Using Collaborative Therapy to Create Relationship Rubrics, Improve Dialogue & Reduce Challenges-Laurie Budlong-Morse

During this episode, Laurie Budlong-Morse, another AANE certified therapist,  shares how she uses the Collaborative Therapy Model to help neurodiverse couples better understand each other and move toward creating a successful relationship. This model focuses on the importance of dialogue with respect and understanding for multiple voices, so that new possibilities can emerge that wouldn’t have happened without understanding and valuing each persons unique perspective.   Other topics discussed are:  Mapping the communication and interaction patterns between the partners. Creating an opportunity for both partners to understand each other’s perspectives-using a neurological lens.   Using Dialogue to create Relationship Rubrics that can provide an opportunity to get clarity about what each partner wants, needs, prefers and expects from the other and then they can work together to  create a new, more intentional rubric that works for both partners.   Unspoken wants and expectations don’t automatically get fulfilled, so creating rubrics can help reduce challenges.   Social construction is based on the belief that all of us are operating out of language and frameworks for understanding the world that society has given us and some of them can be flawed and may not apply in neurodiverse relationships. Some frameworks can create shame for both partners because standards are being created by neurotypically trained therapists. Sometimes these tools that are supposed to help couples, can lead to creating more division and anxiety.  Some of the issues that can present during therapy and may be a sign that you’re a neurodiverse couple:  Different recollections of the same event.  Each person is using a completely different "map" based on their neurology.  Differences can get hard to reconcile  Prioritizing information differently, based on what’s important to each partner.  One partner saying "If you would “JUST” and the underlying meaning is: "What I’m asking you to do is easy for my brain, so why can’t you do what would come easily for me?  In addition, because you're not doing "IT" that must mean that you really don't love me!!!  One or both partners feel like they are on two different teams. In a neurodiverse relationship instead of passing the ball back and forth it looks like you’re both playing on side by side courts.  Unique challenges that make occur with family or parent responsibilities.  Sensory issues may not be recognized because the neurodivergent partner may not have been given language for sensory sensitivities. Instead, they may have found ways around the sensory issues, without having the language to describe what they are feeling.  If you would like to contact Laurie, you can check out her website at: www.Lauriebmorse.com  If you are interested in becoming an AANE certified therapist or coach, you can register at: aane.thinkific.com and use code NeurodiverseLove25 for 25%off the registration fee. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ If you liked this episode, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don’t miss an episode. Check out the Neurodiverse Love website at: www.neurodiverselove.com, or follow Mona on Instagram @neurodiverse_love.   For more information about the workshops or online support groups Mona offers for either neurodiverse couples, or neurotypical/non-autistic partners, you can send an email to: [email protected] Thank you for being a part of the Neurodiverse Love community!