Hey everybody Jason Els here, I'm gonna be in Buffalo, New York this Thursday Healy of Elements Restaurant Buffalo, New York September 5th, if you don't go, you're a kook Go to vjsonalas.com for tickets You're just telling me to be entertaining immediately Okay, how about this? The hottest chick that I know exists on the planet is here And I gotta f*** on the side of my nose and setting it to another face I don't see it I don't see it I'm trying to see if you're lying I actually can't It's on the side of your face Are you talking about right there? I thought it was like a cr... Oh, see now Wait, so what else do you see?
Whatever I've flicked you in the city Just like... I thought it was a second Oh, no, what's on this side? You couldn't see it because of that other much bigger gross Welcome to the show That was intense Kayleigh Swenson, thank you for coming and joining us Thank you Right How... I saw a unicorn fly overhead when you did that When I was...
when I put my head on when I was singing When you were singing, it's beautiful I like it, because that... right? Yeah I do have a good voice, right? Yeah, it's just like there's a lot of power and intensity I do have a lot of power and intensity Yeah Glad you noticed, thanks for noticing You should do it Yeah, you're singing too, right?
Mmhmm Yeah, we got a lot in common, you know that? Yeah You don't like sardines though, so it'll never work No, or male or male? Oh my god, really? You know he's my friend, right?
He takes me all the time, call me all the time No, he didn't Don't do that to me I won't Why don't you do that to me? Is he really? Yeah, he can call me all the time Yeah, why? What are you guys doing?
He's like... he told Dino once he's like I like Alice because he's crazy mother f***ing or something but it's all a lie Like I'm not really crazy, it's just all persona to like be cool You seem a little bit crazy Yeah, but mainly bullshit, you know Like I'm not... I am crazy, but like accidental Yeah, I feel like that's the same I'm actually really to that because people like you're so crazy I'm not even privy to it, I'm like I'm really... I feel like I'm so hyper aware of everything that I'm almost so crazy that I'm so sane compared to everyone else You're saying pretty together, like what?
That's because you're seeing the outside, which is a carefully constructed show On the inside, it's just pure just, you know It's really one good chocolate factory in there It's chaos, it's a Bolivian You posted photos, not so long ago of you when you were cracked the f***ed Oh, I didn't do crack, that's for real When you were doing the party I was a simple demure heroin addict Yeah, you did not look great I did not, I looked like Marilyn Manson in his mugshot a little bit A little bit, didn't Didn't tell him, tell him how... I'm not telling him anything, I'm not telling you anything dude So he could be watching this right now, he's got a chick now But he's like... You know, like I feel like... I was hanging out with him, I was friends with him And then there was this stuff that he was allegedly...
What did he do? No, it was me and two girls Oh, you're talking about that? Oh, I wish I was one of them You want to break that down? Well, allegedly, I don't know, I wasn't there And I'm not going to victim blame because it's not my thing I had some friends that were speaking They had personal experiences Oh, I heard it, I was like, you can't believe what people say And then if somebody's standing right next to me, he was like, yeah, you did it to me And I was like, wait, are you sure?
And then he was like, oh man, and then another one, and then another one Because his ex-wives were like, he didn't do any of that to us And so I was like, that's weird, they were with him a lot And they even said he didn't cheat or anything And I was like, that's... Can you just let me have the fantasy? You're just gonna ruin everything from you, ruin sardines Why not ruin sardines? Like you can't, you're gonna eat them after this?
You're not interested in me, it's a plane I got somebody naked Making like back off, you're having fun, huh? I'm just thinking. I'm gonna stay right now. She would message me And I was like, because I met you on Ryan's show And I was like, I was still high, so I didn't really pay attention I was like, get your heart, but like, much girls win their heart I don't pay attention to it, because I don't want to be creepy So I was like, yeah, you're just a big deal And then I think I followed you, and then like more and more The more I sober I got, the more like, getting my life together I was like, wow, I really like her I don't know her, but like the more you posted things I was like, a lot of like memes and things where I'm getting sober And I'm like, wait a minute, is she sober?
She's saying things that I feel like I'm learning about at the same time That doesn't happen on accident, because you came around that time you were using And then I saw you changing, and I started popping in your DMs Because I'm like all about sobriety and people that are trying to do it, you know? And so I started kind of like, hey, you're doing great, I'm so proud of you, that's so awesome Because it's really not easy, you know? Yeah, but you're too hard to be DM and people like me I was like too insecure, I showed my boss and coach and he was like, dude, she's into you And I'm like, she's not into me, dude, and he was like, dude, how many signs do you need? I'm like, dude, I'm on her level, let me go And then someone else is like, dude, you're crazy, you got a message here, and I was like, no!
And then finally, it was three in a row where I go, okay, three people So you can't be nice as a girl? No, you're right! Yeah, because I was going to... I'm legitimately, I see people as souls, I'm kind of woo woo like that, so even if I connect with someone, the sex and stuff like that is very after that For me, I see people very like, I'm like, this person's rad, and I want to support, I want to push this because I believe in it And over there, they're like, yeah, she wants to soak your dick, I'm like, no!
Nobody said that, but if you don't hit on her, I can't take you serious And I was like, okay, I'll ask you for coffee, and then you go, yeah, that'd be cool, except for my boyfriend, and I was like, oh! And then I was like, wait, did I know that? Because was he there at Ryan's show? And I was like, man, I hope you don't think that I thought you were single, because I wouldn't have done that, I'm not that guy, even when I was high, I'm not that guy I can see, I can see your heart, that's why I'm here But you did say some nice things to me while I was going through stuff, because I think when I first got divorced, I got told that I was a certain kind of thing And then I think my phone read into it, and then started sending me memes about me being a narcissist And I was like, that makes sense, because I'm egotistical, like I hate myself, but I also think I'm pretty sweet And I was like, that would add up that you're a narcissist, because also, you hurt people that you care about, why do you do that?
Because you're too busy thinking about yourself, like a narcissist would? That doesn't sound like narcissists' inner thoughts Right, so you were the first person to break it down to me, because I said something about, I was in the cold plan, and I was like, I'm trying to freeze the narcissist out of my system And then you mentioned, and you were like, who told you you're a narcissist? And I was like, eh, I don't know the world? Because you're self-centered, probably because you have trauma from your childhood and you are self-protective So you're ahead of me, and all the things you were telling me were things that I was slowly discovering So it was like, not only are you really hard, but you were giving me words of wisdom When I was like, okay, this person is smart, I get this person, I'm starting to like, like you for who you are, this is gay as hell But I was really liking the person, and then I was just going to keep it that way And I was showing my friends, I don't have any friends, but I was showing them And I was like, dude, that's awesome, and I was like, I know, right?
Like super cute girl just saying nice things to me And they were like, you should probably hear her, and I was like, why? They weren't working, and I was like, because I'm fucking old, let me go And then I went back to her, I was like, see, you fucking assholes, I was just playing it cool, every now and then I'd be like, thank you for you, Bobby, and then off my day, off my day, off my day, no harm, no foul But no, I got the fucking ass for coffee, and she's got a fucking boyfriend, and then I put my fucking foot in my mouth And then I feel uncomfortable for the rest of the time. I felt like I actually were very respectful, I never thought you didn't, you were like, oh, the great way to coffee sometimes I felt like you were like, hey, what's up? You know what I mean?
I never got that vibe Also, your friends might not have told you that if you'd mentioned that when you met her boyfriend was with her You didn't remember that. Right, exactly. There was a pretty intense podcast, there was a lot going on, I could see where, like, you knew, but you weren't really paying attention to it, so I could see that See, there's a flip side of that though, because guys are women often complain that guys miss hints and miss signals I didn't think, I honestly, you're saying it like there was a whole thing behind it, I totally didn't even think everything into it, I was like, oh, you wanted to go to coffee, I think maybe that might be inappropriate based on, unless we like do a podcast, that's cool I was trying to try to hang out. I'm sorry.
No, it's okay. I don't really interact with people unless I see something in them, I'm really, like, I said, like, I'm just really, like, I see people for who they are and I thought you were really cool and you're like, you know, I was still cool, I like how open you are and I like how, I don't know, I just thought you had like something different about you and so I was like, oh, that's rad, I saw you were like trying to better yourself, especially later in life, you know, you're not like 22, you're trying to like actually do shit and do the hard thing, like to me, that's fucking huge, you know. Well, I appreciate you being so nice. I'll rebel bean now, it's time.
Rumble bean? Come to the end. And interview over. I'll rebel bean, take it away.
Hairless cats are something that you have in common? Yes, I have a little one named Crowley. That's pretty cool too. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't have short legs.
Ozzy referenced or flat out Elle's to Crowley. Well, Ozzy was the name of my other one that got eaten by Coyote two years ago. I'm starting to hear that. So I was pretty devastated about that and I got another kitty and I named that one Crowley, like Mr.
Crowley. My children very, very nearly named our dog Mr. Crowley. Aw, that's cute.
Because your kids love Ozzy, huh? Yeah. One of them, right? Yeah, no, no, no.
I love your old and a six year old. The six year old just has to like everything. The 12 year old likes to. She's a six year old who's super into Ozzy as well.
I love Ozzy. I used to dance to Ozzy. Well, anyway, how do you know Jealous? He'll go over.
He'll be. That's fine. I get to do it. My cat is obsessed with my dude.
It's like I can't compete. It's the bald warmness. I don't know what it is. We are harder.
Yeah. And I'm like, I'm literally watching. It's like, excuse me. I got a boy kitty to be in love with me.
Yeah. But lately, since my girlfriend stays with me a lot, his new thing now is I get up early and my girlfriend will sleep in and he will stay in bed and sleep with her. And usually the routine is I get up and I go let the dogs out and then I feed him. And he knows that.
That's like, he's like, sometimes he'll wake me up and be like, hey man, breakfast, right? And I'm like, I don't really want him, but okay, I'll get up and do it. Lately, like, as in this morning, I get up, let the dogs out, like, get them some food, get some water. I come back in and this asshole is still just like sleeping with her.
And I'm like, you don't want food? And he's like, nah, I'm pretty cool. So now his new thing is to sleep in with my girlfriend. So things have changed.
He's made a shift. She must be warm. Yeah, something like that. But I've never been happier.
Yeah. And all the work and it was cool to see somebody. I love seeing the posts of the things that you went through because I don't know you from your past and seeing those photos of when you're addicted to drugs and how well you're doing now and seeing how not well you were doing then. Like just that photo.
Wow. You look like, wasn't he looked bad? It was you looked mean, like, I looked for doing that. I had a cystic acne all over my face.
My hair was greased in my head. I looked like I'd been through the ringer. You look like you would make some bad choices. I did make some bad choices.
But now you're on fire. Yeah. I mean, it was pretty dark back then. Yeah, I mean, a lot of, I mean, I go hard.
You know, I'm very obsessive. I tend to be obsessive. So like anything I do, I do like more than everybody else. So if I do something healthy, it's going to be more than everybody else.
So I've had to really like learn to be present, but also accept the fact that I am a bit obsessive and like to put that in places where it's healthier. Where do you think it all started? Like, you know, it's my family. My whole family is like alcoholics, like they have, you know, drink a lot, whatever.
They sell a nail. No, we're from Texas. It's like everybody drinks. Like it's just like how it is.
You know what I mean? Like everybody's like, it's just, you don't really think of it that way. My grandmother was drinking like crazy. Did you start young?
Yeah. I mean, I started around 14 or 15 experimenting. I started with like, you know, once I had like a Viking in a uphill, it was like I had arrived kind of thing like that, that feeling you get where you're like, oh, this is how people feel. People are happy.
Like this is wild. Like all the things that I don't have, it gave me, you know. And now I have that without it. So I don't like crave it anymore.
Like the obsession has literally been lifted for me. But like in the past, I was like, how do people say sober? Like, do you guys just live with your, with your pain all the time? No, what pain?
I'm like, oh, you guys don't have pain all the time. You know, every time I've tried to be sober, I've done it in ways that were not effective. And it was just like willpower. Or I used to do a thing that Telly's very aware of where I would say I'm sober from here on air and I would tell everybody.
So that way. So then they held you accountable? Yeah. I can't be caught anywhere doing it because I told everybody that I don't do it.
But then you forgot your covered in tattoos and you look like a wild man. Just like something a wild guy would do anyways. Yeah. I'm like, we're going to stop you really.
And then I would end up little cheats. Like I would put booze in sodas and be like, I'm not drinking, you know, and lie. And never understand that when I did these little things that I started to hate myself more, which made me want to do more drugs and alcohol. Yeah, because you already lied.
We are, we can't lie. Hey, everybody. This podcast brought to you by BetterHelp online therapy done easy, super convenient and views our code. It helps us out.
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Yeah, I actually heard this one time that like everybody assumes at a certain point you're going to wake up and you're going to be an adult. And then one day you're like, well, look at my age. I definitely should be an adult, but I don't feel like an adult. And then you feel like you screwed up somewhere along the way or you missed life's big instruction package.
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Rob Stewart sold like platinum albums. Guess what? His kids hate him. I don't know if that's true or not, but seriously, everybody should go.
It's what I'm trying to say. He cries himself to sleep every single night with a full belly of, well, I think we all know. I get, I'm a doc. People that listen to show know that I've been real dark and I grew up old school trying to be tough.
Maybe tell one of your friends and then they can tell everybody and they'll make fun of you. But therapy actually works. So I highly recommend it. It's helped me a lot.
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We can't lie. We can't. We can't. I love it.
You're just putting me into politics. No, I'm, yeah. If you're going to be sober, you have to be honest. That's the only thing.
And the people that I noticed have the hardest time with the ones that cannot be rigorously honest. And so like, I've got to the point now where like, I just can't, I'd rather just say an uncomfortable truth. Because like, it's, and that's why I like being with people in sobriety a lot of times, or like dating people in sobriety. They're really doing it though.
Because they know that like, they're usually the best people. Like they work on themselves the most, they're, they've, they've done a lot of like inner, like reflection. And then they're usually really honest. they're not honest and they're not really living the program.
Yeah, my girlfriend and I are. It's weird. Is she the writing to? Yeah.
Because I can't. That's what I try when I started to get when I really got clean and really started getting things together. I met a few people and it was like, oh, I smoke weed every now and then I was like, it's a harm in that. And then it was like, some people were, I really thought they were hot, you know, and I was like, it's okay.
It's not that bad. And I was like, and I also had a lot of insecurity. Like the, the, the mountain that I just like, at one point I was like, no one's, I'm undatable. Like that's just how I thought I'm like your age.
You've been open about being by your, you've been in porn. Like there's so many things that you have to tell somebody. This is something I'm learning. Oh yeah?
Yeah. I had only fans. Oh, you did like only fans for it. Yeah.
I thought you meant like you were like Hans, honcho big, big junior dong. I would have, if somebody had given me the job at the time, I would have taken a job. I just didn't nobody. Okay.
I'm available to pick porn names if you guys like that. I got a lot more. Oh yeah. I met it.
No, my time is gone. I took myself off all that stuff. But that's, that's just me. I can't, I can't tell you.
It's all about like, it's all about your belief, right? So like, people will do that whole thing. Like, oh, like I just don't want it. They say like, oh guys just don't want to date girls that are like in that business or that have that life sound like, that's not true.
And they're like, well, every guy that I've been with, I'm like, well, you're putting that out there. So you're attracting the people that are like that. I don't believe that. And I've never in my life had an issue keeping or attracting a person.
And it's not just a looks thing because I have hot ass friends. You know what I mean? And it's just, it's a belief, you know, if you don't believe you're worth it, if you don't believe you're going to get something, you're not going to get it. Yeah, I just, that's how I know you're not an artist.
I think, you know, we've been around a lot of adult performers over the years. I think there are a lot of guys who can't roll with that and can't handle it, but it was never going to work out with those guys. Yeah, never, you never got into that. But if you believe as a person, this is who, like, I deserve this, I will have this.
You're not going to track those guys. You're going to track the guys that are, that are for you. I'm like a huge believer in like a law of attraction. And I just, I think, you know, you manifest these things.
And if you, and I've never in my life thought, Oh man, what if I can't find a guy or it's usually like, you know, get the fuck out of here, you know, I'll stay for a fricking 10 years with someone. And I'm like, man, it's like, we're going to be working out to the last five. Yeah, I was like that. Yeah, you have, it's, you know, it's one of those things where you have to be really like, you just have to believe like what you're worth, you know, and I could tell you do struggle with like some insecurities.
I could see it, you know, whereas you don't have to, because you have this like, inner thing that when you let your guard down, I could see you like, you have this like light, you know, yeah, well, these days, you know, especially recent, I just feel like I, I love myself. And I was going to say I love myself again, but I don't think I've ever really loved myself. I've loved pieces of myself over the top pieces. Like, but now I'm like, I'm a good person.
You can count on me. And I don't, I think I might have said that in the past and been blown smoke on my own ass. Like, I really know that now. Like, I won't lie.
I won't cheat. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it. I've got your back. Like, I'm a loyal person.
So now I can be happy and that's everything. I won't give it up. Like, there's like been little companies. I've done an ideal solo show here at Awesome World.
And someone was like, it's like some financial difficulty. I'm going through and someone was like, why don't you just do it? I only fancy thing like real quick. Like, I don't have a problem with other people doing it.
It's just me. I don't want to do it. I don't like the messages that I get. I still don't like, it's weird because I'm talking about being bi again.
But I'm trying to not talk about it as much because it seems to trigger guys to message me. It doesn't matter if I go, hey everybody, I'm in another mess. Like, I'm just happy in a relationship with my girlfriend and they go, what about, you know, if I was in, I'm like, oh my God, dude. I just simply.
Yeah, man. And I think it's a different biology there. So you're like, if you're in OnlyFans thing and you like men and you're in a relationship, you could be tempted in a way or feel like it doesn't feel right to you because like something is men have that biology of like that drive that like, you know what I mean? Where it's like, we do too, but it's different.
It's like we can, we can compartmentalize. You know what I mean? Whereas I feel like it might be a little hard for someone, especially if they're struggling with sex addiction. And then I am.
Yeah. So it doesn't sound like a good option for you. I just don't want to risk it. Yeah.
You know, like what if I, what if I don't like myself a little bit for it? I've worked so hard to get where I am. It's not worth it. If your heart says no, it says no.
Right. So that's kind of where it is when it comes to any of that stuff. How is that going with the bisexual thing? Because I know that that would be like a thing with like girls, you know, like maybe they feel like they can't offer that to you.
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think that back when I was active in that, I think my ex definitely thought like there's certain things that she can't do that guys can't. You can, but it's not this not real.
It's good with it. Yeah. Some people aren't. Dilly noted.
I love how I made eye contact with him. I know. Pick it up with your toe. What time was it?
I'm also taken up. One time somebody was pretty good with it, but that's beside the point. I'm just not interested anymore. I don't know what happened.
You're in love. Before that. Oh. Do you feel like partially, so I was.
I think my addiction was part of it was the monster and I just and when it like we were talking about getting tattoos, getting into things when I got into sex, I was like, what do you got? Yeah. Like I've never done that. So do it.
It's a way to numb. Right. So it was like a running thing. I just kept running.
So whatever if it was new, then that would make me further out of my own head. And then you just start hating yourself because you're probably about things you've done that put yourself in that you maybe wouldn't have wanted to do, but did just for the addiction and just feel weird about it. That's when things started to really hurt. God, your sex inventory must be like, I want to hear it.
Not here. It's a kind of a patreon. That's got to be a good tea party right there. I don't think anybody like you might you sound like you'd be just in hearing it, but most of the people.
So I'm I'm literally like the hardest person to shock. Like I can I'm perpetually unoppressed. Well, it's because you are in the industry. So you are aware of these things.
I'm not doing as much as as people do. I you know, I do stuff with my dude. I do stuff with my friends stuff like that. We've had a few guy friends come in, but I'm not like, you know, I'm just really like open and curious.
I'm a very curious person. So like when I'm asking people about information, I'm asking like out of curiosity, like tell me and I'm not like judging. Yeah, no, I see that. Yeah.
I just like I'm a I'm not a tough guy. I look like when I talk about it a little bit. I like me and when I talk about that stuff, it's very off putting to a lot of guys. Yeah.
They're like, you did what? Like I don't want to hear that shit. I'm like, okay, fair enough. I don't want to talk about it either.
So everybody's happy. Like let's not talk about it. But there are a lot of things like I can tell that like I have told stories because I've been freaked out. Like people have done stuff from like what the fuck.
I just have them domed. So nothing. I used to like do domination stuff. So like I've been privy to a lot of like some pretty wild stuff.
I've been in some rooms that I was just watching and I'm like, this is wild even for me. For example, there was one time that I was in this room like they were doing like some content. It wasn't with me, but like it was me and like 10 other people standing there. And one of the dominatrix girls came and there was like this little cute Asian boy.
And we put him in a school girl dress and she just went to town on him with a strap on in front of all of us. She's a room full of people watching and she was like, this chick was crazy. Like she was not like nice with it. And then at the end of it, like the whole room smelled really, really bad.
And like we realized that he like shit all over the strap on. And then she put it in his mouth. And it was just a moment where I was like, I want to be shocked. But like it was in front of a bunch of people and I was just, it was more about the smell and the fact of light.
I was like, I mean, I didn't do anything. I wasn't like, oh my God. But I was just like, oh, that was some shit. I just saw it.
Yeah. There's some crazy people out there that like that. And honestly to each their own. I don't know if you wanted that you didn't expect that she was a really mean dom and that was her like her thing to push things.
You could see it in his face that that wasn't expected. They were filming at the time, right? It was filmed. Okay.
Yeah. And I was just standing there. I was like eating my potato chips and I'm like, yeah, not hungry. Yeah.
But. It does not make me hungry. That's right. I was more like, I like to, I kind of stopped doing it after like we stopped doing the, like the wild like, was beating people up type stuff.
The wild? What? Like, you know, like the beating people up like. There was the part you liked.
I liked that part. I had a lot of anger back in the past. Head to the rear of that by beating people up. No, no, no.
I got rid of anger from a lot of inner work and like trauma processing. But I was like, it, they had me come in like, oh, we just want you to do like some of these like, just to beat people up and stuff. And I was like, okay. And then I was like, this is fun.
And then they're like, you might be psycho. They're like, most people kind of, they do it a little bit. And then the most part, like, oh, that was a little much for me. And I was like, what do I need to come back?
You know, it was fun. You're refreshingly lacking an empathy. Yeah. So good for this business.
But now I'm like, I haven't done that forever. But yeah, it was, it was a good time. But yeah, there's some wild stuff there. You haven't done any fighting?
No, I wanted to. My mom begged me not to. She was like, they're going to ruin your face. When you came from a sort of fighting background in the family?
Yeah, my dad was a wrestler. Um, wrestler like proper wrestling or professional wrestling, like like the, you know, WWE types of stuff. He was 400 pounds. He was 400.
Six foot four. Wait, wait, 400 like muscle or fat? He was muscle. He was on steroids, but he was also like a genetic beast.
So he was like a huge guy. He's dead. Yeah. I'm sorry.
Was he cool? Yeah, he was in Batman. I told you, I think he was Bane. What?
I didn't, you, I thought you were asking me to be Catwoman on that thing because you knew my dad was Bane. No, my dad is Bane and Batman and Robin. What? Yeah, it says Bane's daughter on your Instagram.
Yeah, I didn't know that. I'm a beast. I just did the pretty bitches. Yeah, it was Bane and, um, yeah, so I come from like a, yeah, that's my dad.
Holy shit. Wait, that's really him? Yeah. Wait, I watched this recently.
Did we watch this recently? I did. I did it for the show. Wait, so he was on the road?
Um, he was mostly on the couch, but no, he was, he was so big and he took, he had to like maintain the size. He felt like to compete in this industry and he got the big, he became the biggest. This is a smaller, he was smaller. It's like 350 there.
I love when you go, he, he's, he's smaller. Yeah, um, but he just felt that pressure to be so big that he literally would sit in front of the TV all day, go to the gym twice a day, power lift, take steroids, drink protein, eat 10 times a day. But like most of the time, I mean, his heart was like a nine year old man by the end of it. He just didn't have any.
Did you know that he was doing steroids? Yeah. Like did he show it? I knew he was doing painkillers too.
I watched him. I was, I remember being a kid looking downstairs and seeing him forging doctors, things that he stole from the doctor and I went downstairs and he covered it up with the book and I was like, and then I remember like, he took me to the doctor's office one time. He shook down the doctor because he wouldn't write him any more prescriptions. This is where it comes from.
Oh, yeah, you think? Wow. Yeah. He was also, you know, he wasn't just an actor.
He wasn't just a bodybuilder. He worked with a mafia when I was younger. That's why mom took me away from him for a while was because he was literally like a hit man for the mafia and was killing people. And there was literally like an entire, you know, day where my mom and I took the wrong car when we were in Holland and we were driving around the dead body in the car.
We didn't know. So he's dead. I can say that now. Me, again, he's been a prison many times.
How and when did you find out that your father was or had been a hit man? Well, I knew something was going on as a kid that it was kind of weird that we were in. You know, we went to Holland. We went to like Belgium.
We were traveling around with his buddy who was saying Peter, I'm not going to say his last name because his daughter's still my friend but that was the guy he worked with. And you know, he had like these Italian people around all the time. He wasn't Italian so it was like a mademan but he was working for them because of what they call an arm and a leg man. And just basically enforcing and forcing shit.
How did you know that? Did he tell you? I remember this before he died, he was like, obviously, wasn't recently. Before he died, he said, when you're 16, I'm gonna tell you everything.
And I was like, I'll tell me now. He's like, I can't tell you now, but I'm gonna tell you everything when you're older. And then, you know, he passed and I talked to my mom and she's told me everything. His ex-crimey, who also passed and his daughter and his wife are still around, they told me the same stories.
How old were you when he passed away? I was around 11, 12. Yeah, so I mean. Was he there for you a lot?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he was just. He was a nice person to me.
Yeah. Did he have a temper to you? No. He was always chill.
But he had a temper, right? Yeah, he hurt a lot of people, but not me. I was a little person. Did you ever see that temple?
Yes. So when I was little, I remember really vividly like we got in a fender bender. Someone just kind of tapped the back of us. My dad goes, oh, all right, we gotta pull over.
And I go, ah, I hit my head. And I just saw this switch flip. And he got out of the car and tried to pull the guy through the closed window and was beating the shit out of him. Just because my little head got bumped.
But that's, that's, probably. Yeah, so the guy was, you know, and then, oh, yeah. And then he beat a guy to death when I was little. I was there, but I was so, have you ever seen like an apartment buildings where like it's on the outside of the apartment building?
So like it's not like an inside where you walk through the halls. It's like everything's outside. More like a motel style apartment building. Exactly.
So that's where my mom and I lived for a while. My dad and her weren't together anymore. And she basically like was staying with this guy who was like free-basin cocaine. And he used to have like a successful business and everything, but just got taken down by it.
And he tried to kill her one day and was like, he went through a psychotic break. She was trying to get him out. And he was like, I'm going to kill you, try to put a fork up to her implants. I'm going to cut your implants out.
The fork. Yeah, like some crazy shit wrapped in like a phone cord when phone cords around her neck strangled her. And then was just like, you know, he kept calling her his wife's name, his ex-wife's name. And then saying, where's my kid?
Talking about me as if I was his daughter. And I was across the way at the neighbor's house, who apparently were also free-basin cocaine. But they weren't at the time. They were just kind of sitting there.
And so basically he almost killed her. She was able to talk her way out. She was like, honey, like she's next door. Like I love you.
Like just let me go get her. We got a cake for you. It's your birthday. She went full survival.
And he was like, he let her go. And she walked to the door and said her knees buckled. And then ran to the apartment that I was at. And just runs in the door.
And of course, she's screaming, shaking. And this is traumatizing. Because I'm like, what the hell? And she's like, he's going to kill us.
He's going to kill us. And I look over. He's pacing on the patio with a fucking shotgun. We're about to die.
It was a scary moment. And she's like, call the police. He's going to kill us. Well, he got arrested for one night.
And they said he could come back and get his stuff out of the apartment. So my mom told my dad what happened. And he flew down on a red-eye flight. And we were sitting there.
I remember the car ride, too. I remember driving in the car to the apartment. He was like, just talking. It was so chill.
My dad was ice cold. He was just talking to his kid and just super chill. No tenseness. He's fearless.
And we got there. And we got out of the car. And I see Eddie, which is the guy's fucking name. And he was a big guy.
He was tall. He looked over the thing and he goes, oh, hey, cheap. He saw my dad. Apparently, he was shirtless, first of all.
And he was doing push-ups in front of our fucking apartment, waiting for my mom to come back. The neighbors saw. And so he saw my dad. And he goes, oh, hey, cheap.
How you doing? Totally snapped out of it. And my dad goes, oh, not much. And I remember yesterday, my dad took his sandals off.
He had these strappy sandal things. And he goes, hold these, Kaylee. And I just sat there. And he went up and just beat the fuck out of this guy to the point where I could hear everything.
I mean, here's this guy's screening for his life. And then he ended up dying in the hospital, not too long after. But they said it looked like a truck hit him. They said it didn't look like a human being did that.
Thank god this was in Texas, by the way. So. Why is that good? Because I don't know the statute of limitations on these things.
But let's just say my mom, he attacked my mom before my dad got to him. So he was protecting her. So. There's a lot of like, stand your ground, protect your property.
You have a right to defend yourself in very expansive ways. So then the neighbors, they saw it all too. So everybody, just kind of. Sorry, buddy.
She's. Have you given me a message? I know where all this rage came from. I mean, you must be interested in trying to figure out, I'm sure you spent some time trying to figure out what made your dad end up being a guy who was wired that way and motivated to become the biggest, toughest guy.
And well, I'm sure you had the build for it, but still. Well, my first of all, like a total astrology girlie. And I've done my dad's charts. And he's a Pisces moon.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know one Pisces moon man that isn't a little bit unhinged. They're very sensitive.
Is that how that goes? It's very sensitive and very hard for them to deal with their emotions. Sensitivity. So but yeah, it's probably not the only thing.
But he definitely, his, his, don't leave me. You're a little bit. They can absolutely tell when you want them to want you. Yeah.
That's when they're gone. Yeah. I dated girls that are like kids. That's how I'm not going to say.
No, I love to be wanted all the time. Actually, my king is praise. And it's probably why I actually liked you. I was like, he's praising me a lot.
I like this guy. I thought about this guy. It was just a light in you. It's when you notice the light in me.
No, just kidding. No, I actually got the gear rad. But so anyways. What's he saying?
Yeah, he did blow up his mom's backyard with a pipe bomb when he was his child. And fuck, it's kind of gone. And I don't know. I don't know what he's talking about.
Sorry to have the pinks. But anyway, sorry. Keep going. And then, you know, his brother, when I go to visit his brother, his brother loves him.
Like, but he's got like traumatized for my dad's like, Dennis the menis abuse when he was a child. So he'll literally be like, I loved your dad. But one time when we were kids, he'll just start in his whole like ramble. He shot me with one of the guns we had.
Just like what? He's like 6'4, but he's skinny, lean. My dad is just, I mean, his dad was in a World War II hero. He was one of the first on the concentration camps, one of the first tanks.
His name was Tank. He's a badass dude. And I think when he came back, things weren't the same. And he was not a very emotional guy.
And my grandmother wasn't very emotional. So I think there was a lot that maybe he didn't get nurtured anymore attention. He's 400 pounds and he didn't want attention. Sounds like a little boy who's wanted attention his whole life.
But he was also very just like a protector. My uncle got beat up when he was a kid. And so I was like, my dad just annihilated that kid. My dad was like, I could beat you up.
It seems like the world was pushing him to be what he is. Yeah, I mean, he was wild, bro. I don't know. He was awesome.
There's definitely a trauma that I thought was funny. And I still think it's funny. But I'm also like, well, that's probably fucked me up a little bit. But it wasn't attention.
No, he's just a wild man. My mom was wild. She was a stripper. My dad was gorgeous.
She still is. My dad was just like, I mean, I thought the house got robbed when I was a kid multiple times. But one time we went to the store grocery, strip, like a family. I come back.
That windows are broken. The house is robbed. I'm terrified. Someone just broke in our house.
We're going to die. It's just a kid. It was him for the insurance money. I didn't find that up till years later too.
So I was always just like, sleep with one eye open. But he faked Robbed his own house. Yeah, he also faked Robbed at U-Haul. Again, you guys can't get him.
He got the money. He's been on us. He's got some similar vibes there because my dad did some stuff like that. I think there was a time there.
He had Range Rover and it was something going on. I can't remember why. He faked all his own car. And the only reason I know is because he took it somewhere to set it on fire.
I think he like, insurance claim or something like that where he figured out. Because he was like a blue collar criminal. But he put a jerry can, a gasoline on the car or poured it all over it to light it up. And I guess when he lit it, the fire went back into the jerry can.
Oh no. And like, since his face and like did all this weird shit. He should have done it. How am I done?
He just took it. But so your dad set fire to his car to it? No, he took the U-Haul. He took it to my grandmother's house.
It got robbed outside my grandmother's house. And he used like one of those little things where he like cut the glass. And so and then everything got taken out. So basically he like robbed all of our stuff out of the U-Haul and then claimed the insurance on it.
Right. Yeah. Well, I don't know because I was younger when he did stuff like that. But I'm assuming like he was an Alice.
So I don't assume that he was like a thinking man. Just based off like how I was. I don't assume he was a thinking man. I wasn't like an Oceans 11 type plan.
No, it doesn't sound like it. He was like, wait, if I say that my car is gone and I said, fine, I got the money for it. And then he drove off into the bush. I was like, fuck.
I burnt myself and then told me this story about how he's got burnt off because the fire went into the. Oh, no, my dad was actually like so weird. He was like a mega mind like genius. Well, it sounds like he was hanging out with people that would have been there because you learn, you know, like if you know people that are in crime, then you get a lot of like good tips.
Well, he's already, he was doing it from the time he was a wee one. Like the moment he was able to figure out how to rip people off and like do crazy shit, he was doing it. And he was so brilliant. Like this is a man that like mince a level intelligence could literally open a freaking math book and he could do any problem in the book.
Like he just brilliant. Really? But he just, I mean, he was also, it's hard. I can't, my dad's life is so crazy.