Anybody ever told you that the tone in your voice sounds like you're lying all the time? By the way, I had some stuff planned. I'm talking to this man the rest of the show. I Still remember that night like it was yesterday.
There was a man interrupting the show throughout every comedian sense Now there's two things you can do as a headliner You can either ignore them and hope for the best or you can take them head on. I did the latter We're gonna have some fun tonight. I've been watching you from the back. Oh, we're gonna have some fun Yeah, I like how I'm up here for three seconds and this dude's like this dude's clearly gay He's coming after me Right away He said the gayest thing possible.
I've been watching you from the back and that body fills out that seat Hmm Yum yum yum. That's what I say. What is the relationship here? Wow?
You got friends owned real quick? He said that's up to you Do you always talk like the the subway voice in New York? Stand clear of the closing doors, please Stand five feet from the bridge What do you do for work? You fascinate me sir because you are we can I just say I have a microphone and you are somehow louder than me?
I was born this way. Wow Wow Wow Did you did you ever do did you ever do let me talk? Did you? Did you ever do Shakespeare or anything like that or did you do theater in the park or anything like that?
I'm a plumber by trade Everything's working fine here after the next household. I feel like you've got a little bit of a boppin your step You know what I mean like a Withers the original What do you do for work? Has anybody ever told you that the tone in your voice sounds like you're lying all the time? Then why did you ask this woman next to you that it was her move and the relationship field?
By the way, I had some stuff planned. I'm talking to this man the rest of the show this guy is fascinating I don't know how he's not in a home yet He's out in public. It's amazing Did you build one of the first computers? Just about why do I feel like you are the real-life person who Doc Brown from back to the future is based off of?
I made some stuff With computers and I had a teenage boys my best friend no teenage boys only only women who don't agree to sit next to me You choose your own relationship when you got on the night with me. Am I your grandpa your best friend or your leva decide? You have 3.5 seconds When an audience member has an answer for everything that's when it becomes dangerous for a show also shout out to John Knowlaney who's the first person to make me realize that Doc Brown hanging with the teenager was out of the ordinary With this guy all I could do is take a deep breath and move forward I feel like you have a great name to go along with everything that's working with you right now Are you are you the dad of one of the comedians that we saw early? Your Brett's granddad what a nightmare for that comedian to have to perform in front of This you sat in the second row Slowly just become like Saturn's like where am I how did I get here?
They were hassling you Conversations if you had with humans in your life Tuts over here What I'm curious everything that he's been saying you just keep going like I don't know I'm here Like you're like you're kind of giving him an eye roll. I'm being a dick Wow, I thought this was a comedy festival where we're all having fun I make it a rule to try and always keep it positive with audiences, but this lady had a comment So I went in on her hat. I love your hat If you feel the back of your hat like this, you'll know what it's like to have a ball sack The loose bagginess on the back of your hat feels like my testicles So if you ever wanted to know what it's like to be a man just for an hour just Seems empty like your sack right on dude. No, that means you've been coming dude if your sex empty dude Means you've been jizzing dog.
I freaking love that dude dude. You got dude. You got that powerful boys Andy slang dig I love this dude. This is good.
I'm coming right now I but I don't know did I Dude, I've got I've got three hours left up here dude. I've got three hours left And I haven't even started on my set yet I don't want you to feel like I'm being a dick to we still haven't figured out how you to know each other It's becoming more and more strange the more the night goes on, but it's okay. This is all making sense Improvisors and stand-up comedians have always hated each other. I don't understand.
Did you prepare anything? I thought you were a stand-up comedian. Nothing improvised. That's what I do.
How are you taking what I do? I do stuff I build computers. I'm sorry. My name is John.
I just take improv classes down the street nice to meet you I like how I'm saying fact and the room gets quiet like what's happening? Like I'm spitting truth up here. They should be like listening like wow. I can't believe he just said that But you guys are like oh my god, is she gonna kill him right now?
He just keeps being facts up here. This is crazy Well, sometimes you have to close the chapter on a book and I think we have to run and sweep it at this Wow, so good to be here and stay Lewis. How are you guys? The audience was on my side and that felt good.
So I decided to do some material for a while Until something caught my eye. Do you look at this guy right here and be like that guy has a lot of energy for his age Yeah, right too much see what about this to me that I like is just such a yin and yang of energy Do you stand up? That was a joke because this guy doesn't profit. What can I get a suggestion?
Ah? I'm ready What do you do for work? Give it up for that guys retired military. Thank you See I believe this guy when he said that I still don't believe I build computers.
I'm a human being just like you I have assimilated into the human culture You know the iPhone I worked on that Well branch is it still a thing to call dudes in the Navy gay don't call them semen for nothing I wonder when that's gonna be an outdated thing You know what I mean Because all it's gonna take is one guy who's actually gay in the Navy. They'd be like what do you mean about that? Yeah, okay, it's 2024. What are you gonna do about it?
This is the hate crime right now. I Thought that's funny Where are you calling it? This is Sometimes you do a riff that you think is gonna get a big pop and then it just fizzles high risk high reward That's the name of the game, baby. What do you do with your your downtime now?
Did you adopt any hobbies after your time? What kind of factory we're talking? G-scake. That's my favorite kind of factory of aluminum Cable tray.
What is that? It sounds like what? Wolverine's bones are made of Anybody read comics one bears an adamantium. All right, let's keep going See this guy's facts are so mundane that he's not lying to me This guy I have no idea what this guy is even saying to me right now But literally I look back on our conversation and everything you said to me was a big old fat lie dude.
Who's afraid? Why the more do I talk to you you're like I'm straight move on with your skits sir I will not suck your dick by the end of this set I refuse to do it even if you gave me the suggestion when I asked for it. Can I get a suggestion suck my dick? I would not do it it would break my ethics of code of improv and everything But I would say could I get another suggestion please anything but sucking this odd gangly guys dick on stage very awkward times We're living in and no the Navy is still gay in my eyes, too I'm gonna teach you an invaluable lesson of improv right now quit while you're ahead you've been crushing dude We've been crushing we're good improv team together.
You just need to know when to freakin shut up, dude Literally you said three lines after I gave you another tip you're like I've got it anything else perfect I'll keep talking and tell if the show is over actually while people leave I'm still going to be sitting in here and be like I will not suck that guy's dick the lights turn off and the power is gone You're like freezing the death from the winter that said ends like I will I'm not gay I'm not gay. I promise you whatever you say just put a gay guy build computers You were not an Air Force That's stolen valor if I was a civilian in Vietnam I went there on vacation at the wrong time Where's my metal? This is what a comedy festival is all about is celebrating all types of comedians give it up for this guy come on guys Would you guys believe that I paid him to be here with me tonight? He travels with me everywhere?
That's my sister's I told her to say I'm a dick and all that stuff guys again for my family that's here tonight That's a you at Christmas. This feels right all right guys We've reached the halfway point of the show. I stayed on the floor for what felt like an eternity for some people now I know I shouldn't have engaged with this weird man, but he called out to me like a siren in the water a very Annoying siren seen if I can turn this dude game You ever sunk your teeth into a peach before do you know what a 5150 is? You know it's when you have to call the cops on somebody because they're crazy I think I'm gonna have to call the police to be like my dad has lost his mind.
He's gone crazy I don't know what to do with it. How to put a bow on this weird show You know what I mean? It's been an odd one. I did a good junko material just despite my sister in the middle of the show Just so she could know that I have read material.
I'll be selling merch after the show We've got a table outside. I've got a vinyl. I've got CDs, you know all the stuff the old people like like we had our fun, man But it's getting depressing up here, man. I do have to give credit to your energy though Get it all out right now.
No, no seriously. How many there's he has three left? He has three things left and then he's gonna I've said everything My life The Grim Reaper I made a deal with the devil to get on an improv team in St. Louis I finally improvised with Jeremiah Walker My life is complete.
Hi Satan nice to meet you. I'm John and I do improv you want to hang out? Whoa Hi, st. Peter.
I was just in hell. They found me to annoying and sent me to heaven Satan couldn't tolerate how annoying I was and said even for his worst enemies. He wouldn't wish my improv upon them I'm with you now st. Peter.
I'm going to check people in with you now. Is that all right? Hi, you're in heaven. Stand clear of the closing gates, please Good night guys.
I love you. I never saw that man again. I've done thousands of shows and for me He will go down as the weirdest man alive