They're Not Checked Out. They Don't Feel Safe
from The Wired for Well-Being Podcast Hosted by Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein
Join Jeffrey’s free live webinar, “The Disguises of Shame,” Tuesday, October 20 at 8 p.m. ET. Register at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links. What do you do when someone you love is sitting right in front of you, and somehow isn’t there? In this episode, Jeffrey and Steve answer a voicemail from Christy. Someone in her life seems far away from themselves. Cut off from their feelings. Cut off from their body. She wants to know how to invite them back. Jeffrey explains how dissociating isn’t indifference, and it isn’t a choice. It’s our nervous system telling us something doesn’t feel safe. For most of us it’s been doing that job since childhood, quietly enough that we stopped noticing. It shows up in the memory that’s simply gone, and in the Friday night that disappears into the TV. This episode is about what that distance is asking for, and why pulling harder almost never brings anyone closer, including ourselves. Learn how shame shapes more of your life than you realize. Join Jeffrey’s free live webinar, “The Disguises of Shame: Hidden Ways That Are Holding You Back,” on Tuesday, October 20 at 8 p.m. Eastern. Register at drjeffreyrutstein.com/links. Have a question you’d like answered on the podcast? Call (866) 357-5156 or email [email protected] — we would love to feature it in a future episode. This podcast is for informational purposes only and isn’t a substitute for professional mental or physical health care. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a qualified healthcare provider.
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What this episode covers
Some people seem far away even when they’re right in front of us, cut off from their feelings, their bodies, sometimes whole stretches of memory. Responding to a listener who wants to know how to invite someone back, Jeffrey explains dissociation as the nervous system’s signal that something doesn’t feel safe, why the pattern so often begins in childhood, and why it can hide even from the person doing it. A conversation about the difference between pushing someone toward connection and creating the conditions that let them return, and about recognizing the same distance in ourselves.
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