This week's episode of the Wild Card Podcast is brought to you by friendship. Friendship. I was at Culver's the other day and this guy asked me if I had played Debbie. Okay, god damn I am sick of this shit.
You're always taking my glory. What are you going to do about it? Thunderdome. Two men enter.
One man leaves. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Thunderdome. I'm your host, Jared Eaton, along with my color commentator, Drake Ealesby. Good evening everyone!
Thank you for pointing out for what certainly be on Battle for the Age of Earth. This is an interesting part. Well, we have an equal pairing inside of strength and ability. If you want to call it that.
Yes, but Ron has no problem fighting dirt. That is true. It looks like we're about to begin. Actually Ron has a meat and he built his pockets with sand.
That's the month of true scraper right there. That's the month of a sheet here at the center. There's no such thing as a fair fight. They go in for the lock up into a headlock.
Ron goes for the hair bolt and comes back away with a fish pull up. Air. Right, headlock into the arm bar. I'm on the top rope.
What's he going to do there? He's going to trip in my arms. Oh, and it bought him an elbow to the shot. Right in the old Jeff box.
That's the first Ron's face without his mouth. He loses half his wheel of the fight. I don't believe this. It looks like Jeff is trying to use it.
What's that going to do? It's like trying to make friends with a cactus. Ron Assol. What's this?
What the hell, guys? What? You guys are having a hoo. Well, Jeff and I are doing all this work.
Yeah. Yeah. What? It was Darren's idea.
I was riding my own business. You're the one who orchestrated this whole thing. You brought the rain. What?
That's not true. I don't get who started it. I'm going to finish it. Oh, duck duck!
Did you just slap Jeff and Ron to death? I don't know, maybe. I can't believe I survived a wild card fight. I guess you didn't.
Welcome to the wild card podcast. I'm your host, Jeri Eton, and my co-pilots on this journey to wherever are my good friends, Jeff Curtis. Hello. And the man who, if I'm reading this correctly, lost fights to a toddler wielding a dildo, a toaster, a naked, oiled up Bart Lovins, and then this last one just says an angry sock.
Okay, here's the thing. The toddler. The toddler caught me from behind and ambushed me, and you try winning a fight with a greased up Bart Lovins. No one.
Doesn't happen. No one beat Bart. I don't want to, but Ron. He's wily.
Why was the sock so angry? Well, if you were a sock and you were on Ron when you'd be angry, you'd be quite upset. All right. I treat my socks like Milton Burl treated his socks.
And one more person has joined us today, the newest of Ron Blaire's. No! Drake Lettuce. I'm glad to see Drake.
Hello. He has not been a Ron Blaire. I am not dead. I still merge his eyes.
I can't believe he came right before the dead. He survived an animal attack. He survived the bad lack. He was out of a grave.
Yeah. He was buried with that bad lack. So where the hell is the bad lack? Drake is one.
I'll bring it next week. I'll bring it next week. We'll do it. If you survived this.
If you survived. See, see. All right. So old Ron, will you tell the listeners.
Old Ron is so accurate. But this podcast, right here, this one specifically be all about. I swear, I swear to God, this podcast is about being on a diplomatic mission to Alderon. I knew you were going to say that.
You are a plumber. We've been found out. I swear. You're only here here.
You're only here. You are popped. You are right on the lines. And a trainer.
I love that line. Well, there have been a lot of episodes about this. That's true. You know, there's some connections to what this podcast is all about.
It's the first podcast of the new year. That's true, happy, 19. And the future, who are listening back to these, and by future, I mean after the apocalypse. So this Thursday, our normal schedule Thursday apocalypse.
So you've got old Lang Zion and old Ron. I've been under the weather recently. Yeah. And in 86 days, you're so under the weather, you think it's 2020, right?
You are something that you know, whatever you're, they all blow together, especially if it wasn't the future. It's all the same. It's the same day. I wonder what you guys, any sick day memories, like when you're not feeling well, what are the go-tos for feeling better?
Um, Ron is trying. I don't usually just struggle with it until I feel better, where I'm like, I'll survive with the worst. I, uh, Medicaid and lay on the couch watching. What do you want?
Is there anything you'll go to and sick days? It's not a matter day. If I'm into something, it depends on how sleepy I am from the medication I'm taking. If it's something that I care about and I'm going to be wandering off, I don't want to watch that.
Or if I'm wanting to go to sleep, then I'll put on the Empire Strikes Back because I've seen that movie so many times where I'm putting it on with me to sleep. I love the movie, but I can't watch it anymore without falling asleep. Well, that happens after you watch something a hundred and a half years. I've seen it a million times.
I'm sure you have to. I can't think of a specific show that I go to. It all depends on what I'm sick with. And like when we had Captain Trips.
Oh, no. Very company. Very company. It was a couple of weeks before we opened the show.
Well, for that entire month before we opened the show. I don't remember what I watched. I just remember laying on the couch staring on the TV and feeling miserable and cold. I was watching.
I was watching Shit's Creek with Eugene Levy. Great show. It's so funny and I should have watched it when I was better because I faintly remember it. Everything was hazy when we had Captain Trips.
It really was the super lucky thing. I tell you the show itself is just a fever dream. It doesn't really happen. You and Levy died several years ago.
I think for me, when you say sick day, I think I was staying home from school. SpongeBob was the law and order of Nickelodeon. It was always on. That was my go-to.
Sick day. I was just laying on my bean bag at the time and watch SpongeBob as I just wiled away my day. Early on in the podcast, one of the first questions was, favorite movie you know is bad but you love anyway. My answer was Godzilla 1998.
Oh, the Matthew Broderick. Matthew Broderick. God, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I was going to do it in that one. I saw Denzel Dugan at Elvis and I was going to do it in Elvis and I was going to do it in Elvis.
That was one of my two movies. I was not feeling well. I made a good video on Elvis and in him. Absolutely.
Chicken will soup. I was always cooking noodles and sugar on the house. Ginger on my favorite beverage because. I think it was the top.
Yeah. I did control. I did control. Ginger ale with sultan crackers.
All salt and cream. Or like just plain spaghetti with no sauce because no spice or anything. No it was terrible. It was terrible.
It was just awful. That was what my mother forced down my throw. My mother forced down my favorite food on the sick day. My mom would give me Jello.
Hello, hot jello that hasn't been frozen yet. You know, you mix it and drink it. It's delicious. Wow, it's like a long Kool-Aid.
Just start up here. I will tell you this, a lot of people make fun of it. But if you take some tea and heat up some tea and put a shot of bourbon in it, and then honey and lemon, you'll feel better within a few days. You'll drink that a few times.
Yeah, it's been an offering. It's been an offering. It's been a lot of drink that few times. You don't even know your sick.
I don't get too many sick days anymore, because when I get a sick day, it's usually a migraine. And so when I get a migraine, it's just a lot of people out of the bathroom throwing out the internet, and I'm trying to get comfortable, and I'm uncomfortable. And you shall play a podcast, because my eyes have to be closed. I can't actually watch TV.
A podcast quietly playing in the background trying to calm me down. Not ours, because I was a little bit nervous. Oh, well, you wouldn't play ours quietly in the background. No.
ours is not meant to be played quietly. You didn't play the wild dark podcast quietly. No, nor is it really ease your mind or relax at all. It's certainly not called me down.
It will just frustrate you eternally. Without our idiocy. Yeah. Rampant idiocy.
Yeah. We're not really assuming presence to the listener. We'll do it ASMR episode one day for sick days. What does ASMR?
People whisper quietly. I hate it. I hate it. It's the liberation sound.
Yeah. It's the yielded sounds for films. Yeah. And what they use, like the crunching of socks of celery for a broken bone.
It's beautiful. It's brilliant. It's brilliant what they come up with. Well, it's like an artist, see a visual artist, seeing something, and thinking oh, I could make this or whatever.
I paint this. And using different colors. I know it's a favorite of mine. And so the colors that he's on.
And that's complete. Yeah. So... And so, but they hear, they just use their ears for that exact same thing.
And so here's somebody cracking celery, or whatever, and think I could use that for such and such. For phones. Which is kind of morbid, but you know, to hear about things like that. for fight scenes when jet and water and rain together.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where are we? Punch a watermelon? And it makes that noise.
Yeah. Yeah. All live. Yeah.
All of those. All live. We've been a lot of crowding. All of those.
We bring in professional fully artists. Well, the thing is, we are better slappers. We're 100% legit. These slappers come from Thailand, which is known for.
We have to buy them in bed. We have to buy them. Do they stay very busy all year round? Well, they actually.
We have to get those guys in here. They are students of the fish slappers from my python. Right. Right.
They learn in Taiwan. Yeah. Right. Pass down.
I want to Thailand. It's both. Who cares? It's both.
It's Tai-Kwati. It's Tai-Kwati. Director. Who is my favorite?
People. People. Go. 2023.
I wonder do you have any New Year's resolutions? Are you resolved? I am so totally resolved to not beluding myself into having resolutions. Yeah.
I'm struggling with it. Yeah. You can stick with this one. I think I'll be successful in not coming up.
When you have been eating a little bit healthier. I have been eating a lot healthier. I've been exercising. Yeah.
I feel a lot better. I'm going to be alive for at least another three or four months. So congratulations to me. That's what Mike said.
So maybe the episode 100. We might. I can't make any promises on my mortality. We only got what?
20? 20? Or my mortality. What's the 77?
77? Yeah. I can probably make it another 20. You make it another 20.
What I don't know. As much as we like to joke, there will never be another wrong. Thank you. That's absolutely correct.
That's correct. No. No. Because after I'm dead, people are going to go, oh thank God.
No. The absolute becomes better. They'll never know that you're dead. Because they'll think I'm you.
That's true. That's true. He lives in you. They're going to be after I'm dead.
You remember when live reviews have been released? And we have so much more intelligence. Right. That's smart as Jack.
That's a re. I think there was less Jack Asterie. We would lose at least. Tana Morrison way with the 20.
That's pretty big question though. That's true. I think they do dial in. They dial in for the Jack yet.
That's got to be it. From one of the areas where they're a YouTube device. You are showing your age dial in. Nothing's been made with dial.
It's not that 20 years. That's true. I can picture several though. I can picture several dials right now.
Dial soap. It smells really institutionalized. The sundial he has up there is living room. Larger one than you expect for living room.
It's the size of a living room. I'm a dial. Let's just run. I love the digital dials that they put on my computer so that I can use my mouse to make it right.
To spend this thing instead of just like typing in a number. I like the thought of a sundial being stored indoors. That cracks me up inside. It keeps time on the end of my writing time.
It's fine. I'll be in a few right. That's not a Christmas story. That won't even hit the movie.
That part went in the movie. I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.
I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so. I thought you said the thing that tells me.
Yeah. I love that thing. This thing that tells me. You mean a clock?
A freaking clock. I barely remember Christmas story because I was going through so much trying to direct Christmas story. Yeah. It was fraught with a fraught with things.
As fraught with things usually. Speaking of fraught with things, this is a Gillespie episode. A Gillespie episode. I like it.
You officially hear your problem. Better than Drake's episode. That's what I was thinking about. Gillespie's episode.
Gillespie's episode. Yeah. We can dig it. This is our first Gillespie episode.
That's our first. That's our actual first ever guest. Yeah. And then he didn't come back for a while.
Well, he came back every episode even though he wasn't here. Yeah. He was in like two months worth of episodes. He sent a bit of interest just killed every episode.
Every episode. He sent a bit of interest. He sent you that episode as well. Instead of the neuron, I am Lazarom.
Lazarom. I want that. I want that. Alright.
Drake, take the wheel. Here. Oh, thank you. Drake, for you, Mr.
Middle Hall. Jared, in fact, just hand me an imaginary wheel. An imaginary wheel. And Drake did in fact take it.
That's the reality we're living in. And now I'm going to turn the imaginary dial right now into the Drake frequency. Alright. So I've got a question for you guys.
Excellent. As one does. These people love questions. So here we go.
If you could solve. No. I asked a question first. Of course.
Ron, do you know what this episode is about? I do. Can you tell us please? Will spoiler for the listeners.
Go ahead and tell us. Should I? Yeah. I don't see my place.
Or at least you tell me one thing and then now you've switched it. Just say it. Okay. From my understanding, it was about Neil Gayman.
Ron. Yeah. This is the second hand revenge against the Ultimate Challenge 3, wasn't it? Yeah.
Where I told you got where I fooled you guys for a month and a half. So months ago, Jared mentioned the possibility of me doing an episode. He said maybe about Firefly. And I liked it and I thought, wait a minute, Firefly is a little on the nose for me.
I'm not going to talk about it till Kingdom Come. But nobody wants to hear that. I was about to listen to it and not care for hours. Yeah.
Exactly. I respect Joss Whedon. I've never seen the show on a month. And it's a great show.
I recommend it. But that's not what we're talking about. What we're talking about is also not Neil Gayman, which was my next topic. But again, I thought it was one of those.
I would love to read American Gods. The TV show is spectacular. You would have to spend some time. It's the same.
That's what I understand. Yeah. But honestly, and I really enjoyed American Gods, not my favorite game in the book. My favorite is one of actually one of his shorter ones.
The description on the back is nothing compared to what you get. You think it's going to be like a fun little going home book in that. No, it is Ocean at the End of the Lane. Ocean at the End of the Lane, it just throws you a curveball.
And it's incredible. So the good thing is we're not talking about that. I'm so prepared to talk American Gods, though. I've seen the first season.
I love Odin, who's the ender is spectacularly. Oh, yeah. Maybe if there's ever another Galespisone. Yeah.
We can do Neil Gayman because I do think you would really enjoy having some of the scene. I'm sure I would. You would like Neil Gayman to do it better than Stephen King. Stephen King is more prolific and has done more and the same as excellent and his blog.
But Neil Gayman has a much smaller sample size and sample size. It's weird how to write an ending for a book. Yes. Writing the end of anything is a bitch.
So, our commercial. Our commercial. Well, this is our commercial. Go every week.
I will write it to a certain point and then go. Here you go, guys. I don't know how to finish it. You're telling me you could write for SNL.
Oh, I could absolutely. You're right for SNL. I don't really. So let's go back to you.
You are going to ask a question for you. Yeah. I'm going to ask you. If you could solve any unsolved mystery or puzzle or if you could find something that has been lost to the ages, what would that be?
Baby Cooper. I want to figure out. Okay. I know the name, but I'm not familiar.
So, it'll be an episode of actually we saw it done. Yeah, we've talked about it for two years now. Most of the time, they gave them the money and then you parachute it down. Okay.
I should have over it. We're going to wilderness. Never saw them again. But that's where the most interesting parts of that story begins is people trying to figure out what happened.
What was the deal? Nobody knows shit about the super hard lead. Oh, didn't somebody find a piece of an airplane? Yeah.
They found the airplane. They found the money. No, they didn't find the money, but they found something that was, I can't remember. It's like a huge, a lot.
Or am I thinking of a different thing? That was a lie. That was the last. That was the rugby player.
I don't, we'll probably cover that one. We'll cover that one. Or maybe her heart, right? We'll probably cover her one.
The one I am actually thinking, all the mysteries I'm thinking about are episodes of our show. Yeah. So, like for me, it would like to know what happened at Dialofast. Right.
Right. Because that's something I actually have a personal stake in. I'm like, I've talked to that. It's one of my favorites.
Yeah. I have no idea. I would like, the mystery I would like solved is that, that airplane that disappeared a few years ago from, it was flying from, I guess, Indonesia. Then the pilot still took it off radar, then they disappeared over the Indian Ocean.
The black boxes just, yeah. They haven't heard anything from it. They found a piece of it on Nyla, a year or so ago, but it just totally disappeared. Wow.
And they, they, they, that the pilot decided that he was going to steal this plane from it soon, so I was something that I took with all the passengers. They kept flying until they ran out of them. Um, gas, but they don't know that. They don't know what happened.
It just went off radar. Malaysia? Yeah. Oh, crap.
No, I didn't know that. So is that your episode? It is not. It's the Malaysian flight.
I would like to find where his keys are. You know they have beavers. No, okay. Well, actually I am the best at keeping track of my keys and everything else because I put them in the same place every time.
Yeah. I'm, and it frustrates me when other people lose things in my house. Cause I'm like, we'll just put it in the same place. Put it where it goes.
Yeah, put it where it goes and it will never be lost. So the topic today, and if you noticed, I not only said what mystery or puzzle I would have told you solve, but also like what item might you find that's kind of a loss of the ages. So it's a book. Okay.
Um, and it's actually part of a genre of books that not many people have heard of called arm chair treasure hunts. And so it, that's kind of like a weekend warrior type. Um, and so it's called the secret by Byron Price. Now when you Google the secrets, it's going to be like a self help book.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Once you know the secret, people would do what you want. Oh, I remember that.
Different book, different book. Yes. Complete trash. Some of the things from this.
Yes. You can find it in any goodwill, literally good, good, good, well, you're going to find the secret. So people are the book and says they're going to be the best. Yes.
So that's the bad secret. Do you want to go ahead and go ahead and just take a little bit of that. No, no, no, no. What was the line?
Um, I don't know. It's from fall out. It's back. Fall out in Vegas.
Some ronda something ronda. What is it? No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
Okay. We did it. I know. I wrote it.
Word is now in Vegas. Sorry. Somehow we're 64 plus. Oh yeah.
Just a quick second. Awful. I want to give this. Yeah.
Yeah. Don't care. That's so bad. I don't know.
No. Wait. No. No no no.
Oh for god. matters stuff. Great stuff. I want things to be unique about you more.
Yeah. � Scam. Good stuff. Beautiful.
at all wrong at all that's my favorite thing I love that you can remember that you remember I'm telling you man every day the brain goes a little more I'm doing crosswords but it doesn't seem to be helping so we've got the bad secret yeah now we have probably the even worse secret I was gonna see that they did secret I've never read this book I actually do have a PDF on my phone and they say apparently I've read some Amazon reviews now with some people that apparently had the book at one point or have seen the book and what is currently in print and barely is not the oh there's missing pieces now which I will get into later as to why that's a problem wait if I just wished that I could find the rest of the book by that very secret I'm not right right thank you thank you wrong number let me ask you this yeah if you wish and you visualize just find you this book when you take no actions to find this book or you're still gonna find it yeah I will show up at my doorstep that's what the secret is you'll accidentally trip it like it was on the bed yeah look there it is that's all time that's right left to seek out I feel like there might be some work involved no no no no no no ask for ask believe receive That's why everybody should say search all work, knock on door, practice. I already bought the book. What more effort do I need to put into this? I hate it.
I can't. I can't now. I can't anymore. So the.
It was a that your wall or something. That's how Ron makes his beard grow. It just grew a little bit more. Oh, that smell is that's how we got the right.
Yeah. So the even way we got tired, so take it kind of. Oh, he said the name of it. So it's my fiber price.
I wrote it in 1982. Okay. Let me give you an overview of the book for aliens. Is this the one you read or that one you didn't read?
It's right. So you're doing a report on a book you haven't read? Oh, yeah. Well, it's not just about the book.
It's about the legacy. It's about the genre, the armchair, the armchair. Okay. And I'll give you a book that kind of started that year.
So we're not doing a book, actual book report of something you've been read. No, we're talking about this thing, this thing. It comes from that. So that's some questions.
Just believe. I believe art flow. I visualize giving a report. I visualize him speaking clearly so that I understand that.
Oh, that's sure. It's not going to happen. All right. You have lofty expectations.
So here's our book overview. I kind of tweaked this so the secret comes at the end. Oh, like an endless symbol of the report. Yes.
So the tale begins over 300 years ago. What the hell you say now? I'm the member that time. When the fair people, the goblins, fairies, dragons and other fabled and fantastic creatures of a dozen lands fled the old world for the new seeking Haven from the waves of man.
The secret is a field guide to finding their modern-day descendants. The toll trolls, major demons, elf alphas, Tupper werewolves, Freudian silks. That's me. But Freudian silks.
Culture winners. Oh, wait. Culture. Let's go.
And other delightful creatures in the world around us. You mean the ones that don't exist? Come on. Right.
In the history of this world book? Oh, that's true. Well, this is a it's using the fictional world to help us find real treasures. If I don't find a god in the talk that's all fit.
We are sitting at a table with the true treasure. That's true. Wait a second. Wait a second.
When Drake said the fair people, I was like, this is the sworthiest group of people outside of Drake. Drake's not an Aryan. That's not how I'm a fair people. I was thinking like carnal folk.
That's what I'm hearing. That's an Aryan. I'm so many layers. Fantastic.
When I hear a fair people. Now, most people call it like the fave folk or something like that. Fave. Yeah.
The old world way of spelling fairies. Right. And so that's it kind of presents itself as token for the new world. And so, but in a commute twist, it sounds awful.
Like it just sounds terrible. It sounds like a prank that he's playing on the readers. Yes. Yeah.
It's a snipun. Here, read this 200 page book and find nothing. Well, well, here we go. Okay.
So let's go down this stinky rabbit hole. The biggest part of the book, the reason the book exists, is when the fair people emigrated to America to go into hiding, they brought with them their treasures. Diamonds, rubies, emeralds and pearls. Yeah, they did.
Now, what happens here is Byron Price in 1981 visited 12 locations in America and possibly Canada. And Canada is technically part of America since America is a continent. Yeah, North America. North America.
He went all around these nine places. We're all in North America. Twelve. Twelve places.
They were all in North America. And so he buried, I think about three feet underground, a ceramic cask with a ceramic key inside to avoid metal detectors. Price did. Price did.
Byron Price. Now he did not write this book. He produced it so to speak. He edited.
He came up with the idea, the authors of, I guess, the fair folk story where Sean Kelly and Ted Mann. And so what he did was he had them write the story and then he and they wrote poems. And each poem, they were 12. You had to match with one of 12 paintings.
And that was done, the main artist was John Jude Pelenkar, Pelenkar. And so, Pelenkir. Oh, I love Pelenkir. Which, why is it Pelenkir?
I know, weird. I hate it. Yeah. So you have to match one of the 12 poems with one of the 12 paintings and those give you clues as to where these cask with keys are hidden.
And if you find one, then you take it to a bank of New York. You present the key and they exchange the key for a gem worth roughly $1,000 at the time. And that was in 1982. Holy shit.
Okay. I'm sorry to interrupt. I thought the name Sean Kelly was very familiar. He was an editor of the National Lampoon magazine.
Wow. That's anyone in 1970. Wow. It's a serendipity mic.
It's all connected. I was actually going to bring that up later. Yeah. It's not very familiar.
Yeah. Yeah. Because I know you're a big National Lampoon. I like the lampoon.
I like the attitude that it espoused. And so, that's the reason for the book is finding these treasures. Allegedly. Allegedly.
Allegedly. Unfortunately, it is now 2018, almost 2020. Right. According to Jerry Brown.
According to Jerry Brown. Yeah. You're both a care of the nine or. If you rounded up to the closest E number.
Which we would all do. Of course. That's ridiculous. I think otherwise.
So, two have been found. Two casks of the 12th. So there are 10 in North America. Yeah.