Transforming Shame: How to Turn Conflict into Closeness with Attachment and Repair with David Cooley & Jessica Fern

Send us Fan MailConflict can feel like a threat, but what if it is actually a doorway to healing? I’m Sylvia Worsham, and I’m joined by David Cooley and Jessica Fern, authors of Transforming the Shame Triangle, for a grounded, intimate conversation about shame, attachment wounds, and the “shadow side” we try to avoid until it starts running our relationships.David shares how living with chronic autoimmune illness pushed him to the edge of purpose, and why relationships became his reason to stay. He also brings a restorative justice lens that flips the usual adversarial approach to conflict. Instead of treating disagreements as a win-lose battle, we explore how to respond to emotional hurt in ways that create closeness, accountability, and repair.Jessica opens up about growing up in an unstable home, carrying complex PTSD, and choosing post traumatic growth. Together, they model something many families think is impossible: an amicable divorce with intentional conscious uncoupling, respectful boundaries, and secure attachment for their child. We dig into attachment theory, nervous system triggers, anxious attachment and avoidant attachment patterns, and simple repair scripts that reduce defensiveness. You’ll also hear why respect is earned through values in action, and how transforming shame can make self love, compassion, and connection to God more available.If you want practical tools for relationship healing, co-parenting after divorce, and healthier communication during conflict, hit play. Subscribe, share this with someone navigating a hard season, and leave a review so more people can find the show. To connect with David Cooley, visit his website at: restorativerelationship.com To connect with Jessica Fern, visit her website at: jessicafern.comSupport the showTo download a free chapter of host Sylvia Worsham's bestselling book, In Faith, I Thrive: Finding Joy Through God's Masterplan, purchase any of her products, or book a call with her, visit her website at www.sylviaworsham.com