the validation trap: why we crave being liked & why its a lie episode artwork

EPISODE · Jun 25, 2025 · 54 MIN

the validation trap: why we crave being liked & why its a lie

from the matcha diaries · host cara and leo

this week (part 1 of our external validation series), we’re deep diving into a topic that’s come up again and again across our episodes : seeking external validation. Inspired by a beautiful piece of writing that perfectly captured our feelings (we read it at the start of the episode!), we reflect on our own relationships with validation, how it’s shaped our childhoods, friendships, and identities. from the desire to be liked in school, to the performative nature of social media, to internalising rejection from people we don’t even admire… we’re unpacking it all. we also explore the psychology behind validation seeking. it’s a vulnerable one, and we hope it makes you feel a little more understood 🤍part 2 will be out next week where we get into the emotional cost of it all as well as our little toolkit on how to stop seeking it! to stay up to date on our lives, contribute to future episodes and share any of your thoughts - pls do Follow us on ⁠⁠instagram⁠⁠, ⁠⁠tiktok⁠⁠ or subscribe to us on youtube ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! ☕ Thinking of joining our BOOK CLUB? We’d love to have you! Check it out  ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! for advertising opportunities, or you don't have any social media and want to chat, please email us at: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠Sources:https://ellinasukh.substack.com/p/the-need-to-be-seen?r=trybr&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=truehttps://thejackfruitlife.substack.com/p/stop-seeking-validation-and-trust?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webhttps://oizystunmise.substack.com/p/stop-craving-validation-from-people?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web (took a lot of the actual quotes from here, loved this writing)https://pachdeng.substack.com/p/seeking-external-validation-leadshttps://tessacooperpengelly.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-seeking-external-validation?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webhttps://juliaarcherstrong.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-seeking-external-validation?r=trybr&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true

this week (part 1 of our external validation series), we’re deep diving into a topic that’s come up again and again across our episodes : seeking external validation. Inspired by a beautiful piece of writing that perfectly captured our feelings (we read it at the start of the episode!), we reflect on our own relationships with validation, how it’s shaped our childhoods, friendships, and identities. from the desire to be liked in school, to the performative nature of social media, to internalising rejection from people we don’t even admire… we’re unpacking it all. we also explore the psychology behind validation seeking. it’s a vulnerable one, and we hope it makes you feel a little more understood 🤍part 2 will be out next week where we get into the emotional cost of it all as well as our little toolkit on how to stop seeking it! to stay up to date on our lives, contribute to future episodes and share any of your thoughts - pls do Follow us on ⁠⁠instagram⁠⁠, ⁠⁠tiktok⁠⁠ or subscribe to us on youtube ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! ☕ Thinking of joining our BOOK CLUB? We’d love to have you! Check it out  ⁠⁠here⁠⁠! for advertising opportunities, or you don't have any social media and want to chat, please email us at: ⁠⁠[email protected]⁠Sources:https://ellinasukh.substack.com/p/the-need-to-be-seen?r=trybr&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=truehttps://thejackfruitlife.substack.com/p/stop-seeking-validation-and-trust?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webhttps://oizystunmise.substack.com/p/stop-craving-validation-from-people?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web (took a lot of the actual quotes from here, loved this writing)https://pachdeng.substack.com/p/seeking-external-validation-leadshttps://tessacooperpengelly.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-seeking-external-validation?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=webhttps://juliaarcherstrong.substack.com/p/how-to-stop-seeking-external-validation?r=trybr&utm_medium=ios&triedRedirect=true

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the validation trap: why we crave being liked & why its a lie

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This episode was published on June 25, 2025.

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this week (part 1 of our external validation series), we’re deep diving into a topic that’s come up again and again across our episodes : seeking external validation. Inspired by a beautiful piece of writing that perfectly captured our feelings (we...

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