The Under and Over-Functioning Trap | The Anxious Response Series - Part 4

Are you the only one who actually knows where the spare light bulbs are?If you find yourself staying late to re-do someone else's work, stepping in before anyone else has a chance to try, or quietly carrying the weight of an entire team or household — you might not just be a high achiever. You might be an over-functioner. And the relationship pattern you're locked into may be the very thing keeping the people around you stuck.This episode unpacks the over/under-functioning dance — why it forms, why it feels so natural (and even virtuous), and what it costs both sides. More importantly, it explores what it looks like to actually step back, ask better questions, and give the people around you the dignity of the struggle.HighlightsOver-functioning isn't just being helpful — it's a systemic pattern that has a reciprocal partner: the under-functionerBowen Theory is a mindset, not a set of techniques — it moves us away from simple cause-and-effect thinking toward a more reciprocal, systems-based viewFor every over-functioner, there's an under-functioner who eventually stops thinking for themselves because they know you'll do it for themKathleen Smith's five signs of "pseudo-maturity" in over-functioners — including only feeling comfortable when you're in charge and speaking for other peopleThe "functional thief" concept: when you over-function for someone, you steal their opportunity to growThe critical distinction between being responsible to someone vs. responsible for someonePractical moves: observe your patterns without judgment, pause before jumping in, and replace directives with genuinely curious open-ended questionsThere are times when over-functioning is appropriate (crisis, safety, emergencies) — the problem is the automatic, habitual use of itChapters0:34 — Only Adult in the Room1:59 — Leadership Lens: Bowen Theory3:25 — Mindset, Not Technique6:08 — Patterns Refresher6:44 — The Over/Under Dance8:50 — Workplace Rock Stars10:55 — Signs of Pseudo-Maturity11:52 — Drew, the Functional Thief13:35 — Under-Functioning Explained15:12 — When Taking Over Actually Helps16:14 — Responsible To, Not For18:02 — Observe and Pause21:46 — Ask Questions Instead23:36 — Let Them Struggle23:60 — Closing ThoughtsResourcesTrue to You by Kathleen Smith — https://kathleensmithwrites.com/books/true-to-you/Want to know how Systems Theory could be leveraged in your business? Contact us at https://iridiumleadership.com/ to learn more.