Thinking About Divorce? What to Know Before You Call a Lawyer

In this episode, I'm joined by Alex Beattie, founder of The Divorce Planner, to talk about what actually helps in the earliest stages of separation and divorce. Alex is a divorce prep coach who works with people before they hire attorneys or mediators, helping them get grounded emotionally and prepared practically before big, irreversible decisions are made. We talk about the grief, shame, and identity disruption that often catches people off guard, even when divorce feels mutual, and why slowing down at the beginning can protect you emotionally and financially in the long run. Alex's web site: https://www.thedivorceplanner.net/ -------------- Timestamps & topics 00:00 – What a divorce prep coach actually does How divorce prep differs from legal strategy and why preparation before calling a lawyer matters 02:15 – Why people want to "just get it over with" Emotional overwhelm, avoidance, and the risks of making decisions from shutdown or panic 03:50 – Divorce as the end of an imagined future Grief, loss of identity, and facing a blank slate you didn't plan for 06:10 – The emotional pain people underestimate Why sadness, grief, and shame still show up even when divorce is the "right" decision 08:40 – How childhood patterns resurface during divorce Why old narratives about worth, safety, and capability come back online 10:20 – Divorce and confidence collapse Questioning your value, competence, and future, especially for stay-at-home parents 13:05 – Reframing skills, worth, and capability Recognizing transferable skills and rebuilding self-trust 14:45 – Retraining the brain during a destabilizing life transition Awareness, emotional regulation, and building stability when everything feels uncertain 17:00 – Social stigma, family reactions, and judgment Why divorce still carries shame and how others' reactions can complicate healing 19:10 – The most unhelpful things people say during divorce "Well-meaning" comments that actually increase shame and self-doubt 21:30 – How friends can offer real support Listening, practical help, and showing up without trying to fix or judge 24:10 – Letting yourself receive support Why isolation makes divorce harder and how connection actually builds resilience 28:40 – Why you should never negotiate money without knowing your numbers How fear around finances leads to long-term regret 30:10 – The 5-5-5 decision rule Evaluating divorce decisions based on their impact over time, not just immediate relief 32:00 – Final advice for early-stage divorce decisions Why slowing down now protects your future self and prevents costly mistakes later -------------- Kim's website: https://www.kimpolinder.com/ Kim's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kp_counseling/ Kim's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@engineeringlovepodcast