Understanding and Overcoming the Stigma of Sex in Relationships

Furkhan welcomes Xanet to discuss the stigma and shame surrounding sex in relationships. Xanet shares her personal journey of overcoming challenges in a 26-year sexless marriage due to unresolved trauma, and how she transformed her life to become a sex and intimacy educator. The conversation delves into the reasons behind sexual disconnection, such as trauma, body image issues, and performance anxiety, while emphasizing the importance of communication, connection, and mutual understanding. They also explore the impact of external factors like children and pets, the misconceptions around sexual frequency, and ways to repair intimacy issues through improved communication and empathy. Xanet Pailet is the best-selling author of Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure and the founder of Passionate Intimacy Retreats.  Xanet is a former NYC health care lawyer who lived in a sexless marriage for over two decades.  At age 50, after experiencing her own sexual healing and awakening in 2011, she transitioned her career into a full-time sex and intimacy educator and coach and trauma practitioner.   Xanet believes that pleasure is our birthright, and she is passionate about helping individuals find their way back into their bodies, their desires, and their pleasure.  Over the past decade, she has helped rescue hundreds of couples from unsatisfying sex lives and has helped women who are sexually shut down learn how to love themselves, their bodies, and reclaim their desire.   Xanet is a certified Somatica Sex and Intimacy Coach, Sexological Body Worker, Holistic Pelvic Care Practitioner, Tantra Educator and Somatic Experiencing Trauma practitioner. She has been on the faculty of 1440 Multiversity, Ecstatic Living Institute and the Somatica Institute.  Her new book, The Sex and Intimacy Repair Kit: How to Enhance Communication and Create a Lifetime of Passionate Intimacy, will be published in March 2026 by Books That Save Lives.  Sex & Intimacy Repair Kit Book: https://a.co/d/bg2laqV 00:00 Welcome to the EZ Conversations Podcast 00:57 Xanet's Personal Journey with Sexual Shame 02:22 Challenges in Long-Term Relationships 05:12 The Role of Trauma and Body Image in Sexual Intimacy 09:35 Impact of Children and Pets on Intimacy 13:28 The Importance of Communication in Relationships 19:09 Consequences of Lack of Connection 24:05 Healing from Betrayal 24:26 Self-Connection and Relationship Repair 26:17 Childhood Wounds and Attachment 28:19 Sexless Marriages: Statistics and Impact 30:36 Defining and Communicating Sexual Needs 33:18 Navigating Porn and Open Relationships 43:26 Weaponizing Sex in Relationships 46:11 Conclusion and Resources Sponsors of the Podcast: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠BetterHelp⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠For 10% off your first month of therapy ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Aura⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: For a free two-week trial ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dookio⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Mental⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠NuCalm⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠: for a one-week free trial ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Descript ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LeanWorlds⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Dr. Lewis Nutrition ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠WeInspect⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Optery⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or find Furkhan's Book, Pursuit of Self Love: 30 Uplifting Messages and Reflections. 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Listening to this podcast does not establish a therapist–client relationship. The views expressed are my own and are separate from my clinical practice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.