Hi, this is Makayla with Honest Talk Radio. Honest Talk Radio is a space where we will be sharing the good, the bad, and the other in real, raw conversations to try and do our part to reduce the amount of shame, guilt, and judgment so many of us want to face. Our hope is that through these conversations, you will feel supported and encouraged in every aspect of your life. So let's get started.
Hi, everyone, and welcome back to Honest Talk Radio. I'm your host Makayla, and today I want to talk to you about that terrible feeling of guilt. Where does guilt come from? I'll tell you where.
Guilt comes from comparison. Negative self-talk, self-doubt, and running on empty. According to Psychology Today, guilt is an emotion, an internal state, that we experience because we're convinced we did something wrong. It's a direct emotion following the feelings of being responsible for someone else's misfortune.
In other words, blaming ourselves for something that goes wrong, or in a lot of our cases, pre-blaming ourselves for things that could go wrong. I hear you. You're trying to be everything to everyone. Take care of your family, be social, exercise, live a healthy life, work, go to school, or whatever the case may be.
Right? But at the end of the day, you're drained. Your to-do list is still a mile long, and getting longer by the minute. You've got to eat and feed your family.
But ugh, you forgot to thaw out the meat, or pre-chopped the veggies, and your eggs is toasted. So if you're anything like the rest of us, all you really want to do is turn on Netflix, zone out, and hope that tomorrow is a better day. Can I get any, but that annoying, nagging feeling of guilt creeps in, and the negative thoughts start swirling, and you start doubting that tomorrow will be any different. Because why would it be?
I've got a short story I want to share about how this one girl, no different from yourself, was able to stop the cycle of guilt. I didn't say completely get rid of guilt altogether, but instead, stop the cycle. Cut it off at the knees, if you will. Alright, so back when I was pregnant with my first child, my husband and I mutually decided that I would become a stay-at-home mom.
Truthfully, I did not expect the wide range of feelings and emotions that I would encounter. I went through an undetermined period of time mourning my job while simultaneously being grateful for being able to be home. I struggled with feelings about not contributing to our family finances, but then also reminded myself that I was saving us from childcare costs, and that it was important for me to not miss my kid's milestones. I yearned for adult conversation, but would feel guilty if I wasn't ignoring my kids.
Y'all, being a mom has made me feel at times like I have split personalities. Does that, have you ever felt that way? Essentially, I went through every single one of the things I talked about at the beginning, constantly comparing myself to my peers, talking down to myself, doubting my abilities to parent, and be a wife, and feeling exhausted at the end of the day with nothing left but maybe a few tears. But one day I woke up and realized that it wasn't my circumstances I wanted to change.
Y'all, I love being a mom, a military wife, and a friend. It was my mindset I wanted to change. It was my mindset I needed to change. Guild was robbing me of enjoying what was right in front of me, and of fulfilling my passions to serve others.
So I decided to work on myself. To do so, I took steps to prioritizing my time for my health and wellness. In the early days of parenting before my kids went to school, I hired a homeschool high schooler on base to watch my kids for an hour or so so that I could, I don't know, go to the gym, grab a cup of coffee with friends, or even do the grocery shopping and solitude. Yes, guilt tried to creep in.
But when I would remember why I was doing it, why I was spending that hour away from my family, it was so that when I'm with them, I'm not resentful, or feeling frustrated, or angry, or yelling because I have this bottled up energy. I also decided to share with my husband the stress of feeling like I needed to do it all, and I delegated to him specific tasks that I hated to do around the house, mainly the laundry. Well, I didn't really ask. I told him in a loving way that in order for me to be the best wife I could be and the best another I could be, I needed him to take some of the household responsibilities.
And guess what? He did so willingly because I wasn't beating around the bush. I came right out and said it, black and white, which I would argue was speaking his language. It doesn't mean that the laundry always gets done and it gets done to my standards, not always, but just knowing that I've asked him to share that workload with me makes me feel less guilty when it doesn't get done, because it's not just mine to do.
And third, I have journaled a lot. I've done a lot of work in self-reflection and what brings me joy in my life outside of my husband and kids. And like I mentioned in my previous podcast, serving, encouraging, inspiring others brings me tremendous joy. So, I mold over ways to do this without compromising my family, and it landed me here with y'all.
I won't say that any of this was easy, but with the support of my husband, open communication, sharing with friends, and making myself a priority, I realized that comparing myself to others wasn't helping anyone, not even the people I was comparing myself to. Talking down to myself was the wrong message I wanted to get across to my kids and friends. I truly needed to start practicing what I preach. Doubting my abilities was just feeding into the chaos.
Once I started to believe in myself, I was more productive, less frantic, and overall happier. You can achieve this too by taking three action steps. Number one, instead of comparing, start sharing. Have truthful, raw, and honest conversations.
Y'all, it's magical. Number two, delegate some of the burdensome tasks and give others the opportunity to help out. Guys, most of the time, when I would make something out to be such a big deal in my head about asking my husband to help with some chores around the house, y'all, I had played this whole scene out thinking that it was going to be a huge fight. But instead, when I was open, honest, and not criticizing, he was ecstatic to finally know a way that he could help, because he felt helpless when I would just go out of control.
He felt completely helpless. But by giving him a concrete task, he could feel like he was helping. Number three, probably one of the hardest steps of all. For every negative thought that enters your mind, replace it with a positive one.
Here's an example of the last action step. Ugh, I have so much to do when I'm never going to get it done, there's just not enough time in the day. All right, how can we reframe that negative thought? Here's one example.
You know, there's a lot to do today, but I'm going to start with pouring some gas in my tank by having a cup of coffee, eating a healthy breakfast, and doing a 15- to 30-minute workout so I can think clearly and be my best me. Then I'll tackle the first thing on my list, and if I don't get to everything, God willing, I can do it tomorrow. Y'all, it's constant work, but much like all habits, the more you practice, the easier it becomes. I hope you have a terrific day and encourage you to cut the feeling of guilt off of the knees.
It's still going to try to creep in, but you can stop the cycle. And start with those three simple action steps. So as we wrap up, I'd love to invite you to head on over to my Facebook page and ask a question under the pinned post about a topic you'd like us to discuss in an upcoming podcast. You can find us at www.basbook.com, backslash, honest talk in a national.
I really hope to see you there because I absolutely like I mentioned before. Love to connect, relate, and encourage. Cheers. Thank you for listening to today's show.
If you'd like to come on the show and have an honest conversation about connecting, relating, and encouraging women, contact us at hello at honesttalkinternational.com. Also, don't forget to subscribe to this podcast so that you can be in tune with all the great happenings. Have a great day.