Unmasking the Pain

“The nervous system rememberswhat the heart tries to forget,but healing beginswhen we stop runningand start listening.”- Glenn S. CohenI recently caught a Mel Robbins podcast featuring Dr. Gabor Maté, and wow, it hit me right in the heart. As he spoke about trauma and the nervous system, I felt this deep yes inside. His words echoed so much of what I’ve lived, and what I teach through Neurological Intelligence. Especially the part about tendencies to hide, numb, run and project our pain through either chaos or rigid patterns and various reactive behaviors, strategies I once used to manage the intense physiological stress in my body resulting from my unresolved neurological wounds.Growing up, I lived with a highly activated nervous system. Wounded patterns from childhood and adolescence experiences shaped how I saw the world, and myself. I experienced a lot that left lasting imprints. Abandonment, betrayal, feeling invalidated, invisible and intruded upon in ways that ruptured my sense of safety, certainty and trust. Real or perceived, it didn’t matter, my unconscious mind recorded it all in my body.By the time I was a teen, I felt like I didn’t belong. I didn’t know who I was, I just knew I felt different. People told me I was weird. That I didn’t make sense. That my ideas were pie in the sky! And I believed them.I remember when I cut off from my body and my inner world froze. I shut down and started stacking layers of protection. Deep inside, I made up a story: that I wasn’t lovable… I didn’t matter… I didn’t belong… I wasn’t accepted. Shame and fear beliefs became the lens I looked through. I felt invisible. Invalidated. Afraid to ask for help. And eventually, I stopped trying. I created a belief that I was unworthy, not enough and I was in this, all alone.So, I became the master of hiding. Pretending. Performing. I lived behind a mask. One that said, “I’ve got this,” while inside, I was terrified. I didn’t let anyone in. I became an island. But in protecting myself from pain, I also walled off being able to feel love, connection, joy, playfulness… and the deep sense of acceptance and belonging I craved.My disempowered beliefs rooted themselves into my identity, and for decades, I carried them quietly. They used to create major challenges in my personal relationships. I’d start out open-hearted and vulnerable, and then, BAM the wall would go up. I’d disappear into my protective persona. The one that didn’t feel. The one that couldn’t risk being vulnerable and feeling the pain of sadness, fear and shame all over again.In my March blog posts, I’ve shared about the ending of my committed love relationship last November. When I received the message that she was ending the relationship, it shocked me to my core. That moment triggered something primal in me, deep abandonment and betrayal wounds, wounds I obviously hadn’t fully healed, yet.It’s been almost six months and I can honestly say, this has been some of the deepest healing work I have ever done. All the NI tools and strategies I’ve developed over the past 20-plus years, I have used them in real time, on myself.As I reflect, with mindful intention, on this incredible journey over the last six months, I now realize that in order to heal my heart and cleanse my soul of the unresolved wounds from my childhood and adolescents, my gift was to be challenged by the ending of my past relationship. I was supposed to be triggered, get reactive and crack wide open so I would fully feel the intense unresolved pain which caused me to finally shred my thick protective layers.This spiritual test became my greatest opportunity to be present, without judgment, and sit with the incredible uncomfortableness of my pain so I could open up, heal my already broken heart, my wounded soul and learn to love myself for the first time since I was very young. In essence, I had to rescue and heal myself and earn, on my own, neurological freedom from the wounding of my past. This is the sacred work of healing…and the journey continues.I truly believe the universe places guideposts in our path when we’re finally ready to see them. And I know my time on earth is for a reason. I honor that my biggest awakenings are happening now, exactly the way it is supposed to happen, in this later chapter of my life.If me sharing my story touches even one heart… if it helps just one person to feel less alone… if it inspires just one person to do their work … then it is so worth it.Healing trauma is like thawing a frozen river. The ice doesn’t melt all at once. But underneath, there’s still movement. Life. Flow. We just need to let the light in long enough for the thaw to begin. So how does your nervous system react to emotional pain? And what protective story have you been telling yourself to survive?If this resonates with you, feel free to DM me. I’d love to hear from you. If you are interested in working together, send me an email from the Request Initial Interview page on my website. I also invite you to subscribe to my Apple Podcast or Spotify Podcast and sign up for my Substack blog on my website (scroll to the bottom of the home page.) Thank you for letting me share a little slice of my world with you.Wishing You a Safe and Peaceful Journey,Sending Big Hugs and Lots of Love,Glenn 🙏🌻 Get full access to Neurological Intelligence: Lessons in LIfe, Love and Healing at centerforni.substack.com/subscribe