responsibility is a good way to start solving a problem. And don’t forget, EVERY DAY, EVERY MOMENT, YOU ARE CHOOSING WHAT TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT. WRONG TO NOT EXACTLY RIGHT. We never go from wrong to right. We always move from wrong to less wrong and then lesser wrong from that. We are never right. We never are though the situation tell us we are. Being certain might bring assurance but few realize that it’s the UNCERTAINTY WHICH IS THE ROOT OF ALL GROWTH AND PROGRESS. Growth is an endlessly iterative process. And we are all architects of our own beliefs. And as Mark says, all beliefs are wrong- some are just less wrong than others. The more we admit we don’t know, the more opportunities we gain to learn. Certainty, in a sense, breeds entitlement. Acceptance is the key here too. DO SOMETHING. They say the more you fail the more you get better at that. But the thing is that they forget to mention that you have to invest your time in there too. You can only be a winner if you fail enough times to win. Good values are process-oriented and they don’t leave you till you die. WEATHER YOUR SHITSTORM. AND WHEN NOTHING SEEMS TO ANSWER IT, JUST DO SOMETHING, ANSWERS WILL FOLLOW. That’s the Do-Something Principle, one of the best things I learned from this book. Action?Inspiration?Motivation? Action?Inspiration? to infinity... Sometimes committing to something gives you freedom. It does by narrowing your choice and letting you focus on what’s truly important. It’s liberating. And you get a different feeling when you invest your time only in one thing, one woman, one career, one place... Well, honesty is crucial. And sometimes you just remove that fake face of yours to show the world who you really are. It’s good to breath without that mask. Well, Mark has also given us some GREAT RELATIONSHIP ADVICE in this book too. But, I won’t be discussing that now. ...THEN YOU DIE ??. And then you die, that’s the last chapter. I loved the chapter names. Well, as the name suggests, DEATH and its acceptance is crucial to show what’s truly important. Mark shares about the realizations and changes he had in himself after a good friend of his died. His friend’s last words were, “Seek the truth for yourself, and I will meet you there.” And then his body was found out from a lake where he drowned drunk. “Oddly, it was someone else’s death that gave me permission to finally live.” Death is the light by which the shadow of all of life’s meaning is measured. That’s the best quote out of the book. Death always asks us, “What’s your legacy?” And when our immortality projects (things we do in order to make our non-physical stuffs like memories, go beyond after we die) fail, our life seems to be meaningless. Feeling ALIVE is something we all need to feel. After all, A MAN WHO LIVES FULLY IS PREPARED TO DIE AT ANY TIME. That’s from Mark Twain that hairy goofball who came in and left on Halley’s Comet. Confronting the reality of our own mortality is really essential because it obliterates all the crappy, fragile, superficial values in life. I have written about ACCEPTING MORTALITY here, check that out for sure. Well, this had been a great book. It really was. Reading it was fun because I like foul stuff he said. I loved it. This had been an amazing experience. And the next I’m going to read is its brother, EVERYTHING’S FUCKED. Well, that’s all for now. This book is so filled with amazing lessons. I would definitely recommend anyone to buy this book and read it full. Because buddy this is gonna be WORTH IT. Thanks for reading. That will be all . Thanks for being till the end. Sign up to my weekly newsletter , where I will remind you about the things you might have missed. It's FREE and will come on SUNDAYS . You just have to scroll down to the footer. I would be extremely grateful to you for doing that hard work of scrolling . Check out my INSTAGRAM & TWITTER accounts too. 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