This episode of the Wild Card Podcast brought to you by the Men in Black. Stylishly reminding you, you didn't see what you think you saw. Men in Black! Men in CFA!
Welcome to the Wild Card Podcast. I'm your host, Jared Eaton, and my co-pilots on this journey to wherever are my good friends, Jeff Curtis. Hello. And the original Hollywood swear, Ron Blair.
Hello! Hello! That's from the center square! That is the first of what will be many Game Show jokes today.
As we begin, um, finally hopefully this is a few people have listened to the first couple episodes, and they're getting used to us doing whatever it is we do. Yeah, it's in entities. That's us. But we do like to start our podcast as of last episode, with me saying some sort of get-to-know-us question, where we find out more about each of us by our favorites.
And I like to do really, really easy questions. Yes, I'm for that. So today's is movie based. Ah!
Here's the question. What is your favorite movie that you love but know is terrible? So everyone else would say it's a bad movie, but you're like, I know it's a bad movie, but not. I have one in mind, but it's from 1983.
I'm one of five people in the world who has seen it. No one's seen it. They can't get us all over first. I'll go first so you guys can collect your thoughts.
So you can tell me how awful this movie is. All right. I watched it a lot as a child on days I was feeling ill so that it would make me feel better. One of my favorite terrible movies is Godzilla 98.
Oh, Matthew Roderick. Oh, I feel pain. It's so bad, but you know I watch it and I just smile. I think it's every time you're a kid, you're like everything you watch.
It was a big dinosaur thing in it. Oh. I was an adult. It was awful.
It is awful, but it's just got that place in my heart that will always be there. Yeah, that reminds me of the land that time forgot with Douglas McClure. Horrible. You vote coming up.
Oh, I love this. The child is as an adult. It's one of the worst movies ever made. But at the time, you know, they made an attempt to have real estate dinosaurs interacting with their people.
But they're right. But the special fact is that it's not my movie. Are you guys Simpson fans? I enjoy the movie.
He's the name of McClure. I was thinking I was really going to come. Oh, I'm drawing the clue. You have an answer?
I do have an answer. The movie that I love that I know is a horrible movie that everybody else says is a horrible movie. It's a star. Really?
I've seen parts of it and I find it charming. I've not seen that one. I saw it when I was in college and I was feeling bad. I was looking for the stupidest thing I could watch.
I went and it made me feel better because it was my expectations for stupidity. It's got big stars like Dustin Hoffman trying to be a songwriter. Oh, yeah. And Warren Beatty.
And it really isn't very good. But I own the movie and I watch it periodically because it makes me feel good. See? This is all about.
My favorite would have to be Hudson Hawk with Bruce Willis, Danny I. I don't think I was a horrible movie. So many people do though. It's probably actually horrible Bruce Willis movies.
I think you'd have to go in the last decade. No. No. He's only matured as a performer.
My cards have been good recently. They're half I didn't see one. But the first four were fantastic. They were great films.
The first one was fantastic. I'm a huge fan. I'm a Bruce Willis. The third one is also good.
All the second one was so good. The second one was so good. With John Amos. And he's like he kills his own guy.
Yes. William Sadler. Oh, so good. And then the janitor at the end is like I clean it up there.
She doesn't have the audience die laughing. No, I'm in love with Bruce Willis. I have a man crush. Ronn all I've got to say is you are the weakest link.
That's fair. That's fair enough. That joke. We'll get sleep jumping.
Right. All right. And if you haven't already been able to tell based on my several game show jokes. Ronn Blair is in charge today.
I hope that fear is currently coursing beer veins. It is mine. Because I just I don't know. I don't know.
Ronn has instructed us for this podcast. We need to write things down. Which is great. Right.
Audio format. Right. Just having things that the listeners can't see. So I'm just gonna I'm just gonna gently toss this.
Just to Ronn and and coward. Now mind you the answer sheets in front of you are for me to take home. You will you will have the because I'm going to have to score this and you'll see why here in a second. However, let me let me introduce you to the first by annual.
And if you look this up on Google it only takes one typo for catastrophe to strike if you're at work or school. While the winner of this challenge will receive the honor of being the WCUC champion for the next three months. After three months the honor will then be put under review by a board of review with each member having been chosen by a board of selectment. Great.
That's fantastic. If the board of review finds that the champion in question is not meeting the standards of the title the title will then be vacated and the winner shall be murdered in his sleep by a vagrant who will set himself on fire in the street in front of the champions former home. Can I jack roll this? You may totally jack roll that vagrant while he's on fire.
It's very important that he sets himself on fire though because those are the rules of the game. Three months after the review a new contestant will follow to choose the next by annual champion. Does that make sense? Survey says no.
Well neither will this game. Now let's play the wild card ultimate challenge. The rules are simple. Jeff and Jared will be asked a series of questions, 20 short answer, 10 multiple choice, and 10 true or false.
40 questions? Followed by an essay question slash oration about a random topic that originally I had that you will select this from the hat of smartness but I'm just going to let you choose because I'm feeling altruistic today. Exactly. I don't have a hat.
So in between some of the questions will also be challenges. Some physical, some emotional, some mental. How do we have a physical challenge on a podcast? Oh, you'll find out sir.
That will be all. Each one testing your endurance, constitution, and smarts. And placing us in jeopardy. No, you know this is an hour format.
And you guys didn't like the five minutes we've already gotten before Game Show jokes. Yeah, I know it's horrible. You've gotten one good one in. The scoring is just as simple.
Each multiple choice question will be worth 8.7 points unless the answer is all of the above in which the question will be worth 7.7 points because let's face it, all of the above is a cop out. Each true or false question will be worth 7.8 points unless the question can be both true and false in which 100 points will be awarded to me the current champion. You can't even describe the question. Just let me point this out.
Now, short answer is scored a little differently and this is very important. It's very important. It's very important. It's very important.
Now you want to listen to this one now. The first short answer question is worth 5 points. Even without a point? Wait, wait, wait.
Yeah, wait, wait. I point. The next is worth 10. The third is 15.
And the fourth is worth 25. Clearly. Then the cycle repeats itself unless the answer to question 5 is answered correctly. How are you going to keep track of all of this?
We're answering your questions. Oh, wait, and I need to correct that unless the answer to short answer question number 5 is answered correctly. At which point the system will continue in a weird sort of exponents but not really exponents and we move on? Explanance?
Sure. The essay question will be scored accordingly to the number of syllables used with a dual point bonus for a double point bonus for an iteration. Are you at the syllables? Literacy, allegory, and assonance.
Are the listeners supposed to be able to play along with them? No, they cannot at all score this game at all. They can play if they want and they can send their answers to... The wildcardpod at gmail.com.
And I will score their cards as well to see if they would have been able to compete. He won't know. I probably won't. But I'll send you a nice email back.
The challenges are... Oh, no, no, no. I moved on. Hold on.
Assonance and allegory and blah, blah, blah. The essay will not be based in any way upon truth. And two points will be removed for each nugget of truth offered. What is it?
What is it say? What are we talking about? This is the last challenge. It's the final challenge.
It's the final challenge. The original. The challenges will be scored a little differently as the success of the challenge shall be judged by the host of the show and the other challenger on a scale of one to a hundred. And so the final score for each individual challenge will be the difference between the host and challenger's answers.
Can I just ask a question right now? Are you sure? Ron, how good are your math skills? They're not great.
I'll be honest. Just making sure. But I have a calculator, so how hard can it be? For example, for example, if I gave Jared a hundred points for a challenge in jepgism one, Jared will receive 99 points and a small jolt of electricity.
The lower the average, the higher voltage will be used in these small jobs. So if you gave him a hundred, I should give him a 99. Ron, because he'll get one point. Right, exactly.
Just keeping track, the next year I win. Right, it'll make sense. Ron's going to win. Ron's going to win.
But here's the thing, if Ron wins, the chance he dies. That's true. Three months. And I will be found wanting.
I'll tell you that right now. I'm guaranteed. No way. I'm not going to be murdered by a vagrant in three months.
One final detail to the game is I created the game as I created the game I am the current champion. Each question comes from my own knowledge bank and I assure you. It's a pretty shallow. Oh, yes.
No research was done in the creation of this game. Any missed questions and the points will be awarded to me. I also assure you that I am capable of giving a perfect S answer worth at least 500 points. 500.
As the current champion, this is my right. Therefore, in order to win this game, you must use all of your skills to become a new champion. Please do not assume that this is an unwinnable challenge. It is not.
After creating this for copy game, I would like to not create the next challenge, which is also the champions right. Now, challengers, are you ready to play? Quick question. Yeah.
Can I buy a vowel? No. Okay. Boo.
Are you ready to play the first by annual wild card ultimate challenge? Yes, if only to find out what the hell it is. I honestly can't imagine anyone could ever be ready for this. Then let's get to it.
I also forgot to mention that each question is random in the type of question it is. It's all mixed up between true files. So are you going to score the data if it's random? I'll figure out what.
So are we? Is it a time like, are we competing quickly who answers most quickly or are we both answering? No, you're both answering. Okay.
So we don't have to beat the clock. You don't have to beat the clock. Except we're learning about. Well, you're writing the answer and then we'll see what your answer is.
You missed my other game show. The clock was a game show as well. Oh, it wasn't. Oh, that's true.
Sorry. It's okay. I told you I was there with me. Okay.
We're going to begin with question number one. It's a true or false question. It could be true. And true or false?
No, there's only one answer to this one. Excellent. I'll give you that hint. True or false, Jared Eaton could beat up a werewolf.
Okay. You think I'm going to pander, but I'm going to be honest. I could be a werewolf. I'm Jeff.
You're answering. Arm is a way to not be a werewolf. If werewolves existed, which they don't, I do think you might be able to hold his own against a gray alien. But I agree.
I agree. I agree. Jeff is correct. Oh, it's true.
And this was already and could not be a werewolf. I'm sorry. But I'm sorry. But if I got a correct answer, I'll do the check and X.
Check and X. Yeah. I'll put check next to mine because I'm true. I'm turning.
Well, I'll be scoring these later. Okay. I'm going to name three films all by three different directors that featured both Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson.
You know, this is going to have a lot of it. Black airtime while I'm thinking of the movie. Okay. That's okay.
I've got one. Jared's writing. Jared has one. I've got one.
You've got your one so far. No, nothing yet. Oh, he's been in a number of movies with him. All right.
Only one. Only one. Only one. Only one.
Only one with him together for me. And I'll be giving partial. Great. Partial credit for each answer that is from the format.
I can name a second one. I'm pretty sure the second one was the same director. So I can say that's the trick. He said he's in different directors.
That's all I've got. Here's the thing. Now I took this paper. And now I know what other answers.
Yeah. I'm going to be honest. Okay. I'm going to have some integrity.
I'm not going to put that one. That's great. You know, if, well, see, there you go. Now you guys just need to figure out the third one.
Right. Well, he's not being honorable. Yeah, no. Not honorable.
There is no honor. I'm not a business. All right. That's the wrong player game.
This is a challenge. This is the real challenge. All right. That one too.
I think this is way too much, uh, like time. Well, so I think I'm just going to blow it out. Answers. And I'm not going to write it down for you.
You're going to have to score for memory. Okay. Great. Great.
And then we'll see if Jared was correct. How about this? So here's how you're going to grade. You're going to grade this one.
Each Jeff and I came up with one answer. Okay. You have to figure one better. That's right.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
So Jeff, give your answer first. Well, fiction. M and I said unbreakable. And do great movies.
So we just told you guys the one that you guys missed. That's a dumb movie. So that's a dumb movie. So yeah.
I'm going to give it to Jared because unbreakable. I don't know. I like unbreakable a whole lot. It's literally.
Not really. But I like them better in unbreakable. Well, no, it's not true. Unbreakable is the only good and not share one of them.
Yeah, that's true. Okay. You both get equal points. Okay.
That's a nice question. The last one was die hard. Two. Die hard two.
Right. There were only three or three. Okay. Three.
I'm sorry. With a vengeance. Yes. Yes.
I heard the vengeance was the one. Yes. Samuel Jackson wasn't in the airport. No.
Die hard. All three different directors at night. That guy and Quentin Tarantino. Great.
That guy. The next one is a multiple choice question. Okay. Because everybody loves those.
Do they? The Carpathian Mountains exists mainly in these two countries. A, Hungary and Romania. B, Romania and Poland.
C, Hungary and Turkey. D, Turkey and Armenia. And E, all of the above. I've already forgotten.
First one. The first one was Romanian Poland. That's the only number. I'm going to put that letter.
Well, Romanian and Poland aren't next to each other. Right. So that would be one. I'll put that one.
And all of the above. Can't be right either. Right. Okay.
So what were my other choices? B, C and D, realer choices. Oh, no. B is not a choice.
Hungary and Romania is a choice. Hungary and Turkey. Is that a choice? No, Turkey and Armenia is a choice.
That's Romanian Poland or Turkey and Armenia. Wait, I said Romanian Poland. Did you say Romanian Poland? Which was A, right?
No, that's B. Oh, they're not next to each other though. Right. So that's obviously not the right answer.
So it'd be Armenian and Turkey, I guess. It's Hungary and Romania. Great. Oh, yeah.
I forgot the other choice. Yeah. All right. So that's an X.
All right. So I got that one, right. Yeah, you did. Good job, Ron.
Short answer number two. You didn't do research. You just happened to know those were there. I do.
No, because I wrote this thing that Jeff and I were doing the voice over for. Remember that? I wrote for Scream Me. Great.
Last year. You guys were conspiring. I'm firing. No, no, no.
No, no, no. I only wrote it. Jeff didn't actually record that. Oh, yes he did.
Yes he did. The one that I did the research for. Yes. But anyway, yes.
So no, that's all of these are my memory. I apologize for listeners already. I think it's going well. Short answer question number two.
They came question number four now. Short answer question two. Short answer question number two. Obviously, we'll be working.
Right. What was the name of the kingdom once rolled by Agamemnon? That was. Wasn't that Persia?
Well, you guys will know it once I say what the answer is. Greek. You're so close. Macedonia.
Macedonia. Macedonia. Ah, Macedonia. Macedonia.
All right. Macedonia. Can I grab that for saying right even though it was my second guess? Yes.
Sweet. OK. And now it's time for challenge number one. Let me stop you right there.
Let me stop you right there. So while we're playing a game show, can we just talk about game shows? Yes. Name a good one.
Jeopardy. Jeopardy is the best one. I'm a fan. Jeopardy is almost the only one.
The only problem with it is I like to watch game shows with people. I read too fast. So I answer before other people can answer and they get mad. Well, if you have kids, they don't answer as quickly as you do and they get mad that you just shout out the answers.
I watch a lot of game shows growing up and I don't think I have since I went to college. Really? What about an obscure game show that you enjoy? Oh, an obscure game show that I love that I think it only has since months that is on cable television.
It was Beat the Geeks. You love Beat the Geeks. Yeah. Two people come on and then you have these three geeks in their areas.
Expertise. Expertise. There'd be a question. The person would pick their geek.
The geek would answer to that. They'd have to decide whether the geek was right or not. I love that. I love Beat the Geeks.
No, I know there were a couple of times when I was at my grandparents as a kid. But I love Supermarket Sweep. Yeah, I've seen it. And there was one called Debt.
Wink, wink. Oh, I think I was the best. I've heard of that. I really enjoyed those two.
And I'm like, hey, guys, I'm talking about Sweet Game. I was like, I don't have any idea what we're talking about. Well, it's not. No, Joker's Wild and Ticktack know.
I used to watch a lot of the... Hard Sharks. See what I love the Hard Sharks. Yes, I used to watch that.
But what I love about Ticktack know and what I love about Jeopardy is that it took the asking the questions and just wiped away all that bullshit playing a game and just got right down to, do you know the answer to the question or not? Do you know the question that this answer? Right, exactly. Which is brilliant.
And the questions are challenging, horribly challenging, which I think is great. Jeopardy's never tried to dumb it down for anybody. I disagree. I disagree because I was going to say the worst thing about game shows are when celebrities are on them.
And they dumb it down. They dumb it down that week a little bit. But some of these celebrities really surprised me on the Jeopardy shows. They've done rather well.
Sure. I'm sure there's one or two. One or two celebrities that have been well. I don't want to press my losses.
I'll probably get back to the game show. That's you, love, Joe. It's long. OK.
No one is knowing. It's always. We're on challenge number one. Speak a line from one of your favorite movies in the voice of an elderly yet robust woman.
All right. I will go first. I will go first. OK.
I was going to set an example. You go ahead. Robust, elderly woman? Robust, elderly woman.
Robust, elderly woman. Yeah. Get these motherfucking snakes on my motherfucking plane. OK.
OK. Fair enough. Hold on to your butts. OK.
So how many points do we give to Jeff? He really went out for it. And what's it out of? That's the point.
That's the point. No, no, no. What's the point total out of? Is this a challenge for answers of 100?
No, every challenge is we decide whether it's on a scale from one to 100. That's what I'm saying. And then you have 100 because Jeff and I haven't decided what. Well, no, I was asking you said how much does he get?
And I said, is this the out of 100 parts? Yes, this is the out of 100. You're going to be 100 because you know that it's wrong. Give me 100.
I'll get zero. I'm going to give you both 50. OK. On both of your answers.
So if I give them 50, you get zero points. So I'm going to give them 70. Do I get minus 50? No, you get 50.
I'm going to give them 50. I'm going to give them the lower number I give you, the more points you get. And I think you're a good job. So I'm going to give you 17 points.
17 points. Very good. All right. I'm going to give Jerick too.
OK. Even more generous. All right. And I'm giving you both 50.
So I'll do the math later. That you will. I forgot. The entertainment value of hearing it alone.
And that's what these challenges are for my entertainment more than anything. Name the only man. Oh, this is short answer question number three. I'm not right.
I'm just going to have to remember. I'm a teacher. So I'm just going to get a comment. I'm going to score it as I listen to it.
Name the only man besides Harrison Ford to have appeared in the first three Indiana Jones films. All three of them? All three of them. I haven't watched them recently enough to give you an answer.
I understand. This is one of those where you either know or you don't. There's a little bit of movie trivia. I don't know.
The only thing that he was teaching with at the college. I would guess. But I don't know any of those after something on my head. No, you're close.
I was just saying. I don't have a name. Pat Roach is the name of the guy. Pat Roach played.
He fought the guy in the airplane and right as the lost art. The first one. And then he fought the Thuggy Warrior in the big scene. The Thuggy Warrior.
Ron's new nickname. Thuggy Warrior. And then in the third one, there was another fight that he had with this big old fella. Great.
And all of those films, it was Pat Roach. Just the same dude. Until it was like Jaws. Right.
He was always the guy that was brought in to fight Indiana. That was the one who I got killed by the propeller. Yes, that's it. And he also played one of the guys who went to Marion's bar.
Oh, okay. And yeah. Oh, so I wasn't playing the same character. He was just in all of them.
Yeah, he was in all the same films being murdered after the fight. He got murdered by three times. Same actor, different roles. Same thing.
That's exactly it. We're talking about Indiana Jones. Who played his fighting skills? Because I don't know that he has any.
But it seems to me that he can certainly take a beating and then use the environment to win. That's true. I don't know how much he's not like he's a tight, quality special. No, no, no, no.
He's a bruiser. He's a bruiser. He's like they were a little bit. The best fighting in the first Indiana Jones movie was when he pulled out his gun.
Which was totally an accident because Harrison Ford wasn't feeling well that day. So we just shot him. I don't feel like having this fight. True or false answer number two.
In the game of golf, a hole in one on par four is known as an Albatross. False. See, he's false because it's a double eagle. It is true.
It is an Albatross. On a par four? On a par four. I don't even know any research.
How would you know that? I play a lot of video games. I play a lot of PGA. I play Rory McElroy's 2015 PGA Tour.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's common knowledge.
No, it's fairly common knowledge. And I play golf a little bit. I would never need to know what an Albatross was. I know what an Albatross was.
I know what an Albatross was. I like how Jared's adding numbers to his. Right. Here's where I came into problems.
I tried not to really go too scientific or too musical and I failed in every way. So this one is a little slightly towards Jared. We'll see. And you guys are still going to question that I know this stuff, but this is all from my memory bank.
Is that a question on? I don't know. A more scientific name for Jaws, the titular character in the film Jaws would be Carcarious Megaloden, Arquatuthis Dooks, Carcarious, Big Dam Shark or all of the above. How could it be all of the above?
You can run into that. Well, I mean, I feel like I'm saying more scientific than you can't say Big Dam Shark. Right. That's a great answer.
So that one's up. I'm going to go with Megaloden for Carias Megaloden. That was it. Which number?
It was number A. Okay, I'm going with number B. Number B, Arquatuthis Ducks. You were both incorrect.
Right. I'm sorry. The Arquatuthis Ducks is the giant swim. I knew it wasn't that.
I knew it wasn't that. Because I was a Peter Benchley fan. I read a lot of Peter's fan. It's an interesting thing.
I can tell you this about sharks. I can tell you this about sharks. I dissected one of my classroom last week. They are chondric these between their own bones.
They're cartilage. Right. So, like the WNOs are ears, they're in skates and rays. And they're also obovivorous, which means they have eggs that hatch inside of them and they give their lipops.
They're not mammals. They're not a memory glance. Fascinating. That isn't.
No. Good science. I've got a wrong science. Have you ever been driving between here and Louisville and you're driving in the left lane and you're in the past lane.
The past lane. And there's so much driving. They're driving slower than the people on the right. They're driving slower than the people on the far right.
And they won't move over and they won't speed up. And you don't know why they're there. And they seem to be oblivious to all the cars speeding around them dangerously to get ahead of them. Like are they in the middle lane or the far left lane?
They're in the far left lane. It's one thing to be in the middle lane. I can understand. But why are they there?
Are they there? Because they only want traffic on one side of them? I thought about it. I thought about this.
And I really think they're the kind of people who go on American Idol and they're like, I'm singing great. And they're not. But they think that they're driving fast in the left lane even though they're doing like 65. And they're thinking, I'm killing it.
I'm killing it. Well, they're like, oh, those people are driving too fast. I think I speak for everyone. It's never their fault.
It's never their fault. I think I speak for everyone. I think I speak for everyone. I say, how do we get to this question from speaking of science?