Thin Skin

“I should develop thicker skin.” I heard that phrase again this week and it got me thinking. I don’t think our job is to change our skin, or our personality or to file off the sensitive tender parts of our psyche. For one, it’s painful. Two, it’s often not productive, moving away from being who we truly are to some version of ourselves that is more palatable to the dominant cultural norms. Because that’s where this phrase comes from, right? We’re told to “toughen up” not to “be so sensitive.” As if the superpower of having access to your emotions, being connected to and concerned about the beings about you, were a weakness rather than a strength. So, no, don’t toughen up or develop thicker skin. Instead, garb appropriately. I don’t ride motorcycles anymore, but when I did, I wouldn’t wear a t-shirt on a bike on the highway. The experienced motorcycle enthusiasts I know wear heavy leather even in the warmest weather in case they crash. Don’t change your skin. Change your outfit. Determine the level of threat you are under and dress accordingly. First, you have to understand the danger you are in. You need to accurately assess the level of threat, the likelihood in any situation that your vehicle will slip out from beneath you and you will come in contact with the road. This is hard. For many of us we’ve been told for most of our lives that our accurate assessment of threat is wrong or overblown. You’re not actually feeling pain, physical or emotional, you’re exaggerating, you’re being dramatic. This is just how the world is, get over yourself. You’re too sensitive. So, we stop feeling, we tune out those internal alarms that signal threat or danger. And then we wonder why we can’t sleep, or our stomach hurts, or we keep having headaches. The Safety Scale Try this. You will be in a number of situations over the next 24 hours. On a scale of 1-10, how much psychological safety will you have in each setting? 1 being little to no safety, 75 miles an hour on a rainy night on an old motorcycle. 10 being perfectly safe, driving up your driveway on a sunny summer evening in your SUV listening to your favorite song. Dress accordingly. T-shirt and shorts for the 10 situation, full on Kevlar jumpsuit and helmet for the 1 scenario. Listen for more Get full access to Fierce Grace at speirolo.substack.com/subscribe