Understanding Fear, Part 2: How Abusers Use Fear to Control and Trap Partners

Fear can keep someone alive and it can also keep them trapped. To explore this topic, we sit down with Ruth Guerreiro, Chief Clinical Officer at Genesis Women’s Shelter & Support, to unpack how abusers weaponize fear to establish power and control, ensure compliance, and cut off escape routes long before anyone sees a bruise.In this episode, we break down the real-world mechanics of coercive control: threats, monitoring, intimidation, isolation, social engineering, and the quiet ways an abusive partner interferes with a survivor’s ability to function day to day. Ruth explains why fear can be present without physical violence, what hypervigilance can look like (constant check-ins, “proof” photos, changing hobbies, always scanning for mood shifts), and why the question “why didn’t she leave?” ignores the fact that danger often escalates during and after leaving.We also revisit survival responses to danger: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn, plus how abusers and even outsiders can misinterpret those responses in courtrooms, families, and communities. You will hear practical, compassionate next steps, including safety planning ideas for friends and family, and how to reach confidential support even if you are not ready to make a big decision.