The Truth About Relationship Goals w/ Alex Merritt , " The Love Engineer" | Episode 12

Anyone who understands love and relationships knows that though they are separate entities, they depend on each other for sustenance. What makes a healthy relationship? How do you know if the person you’re falling in love with would make a good partner? Bringing logic to love, Alex Merritt uses a problem-solving approach to help people discover their best romantic relationships. In this episode, Mike interviews Alex about her journey to becoming the ‘Love Engineer’ and how researching and learning about love helped her understand the significance of relationships and marriage. She stresses that love is a ‘force’ that binds people and that to succeed in a relationship, you have to grow in your understanding of love. She also talks about dropping your expectations and old thoughts of love relationships and learning to create yours based on your definition of happiness. Highlights Of The Episode: ● Your understanding of love doesn't necessarily grow with experience. To understand love, you have to also unlearn old habits and lessons.● How to find out if a person is good for you as a partner: Write down 25 things you look for in a partner and 25 things the other person is looking for in their partner. If it's a match, you know you two can make it.● What makes a healthy relationship? To be in a healthy relationship, you must drop the encyclopedia of expectations. We attribute so much to a healthy relationship that we forget to see what we truly want from our partners and what they want from us. If you two can make it and are happy around each other, it doesn't matter what knowledge people have passed onto us about love over the generations.● Love isn't just an emotion; it's a force, like gravity. "You don't have to understand gravity to fall, but you do have to understand gravity to fly." In the same way, you don't have to understand love to fall in love; you have to understand love to be in a relationship.Apparel provided by Just Everyday Creativity Get yours today at : https://www.justeverydaycreativity.com/Enter code : DONTQUIT22 at checkout Follow Alex on IG : https://www.instagram.com/alextheloveengineer/Connect with Mehttps://www.instagram.com/therealmikehumes/Listen to the Self Talk Podcast Here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-self-talk-experience-podcast/id1597012349 Time Stamps [01:21] Alex Merritt explains how she puts her mechanical engineering degree to action with Love Engineer [02:03] Love Engineer’s best relationships (including one that lasted 15 years) and why it believes the first relationship you have is with yourself [04:09] Why building love is the most powerful force on the earth [05:00] Bringing people together to talk about love, marriages, and sex and how our previous generation has seen those topics [05:49] How relationships have progressed like the phone and the need to be intentional about relationships now that we have every idea how it could head [10:02] Society allows men to have only socially acceptable emotional outlets, like anger and arousal. This causes them to suppress themselves unhealthily. [12:00] Why men and women don’t often understand each other well and why a large part of it is because they don’t get to spend so much time around each other [14:52] How Alex Merritt explains love as a “force” (like gravity) and the analogy between gravity and love [18:55] Why love and relationships are two different things and how love helps hold a relationship [19:41] The encyclopedia of marriage-related expectations and how to shed any of those and model a script that works for you [21:04] Comparison is the thief of joy – how it applies to relationships and what you can do about it [26:22] The need to unlearn the wrong ideas about love and partner with someone who can cover the truth about it [27:32] Why you task isn’t to seek love, but to remove the barriers that keep you from seeking it [29:39] Why Alex Merritt suggests writing down 25 things that make you happy (that don’t involve your partner) [30:57] Here’s where you can grab Alex Merritt’s resources, including the love game and love conference Alex Merritt is the Founder and Love Engineer at Dessert & Discussion, an innovative relationship development organization. She is also the Chief Development OfficerChief Development Officer at ALM Development Institute and the Vice President of Program Operations at Twin Cities R!SE. KW: What makes a healthy relationship, Why do relationships fail, healthy relationships, understanding love, understand each other, relationship with yourself, learn about yourself, comparison is the thief of joy