Villain Underground #50

Hey there it's your Game Monster and I'm here to tell you this episode of the Villain Underground is brought to you by a good looks bad books now If you like you know making sweet sweet loves You can good looks bad books might not be the thing for you because it's about some down and dirty I'll tell you what they read romance books and they review them. I guess If you can if you can call their diatribes reviews, which you know what I totally would I wouldn't I'm not gonna I'm not gonna speak ill of the of the good people over at a good looks bad books They have they have things where you can write your own smart you can send that in they'll read that So if you like if you like some of its money stuff head over there, it's They read that shit so you don't have to and I Glad they do do God's work Hello and welcome to another episode of the villain underground. I am your game mustard happy puke and with me today I have some naughty naughty boys. I've got pampers Phil.

Hi everybody I've got baby powder and swaddling will hello, and we've got pacifier and rattle alley. Hi I'm trying to respond to that those are all baby things I'll leave that at that We are a real play a fade based podcast in the SHU universe everything on this podcast is canonical And this is a podcast about super villains So I would like one of my super villains that are here with us today to tell us what happened on the last episode of villain underground And it looks like it's gonna be mr. Philip so last week there was a meeting between misdeeds and the council of something or The hoods um and basically they made a deal between misdeeds in the hood Could you hit me with a specifics of that deal like just a little just like again? Just begin it and then I'll probably finish it the hoods were interested in getting their hands in Alpha trusses, which is the bear trust companies.

Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and like the leader was in like a yellow hood and was a gorilla And the deal went seemingly okay all parties sort of bicker it a little bit, but then finally got that all sorted So that was good Silicon artists was there he had kidnapped the best by him or not best by what is it? Just stop purchase there. I'm on the show.

I'm actively listening every time The top purchase manager and brought him to the left him in the car but brought him to the deal sites back at the top purchase Robinobo was working hard doing a car install of or repair troubleshooting of the audio system of Greg Schmitz right what's the last name of Greg? Yeah? Yeah, I think Schmitz yeah Yeah, Greg Schmit of the famously known for the city council of Lapis Harbor Doing a troubleshoot on the audio system within the car It did a did a bang up job it seems and add a pretty reasonable rate if I'm you know getting the information correct Yeah, it was pretty good rate. Yeah.

Yeah, so When will Robinobas top purchase the realigner set with the rest of the bill and hopefully never So was that all that happened on that episode? Probably not go ahead and fill in the blanks Well, I know that the cliffhanger was dead I got a phone call and it was what tied to a chair and recoil just like dancing around behind her right for For people that don't know Thwip is a dead ice sister and recoil is also Okay, who have been her sister that turned hero and Recoil being the sister that had been like wasn't rescued from the childhood that she had everybody was headed back to the base correct Yes, yes, we will pick up everybody is getting to the base about the same time because that's how things happen And as you guys are walking up to the base, oh did you drop did you drop? Well, Paul off at his home. Oh, yeah, yeah Paul needed to get home.

All right, it was very sleepy So he had to work the next morning. He did indeed. All right, so everybody is approaching the home at the same time and a swirl of mystical light surrounds misdeeds and she says oh dear I'm being summoned and then she vanishes So annoying when she does that like we just get to the point where we're gonna go to a couple's counseling and she disappears for magical reasons I guess so frustrating dating some mystical creatures sometimes wait you guys are in counseling going to be we kind of discussed it but I'm hoping at least I'm hopeful that we can begin to work on the relationship Okay Okay, so you guys you guys are all there at your front door when you walk into the door You see that someone has broken into your abode and left in the middle of the room a very large Rubik's cube that looks like it's tied to a bomb What the hell it's taking away I think I really need to solve it right what who the hell left a giant Rubik's Cube in our living room Still taking away Okay, maybe we should we should disarm the bomb and then figure out who dropped it in our living room here the ten lotions expert I'm the bruiser here. Yeah, okay.

Well, I'll try and disarm the bomb 25 seconds. Yeah. Oh shit When I need to roll the disarm the bomb. I don't know tell me what you're gonna roll and why it makes sense 20 seconds can I shoot the bomb out the window?

You'd have to try to shoot the bomb and try to hit it out of the window that we're trying to do like with a beanbag Just like shoot it out push it out the window Okay, you can start levying a blow of beanbags to the bomb. Yeah roll shoot that is a plus four All right, you start shooting it the timer starts speeding up 10 seconds It moved a little bit closer to the window. I think you could I mean you just fire explosives or like you should be able to rig Or de-rig this I guess right five seconds. Maybe we should all just get out.

Just leave. Just get out fine. I just out the window Jump out the window as as the bomb goes off the Rubis cube blows up into a big thing of confetti harming no one And there's a there's a big invite that says Jolly Jeepers ain't it great puzzle king is turning 50 Robin no, please come to my party. I'm parachuting up.

I've made myself into a parachute. I'm gracefully descending the space All right, you broke your window in a gracefully descending this guy's paper for no reason I'll probably know but you see the invite to puzzle Kings 50th birthday in your house. Oh, I will pick up All right, it gives you an address and a time. It's an it's in a couple of days as this weekend It's upcoming weekend.

Okay, I will Everybody jump out the window Behind the door frame. Okay, I'm going to casually stroll over to the refrigerator And I'm going to put it up on the fridge with a magnet. All right, a novelty magnet that we got on our last vacation What where was your last vacation time? It's it's like a it's a bottle opener But the bottle part of it is clear and it's got that liquid stuff in it and it says greetings from sunny Atlantis You have actually nice.

It's like an artist you parachute to the bottom. No explosion went off So the top of the the towers not blowed up. I'm just gonna keep staring at the floor That we're on and just kind of waiting. All right, you wait for a while And you keep waiting 20 seconds.

All right, I'm dead. I what are you doing no explosion except for confetti and a and a cute birthday invite who the hell Leaves a ribbing cube of bomb in our living room that is a party invitation Robo, do you know who the help wait? It says puzzle king the puzzle king? You guys don't know puzzle king.

I mean, I know of him. I don't know sure pretty sure Most of our cast met at some point or another Actually other show at the moment. Oh, well, he's like my best friend We've all got to go. I mean, okay, but What do we get him for his birthday though?

Well, definitely not puzzles He actually kind of hates puzzles. Then why is he called the puzzle king? Well, you know when you're the kind of guy that owns like a pug and then like It's like your thing for a little while but then all of your friends find every piece of internet meme That's related to pugs and constantly send it to you. It's got like that.

Just got old ever a while. Oh Got it. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.

Is this the guy that was in the mansion that one time? I'm doing that. I think it was supposed a lot of math problems on Twitter. Oh, I don't remember that Yeah, yeah, you met him like very for like a very fraction of a second when he was helping Fortify the base when we know who was attacking the base Okay, all right.

Um, yeah, yeah, okay. I remember this guy. Okay. Wait, we're it's still kind of just about the window Why isn't he back yet?

Flash down to southern arms. You're still standing in the middle of the street. You're still searing up All right, so some guy swerves around he goes go to the street jack hole How fast is he going he's going he's he's three legal. He's going.

I don't know what's the what's the average of Driving a car in the city 2025 30 30 25 or 30. I want to try to shoot my hands through his back windshield I want to grab him out of the car. I was your hands go through his back Which is right? He's our swerving pretty bad.

You're still gonna grab out the car. Oh, I want to grab him I don't care about the car. All right, we'll be a quick fight to see if you can grab him out of the swerving car Plus five, right? Yeah, you get you get come out.

He wasn't as wearing a seat belt. He was not safe. You conscious You think I'm out of the car. He's oh, Jesus.

Oh god Hey, man Look, here's the deal. I don't need you yelling at me. I almost died up there. I point upwards What are you talking about?

Does he look up? Yeah, I snatches like facing bring it back towards me I just want stare at him. I almost died. Do you want to know what that feels like?

I'm pretty sure I just did you get up his beating car remember it and let him go and then I'm gonna walk back To the building all right after you let him go. He stands there for a little bit and as you're walking away You can go. Oh my car It crashed down the road Is going through the roof all right you make it back up to the the top of the floor You notice that there's a lot of confetti everywhere kind of making the room a mess you well didn't it die Nope, you could have just jumped out the window. Yeah, except you No, the door frame was perfectly fine.

It's all good. Okay, so it's all this sleep crap on the ground That's the true terror. We have to clean this shit up. Apparently the puzzle king wants us to come to his 50th birthday party in between Superbabies to baby geniuses that's playing in the living room.

You hear robo no vote You're starting 50 Robl can you please help us clean up a little bit like no, it's movie night as is every night, but please We gotta keep this place at least looking somewhat okay before my seats get back and confetti's like glitter. It just goes everywhere I don't know why we have so many shag carpets either like why is this like the mainstay of our decor? It's just so hard to clean. Yeah Steve likes them though.

So I guess true. I guess well you guys are in luck I can turn into something useful to get this cleaned up and robo turns into a robotic room All right, okay, so you turn it to a robotic room, you know, this doesn't have to manually operate the robotic room. Yeah, it's a broom It's not a self-operating broob Now did I I'm really starting to think that we need to get another robo no bo because we don't have a we don't have a robotic dust pan Yeah, I'll set the broom where we're gonna put all these confetti straps. We can't just put them right in the trash can we need a dust pan It's actually gonna be a big I think I can I think I can do this.

Yeah, can you just turn into a dust pan? Well, yeah, I mean I just kind of don't want to get my clothes dirty. I'm being 100% honest here But your clothes are your skin, which is weird. I'm not complaining You know, you don't have to okay Sure, I guess Turn my I turned myself into a a dust pan with like little tiny legs.

Like I can walk around like I'll dip myself Shit, that means I have to use robo no-bo broom. It's a sweep into silicon artists. All right. Well, that happens Bro room oboe Sure.

All right, so you guys uh you guys clean up the confetti if you thought small time heist and 7-eleven knockovers were fun wait till you get to the chores episode I'm so glad that the same bullshit You should do a lot of episodes of this see how many people stop listening Okay, so a couple of days back anything anything anybody is doing in those couple of days We gotta look for a present for puzzle king, right? That's right. Are you guys? What are you getting for?

What are you getting for puzzle king? What's on his Amazon wishlist? Oh jeez, okay New ping pong paddles for sure New ping pong paddles. He has six different languages of rosetta stone on his wishlist You know, he wants a multitask.

Mm-hmm. He's got like a 25 pound container of goldfish crackers Like the ones they open up like an old milk jug. Mm-hmm. He's got a like a bunch of different uh candies But like each of the candies currently has a mystery flavor promotion going on.

He's got like the mystery flavor Oreos He wants one pack of those he wants one pack of the mystery flavor starburst. He's got a he's got a lot of miscellaneous Old tiny shaving equipment like recently he started shaving with a straight razor And so he's got like a force hair brush and some like shaving soap and some kind of like he's got a scuttle on there Yeah, like a really nice pen like this one really good pen There's a lamp on there too. It's just a big floor lamp for no reason He's got a he's got a thing of cat litter on there because he thinks that he was sending out for the subscription and save feature But he really just had it to a wishlist Yep. Yep.

He's got some fruit of the month clubs He wants to like yeah, so he wants like the fruit of the month or the wine of the month type clubs He's got though. He's got that one where like they send you socks every every month get different pair of socks Yeah, okay. So that's the kind of stuff he likes weird old man stuff I hope that helped. This is a really fun character a whole lot, but sure It's just kind of normal shit.

So so we got to get him a gift card to old navy then yes, that's good to me Same way have prime. I don't think we could get this all in one day if we want to Like we like the two day shipping is gonna be pretty pretty expensive if we do that if we don't have prime Oh, I don't have prime Roman elbow roll. I don't know what would it be notice or contacts? Um, I have a zero in both of them You have zero notice or I'll roll lower for me.

Okay. Okay. That at least gets me a one zero Okay, that's about I hope you get with zero motherfuckers. Yeah, so what do you get?

What do you get in a puzzle king for a 50? Is this like a everybody brings a gift situation or does it like are we all shipping in on the same gift? What did the what did the invitation say? Can I investigate the invitation?

Yes, we're all investigating the invitation. Okay I get a one All right, you who read over the invitation. It's not hard to investigate Actually, there are hidden puzzles. You do fine But you can't solve any of them, but the information is pretty clear Uh, it was a place a location a time and it says it says on there I know some people might run into adversaries here, but please don't fight while my birthday try to keep it simple Well, um, it doesn't really give us any information here.

All right. I'm gonna how about we do like a theme gift from all of us Like let's all get him the shaving components So like I'll get him the brush somebody else gets in the shaving cream And somebody gets something else like a nice towel. Is that is that like weird smelling aftershave? Is that a thing that people still use?

I'll get him the towel. I can use my sewing machine attachment to embroider it for him All right, I suppose that works All right, so you you go to making those gifts I also want to go down and uh feed massacre. Okay, check in on him What would you actually feed him because last time you just tease him with a hamburger and let it fall to the floor So I'm wondering what you're actually feeding him when I get down there, uh Gonna open up the door. Oh Is that I'm so sorry massacre.

I apologize. I didn't need to leave this burger so far out from you There's just a whole burger sitting on the ground Here I think you did take one bite out of it, but yeah something like that Yeah, let me let me get you some actual food. I apologize about that I go over to like a little cabinet I have it blocked there and uh Pull out a bag of dog food and I take one like quarter cup scoop and put it into a bowl Slide it over to him. There you go, buddy.

Sorry about that. He he I guess he eats the dog food Is it soft dog food though? Because he doesn't have teeth He's a swallow one piece at a time. Oh, it's totally kibble and bits Half a chew.

It's all a one piece at a time. It's not that bad You you feed him the dog food when you go to put the dog food back in the in the lock cabinet You open up the cabinet and you see a statue It's almost naked. It's got three heads and you hear a relatively loud whisper louder than you heard before and it says help me Sorry, can you clarify what that was? It said melt me melt me.

Okay, perfect. Uh, I'm gonna grab it out from the cabinet Uh, I'm gonna look at it and then oh massacre. I got something else for you I think you're gonna really like it. Um, it's a bit of entertainment value and I'm gonna slide him the statue Okay, all right.

You slide the statue over to him You can like you can play with it if you want. Just make sure you touch it He's really trying to trying to much the kibble and bits his mouth don't soften up as well though Oh, I take I take the bowl away then Okay, massacre can you touch the statue for me? I need you to play with it for a little bit. Oh he touches it There you go.

Good boy, and I gave him back his bowl of food. All right. Well, see you in about a week, I guess Um Anything else you need? It doesn't matter.

Oh, hey, I walk away. All right, so when you get back in the elevator to go Uh back upstairs you see the statue elevator and leave a moderate system. Help me. God.

Damn it. Okay. I'm just gonna melt it I'm gonna melt it I'm just gonna I'm gonna put it wait. Do we have a fireplace?

I don't know. Can I become a fireplace? No, that seems dangerous. Is robo a fireplace?

Hmm, where can I melt this? Should I melt this? Wait, did massacre touch this? I'm gonna make him touch it one more time.

All right, you go make him touch it again All right, massacre what I want you to do. I want you to hold this like hold on to it very very tightly Don't let go of it. Remember what happens when I give you orders Don't let go don't ever let go of this. This is yours.

This is your fun fun toy. That's yours. Okay And I walk away. I go back to the elevator.

All right, you're back at the elevator. All right, I go upstairs Everybody's upstairs. You have bought the shaving kit Or is anyone doing anything before you guys get ready to leave before the birthday party? I want to ask robo to run a trace on that call that I got Okay, um, I go about running the trace on the call roll trace running trace running Uh, that would be what uh, perhaps burglary burglary.

Oh, really? Okay, we're hacking or hacking. I hacked the call. Um, I get a uh, four All right.

Um, you you hack it. It seems like it was bounced off of a bunch of different cell towers But you can't really determine the exact origin of where it started, but you know that it was not in the united states of americana I say the things Well, shit All right, fine. I'll deal with it later It's it's time for birthday or not Birthday birthday. Yeah, right.

How are you guys getting to the birthday party? Robocopter Robo. Yeah, robo some form of transportation. Yeah, does he have like an underground layer?

Are we gonna be flying a helicopter into a cave or something? No, you can you can helicopter it. He lives a bit out of town It's probably like a two-hour drive if you helicopter is about an hour and a half. I don't know if I thought we're taking the helicopter Okay All right, you can you can robocopter.

All right, so you're robocoptering for about an hour and a half. Anybody doing anything on the robo Stick my head out the window against some air That I would do and take in a nap, I guess All right, you're sticking your head out against the air and when you when you bring your head back in for less air You notice the statue is sitting next to you again. It says me. I hear you fine.

I'll melt you Yeah, did I do you have any thermite? What thermite? What am I? You are not lighting thermite in a helicopter.

I don't care if it's robo-copter I'm not gonna do it here. We're in the air. I'm gonna do it once we land. Yeah, sure I'll give it to you when we land.

This statue just keeps like telling me to melt it and it's kind of getting annoying And I'm tired of it following me all over the place. So I'm just gonna melt it wait. You haven't been carrying that thing everywhere No, it just kind of shows up. Well, that's pretty and I have a lot of pocket space I'm carrying a lot of things right now.

I'm just gonna let that one go. I'm not not touching it. Nope Now say I got this bag of teeth and I pull out a bag of teeth from like where would be my thigh I'm just like like that's one of the things I've also got a few gold bars in here and that like makes up my shin. I'm gonna peel it back a little bit Um, I mean also just kind of carried knick knacks like this is just a ring of keys And kind of like lift up like my my pec left pec You know like I don't even know what half these keys go to but I have them what you know what?

I'm not gonna ask I will give you your thermite when we land. Okay All right. Well, I'm just saying don't judge me for like not being able to carry something I thought you were carrying that thing around. I didn't think it was freakily following you like a statue should not No, it's magic like I can check it out the window and it'll probably come back to me And I throw it out the window.

All right. You throw the window it goes tumbling into the forces below See, it's not gonna be meant by the time we land. They'll probably be back in some form or fashion Okay, I'll believe you for now You arrive at the party It seems like there's a bunch of people there. There's like a bunch of crazy super trucks and weird trains and helicopters and like boats with legs They're all kind of pulled up in the like a really weird parking lot and there's like a valet in his valet Vests looks like it's like color like puzzle pieces.

Um, and he walks up as you're helicopter poles and he's like, hey, can I uh park your helicopter for ya? Hustle king. It's your party. Why would you be parking cars?

Oh, no. No, I'm not posting. I'm the valet Oh, I'm just wearing the the puzzle vest is all everybody that was hired to help We're all wearing the puzzle vest so um we're easy to spot if you need anything just ask because I'm the ballet My name is Tim. I'm here to park your super vehicle.

I've got my helicopter license. So I should be able to fly it unless you have any precautions Uh, I'm pretty sure he can fly him Leave me with the valet going no robo. Come on. Let's go.

Oh, no, sorry I didn't I did not know you're a helicopter head centience We do have a limit on the archway to get in thus he gets smaller Uh robo you want to become not a helicopter again? Yeah, you guys are not in the helicopter, right? No, no, I gotta get smaller with him inside me No, I turn into regular robo. Oh, that's much better I'm I'm sorry.

I apologize. I have fun at the party. If you need anything just let somebody with uh with one of the best No, uh, public king is right in there and have a good time I think I'm gonna be kind of confused as to who puzzle king is because what have you just pointed out? Just it's not super awkward.

I mean, I only saw him the once Uh robo novo has already walked off into the party. All right, uh, there's a myriad of people you recognize villains as well as heroes here Kind of hobnob and about and you see a puzzle king kind of greeting people Uh, he's wearing a puzzle piece outfit But he's also got a large crown on and in a large audacious cape and the scepter and he's greeting people and shaking hands and Oh, I'm glad you can make it. Glad you can make it. Thank you so much.

Oh, I remember puzzle king I thought this guy was called something else. I know this was puzzle king. What did you think he was called? Portification master like we asked him to help us, but I kind of didn't get his deal I was dealing with a lot of stuff at that moment Um a lot of HR issues, so Let's kind of check that out if I'm in a little honest with it I'm posting season.

He's like robo. Hey, he comes up. He gives you a big old hug He's like robo how you doing man. Haven't seen you in a very long time It's been forever.

Have you been puzzle king? I haven't good. You know, I got locked up for a little bit I did my times of society. So I'm out in the free and clear but I'm trying to make good on my name I haven't been any doing any shenanigans.

That's why there's some heroes here Been doing a little bit of this and that so I mean if you see anybody that usually fight I just asked that you not do that here So we went legit too. I've got a I've got an awesome job. I'm working my way up Really I'm gonna be a shift leader one day. Are you guys doing the hero thing or just just going legit normal?

I'm like in a top purchase You just working on top purchase. Oh, man, because you know you guys are where you guys were you guys hanging your hat these days You're still in uh in labor, sorry. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, if you so if you consider doing the hero thing I did a little bit of like team up hero thing a little bit after I got out of the slammer and it's not bad work I'm it's it's pretty good.

You can match with Swiss. Well, I mean, that's my thing You know match it with some people it's not bad work every now and again I'm still you know match it with the smartest people but like This time people aren't chasing me trying to lock me up for it. So uh, have you considered doing that? That's not really my thing Yeah Seems kind of boring.

Oh, dude. It's really not it's actually it's actually pretty good I mean I do my own thing on the side like uh sending people Relatively threatening notes with puzzles on them and whatnot just to kind of get there go I mean nothing more than internationally at this point leaving bombs in people's living rooms The invitations were glitter bombs versus foremost and those are not illegal They're annoying Fair fair, but um if you guys you know, I know some other people in elapis harbor In fact, I got a guy he knows he knows fucking everybody and he's like he helped me build a lot of my more recent things my contraptions and whatnot Hey, uh, come over this way. Yeah. Hey, hey, pause.

What's up? Not much. This is my friend. Great son of a bitch Okay, I know these guys.

Yeah, oh, you guys. Oh, yeah, all right So yeah, this is my friend Greg way way back in the day before I went to legit I tricked this guy I use a pseudonym and tricked him into helping build a death labyrinth. He forgives me now. Yeah, it was it was like a whole thing Um, but we're over it and he's been helping me build some some some more kid friendly things We've done some like corn mazes and whatnot with some with some pretty decent puzzles in them I know that I have to tone down the difficulty because sometimes kids can't get through and whatnot But yeah, loss and then they get scared.

Oh, definitely and the whole point is for the case. They have fun So you don't want to cry in there, you know, but these are these my friends apparently they've gone legit too So like if you guys need anything this is my man Greg here. He's totally willing to I mean if you got work for him He's the man for the job. He can build you fucking anything great.

I don't think we've met I mean, it's looking artists. It's me. Yeah, I see you around the mayor's office But we never actually met so good to meet you but I know these other two Yeah, how's that bluetooth working out? You know the crackle came back buddy, uh It was working good for a little while and then started crackling again.

I'm thinking we gotta go We gotta try that red tooth man. I'm thinking I'm gonna bring her by you look it over and if the bluetooth don't get it We're gonna have to go a different color too, you know, I'm something Yeah, it crackle came back, but so, you know, I know you tried but it ain't it ain't good No, I'm I'm not exactly a tech expert. I usually leave that up to ribo here Did you try turning it on and then off again every day I shut it down back on off again back on it don't help You know every now and then it'll sound good, but you know it It's annoying. It just comes back.

So I don't know I might have to go to hold it for the system I was just stuff something different perhaps something may custom, you know, that's kind of my thing anyways I don't know why I bought off the shelf this time, you know, but you live and learn, you know, it I'll figure it out I mean you can't always knock off the shelf stuff if you you pay for what you get and you know, sometimes I've dealt with like You know this dealing with the private sector sometimes they give you one thing that's below market price You know like it's too good to be true and then all of a sudden it is too good to be true I hear you man. It's uh, it's one of the things that we're gonna do, you know, but something and I'm just thinking go on custom Just have it something built, you know, I'm saying I think you gotta maybe trust the you know But the free market decide, you know, you kind of you let out all the competitors and see which ones rise to the top because the the cream rises to the top And so you know, maybe you're paying a little bit more But it's better than just trusting one thing because you have the you have the better business bureau kind of backing you up on all this stuff Well, it seems like you guys are getting along really well and I see zero tolerance coming in I'm gonna go say hi to him. Um, I think I saw a flying squirrel around here a little bit ago I know I guess had a run-in or two with flying squirrel. This is a great time to make amends I'll leave you here to talk with Greg.

I'm gonna go hop knob. I'll see you guys later. No, tell flying. I say hi.

Oh, yeah Yeah, Greg I'll catch up with them later. Yeah, um, yeah, I'll tell him to swing swing by around if you guys are still In this area. I'm gonna go hop knob and you know the it's an open bar as long as everyone doesn't get too rowdy and They're gonna tear it up. I can tell by looking at monkey shine side.

He's gonna rip this place apart Everybody Hey, you go do what you gotta do because yeah, the host of this thing. Yeah, can't just ignore it. But we're good Good and just go and remember everybody. This is like a this is a devarcation zone.

No fighting, you know, you know, I'm gonna Like no, no, I'm not worried about you Greg. I'm just worried about everybody else. I'm just trying to remind everybody There's some there's some heated rivalries in here. I just want to make sure everybody knows this is sometimes no Attention is so is that called the demilitarized zone where people don't fight like that?

No, that's not what it's called What's it called when there's like an area where nobody fights neutral zone neutral zone? That's it neutral zone? This is a neutral zone There's a there's a truce in my house. Everybody's got to play it cool.

All right. Don't break the truce. See you guys later He starts to walk off. It's like he's really kind of harping on this truce thing But apparently that you just don't want no trouble in here.

You know, he lives here You know, he's trying to everybody calm down getting along. You know, keep the peace. That's a good idea I think know you guys think I mean why why tear it up in here, you know, that's similar odd I mean, you know, it's just me think he means well, you know, yeah, I'll be honest. I don't really know puzzle king Like I mean, he said he said it's trouble in the past, but he's trying to keep it on the straight narrow Shoot straight, you know, you can't you can't fault a guy for that.

It's going to his next party Hey, what you guys get by the way at our time picking out presents, you know, I just couldn't take another I got him. Uh, just got him a bottle of wine and one of them circle of word books, you know, we have Look through the words and see if you can find the ones in the list. He thinks he's smart and he's pretty smart He can't finish those. He hates it when he gets them He always got like two words.

He can't ever find him so I got show eight eight buzz right here Look at there. It has his backwards in diagonal. It mentions it every time backwards in diagonal. He can't do it Oh, man, that does actually sound like a really good gift.

So those are the toughest ones I gotta give him backwards in diagonal. It's hard to find them, but I can get them I'm just saying I can get it every time he can't get them. It sounds like the worst gift Why would you get someone something that is like? I got in the bottle of wine.

It's his favorite kind You know, he likes that and I get in the circle or just to show me no matter how smart you think you are Not always, you know, not always You see it looking at his eyes like oh, you got me buddy. You got me. I love him gag gifts I mean, what do you guys get him? We got him some shaving equipment.

I got him like this brush Uh, I got him brush huh sounds exciting. You know he likes that stuff. There was there was some aftershave. I found on clearance What hey, you got to save a buck, right?

I'm worried about my towel. I'm ready myself. Nice. Hey, that's sometimes those are the best gifts You put a lot of work into it, you know, and if even if it don't cost you laugh your your heart Your soul and your mind went into it.

Those are the best kind you you know, you know the way buddy Good call. We kind of thought it would be a good idea to get him all like sort of a like a theme gift You know, so you knew it was all from us You know, if we came in with like if one of us for example got him a bottle of wine like you did And then the other one got him a book of puzzles that just that doesn't scream, you know us really right So that was kind of our thought process. Plus, it's always so hard. You never know what those names on list, you know Once it's purchased, it doesn't get checked off.

So there could be 12 brushes here for all. I know I'm a little scared about that, honestly. Yeah, I guess I never really thought about checking them lists I guess if I don't tell you they don't tell you it's bought them. Yeah, how you know, you just got it's okay They call that a crapshoot.

Do you know? Great. You seem to know a lot of people uh, do you know anybody with x-ray vision? I kind of want to I'm a little nervous quite honestly.

I don't want to make kind of a You know a scene Uh, so I was gonna see somebody with x-ray vision could see if there's other brushes and then maybe we come up with some, you know Something else Well, I mean, it's kind of I mean if you already bought it we're gonna do now, you know Even if you had prime, they're gonna make it make it make it make it make the switch out this fast It's kind of foregone foregone conclusions as they say, you know What's just doing what you do what you did this time and then you know think it through better next time I don't really know anybody here with got x-ray vision. I mean, I know people you know Worked with x-ray optics and stuff but by the time we they're part of you long over for a game by here, you know That's uh, I don't think it's a I don't think it's a good call right now Okay, I can't really just you know, actually if it knew anybody didn't ask for a you know critique of the idea uh I'm just speaking my mind. Yeah, uh, hey, I'll back off. Why do you do what you do?

You know, I'm just saying I just wanna see a waste of much of time trying to fix a thing It's already already done. You gifts are here. He's gonna open him later. I don't see how you fix it But if you got if you got away, you go, I'm not trying to stop you know you do what you gotta do Yeah, look, I'm kind of nervous about this whole thing.

I'm actually gonna go find somebody with x-ray vision Um, so I'm gonna go do that. Uh, yeah, I just gotta figure it out. Yeah, go for it Yeah, all right here. I'm gonna look for the person with the weirdest looking eyes I'll even crane my neck up.

I'll extend it and kind of just start looking over everybody Just looking looking everybody right dead in the eyes looking for the one I want Okay, so you're doing that uh, robin hobe a dead eye. What are you guys doing? What kind of fun activities are going on at the party? Is it like a big like puzzle carnival or is it like an old old man sophisticated ballroom kind of party?

No, it's it's it's it's like it's like if they if those two trains collided There's like a there's like a like a jumpy ball pit and a rock climbing thing. What's all kind of like sophisticated Ooh, I'm like going to sophisticated jumping ball pit What is that like yeah the the balls aren't extra nor extraordinarily vibrant color Would Oh Uh, no, it's just like it's it's a normal ball pit But like it's built it's it's built with like antique wood frame and like it's all lacquered really nicely with some nice intricate designs It's a really really well put together ball pit And then that pro wall where you bounce it onto the trampoline and stick to the wall. Yeah We're carnival for adults. Okay, you're gonna go to the carnival games.

Yes. Is there the the shooty carnival game where you like shoot at ducks or Bro balls that stacked milk jugs to try and get win a goldfish. There is. How are you attempting to exit this conversation with Greg?

Well, I'm just walking away. Oh, okay. Just walk it away Good, how are you how are you doing it? Oh, I took Greg with me, man You took Greg with you Greg interested in uh, uh, sophisticated carnival games.

Yeah, I plan sometimes I'm pretty good at the one well back when I was a kid They had the ones with the you throw the ball in a fish bowl, you know, you get a free fish That one's pretty good. I can do that one that one here. Yeah, I'm gonna go try to win Let's go try to win a Dolphin in it. Hey, I don't know goldfish, you know All right, so Okay, all right, so you're going to live by right there, you know better than a goldfish Yes, sure.

Okay, so that you are off to the shooting games. Robo, Noble and Greg are going off to throw things at fish apparently and So hard is giving me some sort of search skill fantastic. I'm gonna go with a standard notice, huh? Can I notice somebody with creepy eyes?

We're looking nice. Yeah, you can I don't necessarily want them to be creepy, but just interesting, I guess Plus one all right. Um, you notice a couple of people One so a couple people catch your eye one is what looks to be a cat with a crudely drawn human mask over its face Okay, he has weird eyes because it's a cat and cats have cat eyes. I'd still like to go talk to them.

Okay. Yeah, like we're gonna We're gonna do all of this. We're gonna do all of them so You know, you don't have to give me the whole list now Just as long as you have the list. It's fine.

I'm gonna talk to all of them until I hit somebody with extra edition Right. I'm gonna I'm giving you you see three you see a cat person Yeah, a cat that with a person mask. You see a robot that has very strange eyes Okay, the other person that catches your eye is a man made of magma who you know has a bear in his head Yes, it is. Oh Okay, yeah, I'm actually gonna go to bear bear and bond heat.

Okay. He's like oh, hey, how you doing? Hey good. I know we haven't talked in a while Yeah, I've been been all right still uh still sober, which is which is good.

That's good. You still have a program at a time Uh, yeah, that's good. It's good. It's good.

Yeah, uh, not really doing that whole program thing anymore But no no it's uh didn't seem to work for me Well, whatever way works for you best, you know, whatever whatever you could do to get your life in line sure sure Hey, I know we don't really kind of talk about our powers I know we kind of put two and two together and me being a stretchy boy and you being a kind of creature of fire, um, man will be yeah, can you do you have extra vision? Uh, no, not really uh Follow up question if you don't mind. Mm-hmm. Do you know of anybody here at this party that has extra vision?

Um No, I only know of one person that does and that's not a person you want to talk to and they're not here So do you have their number by chance? No, I don't talk. I'm kind of in a little bit of a quandary Um, I'm having issues. So so I bought a brush.

It's like a shaving brush. It's like a horse air shaving brush It's very nice. See the thing is I bought off Amazon. Is it?

Is it uh, is it a B smoke? Yeah, I mean it's like handcrafted one of a kind yeah sort of I mean as it's made on Amazon or they sell it on Amazon I buy off an Etsy store. Um, so but it's it's the nicest one I could find it was on his list Right. So did you get one too?

No. Oh, happy. Yeah, I mean we're here there. No, no, no, no Uh, are you talking about as a gift for him?

Yes, we're also king. Yeah, he and I have this we did this thing way back together Where we teamed up and the thing I got him was kind of an inside joke. It's that I didn't give him a get him a brush Oh, what is I mean? I know I probably won't get it, but what did you get him?

That's like it's a coffee pot. It's it's a specific make and model of a coffee pie It's kind of a long story we we teamed up against uh the mantis And he ended up getting clocked in the head with a coffee pot and a broke over his head and we later we joked about it And he's like, I'm never gonna own one of those coffee pots and I'm like, uh, yeah, you are It's like it's actually a nice one. It's one of those big industrial ones, uh made by hun HUN and you know like they make the ones for restaurants because we were fighting in the restaurant area and the mantis Just grabbed one of the coffee pots and knocked him on the head broke the coffee pot over his head thought it We laughed about it later. It wasn't funny at the time, but it was funny later and one of those things So I got him basically and he didn't know you know, he loves his Java.

He just he likes to he likes coffee You know, it's more that french press stuff, but I think it's funnier to get this kind of thing. It's an inside joke I always did appreciate your humor. Varian. That was uh, that sounds like a lovely gift that you got him Well, okay I'm pretty relieved that it's not a horsehair brush if i'm being honest Uh, okay, couldn't have cared less about your story there I'm still having an issue with the x-ray thing And i'm actually gonna need that number from you uh of the person with x-ray vision I told you i don't talk to that guy and nobody really does.

I don't recommend Well, who is it? Just just tell me who it is. I can't pronounce his name He lives he lives overseas. He lives in different countries Over one of those russian uoslavian style countries and okay, okay, he's far away I don't I really don't recommend he doesn't like to speak english either.

So unless you know Well, okay. I got I have two follow up questions. Uh, do you know anybody that speaks the language he speaks And teleport across vast distances Um somebody with teleportation powers Uh, like i'll take a time traveler too if you have that um time traveling would actually oh god actually do you know any time travelers? I do, uh, but she's fucking nuts Is she here?

Uh Maybe I you kind of peek his head and what's wrong. I don't see her but she would probably be invited Okay, well if you could keep your eye out for her that'd be fantastic. You want to do you want to talk to her? Yeah, I actually kind of do um I really gotta really gotta solve this issue So you want me to send her her over to you?

Yeah, if you don't mind actually that'd be fantastic Um, all right. Well if I see her i'll let you know you let her know that you're looking for Uh, I can always trust you. Thanks buddy. Yeah.

All right. That's next week. You'll get okay. I guess i'll talk to later Yeah, you too, but uh stay in the program.

Stay well Thanks you too Yeah, they walk off I would like to speak to those other two with a specialized But I realized i'm taking up a lot of air time Good all right, so uh, dana you are at the um The shoot the shoot them the shoot them games. What is really? Oh, it's like is that I one of the ones with the special eyes Uh, no, she just has a mask over her eyes perfect. Okay, that's fine Okay, um What are the prizes for the shivy game?

They're just like little cheap stuffed animals most of them are like of puzzle king Damn it. I wanted a goldfish Yes, okay. So yeah, when at the one where you throw the thing at the fish you can i'm gonna go fish Yes, i'm gonna go to that one You go you as your head to that when you notice that that is the one that robin obon gregger at actually no You don't notice that you go up to the thing and the guy says Another player there's a person that's standing there you stay next to them He's like another player he takes uh one of your tickets because they're dating out tickets or whatever and the guy between you and greg Stems out of the way and there's greg and robin obon with the fish thing. Hey sure shot.

You're gonna play this game Yeah, I already won four of these things. Oh, I'm gonna get a i'm gonna get like a aquarium put these things in Yeah, probably Or someone can just poison all of them for you. I mean, yeah an aquarium Make sure it's a saltwater aquarium these these goldfish they need their saltwater No, not these ones. These are fresh.

Well, you can't fool me. I know what to do with these fish They had a pretty I already got three aquariums at the house, you know, I got uh one salt water two freshwater I might get a fork one for these guys. You don't get a bubbler put that in there I was like school, you know bubblers in the netloh Little gyro guy, you know put them in there Hey, and sometimes if you see at the pet store they got those little decorations put in there They have one it was a little sign. This is hilarious.

It said no fishing right put that right? Correct me up. Yeah, we have a good way to go fishing. That's pretty funny I'm gonna walk away and go to the other game.

Oh the guys like do you want to throw for fish? I thought she was gonna play it. I thought she was gonna play too. Are you playing?

Can I throw the ball like over my shoulder casually at the buckets or whatever the hell I'm throwing at? Yeah, roll shoot. See if you make it. Uh, that would be a plus eight.

Oh, yeah, you make it. He's like you want your goldfish? She got a guy. She got a guy.

She get it. Hey, girl, care of choice. Yeah, what? Don't you want to know what to know?

Don't walk away. Don't walk away. Don't walk away. Don't walk away.

Don't you want your fish? Nope. I'm walking away Can I have her fish? Yeah, sure.

What are you gonna name it? Uh, probably Bill, you know, Bill of fish. Roblour, are you there for winning fish as well? Uh, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna. You know what this fish. I'm gonna, I'm gonna win one too right now. And so I'm gonna roll a shoot.

I got uh, uh, two. All right. Yeah, you make it. You didn't do like an over the shoulder shot.

So yeah, you make it. You win a fish. Yes. The guys like everybody's winning fish today.

You're gonna run out of these things pretty quick. You got more in the back. We got plenty of the back. I eat mine.

Well, I think those are for eating their monkey shines. You're slow down. They got a snack table. Yeah, there's an over there.

Yeah. And you went, I don't think you're supposed to eat these fish. They've got caviar on the table. That's fish.

Well, I just don't think you're supposed to eat these fish. Yeah, these fish weren't made for eating. All right. Well, that's all it's supposed to be.

Oh, all right. I guess I guess it's it's fish. You won the fish. I mean, I can't stop you from doing, I mean, it is your own property.

So I can't really stop you. That was weird. Yeah, it was a little bit weird. Uh, I don't know why you guys keep playing.

Maybe you should go into different game. Yeah, I'm out. It's got real awkward. All right.

What game are you going to? Oh, God. I guess the other shooty game with the stuffed puzzle king prizes that I will clear you to start your practice. You get up to the shooty game.

Roll for shooting to shoot shoots. Yeah, it is a plus six. All right. You're shooting in low stuffed kings, low stuff puzzle kings.

Can I like, I'm going to critique the sites on whatever he shooter airsoft gun I'm using. The guy behind the thing is like, yeah, well, first of all, it's rental equipment, second of all, they're supposed to be off. I mean, that's how that's how carnivals make their money. You know, but this is this is just this is just bad business right here.

Well, no, it's it's actually good business because if people keep missing, they spend more money to try to get something that costs us 49 cents. They spend an average of 79 cents to a dollar 50 to try to win it. It's just pure profit at that point. Okay.

Well, I mean, this is just right to look when I don't really run a carnival. I just I watch a YouTube video and how it works, like how carnivals work and the ins and outs of carnival games. It was trending actually a couple of days ago. He pulls out his phone.

He's like, you knew, want me to send you to link? What's your Twitter? I'm going to walk away. You forgot your stuffed puzzle king.

Do you want to start both? Okay, you can keep it. Oh, all right. Well, you just put some back on show.

I got plenty of them. All right. So, uh, so what are you going to next? I mean, who do we got?

So we got cat eyes and then what was the other one? There's a robot with special eyes. Robot with special eyes. We're going to check them out.

You go to the robot with special eyes. Um, he's he's chatting with a couple of other people. Excuse me. I don't mean to or chin, but I actually had a question for you.

Uh, oh, yeah. Hello. Hi, my name is an artist and I go out to shake his hand. He's like, Oh, Carl Sanchez.

How you doing? Hey, good, good. Good. Nice to meet you.

Silicon under. So like I said, I said, I said, I am a little bit flustered and I kind of have a question to ask you. Um, and it's, I don't mean to offend you in the least bit, but do you have x-ray vision? Actually, I just had a little bit of x-ray vision installed.

It's all kind of black and white and muddly, but I do indeed. Oh my God, you are my saving grace. Can I borrow your special powers for just like 10 minutes at max? Like you're, I'm not going to, uh, I guess that is a little weird when we're talking about powers.

I'm not going to steal them or that's not my power. I'm stretchy. And I kind of stretch out and show like I'm not like a character that steals your powers and uses it for me. I would like your assistance.

Is that better? I think that's a little bit more clear. Oh, sure. What do you need?

Fantastic. Uh, can we talk about this? Right. But I don't really want to do this around everybody.

Uh, okay. Well, I mean, I guess we can try to find a place of the party is kind of packed, but yeah, we can try to find a different place. I think over here by the, by the, you know, gift table would be a good place. Sure.

Sure. Okay. Yeah. So, so what do you need?

I need your X-ray vision to see if anybody else got him being puzzle king. The same gift as me. I'm, oh my gosh, I'm so, so very, very, very, very afraid that somebody else may have gotten him the same gift as me and I can't have that party faux pas on my, on my shit list. Okay.

So what do you need to do exactly? I need you to scan all these presents, even the big ones because it could be like a combination gift, right? Just scan all of them and I want to see if any of them look like a horse handle or I'm sorry, horsehair brush for shaving. Okay.

All right. Do you need like an example photo? Yeah. Cause yeah, like I need an example of what you're talking about.

I pull up the, uh, I pull up the picture of the brush I bought him on Amazon. Okay. He, he, he, so he's it over. He's like, maybe I should be able to find something.

Yeah. If you could do that sooner rather than later, cause I don't want to be a whole thing where, you know, we start opening gifts and it's just like the clock is sticking down. Uh, so we could do that like as soon as possible. That'd be all right.

He's like, you might take a second because my, uh, my extra vision is not great. Oh, that's totally fine. Do you need anything in the meantime? I can get you some punch drink.

Um, I know it takes a while, but I don't want you to hungry or thirst your, you know, have to stop. Uh, no, I should be okay. Just, I don't, I don't need to drink. I'm a robot.

Oh, I don't want to make assumptions. Um, all right. Well, I'm just going to stand here. Um, and wait, I think he, he looks over the gifts.

One of his eyes like glows bright. Only one of them not both of them. I want them to close pretty bright and he's like, he's like, scanning over all the gifts. I wait patiently.

So you're waiting while he is doing that. He's scanning over the gifts and he goes, wait a second. I think I see something and then we're going to cut over to dead eye. Dead.

I wear you going after your shooting shooting thing. All right. What other, I know there's the ball pit. What other games are there?

Because they're ring toss. Yep. Everything you think of. I'm a go for ring toss then.

Okay. You're going to go to the ring toss. They're the prizes for ring toss. Tiny stuffed Rubik's cubes.

Yeah. You can never solve it. It's the ultimate puzzle. Love it.

Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to do the ring toss thing. Okay. Go for ring toss.

Yes. Plus seven. You toss the rings with the best of them. How many of the tiny stuffed Rubik's cubes do I win?

A bunch of them. Yes. I just want to start flicking them at people. This is like at the party.

Yeah. All right, rude. Okay. That's what you're doing.

We're going to, as you're doing that, someone steps over to the game and says, you know, that's very rude, correct? Yeah. Well, I'm bored. It's a party as neutral.

You should be just stuffed things. It's not like I'm hurting anyone. I'm going to flick one at him. He catches it.

He's like, you cannot do that. Susie finds where. Okay. And I will cut over to Robo and Greg.

What a Robo and Greg up to. Hey, Greg, if this is a proper card, of all, they've probably got a freak show here somewhere. I think I think he set that up around the back, you know, because he didn't want to make it to two high keys. Hey, some people got offended, but I think he's got something going on around.

They have like about to buff any down steps, but like the two headed turtles, two head to head turtles, three, four, you know, all kinds of stuff. He's got a couple of weird things out there. We go check it out if you want to. Oh, yeah.

I think he wants to keep down low. So don't, you know, you don't go blabbing. So you're going to go back back around to where the freak show is. I think he's going to have it.

Maybe I don't know if he's set up or not. Let's we can walk around the back and see, you know, there's that's out the balcony down the steps through the pathway. So we're walking away from the main group of the party off to like the less crowded areas of the house looking for a freak show. It's it.

Yeah. As you're doing that, you notice there is a biker robot arguing with a man in a dirty overall, like a dirty overcoat. He's like, you you smash my zombies into pieces. And he's like, look, man, you were, you were on the bank.

I was doing my job. He's like, you broke Benjamin Frankenstein's job. It's going to take me forever. And then they're there.

They're kind of they're getting kind of a heated argument. Hey, hey, hey, simmer down guys. When we first got here, plus that he said, does everybody keep a call? No fighting.

You don't understand. He's been Frankenstein is like a personal friend to me. Right. Whatever beef used to got is fine, but you got to take it outside because we can't be doing this in here.

I've to try and explain that to this. You won't even listen. I don't tell you about both. You guys got to chill, you know, because we don't want him to shut this party down, you know, trying to keep everybody calm.

They continue to escalate and get heated. And that is where we will end the first part of a two-part birthday. I guess of villain underground. I have been your game mustard happy puke.

And if you like listening to this, there's more. You can find me on Twitter at the happy puke. My name is Philip. I play Silicon artists.