I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Blade Runner, total recall 1990. Baojo, screamer. Wow, right on it.
Screamers, impostor, minor RITI report. Pigeck, a scanner darkly. Next, screamers, colon, the hunting. Say it with me, radio free album booth, the adjustment bureau, and now total recall 2012.
Welcome to Dick Me Bitch. Mm-hmm. I don't like that. I don't like that one bit.
Nope. You said it, there's no take-backsies. I was doing so good, I had the list ready to go. Yeah, I was ready with the bar show thing.
We were locked in, and then I went and I said, GMB, and I ain't talking about... A little baby! I ain't talking about dumping poo on the good people of Chicago. Oh, Dan.
Well, yes, this is Dick Me, I'm Rob, you're Dan. They know. They know that now. They know that now.
This is, of course, the complete works, the adaptations of Philip K. Dick. Yes, many are calling it Dick Me presents. I mean, King Me presents Dick Me, and that's a King production.
Many people are calling it that. People are calling this as Stephen King production. Hey, and if you like King Me or Dick Me, why don't you check out our Patreon, patreon.com. Slash King Me Pot.
Sign up for the $5 month period. Gets you premium bonus episodes every Friday, along with just a back catalog of a ton of stuff. A veritable archive. An archive.
Hundreds of hours of... Yeah, we did all of David Lynch's movies and Twin Peaks over there. You guys go check it out. Every single episode gets its own episode.
Yes. One to one. One to one. One to one.
No other podcast is doing that. No. Well, not for free. I mean, not for premium.
Not for pay. Yeah, not for pay. These other podcasts, they're just giving it away. Not us.
I feel like we just finished watching Twin Peaks like last month, and I'm ready to go back. I had a crazy experience with this. What's that? I tell you.
So Paige and I had been watching together. And at a certain point, you know, how it is with your romantic partners. We were just two ships passing in the night. Of course.
Her schedules, one thing, my schedules and other thing. I have to watch it for the show. She starts to fall behind. I have to press on.
I say, no, I must keep going. Yes. And the other day I was like, I really want to rewatch Twin Peaks. This would be perfect for you who fell off and didn't really know what was going on the whole time anyway.
Right. Kept saying things like, who's that? Yeah. What's going on?
And that's a hard show to answer that question for a lot of time too. What's going on? Right. And she says to me, she says, no, because we wouldn't be having the same experience.
You've seen it. To which I say, we wouldn't be having the same experience anyway, because we're two different people, even if our lives are joined at the bank account. Not even true. But it was a real, where their names, when they go through the, when they do the sex magic, and they come out and they're two different people.
Oh, Cooper and Diane. They come out and they're like Richard and Linda. Yeah. And they're like, is that learn Waldorf?
Is it Richard and Linda? I think it is Richard and Linda Thompson. Is it? That'd be fun.
I think so. But so she doesn't want to watch it. Which I get to the Red Room. That'd be what he sings and said.
No, she doesn't want to watch it with me. That's unfortunate. I think she would probably really love it. I think everybody would really love it.
She would love it. I think she would too. I mean, except for, you know, most of season two, and she'd be like, I don't want to watch this. I'd be like, we have to watch the whole thing for some reason.
And you would have to let her know that like, yes, these eight to ten episodes are not the best. Sure. The next ten hours of your life. Yeah.
But they're so, you know, they still play a part, you know, in the overall picture of Twin Peaks and these people. Oh, so you mean they'll be back for season three? So well, no. What's her name?
Who's it? Um, D'Covnees character. D'Covnees. That's right.
D'Covnees does come back. D'Covnees might be like the only character introduced in season two who comes back. Yeah. I think you're probably right there.
But season two, the last episode of season two is where we get most of the Red Room sort of mysticism. That's true. And season two is where all of the Red Room mysticism is. Before that, like season one is just kind of a straightforward murder mystery.
With a couple moments of like, wait, what the fuck? Yeah, even like, my own drugs. Like the Cooper's dream and I think it's the pilot, right? There's that which is strange.
And then like the shots of Bob, but it's just like a vision of a scary man. We don't know what that means. Right. Yeah, I mean, listening now like Blank Check is doing the Twin Peaks episodes, right?
Never heard of it. Gone. And listening to them talk about it, I'm just like, man, I gotta go back. I gotta watch this fucking thing.
Gotta go back. Gotta go back. It's just too good. That even them being like, they're like, we're doing the first seven episodes of the return and then eight gets its own episode.
Even now, just like, no, it's not like eight gets its own episode. Just like the mention of episode eight of Twin Peaks. I know. I know.
It's. It's a day. I think about the end of the series. Yeah.
And nothing. It's nothing is fucked me up more in my entire life. My God. It's the last thing he's ever going to make, most likely.
Probably. Yeah. It seems from all reports here that David Lynch's is his health is in decline. The up is emma or whatever, like makes it very difficult for him to like even like cross the room.
I heard. Yeah. But I also, I mean, what a fucking what a fucking baller this guy is. He's just like, yes, yes, I can't walk across the room.
But I love cigarettes still. You should want to quit them. Yes. No one should smoke but me.
More for me. Yeah. I don't regret one cigarette I've ever smoked. It's great.
Well, speaking of visionaries, talk about a man who is technically David Lynch's peer by virtue of the fact that they work in what is technically the same medium, although it doesn't even really feel like it. And also a mainstay of a podcast I like. Yeah. Len Weisman.
Len Weisman. So yeah, the comedy was at Paul F. Tonkin's own comedy bang bang doing a Len Weisman impression, which Len Weisman does not sound like that. There is like, I, because I did, when I was watching this, I was like, yeah, Len Weisman, like I remember the comedy bang bang thing.
And I looked it up. I'm like, is this guy like, no, for sex parties or whatever? It's not. It's not fabrication.
Total fabrication. He just has the name. It's just all made up. The name evokes like Swinger, like disgusting Swinger.
That's, that's the extent of it is just, yeah. Um, still very funny though. That's, that's a great bit. Of course.
But you know what's not funny or entertaining in any other way. This is your movie. That's total recall. This is a real meeting of the minds, this film.
2012's total recall, because Len Weisman, he directs it, but you know who writes it? Kurt Wimmer. Uh, Kurt Wimmer. The whim.
Uh, who is that? Uh, uh, he, he, well, would you be surprised to learn he wrote the 2015 point break remake? Oh, good for him. Yeah.
See, okay. See, also, but he is a king alum. I see that. Did the 2020 children of the corn, which I think was cute.
So what, what we got here? What we got here is a case of corn children. This is the one that tried to. That one, that one, that one.
That one, that one. That one too. Um, damn, he was really flexing. Yeah, that was a bad movie.
Um, quite bad. Quite bad. Let's see. He also, he wrote, um, the beekeeper from this year, which is a dumb movie, but a fun movie.
Oh, me bees. Bit of that, right? That's a, that's exactly what that. I'm gonna let you get your hands off me bees.
Get your bloody hands off me bees. Okay, bloody hands off me bees. Um, yeah, but yeah, we have, uh, uh, uh, let's see here. The Thomas Granifair from 99.
That's like a, that's a fun movie. Um, he had one in them. Yeah. Uh, then he wrote the equilibrium, which was like, equilibrium is kind of a post matrix movie.
Yeah, it's Christian Bale. It's kind of like a mix of the matrix in 1984. In the form, Cada's while holding like automatic weapons and firing them and stuff. It's pretty dumb.
Very cool. Um, law abiding citizen. That's a, that's a pretty fucking like, it's a weird, uh, dark kind of movie. Gerard Butler sort of revenge movie.
That's a fun one. But yeah, I mean, he's remaking like total recall point break. Uh, children of the corn. These are not good.
Expendables for. Yeah. Did you know there was a fourth expendables? Man, those are so good as a franchise to make it to four and have the letter A in the name of your movie.
So you can replace that A with the number four. Oh, yeah. Expand four bowls. We made it to three.
Is there any in there? Let's throw it through here. You've got a couple choices. Let's go.
Now I know it's, um, those, those movies should be so fun and they're just really not. What do you say they're expendable? Yeah, 100%. Nice.
Um, you're a real, uh, gene shallot, aren't you? I'm a bit of a shallot. You're a bit of a shallot. Um, so Kurt Wimmer, um, these other guys, uh, Mark, bomb back and Ron Schuszint.
Are these, uh, the original? Oh, these are just, yes, the guys from the original movie. Uh, Schuszint, definitely. Yeah, bomb back.
Yes, he is a, uh, is just for this. He's like a, yeah. Um, no, so yeah. Yeah, Schuszint has a writing crowd and total recall and alien.
I guess he was, uh, like, he's got credit on like the whole franchise. So he has some, I don't know, he must have taken a crack. He's got story by credit on the original alien. I like that.
Yeah. Um, who's in this movie? Dan. Just a little, uh, little guy by the name of John Cho.
Oh, long way from White Castle. Long way from White Castle. Um, I got to say, I like John Cho's look in this movie. I thought he looked amazing.
Yeah. I was really disappointed when he got fucking iced. Swiss cheese. Yeah.
Um, he's got like this bleach blonde hair that's all spiked up and stuff like this goatee. It looks very like cyberpunk, you know. It's pretty sick. Yeah.
It's pretty sick. And I would have loved for him to be around a bit more. Um, I would have, I mean, yeah, you don't even care that he's talking about, he's talking some nonsense about like the human mind. Yeah.
Whatever he's saying in there. It's not on my business. I don't give a shit. Um, you got Bill Nighy.
Um, the science guy he? Yeah. Bill Nighy. Um, Len Wiseman, um, he directed those underworld movies, the werewolf versus vampire movies from the early 2000s.
Yeah. I'm familiar. Uh, Bill Nighy. Like we don't all know.
Yeah. One of the main characters in that. He's like, he's the big bad wolf, right? He's a big bad.
No, he's a big vampire. Yeah. He's one of the big vamps. I guess that's, that makes more sense.
Six of those, who is like hanging on to like, underworld part six? I'll tell you who, Len Wiseman's accountant. Yeah. We have to, we need to, uh, disappear some money, Len.
What can we do? We need to make another underworld movie. Um, you got a Dickmy alum, Jessica Beal. Yeah.
She's back, she's back better than ever. Yeah, she can't. She, she was in the movie next and then she was like, yes, what's next for me? It is a vilape dick, adaptations.
She's in this and she does just as good a job in this as she did in the movie next. I think she's better, I was keeping a close eye on her and I think she's five percent better. Five percent better. However, I do now, she came on screen this time, I looked at her and I thought about what you said and I said to myself, she does look like a fish.
Yeah, Dan, you're kind of breaking up. Is this a browser issue? Yes, it is because for some reason, Google Chrome won't open up my computer. Oh no.
Stop down. All right, guys, we're gonna take a quick break, quick stop down, you won't even notice it, we'll be right back. I'm so fucking mad. Oh, I'm so fucking mad.
And of course now it opens. Well, this is embarrassing. We're gonna have total continuity as I join from a second screen. Finally, I'll have an opposed to vote you off.
All in favor? Let's see. Oh, and I wanna actually do it. Let's see.
No. Oh no. This is like that scene in Matrix when there's a bunch of Neo fucking, Neo's on screen. More like Danny Six tits, huh?
All right. That's so much better. Yeah, it was worth it to me too. Yeah.
All right. And we're back. Welcome back to our recall. You didn't even feel that.
So what were we talking about? We were talking about Jessica Beale and how she's improved by 5% here. And what year did next come out? Like 2007.
Yeah, you got five years here where she took some, maybe some accuracy. 1% better every year. In 100 years, she'll be twice as good. Yeah.
So we got Jessica Beale. We have Len Weizmann's wife, Kate Beckins. Kate Weizmann. Kate Weizmann.
Kate Beckinsale, who you may know from the underworld movies. Yeah. This feels like Resident Evil where like Paul W.S. Anderson just made like an entire franchise based around his wife, where Len Weizmann did the same thing with Underworld.
Do you think they had like a sort of friendly competition to see who could be the worst director? The worst and hottest wife. The biggest wife guy? Yeah.
Yeah, maybe. Do you think they did that? I think they did that. They had to talk about it at some point.
It'd be like, it's kind of weird, right? Yeah, it was kind of weird that we're both doing it. We're both doing it. It's tremendous wife guys.
What if at some point they just swapped directing positions and Weizmann directed a Resident Evil and Anderson directed an underworld? Like a wife swap situation. But with, I mean, it technically is a wife swap. It's a wife swap.
Yeah, okay. I see. I see the division here. Yeah.
Hey man, I was just thinking maybe sometime, I don't know, you could come direct my movie and maybe I'll direct yours. All right, viewfinder's in the bowl. Yeah. Keep party joke.
Yeah, keep party joke. Yeah, direct your berets in the bowl. There we go. I can't wait to get you out of those funky stirrup ants in the United States.
Directors don't wear that shit anymore. Why were they ever? I don't know. Is it the like, isn't that what you wear when you're like riding a horse?
Yeah, I think so. Yeah. That's. I bet if you, I bet you if I look up a picture of Bruce Springsteen's daughter, that's the first thing I'll see.
Yeah. She's an Olympic level equestrian. Oh, I did not know that. I'm sorry.
Well, do your research. I've done my research. I'm a badger dude. So probably, oh, to think that you and your line of work, you've probably worked with her in your day job.
Oh, you think so? Or what you're, your night job. Yeah, I do. I bet she's come in and been like, oh, and you've, I'm so tired from riding horses all day.
And you've just been like, hey lady, you can't come in. We're all suitors. We're all suitors. We're all suitors.
We're all suitors. We're all suitors. Star and I rode horses over poles. I made them dance and clap their hoofs.
So cruel to make a horse dance. Yeah, I don't think she's that type. Yeah. Maybe it's like, dude, you got blinders on.
You got, you're down so bad for Bruce Springsteen's daughter. You don't think she can make a horse dance. You got blinders, dude. You got horse blinders.
Yeah. Who else, we got Brian Cranston as Cohegan in this. Wow, man. This way.
Everybody in this is falling asleep. Like everybody in this movie is just given nothing. I mean, what is there to latch on to? I know, I get it.
I know. Like, yeah, there's just no fun to be having anybody though. And what's crazy is like, OK, Brian Cranston, not a good actor, but a fun actor. Yeah, I mean, he can like go really big.
Yeah, he's very good at going just like, for example. Yeah, he's very good at going that. Right. We're laying down in a crawl space and cackling.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He can do that really well or be like, Hank, Hank. Yeah, Hank. I just, I mean, this is, I don't know.
Should have been more mustache twerly. If you ask me. Absolutely. He's like, but the whole, this is a doomed product.
Like the very idea of remaking this in this way is like, so, so brain dead. It's so brain dead. It's like, it's almost funny how brain dead the effort was. To put like so much money and, you know, put actors and, you know, people worked on this and everything.
And you're like, I'm going to remake, you know, Paul Verhoeven movie, minus the irony. And you're like, why? Right. What are you talking about?
A movie that's about the sort of like, vapidness of Hollywood action movies. Yeah. About the vapidness of Hollywood action movies, about like class struggles and like, you know, that kind of shit. And like, all of that is basically removed here.
I would say like, they're like the, the villain, Co-Hagan here, his overall plan, the plan that he has, is so like paper thin. You're like, why do you, why? What are you talking about? Right.
The plan is to kill everybody. To kill everybody on the colony with robots so that you can take over the colony for yourself, but you need the colony for something? Right. The colony is the like, well, it's a colony.
It's like a work colony, right? That's where stuff gets done. That's where like, right. They're like factories and producing and mining and shit like that.
And I mean, the way that they overcomplicate this from step one, Yes. From page one to page, whatever, it's like every single aspect of the original just gets like weighted. There's just more shit piled on top of it. It's also convoluted for no reason.
It really just feels like, so if total recall reads Hollywood action movies for filth, this is just like, this is like when the CIA does like information overload so that you don't know what to get. You can't decipher the formula because there no longer is a formula. I guess. You know, they're just like, all right, well, you think you're so good?
You think you're so clever for your and out our little structures? Yeah, it's just flooding with shit. Well, guess what? Now there's a train that runs through the middle of the earth and the gravity switches in the middle of it.
And also we're not going to Mars. And that should be simpler, but it's not. Should be simpler. Get your ass to Mars.
I wish. Get your ass in the chair on your little tram car. We got a bokem wood vine who I love. I love him too, massive genius himself.
Massive genius. When I forget his name, his character's name in the Fargo season two. Mike Flanagan. Is it Mike Flanagan?
It's not Mike Flanagan. It's Mike Milligan, I believe. Oh, you're right, it is Mike Milligan. But that character's so fucking good and the way that he plays him.
He's amazing. He's amazing. Absolutely the best parts of that season. And guess what?
He's incredibly boring in this. Because everyone is. Because everyone is. Yes, everybody is super boring.
And our lead here, Colin Farrell as Doug Quaid, is also super boring. Now we watched a phone booth, right? He's incredible in phone booth. But guess what?
That's a great movie. That's a great movie. It's a perfect movie. It's a perfect movie.
It's a perfect phone movie. All right. It totally captures the feeling of what it's like to be on the phone. In a way that few other movies besides cellular really have.
Yeah. I don't want to redo phone month. You want to? There are no more.
Are you just wanting to do movies about phones? I want to redile. You want to redile phone month? I just really think I'm going to watch a phone booth and cellular back to back.
It's an incredible double feature. It's a really great double feature. I'm so glad that the moment we realized we could do that is capture it. Like it's preserved.
We have it. I know. Me going, oh my god. Yeah.
Being like, what was that? A year ago? Was that last year? Right?
That we did that? God. Was it already a year ago? I know.
Has it already been 12 phone months? I just I'm just looking back. I look back wistfully on phone month. I think that was some of some of our best times on doing this show.
But like Colin Farrell. That's tough because it only took us nine years to get there. And one month to move past it. There's a really tight little sweet spot.
Yes. Colin Farrell is a really good actor. Like he, I haven't watched the Penguin. I saw the Batman though.
He was great in that. And from what I hear about the Penguin show, he's like excellent in that. But he's like the Banshees of Inashirin. He's amazing.
And he's become like a really interesting actor. And this is still the time when people are like, now we have to put him in like leading roles as like the hero and handsome guy without a show about him. Get him some black coffee in a gatorade and put him in a lead role. Right.
And you're like, he said he, I don't know if it's, you know, that he doesn't have the juice or whatever. He's trying in this movie for sure. But just, you know, maybe the movie is just like so doomed that there's no saving it. Like how do you sell like, what was your favorite line from this movie?
You can't think of one line from this movie. Right. And that is like, I mean, add that to the list of like star contrast with the original where like every line is like a fucking just diamond cutting one liner. Like for example, what's your favorite?
Yeah. Bombs disgusting. Nothing like that. Nothing like that.
Also like, am I crazy or does this one just like very tightly button up the fact that it was a delusion? So the version that we watched is the whatever uncut version, the director's cut, whatever. It has like an extra six minutes or something like that. It does.
This is Len Weisman's vision. This is his vision, right. Which I think in the theatrical version, it doesn't have that specific moment where he looks down at his arm and sees that the thing is missing. But yeah, it sure seems like, yes, this whole situation was a delusion in which case you're, I mean, it's the fact that like most of the movie does not deal with like, you know, in the original right, there's like a set up of like, you know, shorts and agers in the recall office and they're like, they're foreshadowing a bunch of stuff right there, like placing hints like, you know, like the scientists or whatever, like blue skies on Mars, that's crazy.
And like, you'll be the hero. You get, you know, at the end of the day, you know, you're the hero, you save the girl and, you know, the bad guys lose, whatever the fucking thing is, right. And basically in that recall scene in the original, they map out everything that is going to happen in the movie. So when you get to the end of it, you're like, oh, this does, like, this is, it's very possible that it could be a dream or reality, like it's very ambiguous, but they leave enough in there to sort of like, seated throughout the movie to, you know, make that ambiguous ending sort of satisfying, right?
Leaves you like guessing and whatever. And it doesn't feel like you just, you know, you were gypped out of anything. This just fucking like, the ending, you know, we'll get to it or whatever, but it just feels like, well, this doesn't matter at all. Like, no, it doesn't.
Like, we, we've gone along in this whole fucking ride and like, you don't feel like, oh, like, you don't care at the end, whether it's a dream or reality, I think it's the bigger problem, right? Like, you're just like, oh, whatever. Oh, I had the most boring dream last night. Yeah.
I watched Total Recall 21. It was like, yeah, it's, there's, I think part of why you don't care is because you can't decide if it wants to like, I mean, it does like a, you know, there's some things where they're like, this ain't your daddy's total recall. This is not like, we're gonna subvert your expectations. Why?
Yeah. Don't do that. Just honestly, this is something I want to shot for shot remake of. Well, that's like why like the original is so subversive that like, they're subverting it in the other direction, making it mainstream, you know, right?
You've come back around and now it is bland and boring. But that's the thing in order to subvert because it's being subversive by, you know, painting by numbers, like the plot structure is like conventional, but heightened to like a silly degree where you're like, actually, you were the good guy and the bad guy, you were a double like all that stuff. So like it's like a little kid telling you a story about about a movie, you know, like making it up as they go. And then to like subvert the tropes further again, you just have to like attach all these like barnacles of plot onto the main thing.
It doesn't make it so much unnecessary baggage. Yeah. I mean, and this is like the problem with a lot of movies being made in the last like 15 years or so is just like, no, man, you don't have to go to these lengths to like weigh down your story, just fucking tell the story. We don't have to get lost in the fucking details of it all.
Also, who the hell do you think you are taking my Quanto from me? Oh my God. Where's my Quanto? I demand my Quanto.
I mean, there are no mutants in it period. So right here's the other fucking weird thing about this, right? So okay. So the setup here is this is an alternate reality.
So like, you know, this is not saying the future. It's just alternate reality, right? Where there's the what it's like Great Britain. I forget what it's called.
Yeah, it's like the United Federation of Britain or something. And then the colony, which is Australia, which right, which is Australia, things have come full circle. And there is a a direct like pathway between the two running through the center of the earth called the fall. You know, take the fall to the colony.
All right. Also, the reason that you have to do all this is because 99% of the world is uninhabitable with like poison gas in the atmosphere. Yeah, which again, it feels like that is like vaguely a nod to the kind of thing that Philip K. Dick was always going on about air being poison.
Yeah. So again, there's it's like, yeah, vague. And so you get between these two places, the only two of the places. Yeah, you go on a train that runs through the center of the earth and halfway through because it's the center of the earth, the gravity flips.
So you got to strap into a chair. Yeah. What if they made the chairs? It's like you had to lay down instead of sitting up, right?
You just laid down and then you wouldn't have to flip, you know, that'd be pretty good. Yeah. So that's that's my fix for that. But so this yeah, so that's like the general setup.
So we're we don't go to Mars ever, right? So there is no like sort of radiation poisoning and all that kind of stuff. There are no mutants. There is a woman with three tits in this.
Yes, we which feels so out of place because there are no mutants. That's the thing about the colony generally is you're like, you hear about like the colony, the fucking gross ass colony where everyone's having a bad time. And then you get there and it just looks like, I don't know, like Pittsburgh or something. It's like a normal ass city.
Yeah, it's just a normal city. Yeah. It looks yeah. Like I mean, goes to like the CD area of the city to go to the recall center.
Yeah, there's like, yeah, this movie is also like this mashup of a bunch of other sci-fi movies, right? So like you get you get some Blade Runner in here with like the the way that Blade Runner, you know, set in like, it's set in LA, right? And but there's a lot of Asian influences, right? Yeah.
We get that a lot here where the colony has a lot of that Asian influence and the the buildings have this Asian looking architecture to it and a lot of that kind of stuff. You there's some like minority reports stuff in here too. With the cars, the cars and all that stuff. Dude, and it that's the other thing.
It all looks crazy bad. Yeah. I like I know it's 2012 or whatever, but I mean, good Lord. Yeah.
It's just it. I mean, it's just like too much. It's just like this assault on your eyes where just like, I don't like it doesn't. This is meaningless.
Nothing. They also do so much like up and down action. So much like vertical. We're going up levels.
We're going down levels. We're falling. That scene is nonsense. Oh my God.
It's yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So the movie opens with Quaid and Molina.
I played by Jessica Beale. Sort of in already like in media res, they're already, they're on the run from from somebody. They're like, they're sweaty. They're dirty.
They have guns. They're being chased. They're trying to escape. And in the, you know, in the middle of like the escape or whatever, they're being well, they're being chased down by some humans, I think, but also like robot cops.
You know, he's trying to help her get away and he's like lowering her down into like this. I don't know, like a sewer system or something. They're both shot in the hand and then he, they, these robots or whatever, they shoot him with like this electrified lasso kind of thing. It's like this gravity thing that like wraps around him and then like pulls him backwards, right?
Yeah. And then he wakes up and he's in bed with Kate Beckinsale. And what's her name? Laurie, right?
Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, this, it feels like they're doing the same thing as the original movie, right, where he wakes up and Laurie's there and it's a different woman.
And she's like, you know, did you have that dream again? But already, already, we are on the wrong track. Oh, yeah. Because first of all, I mean, that, the dream sequence, like, you think about the big, it's like the original, the Mars of it all, the big bulging eyes of it all.
Oh, yeah. I mean, it grabs you. Yes. It's like insane looking and you're just like immediately pulled in.
This one, there's a little, a literal lasso and I'm not feeling it. But then also like, I think the contrast of Laurie and Melina in the original is like very deliberate. From the Blonde vs. Burnett about for the ages.
Downright, Linkian. Yeah, who will win? But in this, it's like, well, what if we just had two women who kind of both look like beautiful fish? The two look like beautiful fish.
They both look like beautiful fish. Like they look so similar and so there's no like, I don't know. There's, there's just doesn't, it doesn't matter. It's, yes.
I mean, like that's watching it at this time, I was like, I'm really trying to be objective here and like not, you know, OK, this is not going to be the Verhoeven movie. Got it. But like, like take it on its own. Is it like, is it accomplishing what it's setting out to do?
No, it's not. What is it set out to do? That's the thing is like it's not saying anything. Right.
It is completely rudderless to the, to the degree that like, you know, the thing with like, uh, Quayad and Laurie in the original is like, she gets jealous of the woman in his head and like, there's like that whole thing. There's some like weird kind of tension where like he leaves and she sort of like glares at him out the door and you've seen the movie before you're like, wait a minute. What's that? Yeah.
Um, but in this, she's just kind of like, she's like, were you alone in your dream? And he's like, yeah, she's like, OK, I love you. Yeah. And he's like, I love you too.
I love you so much. And she's like, are you dissatisfied with our life because we live in a small apartment and we both work our asses off, whatever. He's like, no, of course not. I love you.
You're Kate Beckinsale and I'm the most jacked version of Colin Farrell. You're right. Yeah. And so there's no even like pretense of tension between these two characters.
So I guess the idea is just like he's so happy. How could she possibly be an evil British cop? Right. But like none of that really scans.
That's like, no, I was doing all the work after watching the movie. As it's happening, you're just like, well, why do I care? Yeah. I mean, like, yes, you you throw your hands up.
You'd be like, all right. Yeah. All right, man. They're themselves for all of 10 minutes.
So it's like, I also don't give a shit that they love each other because we're with them for 10 minutes. Right. Yeah. So we got a quick news report of a train bombing and what's the same?
Bill Nighy's character of Mathis is being blamed. Mathis the leader of a, oh, I'm sorry. Matthias. Matthias is...
Bill Nighy plays Johnny Mathis in this. Restraint. That's so weird. Johnny Mathis is performing tonight at the Count Basie.
That is weird. Only I know why you're telling me that. I know he was alive. No, that's what everybody said.
This is a, do you know that Simpson's joke with the episode where they go to Branson, Missouri? Branson, Missouri? Well, not that joke. That's a great joke also.
No dice. But Grandpa goes to see, Grandpa, Simpson goes to see a show of like people you thought were dead. And then there's, I forget who it is, but he's like, wait a second. I know you're dead.
And he's like, no, you only thought I was dead. And he's like, no, I clipped your obituary and the guy looks any gasps and turns to ash. Yeah, that's Johnny Mathis. Yeah, it's a bit of a Johnny Mathis.
Yeah. I imagine he looks like Frankie Valley now. You know, I've got a guy, I've got a picture of him here. I'm an animatronic.