Villain Underground #37

Hey everybody welcome again to another episode of the Villain Underground. I am your game Mustard HappyPuke and with me today I have four lovely people ready to play some baddies. First we have Change the Game, Ally. Mike Dyser on Final Notice.

We have Live for Now, Cody. Impartially ignited, please put me out. We have Generation Next, Phil. Hi, I'm the new guy, welcome to the new podcast.

And we have Live Bolder Mike. You think this is the first time I've been on the show, but we've been at this a long time you and I. If you did notice those were all Pepsi slogans, it's a secret. Oh, no, I feel very woken.

Would you say that you're a woken? Hey F. That's a woken. The caffeine keeps you awake.

So yeah, Will is not with us because he died and we have Mike on the show now. Hi, I may be a reincarnated Will. I don't know. Maybe, maybe you're Will from the future or the past or whatever.

The future past. All right, so who wants to give us a run out of what happened last time on the Villains Underground? Oh, it's Mike. He didn't put his finger on his nose.

I think he should be exempt. It's a good idea. I should be exempt from shows that I'm on. Let alone shows that I'm busy.

RoboNobo came back. He was a big old asshole because he assimilated all of his other brothers, basically, or family members, if robots can't have families. That's a little more existential than we should get into. Do you remember all of the robot family's names?

Oh, fuck no. Why? Why? Why?

Why? There was a ringatron, Baboom. Go Replicant. Go Replicant.

And CumanDroid. CumanDroid. Yeah, CumanDroid was the last thing that's RoboNobo wanted to assimilate. And ended up actually assimilating it.

And then killed itself. Did RoboKill himself technically, or did he just blow up from too much? No, no, no. No, he not.

No, he not. He not pressed the Self-Destruct button. And then RoboNobo exploded in a massive explosion. And now everybody hates us because one of the rockets died in the fight.

Yep. Also, he lost an arm in the fight. Oh, the king did this arm. Yeah, oh yeah.

I forgot about that. The motherfucker dug up my mom. He did not get that. That is true.

That's where we'll pick up. It's been a couple of days, the mansion is pretty well destroyed via giant thermal blast or whatever RoboNobo exploded into. But let's go over to the new character. We're going to start out there.

So Mike, would you like to explain what your character is about? Okay, so my character is a man named Roger Montgomery. So I mean, are there supposed to be any secret identities? Because I don't fuck up already if there is.

No, not to the audience. Okay, perfect. So he's a former chemical plant worker. You know, like many of his kin, an accident left him paralyzed.

Well, an accident gave him powers. Also happened to leave him paralyzed from the waist down. But the power that he received is his super speed. So he is a speedster.

The problem is he has always had a thing against enhanced individuals, meds, whatever you want to call him. And now he's got to become the thing that he hates the most. Okay. What, how deep do you want me to go into this?

I mean, that's fine enough. So basically you're a speedster, but you are in a murder ball style wheelchair, right? Yes. Yes.

It's obviously has to be friction proof, but not entirely friction proof. Like the wheels can't be friction proof. Because then you just see for lack of a better term, spin in his wheels. So right.

But it's a hybrid advanced wheelchair that you got somewhere and it allows you to super speed around in your wheelchair. Yeah, I can take turns like nobody's business. Right. And you can probably do all the flash stuff.

So like roll on water or like roll buildings, that kind of shit. All of the flash stuff. So your villain name, you've taken up a mask, right? And you are doing villain stuff.

Your villain name is RPM. Yes, it is. Okay. So RPM, you usually take jobs from people.

Right? I mean, sure. Yeah. Okay.

As long as it's not a greasy meta. Okay. A guy you know named adrenaline, his whole thing is he pumps chemicals into his brain to enhance himself, but like he doesn't have any natural power. So you're kind of cool with him.

Adrenaline calls you up one day and he's like, Hey, I got a I got a beat on some work if you need it. What's the job? Well, there's this, uh, there's this kid and he's got a small crew. And they were so this kid.

Is he actual kid? Yeah, he's like 15. Okay. I was worried.

It sounded like an eight year old and that's below my threshold. No, no, no. Well, he's got a small crew together. I've done some stuff with before.

They're pretty cool, but they've had some setbacks. They had one of their own members turn on them, their bases and shambles. And one of their members contacted me recently asking if I knew of any muscle that they could hire for a little bit. Speed's more my game.

Well, you know what I mean? I don't mean like muscle muscle. Oh, okay. I was confused for say.

Okay. I'm we're on the same page. Yeah, they just need some backup. So, uh, is that something you might be interested in?

Yeah, you name the time in the place. All right. And give me whatever the currency in this universe is. All right.

Is it just dollars? Yeah, it's just money. Okay. That's what I want.

All right. I'll, uh, I'll give magpie. I'll give magpie your number and show you can contact me shortly. Got it.

All right. Um, a little bit later, a young girl calls you. She sounds about like 17, 17, 18. Okay.

She calls you up and she's like, Hey, is RPM speaking? My friend, uh, Adrena, said that I could contact you through through here. Uh, we need a little extra help because, uh, we've suffered some losses lately and we could do someone on a team on the crew. We're a little short-handed.

Okay. But I, but I don't drive. But no, yeah, we got people that can drive. Oh, well, I don't need a ride either.

I'm fast. Yeah. That's what I heard. Okay.

So let me give you an address real quick and I'll introduce you to the, introduce you to the crew when you get here. Got it. All right. Good.

Okay. So back to the mansion. It's been a couple of days later. The mansion's pretty much half the store.

There's only a couple rooms that are actually indoors now. And Magpie calls a meeting of the whole crew. What? What do you want?

She's like, I just need to talk to everybody. Okay. Where the mirror is everybody? Oh, on the front lawn.

Which is like the only good meeting spot left. Is the only thing I've riddled with holes? Wait, was this the address I was given? Yes.

Oh, so I'm already here, right? Yeah. You're, you're, you're going to show up. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to fast.

I don't know if I mention that. Right. Not just going to go stand next to a lady bird, kind of like put his hands on his hips. It's like morning lady birds.

Silicon artist, you join? Yeah. Silicon artist was already out on the front lawn. He was flying himself like a kite.

Okay. Just to relax. Magpie says everybody. Okay.

So since Roblyn will turn on us and we suffered some pretty big casualties in the fight, I thought we could use a little bit of muscle. So I heard someone in temporarily and then RPM, you come zipping up. Zip. He says.

This is RPM. I met him through adrenaline. He comes highly recommended. Wait.

What do you guys do? She's going to point to Knox, Cody's character, who looks like a 14 year old kid and kind of like a, how would you describe your character, Cody? Basically a 14 to 15 year old kid in a very large helmet and a very overly overwrought, like just fancy outfit with a long cave that kind of drags behind him. He's going to go up to RPM, put his hand up.

Hello RPM, I'm Knox. The, it looks like both dead eye and a Silicon artist and then lady bird leader. Sure, Knox. You keep telling yourself that.

Someone has to. You got powers? No, actually. That's kind of personal.

You're already in my book and he gives him a slapping handshake. You think, oh, okay. Well, you've already met lady bird, apparently. Matt Pies like that's not my name.

And this is one of our other hires, did I? Did I, how would you explain your character? So, did I is a woman of like middle high black hair wearing a Zorro mask. She's got at least five guns strapped to her person at all times.

And she's definitely more shoot first, ask questions later. So, did I will walk up to RPM and just be like, hey, I never liked guns. They're too slow. Good for you.

Also, hi. Hi. And this over here is a Silicon artist. Silicon artist, how would you explain your character?

I walk up and shake RPM sand. What you see is a rather tall individual about six foot tall currently. Well, quaffed hair. Pretty good.

Like facial features looks pretty swab, I guess, in the classical sense. Yeah. Hi, I'm Silicon artist. RPM.

And what do you do? Did you just say that? Well, hold on. Do your voice one more time?

Just say something, anything really. It doesn't matter. Something, anything really, it doesn't matter. At that moment, she's like, okay, I think I got it.

I morph into RPM and perfectly execute the voice and say, how do you fit you physically morph into RPM? Yeah. Are you do you have a wheelchair? Yes.

Okay. Made out of his own legs though. Made out of my own. That's fine.

That's fine. I was about to get real upset. I mean, I was about to get real upset. That's that's pretty good.

Never do that again. It's kind of my thing. Okay. Well, we'll do it to somebody else.

Let me their thing. Okay. Unmorph and stand right next to RPM. MacPies like and that's basically it.

We're going to have RPM around for a second to help out with anything we need to help out with. I mean, the mansion is pretty much in ruins and we're all kind of defenseless at the moment. We lost a couple men in the fight, so we can use some muscle and then she starts walking away. Quick question.

It's Reggie's still alive. Yes. Reggie is still alive. Ah, goes with what to say.

I think Knox is going to be like, hold on, but we have a new member. We have to introduce them properly and he's going to turn around to his legion, his massive army of minions behind it. 18 dudes. Is there like nine?

There's 18 dudes. 18 dudes now. Yes. Okay.

So we're going to yell at Tereji. I'm going to yell at Tereji Fisamade. Like, what do you mean, he's a Reggie Fisamade? Yeah.

What about just Reggie Fisamade? Okay. I'm going to call out to Reggie. Hey, Reggie.

Yeah. 21 guns salute. And I want all of them to lift their guns and fire in the air. Okay.

They all started shooting the guns in the air in no particular rhythm. How many, how many did you say you had? You had 18? Yeah.

Yeah. So some of them are going to have to double up on guns. Is that what you're saying? Yeah.

Like, how do you decide? They did it pretty quickly. How do you decide who's going to fire more than one gun? Are you sure that you have 21 here?

Or is it maybe like a 26 gun salute by accident? Hold on. Hold on. Let me bring up my list of minions.

Do they all do it? Is that 32 guns salute? No. Oh, no.

Actually, that's bad math. That's bad math. They all just raise their gun and empty their clips in the air. So like, you can't really count.

That is just face-palming after like, so when the guns first go off, she gets a little twitchy. She's still on like the lookout for recoil. So she gets a little twitchy and she looks around a little bit. But then she just face-palms when she sees all of the minions firing their guns into the air for no apparent reason.

Okay. Knox is saluting RPM. Yep. Leader.

100% leader. Okay. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to go over see some construction then. Do whatever you're going to do. And then she walks away. And you guys are all sitting on the lawn.

Can we have a picnic? This is what you want to do though, picnic? I think we have our introductory picnic with our... Yeah, we've got to have some brain witches.

Okay. So I guess there's a picnic going on. RPM, what's your reaction to the picnic? It's kind of nice.

I don't know. 100% like, wait. Okay. So Silicon what now?

Silicon artist. Silicon artist. I wanted to say Silicon Knights. But that's the eternal darkness.

Are your powers, I'm not sure if I'm asking this in character out. That's why you have to do the voice. Are your character... Is your character...

Is that technology based? Your power? I mean, use this. Oh boy.

This picnic is kind of nice. I got to tell you, I'm not too fond of the META over there. Who are you thinking? Very loudly.

Yeah. It's saying this to the knocks and dyes, but everyone can hear me. Okay. Oh, see, he's got a grape full of...

Or a mouth full of grapes. Fuck. Mouth full of grapes. Like, oh, see, no, no, no.

I wasn't born with these powers. I was horrifically tortured and given these powers. So I wasn't born with it like some other people. But yeah.

Given those powers, what exactly? Well, if you actually go on to the internet, you can buy the secret origins comic book for $1 or pay what you want and discover the full bevy of Silicon Artist backstory. Job my Alex Cater, our game muster himself and written by me. RPM's dips off for a second and then is almost immediately back.

And he's like, and I was pretty interesting. That was good. I'm glad that I paid so much money for that. I would do it again.

And I think I will. Bye too. Good plug. Good plug.

Good plug. That was perfect. I know. Yeah, yeah, I got tortured a little bit.

I'm giving my powers and screwed over somebody else. I wasn't supposed to be screwed over. I guess. But yeah, she kind of injected me with a serum that broke my bones, stretched my muscles, elongated my skin.

And now I can kind of do this. And he like does the like flailing arms and stuff like that. And then this and turns like super big and then shrinks back down to normal size. You must, you must really hate what you've been turned into.

Does that keep you awake at night? Do you ever want to get revenge? I mean, the night tears keep me up more than the powers do. I guess it's sort of a chicken or the egg.

Do I have night tears because I have powers or powers? Oh no, that's not really chicken or the egg. Reggie kind of walks behind you, you kind of know the shoulder and he's like, also he's got a problem with the, and like he puts his hands in like a like a like a bottle shape and kind of like nestles the thumb in his mouth. He's like, he's got a little bit of a problem.

He sucks his thumb. Did I seize this and pulls out a gun and holds it all ready? Reggie. Well, I'm just.

I apologize. To who he can't hear me. Can I actually hear him? Yeah.

I mean, I've been staring at R.P. Okay. I elongate my neck and stretch it up next to Reggie's ear. Like, so my face is by his ear goes, I'm going to play your skin from your body, Reggie.

It's like, yeah, you hear everything. I look at his ear. Oh, he said all the time. Reggie.

It's time I might mean it. Okay. So, so. Reggie didn't apologize?

Yeah. He apologized. He was like, oh, okay. Then he was still following Reggie until he actually enters the front door.

With love. With just my, which is my neck. Yeah, just the neck. Okay.

So, um, a couple of days pass and it's pretty quiet. Is there anything anybody does in those couple of days? There's a lot of like rebuilding and like kind of just guarding the mansion. So when you say a couple of days, you mean like 12 years for me?

Yeah. Yeah. Kind of. Okay.

Yeah. Well, then I've learned three new languages. Oh man, you're really milking this whole speech. I definitely want to go up to D.I.

And like, I've got like a whole note pad out and a list of things. Like one of it is like make card dealership with, with Silicon artist as the wacky inflatable arm man. Another world's fair for like him as the world's well brought. Just like a bunch of ideas at the very bottom.

It's like, did I have some issues with family? Maybe check this out. And I go, did I go? Did I go?

Did I? So what happened? You had like a phone catastrophic meltdown. Do you have PS, do you have a phone now?

Do you have PSD from phones? Is it PTSD? Is it PTSD? No.

It wasn't the phone, Knox. It was who was on the phone. I'm not an idiot. You can change your wallpaper as you realize this, right?

You can- It was who was on the phone call, you doofus? Okay. Um, should we, I mean, we talked about it a little bit. Do we need to be worried about this?

I mean, I feel like we need to rectify a situation. I don't want you being distracted during any of these jobs. I mean, if you like your head on your shoulders, we should probably be worried about it. I like it where it's at.

Okay. Um, is there anything that I can go off to? Maybe see if Lady Bird can get some research done? Okay.

A, her name is Magpie. B, maybe. You have better resources than I do here. I don't know that she'd be anything but in the wind though.

Whatever. Try looking up recoil. Okay. Oh, I want to go find Magpie and look up recoil.

Okay. So that's what you're going to do. Is anybody else doing anything different? Silicon artist is still having a picnic.

I mean, yeah. I have for days. I mean, I haven't eaten anything in two days, apparently. Well, I mean, if you want to go through every snack, you guys.

I just got a point where we did. Yeah. Yeah. And it was great.

So just shoot me past. Now I would say RPM is starting to get a little impatient though. And he wants to get the job going. He's not a circuit for me.

I'm not saying I'm getting major. Right. I gotcha. I'm not sure looking up recoil.

You're getting a little bit of information, but before you're able to get anything significant, a convoy of black SUVs pulls into your gate and into your mansion. Do they have any massive signs on it saying what they are? Are they just non-descript? Unmarked in every TV show ever.

So just a line of 12 black SUVs come pulling in. And they circle around your circle drive near your front door. They're all kind of parking. And Reggie alerts everybody.

Is there a bunch of black cars here? SUV isn't an escalator? Yeah, escalators. Dead-eye's going to go up to wait.

Is there a upper floor anymore? There's some upper floor. You have to climb to get to it now, but yeah. Okay.

Well, I'm going to climb up there. And basically make myself a little sniper's nest. Okay. Reggie keeps saying things are escalating out here.

I'm going to shoot Reggie. I have five Reggie. I think he's like, no, but then she fires and misses him. Okay.

So who's going outside to meet the cars? I would. Yeah, no, I should probably yell back. I need some minions.

I don't have my suit on today. But you can't take the helmet off without Donaldson, remember? No, that's a thing that has been changed a long time ago. So he doesn't have one here now because he's dead.

He doesn't have one of his power suits on. So he's like, he's like, RPM, are you going to go outside with everybody else or with the Silicon artist, Knox, at least? Yes. Okay.

All right. But much faster. Out of the back, a bunch of dudes come out of the back of the SUVs, like they have guns and suits on. They like tactical vests and whatnot.

Out of one of the SUVs comes, a man that you recognize, his name is Mascar for RPM. He's kind of a buff dude. He's like, six, five. And he's got like big or like purple tentacles coming off of his back.

Okay. And he gets out of the, he's good side of the car and he's like, Knox. Knox screams. Oh, shit.

And runs back in the house. Where are you going? Knox, I'm just here to talk. It's just the wait.

Uh, church. Okay. Hey, remember that time that I was going to murder you and then I didn't and said that you old me one? Oh, fuck.

Yes. It's time I come collect it. We got problems. Okay.

All right. What do you need? You have, you have a fleet of escalades. What else do you, what else is there?

More escalades. I can get you more escalades if that's what you want. I don't need more escalades. We're a couple of the coolest ice then.

The Cadillac factory. I need better cars. It's like I have a couple of jobs for you. Where can we sit and talk?

It points to the broken down house. Your house is a mess. Knox. He points to a blanket outside.

Just fit perfectly. Just a picnic. Just a small little area. It's just the same picnic.

Are we going to have to have a picnic? Is this where your meeting is now? Is a picnic? Is this just old?

Is it just old? Is it the same thing? Has someone cleared it up? Someone, someone drug the refrigerator outside.

So that's next to them. Big, like a, such a part? Oh, that was totally slick on ours. Totally.

It's totally. It's been like a second. How is the kitchen still intact? So it's like this is where your meeting room is now.

Is a picnic blanket out on your lawn? I'm robotic monkey blow up half my house. There's nothing I'm trying to fix. It's been a few days.

Fine. Let's pow wow. I've got something to talk to you about. I don't smoke.

Just sit down. Okay. He sits down. A lot of his men are just kind of wandering around your area.

Is Knox the only one that knows massacre? I'm trying to think of the timeline. Was Ali as, did I at this moment? No.

No. That was just the three of us. Yeah. It was golden air on six.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Knox, you're the only one that knows massacre at all.

He says, yeah, I've got a couple of jobs for you. Two, to be precise. Which I don't know which one you'd like to have first, but they're both kind of on a clock. Are you kind of lumping these in together?

Like a favor sandwich or some sort? Yes. And after you complete both of those favors, I can give you information on something that will help you. And we could keep you in pro quo going.

If you wanted to be a favor sandwich, it should really be three favors, you know, because you've got the two slices of bread, and then you've got the meat in the middle, and if you don't have the meat, you might as well make it four if you want cheese on this. You know what I'm saying? Can you get a couple more favors? I like the way this man thinks.

In fact, the two favors are the bread. The favors for me. In the middle will be the meat and cheese of kind of something that benefits me, but also I think you'll be quite interested in it. But we will get to the meat and cheese once the bread has been properly buttered.

Is it a good metaphor? It is. It's a grilled cheese. Yes.

This is a perfect metaphor. Let's keep it going. And we are the heat applied to the grilled cheese to make it melt. Exactly.

Suppose, okay, suppose for a moment it's a panini. Okay. Oh. Yeah, I mean, or a subway suburb.

We have six inch or a foot long. This is all important. I would say it's kind of a foot long because these are really important deals going on here. It's probably toasted as well.

As you can see, our infrastructure is a little lacking. I don't know if we want to get into heating up anywhere. Our sandwich is here. So you think like a cold cut trio situation.

Yeah. Oh, but you have to put it in a whole green sandwich, just the wholesome flavors of everything mixing together. Now our wraps out of the question, because we could take everything we're talking about. And put it in the one.

I really need this. I'm trying to watch my figure. I need this to be in on which. So we're talking to let us real help it.

It's just a beautiful lettuce wrap. And I'll be the Mayo. But to make those things good, you have to have double cheese. So you really just shoot yourself with a foot.

So now the two favors are now just two pieces of lettuce next to each other with cheese. We're just sticking with cheese. Are we still melting this? With lettuce on the outside?

I think we've gotten way off track. Guys, that's cool. You seem a lot smoother than what you were before. Yeah.

This makes up to the sandwich cast. We've talked about sandwiches so much. So much. This is not out of place.

This is on par. At the 35 minute mark, we're actually probably coming under quota at this moment. Yeah, I got to step up the second time. Yeah, so I need two things.

Stolen, bought, bribed. However, you want to get them, get them, but I need them. The first, there's a shipment of Zenithium coming into Lapis Harbor. It's being traded off between two parties and I need you to collect it.

However, you see fit and you need to collect it. This is the thing I need. The second, there's a man named the collector and he has a castle. And I found where it is.

And there's an item in the castle I need you to steal. What's the item? An old oil lamp. It doesn't have a genie in it, does it?

What it does or doesn't have in it is not. You're concerned. It's a job for me. It's something I want.

Okay, but just be clear. I'm going to rub this lamp. So if there's a genie, you might as well just mess up now and tell me there's a genie in there. There's rumors that there's a genie in there.

I recommend not rubbing it. Well, okay. I agree to disagree. I found a kind of a bad record of rubbing things.

Bad things seem to happen afterwards. I don't want to talk about your massupatory. I have a snot. Look, here's the thing.

There's a specific couple of days that the castle will be reachable because you have to reach it on boat. You have to sail through a storm and it's a whole mystical bullshit that I hate. But that's the only way to get there. The shipment is coming.

So you have time to do both of these things. So I don't know what you want to do first, but they both need to get done. If we could go back to the masturbation for a second, I can't because I moved too fast and the last time I did it, my dick started on fire. You're not using the right lubrication.

We'll talk after this meeting. Yeah. And what you need to do is you need to shave smooth because that shit's like kindling. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Anyway, so let's not go on with that anymore. So so legitimate question. Yes. The two parties.

Who are they? I'm not sure who the buyer is, but the seller is from the country in which the Zenintheum comes from because it's a very rare resource. Okay. So I'm assuming the government from the country.

And then the collector, you realize that saying that the collector has an old oil lamp, is throwing up some signals because it's the collector. He doesn't have anything ordinary. I know. And he knows that I want it.

And here's the situation with that. You can go there and take the oil lamp and he'll blame me because he knows that I wanted and I made that clear. But if you take anything else, so no, it's not me because I'm very focused and I don't want anything else. That's his.

So if you go there, feel free to see what you'd like, but he will come after you. If you only steal me the lamp, you probably won't. How will we know that it's us? I don't know.

I don't know how he gets his things done. I'm just saying he'll know that that I hired somebody and he'll probably come after you because he knows what I want. And he has a beef with me because we're at odds. So it'll stay between he and I if you just steal what I want.

But if you steal anything extra, I'm not the one that's going to protect you if his wrath come upon you. So you're okay with him knowing it's you. Yes, I can handle myself, but I'm not going to protect you from him if he comes after you. Do you have any guns he could help us?

Or you can give us guns? Yeah. Did I walks up at this point? Hey, I heard about guns.

What's happening? Sorry. I fell asleep a little bit. She has plenty of guns.

No, I can always use more guns. Guns are good. We just have a standard P90s. That's not.

Oh, those are lame. Yeah, but can I get one? Nox, why do you not buy your man a gun? This is the first time that he said something about a hunting a gun.

Nox, I just like that I pulls off three guns. It's just like which one you want? I got plenty. She's literally asked for a gun since day one.

What? You could take one from Reggie. I gave my requisition order to the magpie, but she just kept ripping him up. Oh, that's not to do with me.

That's what Lady Bird. If she says you know, that's no, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to talk to. You know, I think that might be my fault. I told her about that time that you just pissed a whipped a guy rather than actually shooting him.

Listen, all of this wind-baggery is really getting into the bag of bread and making it go moldy. We need to seal up tight to have a good fresh sandwich. What are you doing? You missed the sandwich metaphor.

It's fine. This whole... Wow, these jobs. They're really just a bread.