Validation Seeking

Marking the fifth anniversary of No Sheep Left Behind, hosts Paul Berkes and Paul Hambrick dive into the anatomy of a crisis and how leaders can navigate high-distress moments without making them worse. Grounded in dialectical behavior therapy, the Pauls unpack the clinical definition of a crisis—a problem combined with intense distress and a temporary lack of coping skills that pushes someone outside their window of tolerance. While crisis carries real danger, it also holds an opportunity for deeper connection if approached with the proper order of operations. Moderated by Brodee Scott, the conversation challenges the common tendency of managers, teachers, and parents to dismiss distressed behavior as mere "manipulation" or "attention-seeking." By reframing these actions as "validation-seeking" and attachment-based proximity-seeking, the group exposes the damage of jumping straight into problem-solving mode or relying on harsh "cry-it-out" responses that push individuals into freeze and dissociation. Instead, true shepherd leadership requires pausing, calming our own internal reactivity, and co-regulating the nervous system so real problem-solving and restoration can finally take place.