[Update] Putting Yourself First

This gets misunderstood quickly. Because the moment you say, “put yourself first,” People hear selfish. It’s not. Putting yourself first is not about ignoring others. It’s about no longer ignoring yourself. And that distinction matters. What It Means Putting yourself first means: * You consider your needs before committing * You make decisions from alignment, not pressure * You stop defaulting to everyone else’s priorities It’s not about choosing you instead of others. It’s about not abandoning yourself while choosing others. What It Is Not * It’s not selfish * It’s not inconsiderate * It’s not “only about you.” If you have to constantly override yourself to maintain relationships, roles, or expectations— You’re not being selfless. You’re being disconnected from yourself. Why This Is Difficult Most people were taught: * to be accommodating * to be available * to be responsible for how others feel So, putting yourself first feels uncomfortable. It can feel like: * guilt * resistance * fear of disappointing others But that discomfort is not wrong. It’s unfamiliar. The Cost of Not Doing It When you don’t put yourself first: * You overextend * You say yes when you mean no * You carry more than you should * You slowly disconnect from your own needs And over time You start showing up depleted, resentful, or unclear. Liberation: Releasing the Guilt You are allowed to consider yourself. Without justification. Without over-explaining. Liberation is the moment you stop asking: “Will this upset someone?” And start asking: “Is this aligned for me?” Visibility: Being Honest About What You Need You begin to recognize: What you actually want What you actually need Where you’ve been overriding yourself No minimizing. No dismissing. Just clarity. Transformation: Choosing Yourself—Consistently This is where it shifts. Not once. Not occasionally. Consistently. You: * set boundaries * make aligned decisions * stop negotiating your needs And over time your relationships, your energy, And your leadership change. Integration: The Reality Here is the truth: * Without liberation, you will stay obligated * Without visibility, you will stay disconnected * Without transformation, nothing changes And you will continue showing up for everything and everyone except yourself. Closing Reflection Where am I saying yes when I mean no? What am I prioritizing that’s costing me? What would change if I actually considered myself first? Final Truth Putting yourself first is not selfish. It’s responsible. Because of how you show up for yourself determines how you show up for everything else. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit substack.iprofessionalcoaching.com/subscribe