The Urge to Win, Dominate, and Control (Bandhu Dunham)

Ego is the foil to our spiritual development, to fulfilling our capacity for awareness, compassion, creativity, and self-transcendence. The urge to win, dominate, and control is a pithy definition of ego. It can also be defined as the self-sense or survival instinct involving cognitive and emotional as well as physical survival, or as the freedom of mind choosing an alternative to God or a higher power. It’s pretty obvious when someone is trying to win, dominate, or control but challenging to see in ourselves. It is helpful in our spiritual evolution to pay more attention, have restraint, and take time to pause and reflect on our actions. Having a sense of purpose and sense of space can be useful reminders. It’s usually possible to have humor about situations. Responsibility is not control. Examples from the Japanese television series, La Grande Maison Tokyo, are discussed. Moments of peace and quiet are rewards of knowing we can’t control everything. We can only control ourselves and our conduct. Success on the path is not about winning, dominating and controlling, but about surrender and coming to center. We can’t tell if we’re off center if we’re not familiar with our center. Accepting what is as it is, and acting, can take us to the end of the path, to being one with the universe. Obstacles we encounter reveal the way to move forward. Four virtues of stoicism to be developed over a lifetime are wisdom, courage, temperance, and justice. If things don’t go the way we want (e.g., with the outcome of an election), we can still live according to our principles and practices. Grief is loving something or someone we have lost; love is grieving for someone we haven’t lost yet. Negative personality features are the flip side of authentic manifestations. Our success depends on what we set up for ourselves. Bandhu Dunham is the author of Creative Life and an internationally recognized glass artist and teacher.