You're listening to the Impact Theory Podcast, your source of empowering ideas and actionable techniques from the world's highest achievers. Join host Tom Billu, serial entrepreneur and co-founder of a billion dollar brand Quest Nutrition, on a journey to unlock your potential and realize your vision of success. Welcome to Impact Theory. Hey everybody, and welcome to another episode of Facebook Live Q&A.
I'm here with special guest, Dr. Finesse. What is up, dude? Hey, don't.
I'm doing very well. Thank you. How about you, Sal? I'm doing fantastic, fantastic.
My man. I'm respecting those horizontal stripes today. I'm going to tell you that really well. You know, it's funny, I go back and forth with horizontal stripes, and I think I told you this, living in LA before I moved here, I knew up front, I never wear solid blue, I never wear solid red, because of the whole gang affiliation, I'm not getting pulled over, I'm not having someone rolling up on me thinking I claim one set or something, but I figured if I wear blue and red, especially if they're horizontal stripes, I'll be okay.
You're nice and neutral. I'm a PC like this. What's the answer of gang affiliation I like? I'm the ref of gang affiliation.
Nice. All right, guys. Are we going to get through them, but we'll give them a chance to answer for you guys, so it's not just, okay, so you're not like strict rapid fire, yeah, so from Chris Purcell. Hi, I've had my own wellness, biohacking business, helping others live an extraordinary life on their terms.
My question is, how are you able to balance the cage monkey mind along with who you are without going crazy? Balance the cage monkey mind with who I am. So I'll just, I don't quite understand that part. So I'll just say, how do I keep the cage monkey mind in check, we're adjusting, adjusting.
So keep the cage monkey mind in check. A big thing for me is meditation. So learning to rapidly calm your mind is a big deal, and I think a lot of people just, they actually don't know how to do that. And so your mind sort of goes to whatever speed it goes to, and they don't realize they can actually change gears, slow it down, or speed it up quite frankly for that matter.
Like when I can feel that my mind is really going slowly for what, every reason the first thing I do is force myself to talk fast, because when I force myself to talk fast, then I find that my brain is literally kicked in the posterior and forced to get into gear. So you can do the same thing with going the other way. So if you find that your mind is bouncing all over the place, literally focusing on your breath, and the important part here is focusing. So there's in the meditation style that I use, which I'll call just breathe, which is a variation of box breathing, which I learned from Mark Divine, the seal.
You focus on each part of the cycle, so there's four sides, inhale, inhale, hold, exhale, exhale, hold. And you focus on maximizing the pleasure of each one of those parts. And I found that in doing that, because it was pleasurable, that I actually would get lost, like in each part of the cycle. But the moment that I thought of the breath as sort of one holistic thing, my mind would race again because I would go and autopilot with the breathing.
So I wanted to focus on optimizing each individual segment of it, and then that, like my mind, I could feel it like calming down, really just getting into the moment of the pleasure of that. And that's part of why I focus on the pleasure, is to truly be in the moment, to experience it, to feel it, to feel when it's off, to feel when it's right. And that helps slow that down. And once you get good at it, you can do it in other situations.
So in a stressful business meeting, in an argument with somebody, like you can literally in a single breath or two, like get yourself not to like perfect, trust me, it's way easier to do when there's not somebody that you're going to need to exchange with. But you really can get much, much closer to baseline. You know, I remember you told me about that, the box breathing, I never heard of it. So after you told me I started doing it, there were moments sometimes I wake up at the middle of the night, and my brain just started rapping, just rapping, thinking of things, and I can't shut it off.
So I started doing the box breathing during those moments in bed, and I'm telling you, it kind of brings me to this level of just calmness, and I just, I come down. I mean, I'm not great at it yet, I've tried to do it during the day, and I haven't figured it out, but at least when I'm playing down in bed, it kind of works. So yeah, practice, practice, practice, practice. So the next question from Nicole Turway, Tom, how do you do?
Sorry, how do you, when you've learned, the question's a phrase, sorry, when you've learned enough about a topic before you make a move, i.e. blood product, provide a service, even though you know you have so much more to learn about that topic. Yeah, so I tried it, we just did, we covered this sort of thing, Jared and I, on the After Impact, and my whole thing is I tried to move way before anybody in their rational mind would move, because, A, there's always going to be a lot more to learn, and B, 99.999% of the time, the reason you're telling yourself, you have a lot more to learn is because that's way more comfortable to learn, to research, to be in that mode and give yourself the excuse to not be taking action. So I'm like, you know, put a parachute on, jump off the cliff, build the airplane on the way down, and that really is like, that's what getting ahead in life, being an entrepreneur, being an instrument, whatever, like, get yourself in over your head.
And I remember one time, my business partner said to me, the day that I realized I could talk my way out of anything was the day that everything changed for me. And I thought, that's actually really powerful, because once you know, like, you can back out of this stuff, like you can, if you get yourself way in over your head, just swim back to shore, you know what I mean? Like, the danger of like, truly drowning, unless you're robbing banks is virtually zero, right? So you can always unwind this stuff.
So I just, I go full steam, and there are times where like, I'm in the middle of something, building something, and I think, okay, I can't touch anymore, right? I am now officially over my head, and usually what that feeling is, is either I don't know how to pull this off, or worse, I don't know if this is the right thing anymore. And I kind of relish those moments a little bit to like, keep my calm, keep my heading, because the moment you have unease or uncertainty, if you stop, you'll never get anywhere. So you have to say, okay, I've got a plan, I'm going to stick with this plan, not until I'm unsure, until I know it's wrong.
Once you know it's wrong, change direction. But just because you're unsure, keep going. And that's, that's a big thing. And I think people need to really, really, really get comfortable with uncertainty.
They need to get very comfortable with self-doubt, because it is ever-present, and they need to know what they're trying to do. If you have a clear vision for what you're trying to accomplish, then you can just check, like, is what I'm doing, actually moving me forward or not. And if it is, keep doing it. And then just be willing to assess, like, when you have unease, like really look at it, really look at the unease of uncertainty, or is it the unease of, like, I know this is wrong.
That's a very good point, very good point. Next question from Atesika Asavato. God, I'm sorry, I messed up your name. I know I did.
I'm glad I messed up your name. But that sounds cool. Yes. I got the last one right now.
Who are your main mentors? For me, it's always been authors. So my story is getting somewhat famous at this point of Stephen King changed my life. So that was a big one.
He had a huge influence on me, didn't really mean to. Maybe a little loose to call him a mentor. Lao Tzu who wrote the Dao Dijing. That was huge.
That had such a big impact on me. God, man, countless Tony Robbins was huge for me. The guys who ended up being my business partner at Quest were huge mentors for me. My wife, a huge mentor for me.
That's amazing to hear that. That's amazing to hear that. What's amazing to show for sure. Yeah.
And then hopefully it goes without saying my parents. Okay. You know, at the beginning, that was all. Can I dig a little bit?
Why do you consider Lisa a mentor? I think my wife has super deep insights into me. I think there are times where she can see things that I don't necessarily see right away and getting that feedback is incredibly powerful. My wife is also just an equally driven, ambitious person who has insights in life about people that I drink very, very deeply of.
And then she really lives what I'll call sort of our life philosophy of if I'm rock to my knees, don't get under knees with me and put it around me and cry with me and tell me everything's going to be okay. Help me back to my feet, brush me off and remind me if I'm trying to become. So she's been really, really amazing at that. And then she's the one that really helped me see that what I'll call sort of a major flaw in my relationship game, which was I thought she would want me to be better at everything than her.
And that that was the only way that she would really be impressed with me as a man. And she helped me see that that's really dumb and who would ever want to be worse than the closest person to them in their life at everything. This is how siblings get into real trouble, because you compare yourself to the person that you're around, proximity is the determining factor to who you judge yourself against. And when one sibling shines at something, even though the other sibling, when I think about the Venus and Serena Williams, unfortunately I don't know who's better.
But I promise you, whoever believes themselves to be worse, even though they're one of the greatest tennis players of all time, they measure themselves against their sister. And so it probably eats them a bit. And I met these two social influencers, brothers, and one of them is just doing better than the other. And he struggles with it, the one that's doing more struggles.
But in terms of influencers, your following is massive. And if you were comparing yourself against virtually any other human being on the planet, just like magnitudes bigger. So anyway, my wife showed me, that doesn't make sense, and that making sure in a relationship that each of you have those areas of strength that you're recognized for that, that you're celebrated for that. And just things like that, she's always been there for me.
And I met her when I was young, so she's really been just a tremendous shaping influence. And this may be controversial, but you shape people through rewarding punishment. And so I really feel like she has rewarded and punished me into being a better person. That's powerful.
I love hearing that. Athena Don asked, Tom, what are your thoughts when it comes to the simulation theory? This is interesting. So I am obsessed with the Matrix.
I think we all know that. And you would think that I would be hardcore about the fact that we live in a simulation. And I feel that this is interesting. I'm realizing this as we talk.
I have the exact same feeling about simulation theory that I have about God. There is something I don't understand. I am very, very aware of that. But the current descriptions don't make sense.
So to me, the current descriptions of God don't make sense, like they just don't. From a religious perspective. And then the current descriptions of the simulation theory don't make sense. There are things that we don't understand.
For instance, Peter Diamandis, who I think is one of the smartest human beings on the planet, who actually believes that we're in an nth generation simulation, says one of the things that makes him think that we're in a simulation is the age of the universe. And it's like, if we're digital, then there is no age. Because I pushed him and I said, well, you would never create a simulation that you couldn't see the result of. So he's saying, well, you could be living time at this incredibly sped up thing.
So then if that's true, the metrics by which you're judging, using the four billion years of the universe to say that we're probably in generation, you're saying the time is totally relative. That it's actually not a real stable thing. Then how does that explain if this is all just a simulation and time is this totally manipulatable variable? How does that actually explain it?
It's the argument that everybody that believes in the simulation theory that believes in it, it goes like this, that if we as a species are moving towards actually being able to replicate in a simulated environment, our own reality, then it just makes sense that it would be infinitely, it's not quite recursive. I don't know what the opposite version of that, but we would do it forever and ever and ever, right? So that the first civilization to do it would then ultimately create an indistinguishable reality. And then if that's true, then the reality that's born in that would be ever marching towards it and then they would create a simulation and they would ever march towards it and they would create a simulation.
But here's the problem. All of that presupposes, I believe, the singularity. Now, the singularity is the moment, as defined by Ray Kurzweil, is the moment at which technology is advancing so rapidly we can no longer predict it. So now you're making, you're literally saying, hey, we live in the simulation, which is a prediction beyond the singularity.
I just don't think that we have the ability to accurately predict what it's going to look like beyond the singularity. It's a lot of fun and I'm really glad people do it and I'm utterly obsessed with the matrix because it's such a powerful allegory for today, for the way that we live, for the way that we think about ourselves, for the way that we think about society. It's an incredibly powerful mythology. So you will see me only get more obsessed with it as time goes on.
Do I actually think we're living in a simulation? No. Yeah, it's one of those things. I go back and forth.
For the most part, I absolutely do not believe that. It just feels and sounds crazy. You know, because I wonder, one question that no one could ever answer with theorizes that we're living in a simulation is when the simulation began. You should never really get a clear answer from that.
I mean, who would know if we are living in one, but... And I think you might be asking the more interesting question. And this used to freak me out as a kid. You ready for this one?
Alright, if you build a house, what do you need before you can build a house? Well, you need the frame, you need the word you need, whatever you need to. Let's get really basic. You need to plot a land.
Yes, of course, you need to plot a land. So my whole thing was the universe is the house. What's the plot of land? And then when you get to the plot of land, then you realize the earth, and once you realize the earth, then you realize space.
Once you realize space, you realize the universe, once you realize the universe, you ask the question what's the universe you're sitting on. The universe is ever expanding. What's it expanding into? Like that, I can freak myself out.
So when I do that whole thing and ask all those recursive questions, then I get to the point where I go, there's something I don't understand. And I'm willing to accept it, like I get it. There's a fundamental flaw in the way that human minds are able to comprehend of eternity or whatever, and people round it to God. I just think there's something we don't get, and we're trying to explain it in human terms.
It just clearly transcends humans. So whatever it is. So the whole thing for me is knowing that we're sort of these meat suits that we have biology that if I adjust the physical structures of your brain, I will fundamentally alter the way that you perceive reality and yourself. All of it's crazy.
So knowing that all of that is true, I don't even know how to finish that statement. The whole point of that, like thinking about the way that we process data is to understand that we are existing sort of in this thin slice of the oomville. And we are trying to interpret everything through that. We're trying to make the universe make sense through the limited senses that we have our limited ability to perceive and all of that.
So to think that we actually grasp the answer is, it's not smart. So I think anybody that thinks that they actually understand what's happening, I don't think you're accepting the terrifying reality of a limited oomville. To that point, again, we base what we know about the universe off of the elements that we know here. And the elements that we know here that are in our solar system.
But as you and I know and everyone else, you can watch any video on YouTube to show you the size of the universe. You ever watch those videos? The universe. The known universe.
The known universe. Yes. And even then, they always kind of expand outside of the known universe in those videos. And for those of you who haven't seen it, just Google or go to YouTube and say the video at the size of the universe.
And there's several videos where they start with, some of them start with a cell. They go out to a human body and then, of course, to a city, to the United States or whatever country you're in. And then to the Earth, and then it just keeps going and going and going and going. And as you're going and you're just realizing, oh my god, how tiny, just even our solar system is in the Milky Way.
And how's that? You know, the Milky Way is in just a cluster of galaxies. And it just keeps going and going and going. We don't have the answers to the elements out there.
So how can we factor in what we know about the universe based on? It's just insane. It's just so much out there, at least from what we know, just we can't apply it to what we think and know. Yeah, it just doesn't make sense.
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So that trips me out. But again, there are moments where I'm driving down the street. And this has happened several times. Maybe I'm just crazy.
Where I remember one time I was in the car driving down the street. And I'm kind of a progressive driver. I don't speed. Maybe a little bit, but I move.
I don't just sit in the lane. I never sit in anyone's blind spot. That's how accidents happen. I just keep it moving.
You finesse it. I finesse it. Yes. So I remember one time.
I see this woman in this really weird blue. And it's just some type of off blue. Mustang. Convertable Mustangs.
She's blondish. And I'm orange 80s glasses. So very distinct. Like look at this woman.
Arizona plates. Progressively, I get past her. And I'm just moving, right? And I swear about two miles up.
I'm driving. And I'm like, what was that woman again? And she's ahead of me. I'm like, if she's not driving fast, she's driving and just singing.
And how is she in front of me again? I've got to believe somebody's typing into the console right now. Glitch in the matrix. I'm telling you.
That's when I was like, holy crap. We are in a simulation. How's that happen? There's a glitch.
But then again, you always hear that it's really your brain. How the age of it is your brain. Just kind of. Or that you just spaced out for a brief second.
She did pass you by. She's one of those crazy drivers that lead puts, then breaks. Exactly. So my gut instinct is that that's more likely than that the fabric of the universe is not what we understand.
But you know, I like where your head's at. The glass is in Arizona plates. I'm telling you. And that off-blue must stand.
Watch out for her. I'm just going to see her. I saw that woman. I can't wait to bring up your real thing about how you know about the multiverse and all that.
Oh, God. Shazam. Shazam. I'm sure you guys have seen this too.
About two months ago, was it? No, more. More than that. That's right.
Or was it more? Basically. There's this movie in the 90s that existed in my universe. At least.
That's Simbad, the comedian, starred in called Shazam where he played a bumble and genie who gets a lead out of a bottle and he can't get his wishes right that he presents to people. And again, it starts Simbad, the comedian, and it's called Shazam. Okay. So now there's a story circulating that thousands, hundreds of thousands of people believe that this movie exists.
And I'm reading the story and I'm like, what are they talking about? They believe this movie exists. It's Shazam. I know this movie exists.
In fact, even before I read it, I just saw the headline. Simbad movie that everyone thinks exists that doesn't. And I was like, what are they talking about Shazam? Is that's the only one I could think of?
Or a man of the house. I'm reading the story about how Shazam doesn't exist. And everyone believes Shazam exists. And I'm like, what are they talking about?
And I go on IMDB, Shazam does not exist. I look everywhere. Shazam does not exist. And even Simbad comes out and says, I don't know why people think Shazam exists.
I was never going to move to Shazam. I'm like, now Simbad has turned on me. Shazam exists. And how come that many people started calling all my friends being like, hey, remember that movie with Simbad where he played a genie?
They're like, yeah, Shazam. It doesn't exist. I'm like, look it up. It doesn't exist.
So it's so strange. Even weirder. I scream right on the side. I wrote a script in 2001 where there's a joke in the script about this bad movie that Simbad did called Shazam.
How come back in 2001 I'm writing about Shazam, a movie that took place in the 90s, but this movie suddenly doesn't exist. So there are theories going around there that the universe is, as we know, or the reality is that we know, a fractured. So someplace somewhere, there is a me somewhere who's sitting around being like, wait, there's a movie called Shazam. What?
And I'm over here missing Shazam. So I don't know. Sometimes when I think of stuff like that, I believe that a reality is a fractured or there's a glitch in our simulation. That is amazing.
So I'm certain people out there like, what? Shazam. That's it? I love that story.
Yeah. So our next question. By the way, you're getting a glimpse into, so every Friday we do a team lunch and everyone, their favorite part of team lunch is Dr. Finesse's story time.
They're incredible. It's one story like Shazam after another. It's amazing. I wish you guys could see all the smiling faces here.
That's hilarious. Story time. I've got to get a little smoker jacket. Absolutely.
Question from Janet Dresher. Is there a certain sentence or phrase you tell yourself when you're feeling down? Yes. So what one do I use when I'm feeling down?
It really depends. I'm going to shorthand it to what she can use. The real answer is it completely depends on the situation. But the sort of go-to generic one is this two-shell pass.
That is an insanely important statement in my life to know, like, to believe, okay? There's a very big difference to know something and to believe it to the core of your being. I know to the core of my being that every emotion, no matter how intense, will dissipate over time. It just does.
And the only thing that doesn't dissipate is if you hard wire something. So take PTSD, right? You've wired something together. It's not that that neurochemistry won't pass.
It will, right? Wiring is going to remain there. And so now when something triggers it, it replays really fast. So it's sort of always there waiting to be replayed.
But no one can stay even in a PTSD flashback moment forever. It's everything dissipates. And then understanding why it dissipates because of the way that neurochemistry works and understanding that you can take control of that, that you can unwind any of the wiring. So like, when I'm down, I'm so careful.
And I want everyone listening to this to understand this. I am so careful not to let it hard wire. Like I really, that's why I give myself, and I've mentally rehearsed this one a thousand times, if I was paralyzed or diagnosed with what Stephen Hawking has. And I knew that I either lost immediately or was going to lose the function of my body.
I give myself 30 days to mourn. Day 31, like done. You have to move forward, dude. You absolutely have to.
And there have been times, nothing that dramatic. But there have been times when my life where it's like, whoa, that really sucks. You take time to mourn and then literally set the number of days. Because at the end of it, you're not going to feel like not mourning anymore.
You're going to want to keep mourning. So especially if it's something that there's a constant reminder of. So you just have to say, I have this many days to mourn, decide now when you're an emotionally sober state and then hold yourself to it when the time comes. And that's it.
And then you start forcing yourself, forcing yourself to smile, forcing yourself to laugh, forcing yourself to watch comedies, read funny things. Like literally there's a process to this stuff. And just, yeah. So anyway, back to her question.
This too shall pass. No, I think that's great. It's one of those phrases I've heard throughout my life that just wasn't applicable to me for the most part. It's my mom passed away.
And I'll never forget a previous post I worked for, it's half a smiley said that this too shall pass. And I remember there was a part of me in my head. I was like, oh. And there was this weird part for a second where I got upset because I was like, my mom passed away.
This feels awful. There was no way this is going to pass. And it passed. It did.
But that's overwhelming feeling of grief. It really did pass. And it made me realize how resilient we are as humans. And I think people need to remind themselves that we are resilient in this too shall pass.
And you'll get through it. And I forget the power of that statement. So you just reminded me about that. And I'm going to use that just with even minor things for sure.
Yeah. I love that one. The next question is from Lindsey Hahn. Do you recommend any tools to improve speaking skills?
You speak incredibly eloquently when communicating your vision and inspiring others. Thank you. That is a big thing. And I hear that people say that about you all the time.
So yeah. What do you do? A lot. Right?
Like, can we just talk about that for a second? Like, read. Read. People are pouring the heart and soul.
They're giving you secrets to the universe because humans have this wonderful wiring where it feels so good. I love it, Christopher. When people write and say, like, you've impacted my life, you've changed me. Thank you so much.
Like, that feels so good. People will never stop sharing their secrets because that feels so wonderful to feel like, whoa, I worked really hard against information. I want to share. I want to share.
I want to share. It feels good just to help people. And then be to get it reflected actually work. Like, that's amazing.
So books are incredible. People pour their heart and soul their secrets everything into them. And you get to see that logic. One part of you.
The second thing is if you want to get good at something, do that thing in a disciplined practice format. Okay? There's a very big difference between talking a lot and becoming persuasive. So, one of the things that I do to be persuasive that I get credit for now because I do an interview show, but listening, right?
Like, stop and listen. One of the things that I'm uber proud of myself for getting good at and watch, you'll see me do it. If I see someone go, I know they want to talk and I'll stop. And for whatever reason I keep talking, I almost always will acknowledge.
I know you want to say something like I did. Like, because I need to reinforce it myself, like, and the reason that I do that is once someone has something to say, they're not listening anymore, like, they are now waiting for their turn to say something. So you're way better. Oh, that's true.
Yeah. See? But that's true, though. That's very true.
Yeah. I will literally stop myself mid-sense. And if I see somebody taking the breath, I'm like, you're about to say something. It's, dude, that kind of stuff's important.
So not thinking that what makes me persuasive is just my ability to explain. That's a huge part of it. And you have to practice talking for sure, but you have to do it in a discipline practice kind of way. You really have to look at what are my goals?
What am I trying to get good at? So I'm bad at, like, recognizing when they want to talk again, you need to start practicing that. And by practicing it, I mean, in real life, just start doing it. And yeah.
So my wife, no, Jared and I, Jesus, that's terrifying that I confused Jared and my wife. We were working on an article, what was that? It's getting really fast, right? We were working on an article yesterday.
And oh, God. Where was I going with that? That's twice today. And I slept well less on it.
I'm not sure what's happening. Where I think I was talking about discipline practice. Oh, it's going somewhere. What did I confuse with?
You were talking about, you know, speaking well, discipline and practice. I don't remember. Yeah. It was about practicing.
Oh, that just all of life is practice. And we were talking about that in the article that people really have a heart like, I think they think there's something fancier going on. And it's really just never, ever think life is performance. Always think it's practice.
Like this episode of Q and A is not performance is practice. And I do that. This is something that I do a lot when I'm, there's a lot of pressure on me. I'll remind myself, this is just practice.
And once you believe that like you can always come back from something, and this is, Jared and I were talking about this in the context of the article, there's a great quote from Jim Kerry where he said, until you've like totally bombed five times when somebody says tonight man, if like so and so's in the audience, if, if you make an impression, like your career's made, don't mess this up. And this is, he said, until you like mess that up five times, like you haven't even started yet, really left an impression on me because he became so big and so famous. So for him to say that he had messed like that magical night up so many times, I was like, that helps to know that just keep going man. What happens is people mess up that night where people tell them it's all kind of pressure and then they crumble because they think that they blew it.
But if you know, as a matter of fact this up, like I'll come back, I'll do it again and again and again and claw my way back up. And I've never been so, I think of it as like MMA rankings, right? So at first you're not ranked and then you get all the way and now it's like your title shot in ranked number one. But if you then win or sorry, take that fight and lose, you don't go back to number one contender.
You don't be like, wait, drop down the list. And I've never been afraid to do that. I've never been afraid to like mess that moment up or whatever and then know that now I'm in up to spend the next six months like clawing my way back up. And I've just like, I've always believed that my superpower is the willingness to endure, that like if I just keep going, like I know other people are gonna fall off and they started in film school because everyone moved back home.
Everyone. They came to LA, LA ate them up, set them back home and like one after another within like 18 to 24 months, people just like dropping like flies and I was like, well, then I'll just make my thing. I'm not gonna stop. And I remember people saying like, what's your cutoff date?
Like how many years do you put into this? And I was like, literally, I'm gonna delude myself, like even if I'm 80 and I still haven't made, I'm just gonna keep, almost there, almost there, like I just gotta keep going. And because I've always believed that that was like a superhero strategy, I've just kept employing it, kept employing it and Christopher, when this studio is what I know it's gonna be. Do you know how hard I'm gonna laugh, like I'm gonna laugh because I just outlasted.
I just kept coming back and kept coming back and kept coming back. Yeah, that's the best true with people, especially any big city, but I can only speak for LA. You know, you see that a lot. There's so many transplants out here with dreams and people out here to make something up themselves, but it's so crazy how quickly people, you know, jump back to their comfort after failure.
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That's i-n-c-o-g-n-i dot com slash impact and use code impact. Unbelievable. And it's the same thing with me. I moved here from Boston.
It was a predominant film school, even acting in there. And people who came out here didn't work out for them within the first year, year and a half, and they bounced. And I remember thinking, God, it's only a year and a half to two years. And what helped me was to think of other success stories and how often people failed and how it didn't happen overnight.
And even the people you thought it happened overnight. It wasn't overnight. They just put in so much work. And what you just said reminds me of what you said another time, how you're always looking.
You don't want to remain stagnant. You're always looking for ways to succeed. Even when you feel that you've succeeded, you haven't succeeded because you can always go. Yeah.
Yeah. You make sessions terraforming. Terraforming? And that's just code.
I don't actually plan to terraform. But to dream so big that you say, I'm going to take that planet out there and I'm going to make it habitable. Like, that's it's me. That's true.
I mean, like, hey, when you're willing to do that with a straight face and then like do the incremental steps that it's required to actually pull that off. Like, I'm about it. I'm about it. I'm just going to keep, like, there's things that I have to accomplish before that but I'm just going to keep going and tell because I don't think that what we're doing here to make this big, that's not terraforming.
Right? It's big. It's not terraforming. So we'll just keep executing and because I plan to live forever.
And by the way, no one's going to laugh harder than me if I die. Like, let's just like, can I tell you what I, my wife won't let me do it. But do you know what I wanted my funeral to be like? I wanted my body to be like this.
I wanted to greet people. Like, you know, like animatronics. I'll be a terrifying funeral. I found it so funny.
And she was just like, there's no universe, right? Because she's, you know, like, you're saying about your mom. She would be in the grips of grieving. And I'm like, we have to laugh at that.
That would be terrifying. Oh my God. So yeah, if you can't laugh at Joan death, what can you laugh at? That's pretty amazing.
The next question is from Carlos Araneda. Tom, how do you get to know the people working for you and strategies on how to start would be nice? I don't get to know people that are working for me any differently than I get to know anybody else. So if you want to be interesting, be interested.
I also happen to be, I am so desperate to learn that just hearing people's story and finding out what they're about. Like, that's fun for me. I also happen to really like people. So even though I'm never afraid to be alone, I do enjoy people.
And I find that to be sort of weird dichotomy in me. It's like, I am intensely, I'm an ambiver. Once I had that word, I really began to understand myself because I'm sort of, I lean introverted by nature, but I find it relatively easy to go extroverted, but when I recharge, I recharge by myself. But I really do enjoy people.
So I want to get to know people. Ask questions. That's very simple. It's time to sit down and write a few stock questions that you have.
That way you're not like trying to think of the question that you just, there are things that you have that you know. And then I am excitable and fast and nadable, right? So like, I want to hear somebody's story. I want to know what makes me unique.
I want to see things from their perspective. And that really captures me and like gets me going and it's super intriguing. And then I am not afraid to ask really inappropriate questions that are way too intimate to be asking somebody that you work with. So I just ask all those questions.
And I find that when people get over that sort of initial shock and I can't believe you're asking me this, then some really interesting things happen. And so that's why my interviews are so weird. And I definitely rub people. Some people the wrong way.
Like there's no question. And I know in my future somebody is going to write like a glass or review about my interview sound. I'll be like fuck is wrong with that guy. But I am increasingly beginning to realize I'm a filtering mechanism.
I am not for everybody. I fully understand that. And my job is to filter in this fact. This is what I was talking about with.
Are we talking openly about? We are. Because I, well I said it was a secret thing. I don't know what my whole thing is with secrets recently.
I find it fun. It's intriguing, right? Like I'm trying to pee people's interest. So anyway, we were with Jared Adams because I've seen his episodes, absolutely incredible that guy's amazing.
I was talking to him. I realized what I was about to tell him might totally turn him off. And I was like, doesn't matter. Like he needs to know who I am.
And so I was just like, look, this is what we're really about. And I'm a filtering mechanism. So if you get it, if you understand what we're really trying to do and it aligns with what you want to do, amazing. But I'm not going to sell you on what we're trying to do.
So and it went amazingly well. That's great. And in fact, I haven't even brought you guys up to speed. Last time was amazing.
I can't wait to hear about that. Yeah, for sure. It would be really interesting to hear what Cindy and Casey thought. Yeah.
But I had an amazing time. Actually, we actually got a couple of things before moving on to one thing in particular where shout out from Bonnie Nuel in Seattle. Sandra Kelly's Mark from Norway. Carlos Aronada which we just had a question from Chile.
And I want to cycle back to someone who said, could it be Kazam that Shack was in? Which is them? Believe me. It is not Kazam.
In fact, Kazam came out in Shack was playing a genie and a movie called Kazam. I remember it vividly being like, kidding me. Yeah, they're about to Kazam. I was like, they ever put out Kazam.
And again, you will hear that from people if you Google this if that comes up a lot, people like no, and they thought the same thing. They thought that the Shaq movie ripped off, Shazam. It's weird. And I would never mix up Shaq and Sinbad.
Ones are like two brother than the other ones that are like seven foot tall. It's like that happened. I'm like I'm gonna mix those two up. You heard it here first.
Question from Fuehong. Do you use an app for meditation? And I see you wearing headphones in your videos. So yes, we all know anyone who's working with Tom knows about the headphones, but yes, I'll let you chime in there.
Yeah, so I do, very much so. I use an app called Calm. I do not do guided meditation. I just listen to this.
In fact, guided meditation makes me wanna punch people indiscriminately. I hate it so much. I can't even tell. It drives me crazy.
So don't do those. I listen to the sounds of nature. So if it's dark out, I do everything based on the real, what's really going on. So if it's nighttime, I listen to nighttime sounds.
If it's nighttime and it's like raining, I'll listen to the sounds of rain. If it's like a beautiful bright sunny day, like it is today, I'm gonna listen to the sounds of like a meadow with like birds chirping and stuff. So, and I'm somehow knowing that I'm echoing what's actually outside, like really puts me in the zone, even though I'm inside. The only sort of exception to that is if it's a bright sunny day, I will listen to the tropical beach, even though I'm not near the beach.
And I find that incredibly, incredibly soothing. You can see it from your house though. You can see the ocean. Yeah, which is like a whole thing.
Views make a difference. And my wife convinced me that I wasn't, yeah, so I'm on derailleur now, but. So, yeah, I definitely do sounds get in the zone. I find it so impactful that if I'm like stressed out, no joke, three minutes with the sounds of nature and I chill.
And like sometimes if I'm doing contracts, I'll listen to music with the lyrics. And other times, like if the contract is making really fucking stressed, then I'll put on the sounds of nature. And like it, oosah, interesting. A question from Hara Tiyu, Radescu.
Again, I hope I got that right. Any tips on quitting smoking or any of it? You ready for the best bad advice you've ever received in your life? I actually considered getting addicted to opiates, just so I could show people what quitting is about.
Wow. Terrible idea, yes, we can all agree. So I didn't do it in the end. But here's the thing, you have to want to suffer.
Like once the ability to suffer is part of your identity, like I'm so looking forward to the three day fast, because it's going to hurt, right? It isn't going to be fun. And because it's not going to be fun and because I'm willing to do it anyway, because I have all these mental tricks that I put in place to make sure that I could actually get through something like that, I will be so proud of myself for enduring that suffering. That you have to want that, right?
So if I was smoking, I would change my identity immediately and say, I'm not beholden to a fucking cigarette. You must be out of your mind. So under no circumstances, right now I smoke, the next second I do not smoke, nary the twain shall meet, I'm done, my identity is so strong. Dude, to back down and smoke a cigarette when you make that kind of fucking aggressive proclamation to yourself and to the rest of the world, if I would come on here and I'd be like, I'm never smoking another cigarette as long as I live.
You think I'll back down from that? Dude, I want people to understand this. Like your identity is the driver. Get excited about your identity.
You've got that same way that anger will allow you to endure more pain, the level of aggression and intensity that you can put into saying you are something you act a certain way and in those moments of weakness, which are coming for you. I'm never blindsided by them. I know a moment of weakness is coming for me. But in that moment, Christopher, I turn to my identity.
I know who I am. I'm willing to suffer. I'm willing to sit there and go, this sucks. And all I want right now is a cigarette.
And I will say, as I do with hunger, welcome my friend. I greet you as my friend. I'm so grateful that you've come back to me because now in this moment where I'm sitting starving and all I want is food. One, I'm grateful to you for making me leaner.
And two, I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful to you for giving me the opportunity to sit in suffering knowing that because I want something, because suffering is in service of my goals, there's no chance I will bend or break. I will make it on the other side of this. So these guys know, during the three-day fast, I've asked them to cook food that smells amazing so that I can suffer, so that I can sit there and know with this beautiful arrogance that I won't touch a single bite of that.
And that I will love the aromas because they tempt me so profoundly. And I'm still not gonna break. There's so much beauty in that. There's so much beauty in that.
As Jaco Willing said, there is freedom and discipline. Once you know, there's no universe in which I will break my three-day fast. Can we agree? Christopher, there's no universe.
I'm not breaking my three-day fast. In fact, I think we'll two or three broadcasts in the middle of the fast. So is what it is, like not gonna do it under any circumstance. So for instance, if we had a massive episode come up and it was like, hey, you're gonna have to do the episode fast.
Just know two ways about it. You're gonna have to do the research facet and research facet. Oh, like that is suffering because there's nowhere to hide in all of that. You're just sitting there with a computer.