Tony Porter and Kimya Motley: Preventing Violence Toward Women

Welcome to Smart, Amazing Conversations with Dr. Nancy, a podcast that examines the stories of life and leadership for smart, amazing women (and men). Each episode features powerful conversations with people who are changing the world and making a difference in their communities. Our guests share their personal stories, insights, and advice on how to break through barriers and achieve success and, in the process, provide access to new ideas, resources, and expertise that can expand opportunities for us all.Show Notes:Dr. Nancy talks with Tony Porter and Kimya Motley about domestic violence and abuse – and how their work with A Call to Men is changing the conversation around violence against women and girls. Porter traces the problem to the “Man Box,” a set of social rules, laid down early, that dictates how men are supposed to treat women and each other. From boyhood, he explains, boys are taught they are strong, and girls are weak; that women have less value, and that men can own women. Violence, in this view, is rooted in the patriarchy itself – a system that boxes men in, cutting them off from developing emotional intelligence, from dealing with trauma in healthy ways, and from becoming whole.Kimya Motley shares her own story – shot by her abusive spouse. She survived and vowed that no one else would endure what she did. As Chief Advancement Officer of A Call to Men, she works as a lead facilitator in domestic violence prevention, male socialization, and trauma-informed care. Her message to parents is direct: give your sons permission to be human, to be tender, to ask for help, to cry, and to feel fear. Pay attention to the lessons you’re teaching your children. Don’t raise them to perpetrate violence or accept abuse as natural.Porter is clear: men who perpetrate violence are in the minority, which means the majority have a responsibility to call it out. While they have made great progress in raising awareness, the numbers tell a harder story. Domestic violence remains the single most common emergency call to police departments in the U.S. We haven’t reached critical mass yet, either, he says. Until we do, the work is to keep reaching out to men and women, to dismantle the “Man Box,” to back our words with action, and to build a healthier model of what it means to be a man or a woman as they form those gender identities as children.About Tony Porter:Tony Porter, CEO of A Call to Men, is an author, educator, and activist working to advance gender and racial justice and create a more equitable society. Internationally recognized for his efforts to prevent violence against women while promoting a healthy, respectful manhood, he is a leading voice on issues of manhood, male socialization, and preventing violence against all women and girls. GQ Magazine named Porter’s 2010 TED Talk as one of the “Top 10 TED Talks Every Man Should See.”Author of Breaking Out of the Man Box and the visionary for NFL Dads: Dedicated to Daughters, Porter is sought after for his in-depth understanding of the collective socialization of men and promoting gender and racial equity.About Kimya Motley:Kimya Motley, Chief Advancement Officer at A Call to Men, is an educator, activist, author, director, and producer working to end violence against all women and girls. Motley leverages her personal experiences and profound storytelling ability to touch hearts, galvanize support, and inspire a call to action to prevent violence against women and girls while promoting healthy, respectful manhood. Her harrowing journey as a brave survivor of domestic violence has fueled her passion for advocacy and been featured in multiple media outlets. Motley’s memoir, Born of Violence, reached number four on the Amazon Hot New Releases List for Partner Abuse. Get full access to Dr. Nancy O’Reilly and the Women Connect4Good Foundation at drnancyoreilly.substack.com/subscribe