Kagro in the Morning - April 2, 2026

These apples don't dice themselves! Or maybe they do, I don't know how it all works. David Waldman and Greg Dworkin know it all and tell us two hours' worth on today's KITM. 12 tons of KitKats were stolen and disappeared somewhere between Italy and Poland. Who would be able to fence that much candy? Really... there is only one suspect. Godspeed Artemis II! Welcome back in 10 days or so. Didn't NASA ask them if they had to go before they left? Donald K. Trump delivered the punchline to the April Fools' joke that he's been telling for more than a month, and it turns out that we heard it all before. Marjorie Taylor Green is so beyond done. Trump's most cherished loved ones aka, the markets, really were not impressed at all. Trump himself would have hated his speech had he been listening. Our closest allies around the world also had better things to tune into last night. The East Wing Escher shed has been approved by the Trump approved commission. Of course, it is just a lid on a super-secret underground facility… Not quite Attorney General Matt Gaetz heard that there's government human-alien breeding facilities. The rumor (that I'm starting) is that the prime procreation is going down there. Name an audience better primed to believe that than MAGA. The Senate sent back a bill funding DHS, except for ICE and CBP, and Mike Johnson just couldn't anymore. Yay! Did Chuck and Hakeem pull that off? Trump shrugs and pulls out his (not his) wallet. Trump took the trouble to travel all the way over to his Supreme Court and did absolutely everything he could, but who would have guessed that his justices would ask such hard questions? No ICE at our precincts! Normally, that would go without saying, but... Breaking news: Tina Peters might get sprung. Pam Bondi, She Wolf of the DOJ, got herself Noemed Greg Bovino is a little bitty guy. Tariffs were a bad idea.