I jumped the gun. Welcome. Welcome to Antoin. Peeks.
Kind of snuck it in on you there, didn't I? You did. I just gather my things quickly. This is what we train for.
Practice like you play. When we do our rehearsals for the podcast, we have, they're just like, they're not real microphones. They're just like wooden models with padding on them. Yeah.
So that we don't hurt ourselves. Yeah. I mean, the padding also stimulates the wind guard, the pop filter as well. Here's a question.
Why don't they just make the whole microphone out of the pop filter? Right? Think on it. I don't need an answer straight away.
It's just like a, it's just a bunch of wiring inside of a foam casing, like a hotdog bun. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
The New England style, of course, with the crust cut off the sides, you know? Sure. Sure. Superior bun.
You think so? You don't. I mean, it's fine. I'm not against it.
You like that like thousand grit sandpapery white bread crust. It's like fine. It's like tissue paper thin, but it's rough, like a cat's tongue. Yeah.
I like that. I like it. I think it's good and I like it. I guess Rob likes that.
It's one of my things. I pick a deluge. So if, if, if, if, if Audrey needed to get information out of you at one eye jacks, she'd have to rub a hotdog bun on your blindfolded feet before she could. Correct.
Yeah. With, with a bucket of ice nearby. Oh, right. I forgot you like the bucket of ice too.
Wow. You got the bucket of ice guy. I got to be honest. Like, once that ice melts, you've got the makings of like a Joey Chestnut hotdog eating champion.
You don't know those bums. Don't get those bums. Has anybody ever tried? Just like as a, as a dish.
Yeah. Just at home, just dunking their hotdog in a black water. I think I puked the second it hit the water. It's so gross.
What were you going to say? Has anybody tried? I mean, I think it would be, you know, people take that Nathan's, the contestants at least, the competitors, the athletes. They take it pretty seriously at that Nathan's hotdog eating contest, but I think it would be very funny.
Like you make it all the way to Nathan's. You're like set to go. Yeah. And they line up all the hot dogs in front of you with the bums and then you just start dunking bums in the water and you only eat bums.
No dogs. Zero. You ate zero. I usually like when people are like, oh, I just ate or like, oh, can we not?
I'm eating like when you say something gross. Yeah. Usually I think they're exaggerating. Yeah.
You just made me nauseous. Did you just throw up in your mouth a little bit? I can just throw in my mouth a little bit. They fly now.
What is that from? It's from Star Wars. Yeah. What is that?
It's the new one you like so much. And or? No, no, no, no. I can't remember if this was on if we recorded this conversation or not.
I think we did record the Star Wars stuff. You were like, give me the Disney Star Wars trilogy over the prequels any day. Oh, yeah. And I coined my now.
It's now famous in all of Nerddom. I said, give me this is pod racing over. They fly now any day. Ten times out of ten.
Yeah. I'm kind of king of the nerds. Yeah. All the pencil next sort of worship me.
You ever wonder? I've thought about this quite a bit actually. I'm going to go to the episode four and new hope. Welcome to Antoin.
Go on. It'll be fast. In the beginning, right? It's like episode four Roman numeral four.
What if that was just a mistake and then like George Lucas was like, fuck. Now I have to start at four. All right. Well, I can't make this seem like a like it wasn't intentional.
Yeah. So I'll do four, five and six right now. Maybe later I get to do one, two, three. It would explain why he likes.
We'll do seven eight nine. It would explain why he was like, and next we go to the diner planet. Right. That's what I mean.
Like how nice is this jar jar jar jar jar jar. Yeah. That's it. Yeah.
His name is Jar. He's way through. Yeah. Thanks for taking this production meeting at the ball.
Nice and jar factory. I think it would have just been nice. Think about this. A new hope is just called episode one, a new hope and then it, you know, Empire, Dreadnap, whatever.
Two, three, and then we just stop. We stop doing it. We don't care about it that much. Like other things, you know, you know, we, we never had to care.
But it captured our imagination. Also, you can't call episode one a new hope because everything's new. You might as well call it episode one a new movie. Yeah, but you call it episode four a new hope.
Yeah. Cause it's like, oh, I guess people are showing up like fuck. Did I miss the first three? Yeah.
Yeah, you did. You did dummy. And I'll catch you up on them in a few decades. Right.
Don't worry. They're not good. You say that. I, I mean, I, I mean, those, I, comparing the.
The Disney, the, I'll call it the Disney trilogy to the prequel trilogy. It's really, you're just, it's like one bag of shit. Like it's another bag of shit. Right.
Yeah. But one bag of shit has horns and is painted with cool red and black stripes. Yeah. Okay.
What about Kylo Ren? Adam Driver? He's in a bad mood. Yeah.
Well, I mean, so is Darth Maul, but he's also painted like it. He's a devil all the way around. I know it's such a cool look. It's such a, such a shame what happened to him.
Ten minutes of screen time. Like a dead fucking candle in the wind. It's terrible. Goodbye.
No. All right. Okay. So it's Twin Peaks.
It's the TV show created by David Lynch and Mark Frost. It's season two and it's that we're on the 13th episode and it's also that, that episode is called Checkmate. Rob, thoughts? Well, nobody is putting Checkmate.
I feel like in this episode. Dan, this episode I feel like is kind of just okay. Yeah. Comparatively, a bit of a dud.
Just a strong opening to the Briggs in his jungle throne. Whatever. Opening on Briggs on a jungle throne, right, in uniform. Recapping like what happened to him, but then, you know, cutting to the actual, uh, the police station where Coop and Truman are talking to him and whatnot.
Coom and? Yeah. How about that? Hey, how about that?
Hey, what would you look at that? Um, yeah, that's, that stuff is good. Um, this is what you were saying last episode though too. You were like, um, we talked about how like the high stakes stuff is getting way high.
And, and hetty, the low-saved stuff. The stakes have never been lower. Yeah. Um, yeah, a dandy and a, and a yoke will have convinced each other that a little boy is the devil.
This little side quest that, um, uh, James. Well, or Andy and Dick and, uh, Dick and Andy go on a, their little quest. It's insanity. It is pure and my god.
There's no place in the show. So, no, my god, the next episode too, when they are weeping at the, I loved it. I mean, that is like, it makes no sense on this show as I understood it up to this point, but right, you gotta know, you gotta know. I love that.
Yeah, you love it when Andy cries. I love it when, um, I'm only happy when it rains, so to speak. Sure. No, I just think it's like, it's such a stupid, like, I say this a lot.
I know, but like a Looney Tunes kind of just like gigantic reaction. There's a lot of that going around. I mean, all the cartoon wolfing over the, the widow. What's her name?
Yeah. Uh, what is her name that we keep forgetting? Goddamn it. Well, what's the mayor's name?
It's Milford. Milford. The widow Milford. The widow Milford, correct.
Um, it's not that widow. It's probably about five six. Oh, it's like she's about five six. Not that widow.
Oh, I like that. Okay. All right. Let's, let's start.
I guess by comparison to her husband, she's the widow, the widow or Milford, but sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. Let's get into it.
No, no, let's keep going. I'm out of moves. Checkmate. I'm out.
Yeah. Uh, all right. So episode 13 season two checkmate. Uh, man.
Okay. Let's start with the, the Andy and Dick stuff. Let's just get that. You sure you don't want to put that behind the paywall to tantalize people?
You just want to give that away for free? You're just giving that away? Let's get it. Let's talk about it.
Yeah. It's, it's really the main event, isn't it? Oh, yeah. You got to think of this.
Um, so what do we got here? Andy and Dick are convinced that little Nikki is either the son of the devil or the devil himself. Um, and they believe that he had a hand in murdering his parents. Yes.
Yes. His caseworker alludes to him having a tragic backstory, which could mean he murdered his parents. Could mean he got hit in the head with a shovel when he was a kid. That's why he talks like that.
Oh, go Andy. Onky Dick. No, no, like a little Nikki. Oh, sorry.
Like the, I'm saying the movie. Dick, Dick, here we go out to the woods. Here we go camping. Can you dress me like you?
Andrew, I'm terribly worried that young Nicholas is going to trap us in some sort of flasking device. I don't have anything, Andy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, no. That's very, that's pretty much it. That's pretty good. Pretty good.
Okay. Yes. As you said, um, this is Dick's like hiding in the police station from Lucy, right? And he gets to the police station and Dick is dressed like Carmen San Diego.
He's dressed like, I have in mind. Oh, Dick Tremaine, the spy. Dick Tremaine. I mean, I guess the shorter walk here is Dick Tre-Acey.
Dick Tremacy. Yeah. Yeah. Um, any order walk.
Yeah. He's like, he's got the trench coat. He's got the fedora pulled low. So you can't tell it's him.
He's got leather gloves. So he doesn't contaminate the crime scene. Yeah, it's only fingerprints. I think, I mean, I, you know, people in media or whatever, they dress like this to, you know, be inconspicuous or in disguise.
I don't know if there's anything more conspicuous than somebody dressing like this. As time goes on, it only gets more conspicuous. Now a private detective would have to have that like Zoomer perm haircut, you know, one where it's like she worked on the sides, but then like a really tall perm. It's just wearing like a socks with like flip-flops and tie-dye everything matching tie-dye.
The jamas. Yeah. It just doesn't care about anything at all. Oh, yeah.
I was going to investigate that for you, but I got high instead. No, he still talks like a, like an old timey detective. Like an old timey guy. I'll tell you what boys, I'd like to watch some based skippity toilet videos when you sheesh.
Sheesh. Oh God. I think sheesh is dated. Yeah.
Sheesh is last year. Two years ago? Yeah. Yeah.
It's pretty all but it's. Yeah. That there was a 2022. Yeah.
No, honestly, honestly. It's only one thing that happened in 2022. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Right off the dome. What do you got? Willy Nelson die? No, he's still alive.
Willy is still alive. Oh, that must. Oh shit. I wasn't supposed to say that.
Oh, shit. What do you know and when? So yes. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah. Andy and Dick, they convene Andy Dick. Yep.
They, they sort of convene in private and Dick tell the, they catch a plan to go to the end. Go to the happy helping hand adoption agency. Right. And steal little Nicky's file.
So because they're sealed right? Because he's a little boy and he's like, yeah, he's like, I looked into it or dick looked into it and they're sealed. I feel like Andy didn't even try to leverage the powers of the badge. And he's not that kind of guy.
He's not going to flash up edge just to make it, you know, get a file or something like that. I'm sure. I don't even know if any thinks, you know, realize that he has that power that he could do that. He's more of a shoot first.
Ask questions type of guy. I mean, drop the air. Ask questions. He turned into a really good shot.
Yeah. When he shot shock, right now. Yeah. Yeah.
I'll do that part to miss. Great. That guy. Yeah.
It was great. It was great. I will say there's a standoff later in this episode. And when Andy crouched down next to Truman, right?
Did you not also have a flash of like, I wonder if he's going to do it? I wonder if he's going to put Andy if he's going to single handedly kill off the Renault bloodline. I wonder if I wonder if deputy Andy is going to annihilate the French Canadian re-nose. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like there's only one more of those bastards left. And I got a game. I can't sleep until that man's in the ground.
So yes. So Andy, Dick, they go to the orphanage. They sneak in. It's lunchtime.
So nobody's around. I like there's like no establishing shots or anything. It's just like a office. And it's like slippin.
It's like, all right. Really just the I mean, it seems like you guys aren't interested in this storyline. No. They do some like retroactive establishing by having that other couple come and be like, sure, we're here to adopt the child.
That's what people do here. Yeah. Oh, we're here to see a little, little Mikey and then Andy is like, oh, little Mikey is dead. He says dead.
Dead. And he does his big toothy smile. Yeah. That man, those two, I love this team up.
I don't know how this storyline ends, but I hope it's with a polycule. I want both of them to get to be the dad. Yeah. They just they end up raising him in like, you know, Pacific Northwest.
Pretty pretty chill on that sort of thing. I imagine. Yeah. Yeah.
Honestly, Lucy can if she leaves the picture, I'm okay with that. Oh, just Andy and Dick. Yeah. Off together.
Yeah. And they start off as like mortal enemies. Yeah. Like what's really going on here.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then they get into their own hijinks, little spin off series.
Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Get out of here.
Get out of here. So yeah, Dick is like sort of filing through doing like fingers through the files, you know, gloves on, of course. Of course. And he's like, aha, and he opens it up and he starts reading it and he's reacting to what he's reading and Andy's like, just take it.
We can read it later. Yeah. We can read it. We can read it in the car.
And that is when, yeah, that's when the couple shows up and Dick kind of screws the whole thing up. Yeah. Think fast and he really can't. Yeah.
And he does like kind of look to Andy a couple times and yeah, I love Andy. Yes. I think the guy who plays Dick does a yeah, just really conveys the hopelessness of relying on Andy. Yeah.
I mean, it's very funny to Dick keeps looking at Andy and Andy is just like, he's look, he's like watching all of this stuff happen, but he has zero to contribute to it. He's standing there, you know, dressed like an officer wearing a badge could say anything to get them out of it. He just does it. So that's pretty much it, right?
Like that's yeah, that's their story. Right. Who else we got here? We got Nadine, right?
Nadine is really really going after Mike Nelson, huh? Yeah. Yeah. So she mics at the diner.
Yeah. What's his name? Snake. Snake will always be snake to me.
Nadine sits down next to him and is like, Hi, Mike. You want to get a soda with two straws? And he's like, no, I don't. He's like, when I get pie, he's like, I want to get pie.
I want to get two pieces of pie with one fork. I want to eat it by myself. She's like, she's really, you know, like trying to, trying to flirt with him and stuff. And he's not going for it.
Yeah. And then she just, she's like, Mike Nelson, I think you're the cutest boy I've ever seen or whatever. So put a pin in that as that's happening. Yeah.
Things are heating up for the most relatable people on the show. Big Ed Norma. They get a normal. I should talk.
Most human. Relatable because they're human. They're human beings. They're just like human beings with people style problems.
Yeah. So in the last episode, or wait, no, is that the last episode where Norm puts her hand? Yes. On Big Ed's hand.
And Hank sees it. We know this because there's domino in the hand. We see a man holding a domino. It's just dripping with saliva.
Yes, of course. Yeah. Ed is at the double R. And he pays his tab and then he hands Norma the bill.
And on the back it says, we need to talk. And she says something like, well, I guess I'll see you later or something, whatever. And yeah. So Norma leaves.
Just a little bit later on. Right. Norma leaves. She says, oh, I got to run out and blah, blah, blah, whatever.
And Hank is suspicious. Sure, sure. Because he's a piece of shit. And he's like, I know what somebody says something.
I know what I'd be doing. And it's absolutely. Yeah. I know I just spent a whole weekend at One Eye Jax.
But let's see what this lady's up to. She goes to leave. He's like, but it's the breakfast rush. And she's like, yeah.
She's like, I'm sorry. But you know, consider this a test. And he goes, I'll do that, which doesn't really make any sense. But you know, tone is so important here.
Because you know, and you throw a little musical sting in there. You know, it's up. So Norma shows up. Yeah.
He goes to Big Ed's house at the big residence. And then house is big. Everything is bigger. That's right.
And it's not. He says, have a seat. And she sits down in one of those oversized Adirondack chairs that you see at like Taurus spots. Yeah, yeah.
She looks like, ah, I can't pull the name. Never mind. She looks like Stuart Little. Nah, I was a, who's the woman Frankie and Jane Fonda and what's her name?
Come on. Oh, oh, great. You talking Grayson Frankie? Grayson Frankie.
Oh, the other one. Lily Tomlin. Yeah, yeah. Where Lily Tomlin used to do that like thing where she was like, I don't know, whatever sketch show she was on.
She'd be like a kid sitting in a big chair or whatever and dressed like a kid acting like a kid. Yeah. That kind of thing. What made no sense even before when I could have pulled on me.
I'd give anything to see Norma on golf. Wouldn't you? Yeah. Oh, definitely.
So they, what if the dwarf was the guy in the red room? I wonder what that would be now. Yeah, it'd be so silly. It'd probably be silly.
Yeah. Why is he? Why is he brought his golf clubs? An efficient pole?
What? What is this? I gotta be honest, I've never even seen dwarf on golf. No, I've only seen the commercials.
As soon as I've got it, I assume that I get it all from the commercial. Right. I'm more familiar with dwarf on blue e-cigarettes, the Steven Dorff blue e-cigarette campaign. Oh, okay.
Remember that? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No.
And then blue e-cigarettes, I think had a major lawsuit because it was poison or something. Is that right? Yeah, I think so. I'm more familiar with Dorff, the actor from such popular shows as The X Files and such a popular film series as the Child's Play series.
Wow. One Charles. Entertainment. Yeah, one Charles good guy.
Yeah. Just absolute dead with erasure. Oh, dead with erasure. Damn it.
I'm watching dead with er now. I forgot dwarf was there. He just fucking becomes a character, man. I know.
I know. He's just constantly about to just die. Just die of a broken heart. Yeah, I mean, he's constantly broken hearted and he's constantly going by the the brothels to make sure all the women's parts are in order in working order.
Get back to work, ladies. Good, steady work. And then once an episode he goes up to like the most miscreant man you've ever heard of. I think goes, you listen to me, you son of a bitch, you take your pills or I'll come by and cut your head off.
He just wants them to take his fucking pills and nobody wants to take their fucking pills and it's gonna make him cry. Yeah. And really has anything changed? Nobody wants to take their pills now.
You got to threaten people to take pills. For me, you got to wrap them in cheese. It's the only way I'll do it. Yeah.
You got to trick me, baby. Does me. Mm-mm. Trying to put him in my mouth.
I dodge it. I go, I have to smear peanut butter on the inside of Dan's lip. That's the... Before every record.
Yeah, that's the only... Before every record. Yeah, that's the only... Before every record.
Yeah, that's the only... Before every record. So where were we here? It's like Norman had to talk about smurnt peanut butter on stuff.
Norman shows up to Ed's house. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just kidding. They don't do that.
Yeah, it's normal. I mean, this is very nice. They love for each other. And they kiss and they embrace.
And then they do the fuck. Oh. Norman is like... Thank God.
Yeah, it's nice. There's been a couple of funny acting moments from... What's his name? Big Ed?
I'm blank. Yeah. We should have a... Ever McGill.
Ever McGill, of course, of course. A couple of funny line deliveries from him in the next couple episodes including this one. I like when he goes... She's like, what did you have to tell me?
And he says later, but he says it like later. It's like trying to be sexy, but it's not sexy. Yeah, right now. But they...
They... They do, Doynk. And then she gathers her things and leaves and Ed closes the door and he turns around and who's standing there, but Hank in his black leather jacket. So he's ready for trouble.
He gets a couple hits in on Big Ed here. And just at that moment, a love struck Nadine crosses through the door. And in case you've forgotten, Nadine, thanks to a hyperactive adrenal gland, has super strength. That's right.
And so she kicks Hank's ass so hard. She fucks him up but good. It fucks him up but good. I know this is in the next episode, but...
Alright, I'll save it. But the excuse he gives to Dr. Hayward about why he had to go to the hospital. Yeah, it's funny.
It's very funny. So you'll get to that next episode. He's her and Nadine seems to like kind of fall back in love with Ed a little bit here. Say I don't read it that way.
I could see... Like I was trying to see sort of the same thing. Like does she actually fall back in love with him or is it more of like... I don't think she's falling back in love with him.
I think that it's more of like her and Ed are together right now. But she is very interested in Mike and she will maybe start dating Mike. What? Oh, God.
Come on. And I think it's more of like almost like a friend. You see a friend getting the shit kicked out of him and you jump in. That's kind of how I felt about it.
Okay. Okay. Well, now I know. I mean, you were going to know next the next time we record because it's in that episode, I believe.
And I can't stress this enough. Not an important storyline. It's not important to you. I have like a complete inverse appreciation here where it's like the...
You love the B storyline? Yeah. You're like fuck these apples and whatever you're logic talking about. Ped out.
That was 45 minutes. I'm here for that. Tell me about James on his side quest. No, actually don't tell me about James on his side quest.
Well, we have to talk about James's side quest. Don't tell me about James's side quest until after the break. Oh, all right. Is there anything else?
Oh, what about Ben Horn? I mean, Kooky, hasn't he? Yeah. He's a...
Ben has gone full Confederate general. So why the Confederacy? What's your beef with the North? Yes, he's built his little models and whatnot.
Audrey comes in to see him and she's like, what are you doing to add him? And he's like, I'm just... I'm winning the war. Yes.
Basically. And Audrey does call Jerry to come back to town. Yes. So we're going to get more Jerry.
Thank God. We love it. We love to see it. I was worried he was never coming back.
I was worried he got marooned in Tokyo or whatever. Yeah. In a Tokyo brothel or something. He's like, I've lost my way here.
I found my way. Yeah. He's like laid out in an opium den in some like, you know, some like dark sort of stuff. I'm like dark sort of corner of the world.
Ben joined the Yakuza and they really like him. You should see the food that these guys... It's wild. Oh, imagine Ben eating doing like the live octopus...
Like eating the live octopus. Jerry. Oh, that's why I meant Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. Yeah, him eating the live octopus, he loved it.
Or like the one where you eat like the most poisoned fish. Oh, yeah. And it's like you have to train as a chef for like five years just to handle it. Yeah.
He would love that. I want that for him. But no, he's... What do you think those blowfish chefs, what do you think they make a year?
What do you think they're pulling down? It's gotta be. This is so stupid. This is just like random synapse fire.
This is just like the dumbest part of my brain going, well, it must be what an anesthesiologist makes. It must be. I literally just thought pointy, potentially lethal must be what an anesthesiologist makes. Same job.
I mean, hey, it's no, uh, yeah, it's no... It's no laughing matter. It's no laughing matter. You could be poisoned by this fish, but I want to eat it.
Hey, what if... Is the whole thing poisoned or can you cut off like a little piece of it so I could eat that? You ready for me to bring this thing full circle? Please.
Why don't they just make the whole damn fish out of the safe part? Okay. Speaking of no laughing matters, I say we'll be right back. And if you want to...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, just real quick. Sorry, I have to go bathroom. That's why I was rushing. Oh, you're rushing.
Yeah, yeah, I'm done rushing. I'll drag. No, two seconds. I'm dragging.
I'm dragging my ass to the bathroom. No, no. So in... He's gone full crazy, right?
Of course. And Audrey leaves and who walks in behind her, but Katherine. And Katherine comes in and she is like, you know, she's kind of talking down to him like, you know, more like the I own you stuff, whatever, like I can't believe you've tried to have me killed. But then also she's still very sexually attracted to him.
She's like, oh damn, baby, I can't quit you. Yeah, I don't care if you did try to burn me down with my own mill. That is kind of hot to a Katherine Martel. I know.
Like you think about that. Like, oh baby, all that insurance money? Yeah. And to kill me for insurance money, I have never been more turned on.
I am in gorge. It's tail is old as time. It's a classic dick and Andy relationship. Yeah.
They're so toxic. They're perfect for each other. Almost as toxic as one of those blowfish. And on that note, I think we should go.
Perfect. If you want to learn more about the art of blowfish sashimi and also hear about the second half of this episode, go into the show notes, tap that link that'll take you to patreon.com slash kingbypod, sign up for that seven day free trial. I'm not sure if you've ever listened to everything we've ever recorded or probably I don't know if you like download or something, but then unsubscribe before they charge your credit card or you stay in hang out. You do that too.
Help support the show. Oh, wouldn't it be nice to support your two little guys? Your two favorite podcasts or sort of the Ben and Jerry Horn of this podcast? Yeah.
No, the Cooper and Truman of this podcast, surely. Surely. I probably would more like the ticketing of the podcast. Yeah.