Welcome. Well, that welcome to and we will be peaks and Rob. I you know I am fresh from having a bunch of ashen ghouls put me back together again. Rob of course recently ran full speed into a wall.
I'm Johnny Horn. Yeah, sorry. This week you must be Johnny Horn. Fair enough.
Fair enough. Twin Peaks the return part nine. This is the chair. This is the chair.
You will audition many chairs. When you see this chair, you will say this is the chair. Wow. Yeah.
That's the first thing I thought it when I saw that title. I didn't put it together, but that's obviously what's happening here. Betty Briggs is a bit of a cowboy. Cowboy.
Cowboy. Yeah. Yep. This is part nine.
So last week, part eight, nothing big happened. Right? One typical one thing. Week of your, you know, must see TV.
Yeah. This is, I mean, talk about like sort of engineering the episode of TV for water cooler talk. I had to come in the day after episode eight and stand around the water cooler waiting to talk to somebody about it. Everyone's eyes just like sunk in and yeah, I just did that thousand yard stare.
Yep. They're only the only break they get is at the water cooler and there you are. Like you want to talk about your configuration and destruction. You're standing at the water and you're like, this is the water and this is the wall.
And then, yeah. So last week, atomic bomb went off and we saw the creation of all kind of all of the evil things that we've seen so far. Yeah. Things were going perfectly up until that point for humanity.
We were really nailing it for a while there and I need to go futs it all up. You know? You bobbed it up. You bobbed it up.
And we learned that Bob's got Bob Bob and Himer and created Bob the wise and Himer. Yeah. That's right. All right.
Yeah. Getting too silly. It's already off to a silly start here. So we saw Bob's origin.
He of course started as a slave boy on a desert planet. Again, again, he can start with right and he's like, I hate sand. Remember those prequels, though, Dan, you love them. I had a great time seeing Star Wars Episode 1 in theaters.
Are you going to see Episode 2 when they, of course, rerelease that? I don't know. It's too soon to tell that one. That one's rough.
That one's really rough. That was, you know, I was like the perfect age for Episode 1. That's crazy that you think Part 2 is worse than Part 1. All right.
Look, is it Part 2? Is it too? Yeah. Attack of the clones?
Yeah. That's when Yoda does a bunch of. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That's a little bit fun. That is fun. But I couldn't tell you one other thing about that movie though.
All I can't. Well, Count Dooku. Count Dooku's there. Okay.
And General Grievous. He's got a cough. That's the one with Diner, the Diner planet and Dexter Jettster, whatever. And also the cool Colosseum fight with all the Jedi.
Yeah. Well, that's when Yoda does all this. No, that's when he's fighting Count Dooku. Are you sure?
Positive. All right. I guess you'll just have to sit down and watch the whole thing. Maybe maybe we should watch all of the Star Wars movies.
Do you think anyone's done that on a podcast before? Do I think that maybe? Two guys. Yeah.
Two you know, sloppy guys. Yeah. Couple sloppy guys just talking talking Star Wars talking about a galaxy far far away. Maybe impossible to know.
Yep. I'll never know because I won't look. Damn. Episode nine, right?
Hey, speaking of things with nine episodes. Exactly. Or more. We start off, you know, last we saw fucking Mr.
C, Doppel Cooper. He, you know, he was shot up and then some dirty guys put him back together. They smeared some blood on him and they put him right back together, sorted him all out. So we pick up this episode with an extra, he's just filthy dirty, dry blood all over him.
It's like the beginning of an episode of Money Pythons Flying Circus, where the guy is up to the camera. It was basically like that. Yeah. And he's walking down the road.
You know, we've all been walking down the road before, right guys? Is it what the road called life? Yeah. It's just walking down the road called life.
But you know, this road ends with a farm and who's there, but hutch won Tim Roth and like the road of life, it ends with a couple dead people. Yeah. There are a couple dead people there. There are a couple dead people, but they, Mr.
C, he asks who's farmers this and hutch says farmers. He says, where are they? They're, he says, they're sleeping out back. Can we talk about that?
How hutch is, uh, lie to me himself? Tim Roth. Yeah. The king of lying to me.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. He is, of course, you know, I mean, he's abomination in the Marvel universe.
He is, uh, uh, pumpkin in Pulp Fiction, right? He's ish style. Someone else in the hateful eight who he also stars in with his co-star in this episode, Jennifer Jason Lee, his wife. Is that right?
In the show there, Mary. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Geez. Um, you know who else he is? Mr. Lottie.
I was getting, well, no. No, I say a guy who comes up about like, you know, we have our like, like 10 to 15 things that come up that don't matter to anybody but us. Uh huh. Uh, geez.
I fucking stopped. You're gonna be okay. Say it. Yeah.
Hey, you're a real fucking bad, but you ain't, you're gonna be okay. Hey, say it. You're gonna be okay. Okay.
It's. Incredible. Yeah, it's very good stuff. Um, so, uh, reservoir dogs, by the way, if it wasn't, if it wasn't clear.
Or vlog dogs. Um, by the end of it, it is more like that. Right? More like more of long.
Uh, so, uh, Mr. C, right? He's, uh, they're basically like, uh, well, first Mr. C says, all right, I have, uh, I have a job for you to do before you go to Vegas.
Um, I want you to kill wars. Or as we call it, lost wages. He says to kill, uh, the warden of the prison. I forget the warden's name.
Warden Murphy. Murphy. Yes. Uh, kill warden Murphy.
And, um, um, and when he's, when they're done with that, uh, he's got a double head over for him. And lost wages. So, and they're like, you know, they're like, uh, that's, this all sounds great. I like, I do like how Tim Roth's character is very like, yeah, whatever.
Um, you know, and then Jennifer Jason Lee is like horny for killing people. Yeah, she's super horny for killing people. She loves it. Uh, they're kind of like the evil version of Nick Cage and Laura Dern in Wild It Heart.
Oh, I like that. Yeah. Um, and then Hutch tells, uh, his wife, um, and her name, of course, is Chantel Chantal. Chantal.
So he says, Chantel, one, give the balls a big wet one. And then the, Mr. C and Chantel start making out in front of Hutch and Hutch is like, yeah, yeah. That's my wife.
You're putting it to. I love these people. Yeah. They seem like good guys.
They're very open minded. They're very chill. Um, they seem like a good hang. You know, they got, well, we'll come to learn in a bit.
Ultimate Blunt rotation, bro. I was going to say, we'll come to learn in a few episodes that they're always packing snacks, but maybe not enough snacks. Maybe not quite enough snacks. Um, so we got that going on, right?
And then also, um, Mr. C pulls out a like a pink flip cell phone and, uh, and he texts someone, um, and he writes around the dinner table. The conversation is lively. Like, hmm, don't know what that means at all.
Don't know who this is to. It's a little bit. Right? It can be true, though.
It can be. Have you ever, do you want to know what this made me think of? What? Um, there's a, there's a tweet from Jennifer Rubin.
You know, Jennifer Rubin is no. Jennifer Rubin is a, uh, just like a, a resistin-slib type op-ed writer for the Washington Post. Okay. And you kind of got to see this to believe it.
So I'm going to send it to you also. Okay. But there's a, back in 2020, um, Andrew Cuomo tweeted a phone tweeted a photo of his kids and I guess one of their boyfriends and it's them sitting around a table eating like spaghetti meat spaghetti meatballs. It says Sunday dinner, Cuomo style.
And Jennifer Rubin replies, quote, the boyfriend in quotes looks nice and the girls seem to have eaten their spaghetti and meatballs exclamation mark. It's one of the weirdest things anybody's ever said. Oh, wow. Yeah.
Huh. Yeah. It's just everything about it. It's like there's a space after the first quotation mark in the boyfriend.
There's also a space in meatballs. Yeah. What a weird lady, huh? That's so strange.
Yeah. It doesn't help either that the photo is like pretty cursed. It reminds me of like, you ever see Kirk Cameron eating his horrible birthday meal in the conference room? Yeah.
It sort of got the same level of like humanity and warmth to it. Yeah. I mean, this picture looks like, uh, you know, it might be some sort of a hostage situation. It's like they're all holding each other hostage.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, everybody's just sitting there with big smiles on their face, but under the table, they're all pointing guns at each other. Our bar dog style.
The boyfriend looks nice and the girls seem to have eaten their spaghetti and meatballs. Yeah. Um, that's just fucking strange, man. It's positively strange, isn't it?
Yeah. That's too weird. Anyway, that's what I thought of when I read. Oh, the dinner.
Yeah. Uh, conversation around the dinner table is lively. Yeah. Imagine if he texted her that instead.
I mean, whoever that. Cuomo style. Back in Buckhorn, South Dakota. Um, yeah.
They, um, they, this is when they're on the plane, right? They, uh, they're on the airplane, uh, our federal federal agents, so Billy. It's gonna be one of those, one of those episodes where Bobby's mouth don't work. One of those median episodes.
Just just playing. No, I'm just, I'm just fucking with you. No, I relaxed. I'm not talking with you.
Not dog. It's cool. Take it easy. Okay.
Man, I'm just talking with you. I'm just having fun. Uh, come on. It's a fucking podcast.
Hey, come on. Now go get your fucking shine box. I'm just gonna say if someone said that to me, it wouldn't make me very mad at all. No, I mean, you're not a shoe shine for one.
Not anymore. No, I'm a mafia guy. Now you're a mafia guy. I really need my way in the world.
I mean, I, I think it is a very funny thing to say. Um, after that whole thing, right? Well, like, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, like, uh, well, yes, after that whole exchange and good fellas, it's a very funny thing to say. But that, like, I say it with like, you know, like, to friends and stuff, like telling me some like story or I'm telling a story about how some, you know, how I was wronged somehow. And then, you know, somebody is like, so they told you, go get your fucking shine box. I'm like, yeah, that's what they said.
That's it. Uh, so up in the air. Up in the air. Up in the air.
Yup. Way in the clouds over Buckhorn, South Dakota. I don't appreciate using that kind of language. Right.
Yeah. That's what Cole says. Buckhorn phone. What is this?
Ben's nephew, Ben and Jerry Horns nephew? Oh, Buckhorn. Yeah. Yeah.
They're, uh, they're pornographic film star nephew Buckhorn. So they're up in the air, these federal agents, Diana, and Albert are asleep, or at least pretending to be asleep. Um, a special agent, Tammy Preston, uh, Gibbs Cole, a phone. And, um, basically, they're being called back to South Dakota.
They, um, he's talking to, uh, was it Colonel Davies, I believe? So the Ernie Hudson character Davis Davis. Yes. Jeremy Davies.
Colonel Davis. You were confusing Ernie Hudson with Jeremy Davies. I do. I was begging you to stop.
Yeah, please don't do that. Uh, uh, what's that, uh, that movie? Don't don't don't. So guys and they're like I know what you're doing.
Don't do it. Jeremy Davies. No. No, dammit.
Um, so they, uh, Colonel Davis, um, tells them about, uh, the body that was found in Buckhorn, um, and that the, uh, I forget. I know her last name is Knox. I don't know what her ranking is, Dan. Do you know what her ranking is lieutenant lieutenant?
Knox. Am I right? No, no. Uh, is it sexist that I assume she's a lieutenant?
What girls could be lieutenant student? I don't, I don't know. She is a lieutenant. First of all.
Um, so I guess some stereotypes are true. Huh. There's a Colonel of truth to, Lieutenant of truth to it. Yeah.
There you go. There I go. There you go. Uh, so Davis says that, uh, they found that this headless body of, uh, major Briggs and, you know, they're getting the FBI involved and Lieutenant Knox is going to be there to, to meet them at the morgue.
Um, when they do go to the morgue, um, uh, this is fun. They, you know, our FBI agents are all, um, you know, they're getting caught up with, they're getting up to speed with all everything that's happened here. And, uh, the detective is going down the list. They're like, yeah, uh, so we arrested.
Uh, so we found the body and, uh, it was missing ahead and the head that was there belonged to a local librarian who was having an affair with the principal. Um, so we arrested him and while he was in custody, his wife was shot in the back of the head. Yes. Shot in the back of the head seemingly by their attorney, George.
He's also in custody and, uh, Albert says, well, there's one more thing. Oh, there's, and then, uh, the principal secretary's car exploded. That's right. Yeah.
And Albert says what happens in season two. Good line. Good line. And then Cole is like, I apologize in advance for Albert.
Uh, a classic Gordon Cole line. Yes. Yes. So, uh, I also like that Albert kind of meets his match a little bit with, uh, what's her name with Constance of Constance.
Oh, I love this little moment for them. I love that this is their meat cute. That's also, it's also their only meat. Right.
No. No. No. They go out to dinner.
Oh, I forgot. They go out to dinner. This is in a much later episode, of course. I'm going to have to rewatch this whole thing.
I guess I have been rewatching it. Yeah. I mean, yeah. This way.
Yeah. He is almost done with the series now. Yeah. Um, it's true.
I've got one little episode I like to call the finale left, um, but it sounds like I got some rewatching to do anyway, because I forgot about an entire meal. It is impossible to like watch this whole show and then be like, all right, episode nine. Let's talk about it. Yeah, absolutely.
That's kind of why I wanted to watch it twice. It was like, sure. It's like, wash over me the first time. Yeah.
And then you can put on my, put on my, uh, mortar board hat, my graduation hat, uh, get real big brain about it. Yeah. Get my Peter Sars guard in the green lantern on, start drooling. Uh huh.
Uh, CEO. Um, they, right. So they're looking at the body, major Briggs. Um, Albert says this is the body of a Ford somebody in their forties, cold pulls him aside.
And, uh, you know, he's like, he's like, he says something like, um, what the fuck was it? Uh, let's like speak openly or whatever. And they're like, they're like, you know, they have no idea how this is all happening. Um, I do appreciate though that Albert is like such a fucking wise ass, even though he knows about like the blue rose cases and like how there's constantly weird shit happening.
And he's just like, uh huh, what else logical explanation for it. I'm sure that look at this kook over here, like, he's taking it down a peg. He's the Scully. He is a Scully and everybody else is Mulder.
Yeah. Not least of all Denise. I guess Denise more than most is Mulder. Denise, of course, who, uh, David D'Covney.
Oh, of course. Yeah. She would be more Mulder than most. Sure.
You know, like David D'Covney. Yeah, of course. Um, Constance also tells him about the ring that was found in the stomach that said, uh, to doggy love Janey E. I'm never going to get over naming her Jamie dash E.
Yeah, it's great. So it's so fucking weird. Janie E and Sunny Jim. Oh, well, um, so, uh, we cut to Lost Wages where Dougie and Janie E are sitting in the police station.
Um, the cops that we saw last, uh, maybe two weeks ago, probably, uh, Dave Keckner, uh, Eric Edelstein and the other guy. Yeah. Larry Clark. Um, did you know that they're all supposed to be brothers or something?
Are they really? They're credited as the detectives Fusco or Fusco. It's T. Fusco, D.
Fusco and Smiley Fusco, which I'm assuming is Eric Edelstein. You would be correct. Yeah. I didn't realize they were all supposed to be brothers and that makes, that makes it much funnier.
It's extremely funny to make them brothers. Um, but the cops are interviewing, uh, Bushnell, the, the, the, the, the, the, Duggies boss at the insurance company and, you know, they're at, you know, talking to them. They're like, like, do you have any idea why somebody would want to kill him? And he's like, no, I, Dougie has worked there.
He's done good work for 12 years. Um, is he's a good worker, a slow worker. And then someone says emphasis on slow and then we get a big laugh. That's from Smiley.
Yeah. Smiley fucking loves it. Yeah. You know, but I do love how, like, it's like the most intense laugh you've ever heard, but it's over immediately.
Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Uh, Bushnell says that, uh, uh, you know, in the insurance business, I'm sure that, you know, people get angry and whatever.
There's always, you know, some sort of bad blood or what, you know, something could happen potentially. He also says that a few years ago, Dougie got into a car accident and every once in a while, it gets into these sort of, you know, slow head spaces, right? Which I get, I mean, I kind of explains why everybody's accepting Dougie being just sort of a, uh, space that over here. Um, yeah.
Yeah. It helps. You did, I do kind of like the version of things where everyone's just like, I guess this is, I guess this is him. Yeah.
I kind of like that better, too. We're just like, weird guy. All right. It also, I feel like it kind of, uh, is like a little bit of a commentary on how life is just like on rails for the most part.
Sure. And like people would rather just like have things keep going normally than acknowledge the bizarre behavior that's happening in front of them. Yes. I mean, that's, yeah.
Right. Yeah. You got a live in the moment, baby. Right.
That's what Dan's trying to say here. Live in the moment. Poor Avida. Poor Avida.
Uh, so thank you. Dougie is sitting out in the, uh, the waiting room there and he's just staring at this American flag. And then we, we hear so funny. Uh, it's insanely funny to me.
It's, it's, it hails to the chief is what it's playing. I think I think it's, um, I thought it was the, the, I almost said the American theme song. That's the American theme song, but I know it's the Star Spangled Banner. Yeah.
Yeah. It could have been. Um, it's one of the most patriotic songs that we have. I mean, it ranks pretty high.
Um, so he's just staring at this flag. The music is sort of playing and you're like, he's like, he is picking up on certain things here, but he's just not Cooper is not coming through. Yeah. He's looking at the flag and then a lady walks by and he looks at her gams, which have red shoes.
Uh, and he follows those all the way to the wall where he's staring at an electrical socket, which we, which is how we got here in the first place. Yeah. That's how he gets around. Um, you know, Dan, this is like what the 18th woman to wear red shoes and a David Lynch thing.
Uh, this guy's like a Tarantino. If you ask me, he's a Tarantino for red shoes. Yeah. He's a little, a little foot freak.
This guy's a frickin Tarantino for red shoes over here. Much in the way that Tarantino loves making films. David Lynch loves red shoes. It's an easy passion.
That's right. Yeah. You think that's why I wanted to work with the company? Yeah.
Like tell me everything about red shoes. Give me all of the scripts for the red shoe diaries and don't expect them back in the condition you gave them. Boy, oh boy. Look at those red shoes.
Vah, voom. Do you know what his favorite Elvis Costello song is? Um, no, the handles while wearing my red shoes. Not a huge Costello guy.
I like him. There are a few albums that like really, uh, uh, you know, I got really into, but I haven't gone through the entire catalog. You don't like, uh, you don't like when he does like Chet Baker style jazz music. You know, Dan.
I don't mind it, but yeah, it's fine. It's like, it's like one of those things where you're like, he just did this for himself. He doesn't care if anybody else is listening, which is fine. That's good for him.
Yeah. But also, it feels like he was like, I've mastered the Elvis Costello style. I've mastered that style. Now I'm going to call up Bert Bacherack and rule.
I think he has two albums with Bert Bacherack. Yeah. And a movie. Yeah.
Awesome powers. Two of these. There aren't they in both of them. Oh, no, he's only in the second one.
Yeah. He's only in the supply. You shagged me. Yeah.
Bert. Yes. Bert Bacherack is both of them. And they don't get him back for gold member, right?
Couldn't, couldn't afford him. They were like, oh, he signed a contract for two movies. And then when they asked him to do the third, his prices went way up. They were like, you know, it would have been perfect if they'd done take a hike back.
They've done fat Bacherack. I don't know enough about Bert Bacherack to make a joke about him being a fat bastard kind of character. I, yeah, I don't know what's like a Bert Bacherack song. There's like, say a little prayer for you.
I don't know. What the world needs now is lunch, sweet lunch. Got it. Well, there it is.
All right. Well, I'm just weird Alabama. Yeah. So while they're at the police station, we hear the detectives saying that, well, first they give Doug a coffee and he drinks it and then they take that cup and they send it off to the lab for DNA and fingerprint fingerprints.
Guys, if you're ever arrested and they offer you a cup of coffee or something, don't take it. It's major. If you get arrested, bring your own coffee to the police station. That's right.
And while they have to let you, you can bring one thing from home. Yeah. So yeah, while they're doing the one thing that I like to bring when you're in cup keys. Oh, that's smart.
And there's nothing they can do about it. Hey, legally, you got to, you have to accept it, bro. Yep. You know what mine is mine is a well, technically officer, you're arresting me in my home, which means you're in my home.
So I'd like to bring your gun. Damn it. Give me that. Just take it out of his hand and smack him with it.
Freaking 187 on his house. So no, no, we don't want that. Wink. I mean, I'm scared.
No, I am. So when they hand off the mug also, the cop is like handed to him. Because like, did you hear? They got, you know, the thing about the spike.
Yeah, basically, like they got his fingerprints off the gun or whatever from Dougie's attempted murder. And they're like, they're like, I like the spike finally frickin stepped in it or whatever. Like right. Get his ass.
They they match the palm print to like a spike. Remember that piece of flesh that was left on the gun? Ah, yes, that was that was like, palm. So they tracked him down to a motel, the one where he's staying.
He calls up someone like he calls up JT. And he says, I have a message for JT. No cigar going out. Was it like going on leave something like that?
Medical leave. Yeah. And then the cops show up and he tries to run, but then the corner and they make a meal out of it too. They're so proud of themselves.
They are. They fucking love it. So the spike has been apprehended. Meanwhile, back in Twin Peaks.
This scene, this is good stuff. Yeah. Lucy is on a computer. She's shopping for a chair online.
It's available in two colors, a cream color and a red color. Yep. Andy is on his computer right behind her shopping online for the same chair. This is the chair.
This is the chair. Lucy wants the beige one, the cream or the beige or whatever. Andy wants the red one and Lucy gets up from her chair, walks over to him, takes a nice long beat and says, Andy, I want the red chair. Then she takes a beat, goes back to her desk, sits down.
Andy collects himself, gets up, walks over to Lucy, says Lucy, Lucy, I like the red chair. And just for listeners, Dan is doing this at double speed. Yes. It's twice as fast as they did on the show.
And he goes and sits back down. And this goes on for some time. But eventually he's like, I'm sorry, punkie. Yeah.
Let's get the beige chair. Gives her a kiss. And then, oh, man, she's so taken by this gesture that she's like, Oh, what the heck? Let's get the red chair.
I thought it was going to be like one of those. I forget what the Christmas story where they like they buy each other a gift. Oh, Henry is that what it is? Gift of the Magi gift of the man.
And then like, yeah, she buys a cone. She sells her hair to buy him a watch band. Right. And then he sells his watch to buy her a comb.
And the moral of the story is you've fucked up because now you have no hair in the watch. Shouldn't have been poor. Right. Hall.
Yes, seemingly. That seems to be the message there. But I thought they were going to end up buying two chairs, each of them buying the chair that the other one wanted. So that happens.
Then we go to Ben Horn's XY this house, presumably ex wife, where Johnny Horn is running around the house. And what's his mother? Sylvia Horn. She she's young Johnny.
And he runs just as fast as he can directly into the wall. And we see this like pretty gross. Yeah, it's like a huge hole in the wall. It's like blood everywhere.
It's like kind of thin though, like it's like blood and sweat on the wall or something. That's gross. But yeah, he's like, he has done a number on himself. And with that, I think it's time to take a break.
We're gonna go. Yeah, we're gonna run into a wall and we'll be right back. And if you want to go to what we sound like with a little bit of head trauma, this wasn't enough. You head over to patreon.com slash KingmePod that's patreon.com slash KingmePod.
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We're standing over here. We're like Andy Garcia, somebody has just stolen all of our money and our women. What's your late George Clooney in oceans 11? We're like George Clooney in up in the air.
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