The Weight of Silence: Family Secrets and Identity

Send us Fan MailAnn and returning guest Denise Bard explore how family secrets shape our identity, relationships, and sense of self, inspired by the Mariska Hargitay documentary "My Mom, Jane." They share personal experiences with secrets kept from them that affected their core identities and discuss the trauma of carrying others' shame.• According to research, 97% of families keep some type of secret, with those related to identity, trauma, or betrayal causing the most psychological damage• Secrets create emotional isolation, especially for children who feel they're carrying family shame• When someone tells you something didn't happen when you saw it with your own eyes, it creates a form of "crazy-making" that causes you to doubt your perception• Finding out family secrets later in life can cause profound identity shifts, forcing you to re-evaluate who you thought you were• Breaking the cycle of secrecy is possible by choosing transparency with your own children in age-appropriate ways• Secrets can be inherited—not just events, but the silence, shame, and survival behaviors• The healing process is valid however it unfolds, and sometimes telling the truth will break something that needed to breakRemember that there is purpose in our pain and hope in our journey, even when that journey includes uncovering difficult truths about our families and ourselves.Support the show