The time will pass anyway.

MEMENTO VIVEREThere’s nothing new in these words, but they come from an almost universal dissatisfaction, a search for something more than a 9-5 existence.It’s a dichotomy.You should be grateful for having a job, right?Yet you can’t help this dissatisfaction that you feel, right?So, there are people worse of that you, but it’s not your problem, right?Then why is there so much guilt around wanting more than this?Is it not a privileged angst thing? Too much time to think about things?The sentence “People who are working two jobs and kids don’t have time to moan about their job” puts me firmly in my place.“Why can’t I just stop moaning and get on with it?”This cycle continues.Forever.Until a concerted effort is made to get what you want out of life.Sometimes I wish I were simple minded, just working a simple job, enjoying life for what it is, not wanting for anything nor wanting for more, enjoying a few pints down the pub with no agenda. No ideas above your station.When people ask me about my job, I say “Yeah, it’s not too bad. I can’t really complain, I’m getting paid ok and it’s not hugely stressful”. I bore myself saying it, over and over.Now and again, I feel mild excitement, well, more like a mediocre interest, in a new task or change of direction in my role. It has kept me going for periods of time, but it normally ends up being stale again.Don’t get me wrong, I know what it’s like to struggle financially. I was on less than minimum wage for about 6 years working for myself. I always thought that having a secure job would make me happy, yet here I am in a secure job. The plus side of being self-employed in the past was that I was time-rich, and I lived in London at the time so I could enjoy being in a big city. Even without much money, I could enjoy a pot of £6 early grey tea, up the OXO Tower and enjoy the view of the Thames on a summer’s day, when everyone else was slogging it in their 9-5. 8-8 more like in London.I fantasise about drawing, painting, and writing, at leisure but with a structure that satisfies my need to have a framework that houses my activities. Providing some kind of direction and meaning. Especially in terms of earning an income from said activities.Then my mind goes towards the thought “If I had enough money to live the same lifestyle regardless, what would I spend my time doing?” I feel a sense of discomfort asking myself this. My mind goes all Nihilistic and I think that I would no longer like painting, drawing, and writing if I didn’t have to work, as it’s just a distraction from my 9-5. Grass-is-greenerism at it’s greenist.This of course is not true, I drew a lot as a child, it was something I “just did” I didn’t try and do it, I just liked doing it, it was simple.  I think my mind is just trying to keep me safe, that’s one of the brain’s jobs, right? It’s keeping you safe, it doesn’t understand the context. It just thinks you will die if you leave the comfort of your 9-5 and follow a creative pursuit.I was watching a TV series called The Cockfields recently, something quite apt stood out. The stepdad (Ray) of the main character (Simon) said to him about leaving his full-time job to become an illustrator. I was blown away at how apt it was for me.The conversation went like this:Simon: I’m leaving my job to pick up this illustration gig.Ray: Oh right.Simon: What do you mean? Ray: Well, are you getting enough money coming in from that?Simon: Not yet, I’ve got a couple of jobs coming in. The main thing is, I really enjoy it.Ray: Haha. I love fly fishing but I didn’t leave my job to pursue it, did I now?. Esther (Simon’s girlfriend): Well, he’s actually doing really well with it and I’m proud of him!.This got me thinking about generations and attitudes to work, boomers just got on with work, got married and had kids young, bought a house on a single salary, worked all their lives in their job for life, then retired.Simon, the millennial, realised that there’s more to life than doing a job you don’t love.What’s it going to be like for future generations? I think it’s changing already. There’s many 20 year-old nowadays realising the potential of the modern internet (social, AI, crypto, live content).After all of this, what is the answer?The way I see it, it’s about taking those steps when you are working your 9-5, build something. My something is a congruent place for my writing and art, my Substack.Some days at my day job I will feel like quitting.Some days will be boring.Some days will be stressful.Some days will be exciting. Well, that’s pushing it a bit. But if I keep building, doors will open in ways I don’t realise right now.You can either do or do not do, the time will pass anyway.If I’d never started creating art in 2019, I have no idea where I’d be now. I’m glad I started, as I can look back, knowing that I’ve created a body of work.I’m grateful, truly, looking at what a tiny selection of what i’ve created below in 4 years, makes me smile.I’ll leave you with this….“Don't let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”Earl Nightingale My love to you,SLARTCream of The Crop is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Thank you for reading. Please pass these timeless words on to someone you care about today. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.creamofthecropbyslart.com