THIS IS NOT THE LIFE I DREAMED FOR MYSELF: PART 2 — WHY I STOPPED BEING AMBITIOUS

What happens when ambition—the very thing that helped you build, achieve and keep going—starts getting in the way of your happiness?In Part 2 of This Is Not the Life I Dreamed for Myself, I share why I stopped being ambitious in the way I once understood ambition. For years, I struggled to enjoy anything that did not come with a visible measure of performance. Even running, something I genuinely loved, became difficult when I could no longer produce a pace worth posting. If there was no scoreboard, public win or proof of excellence, the effort began to feel invalid.That same pattern followed me into my career and my relationship with God. I spent four years trying to secure major partnerships, praying boldly and believing that success would confirm both my ability and God’s faithfulness. Instead, I experienced repeated disappointment.Psalm 103:5 helped me see that God may be satisfying desires deeper than the outcome I am asking for: assurance, identity, wisdom and the freedom to fail without believing He has abandoned me.This episode is about surrender—not the surrender of desire, excellence or meaningful work, but the surrender of the scoreboard. It is an invitation to trust that God may be forming something essential in us while the visible answer is delayed.IN THIS EPISODE* How ambition turned something I loved into another performance metric* Why visible achievement became proof that my effort was worthwhile* What repeated professional disappointment revealed about my relationship with God* The difference between surrendering a goal and pretending you no longer want it* How God can satisfy desires beneath the outcome you are praying for* Why assurance, identity, wisdom and resilience may be part of the answered prayerCHAPTERS00:00 This Is Not the Life I Dreamed for Myself00:38 Why I Stopped Being Ambitious00:49 When Performance Steals the Joy01:46 Learning to Show Up Without a Scoreboard02:33 What Surrender Really Means03:08 Four Years of Losing the Deals04:04 Dangerous Prayers and Bigger Expectations05:01 Trusting God and Still Being Disappointed06:43 Psalm 103 and the Promise of Good Things07:03 The Dreams We Pretend We No Longer Want08:22 The Desires Beneath the Desire09:44 Why I Released Ambition10:05 Becoming Childlike in Surrender10:32 What’s Coming in Part 3SCRIPTURE REFERENCEDProverbs 16:3Psalm 103:52 Kings 4 — The Shunammite womanMENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE*Dangerous Prayers* by Craig Groeschel“Umbhedesho” by Joyous CelebrationA sermon by Dr Anita Phillips on the Shunammite womanWORK WITH CIKIDAWebsite: https://www.thedivineedge.co.za/Speaking: https://www.thedivineedge.co.za/speakingCoaching: https://www.thedivineedge.co.za/coachingEssays: https://www.thedivineedge.co.za/essaysEmail: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected])CONNECT WITH CIKIDAYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheDivineEdgebyCikidaInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thedivine_edge/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cikida-gcali-mabusela-74458946/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mrsmabs_Substack: https://substack.com/@thedivineedgeABOUT THE DIVINE EDGEThe Divine Edge is a leadership platform by Cikida Gcali-Mabusela—founder of LOURO, former McKinsey consultant and former Uber Eats GM—helping leaders in high-stakes environments build extraordinary lives and careers from Source, not pressure.This channel explores conviction, leadership under pressure, ambition, identity, faith and the lifelong work of becoming.Subscribe and stay tuned for Part 3, where we will explore identity, God’s will and the ways we can unknowingly stand in the way of what He is doing.#TheDivineEdge #FaithAndLeadership #ChristianLeadership #SurrenderToGod #AmbitionAndFaith