Villain Underground #7

Hey, welcome back to Villanue-Ground, the second episode showing that we're actually back. So, or somewhat back. Um, I'm Alex on the Game Master. Uh, last week we ended on a real fucking downer.

Everybody was sad when home crying. Uh, to this week we have with us, who should I ask for some? But we'll, I need to hug guys. Ah, everybody.

That's your joke, I'm stealing it. Mm-hmm. Everybody hurts. And then we have Phil.

I'm on the slow bus to Sad Town. Blah, whah. And then we have Cody. Hi.

Wait and bring the energy guys. I'm real glad. This is going to be real great listening. I'm sorry, Alex.

Jesus. Can we kick it up? Villains were supposed to be fun. It has a bunch of mopey satsags.

Okay. I wanted to rip that girl's fingers off and you wouldn't let me. You had to roll the right dice and you did okay, but not for it. Okay.

Um, who wants to tell what happened last time? Nobody because it's too depressing. I'm going to force somebody to. Roman Obans started doing heroin.

All right. Cody, tell us what happened last week. Ah, I guess. Jesus.

Oh, it's so... What if this is the first episode someone loses to? Hi, Kevin. How are you doing?

We're villains and last time on Villain Underground. We had a job to do. We had to get these rings from somebody called Nightshade. She was apparently doing something from Gaia.

Who would have heard of Gaia? That's silly name. But we were hired by this guy, Fang. So we went inside of a apartment building with the Cleveland Steamer, Black Layless, Golden Arrow, and Knox.

Knox decided to run away and some interesting things happened. He got to talk to the void or infinity or whatever you want to call it. Some things were revealed. And Golden Arrow tried to fight her and rip her fingers off the Nightshade lady.

Knox's mansion got broken into in which Robo-Nobo decided to take upon himself to save the day by emulating his favorite show, the one with the little boy Home Alone. That thing. He defeated some people at the mansion and tried to go to Knox. Meanwhile, Knox blew up the building.

Some other bad stuff happened. Golden Arrow, Knox would be in a dick. So Golden Arrow was like, fuck you, I'm going home. Knox had to go through a bunch of rubble and then Robo-Nobo showed up.

It was a very sweet monkey. And I think I've got everything. I think that's it. And you nursed from his teeth?

No, that was not a thing. No, that was a good one. I'm going to go back to be in depressed if you don't stop. God.

I thought it was a sweet moment when you nursed at his teeth. I'm growing my hair back and I'm going to straighten it and I'm going to be emo now. Oh, gosh, don't do that. Oh, but the ending, remember the hangies where Fang is coming out of the rubble?

Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. The actual falling off the cliff. Fang came out of the rubble and was like, hey, what's up, buggies? I'm here.

There's nobody said that. Close enough. I'm taking the birdies with your work. Sorry.

We're going to open an episode of Breaking Bad. We're going to start not where the action was, but we're going to start with. You get up in the morning and pour some coffee, maybe some orange juice, and eat your protein or whatever you have for breakfast. Drink or juice, which is full of sugar and carbs, Alex.

Do you not know golden arrow? Well, tell me the beef thing to drink. Black coffee. Mix it with a pre-workout and then he'll take here after about 15 minutes as with all pre-workouts.

After 15 minutes of ingestion, you have to shit like crazy. So he does that. And then about five minutes after the shitstorm, his lips get all tingly and then he's ready to hit the gym. So what the fuck?

Is that what's really like taking a pre-workout? Oh, at least for me. I don't know. This person will experience bleeding into role-playing games.

But yes. Jesus. That sounds terrible. Like anything that would do that to your body can't be good.

Oh, no, it's horrible. It's like garbage. But it's so wait. Before you work out, you drink black coffee, shit your brains out, and then your lips feel numb and then you know now it's time to work out.

They don't feel bad. They usually take something to make your lips feel numb. They get tingly. And then you know it's like kicking a hyperdrive in about 10 minutes.

That sounds like drugs. But yeah, it's chemicals. Well, then that sounds like it should be illegal. That sounds terrible.

It's not. What the fuck, guys? Anybody can say. What is happening?

This is only Phil. Don't drag us into the shit. No, no, no, no. I literally.

What the fuck is going on? It's awesome. If you really want to get a good workout, like, left-wise, take some of that. It is worth the experience.

The 30 minutes leading up to it's so worth it. Okay, I'm sorry. This is going to turn into a workout cast now. All right.

I like to wake up and brew myself some green tea. I like to go outside when the sun is just rising over the horizon. Okay, well, going into warrior pose. Okay, then now we're facing dog.

Golden arrow shit his brains out and got really high and now he's got to go work out. So he strolls into the gym and it is probably a Tuesday, I would say. And so that means it is chess and lower legs, which is mostly just calf work and calf and hamstrings. So he'll be doing that.

So he goes hard on the bench because of the pre-workout and optimum. So he goes to that and he will go to one of the gyms, even though it's one that they've been texting him about. Okay. All right.

He's in a silly and close. Okay. As you're working out, you kind of notice there's a girl in the gym and she's been kind of like eyeing you. Not like baby eyeing, but like just kind of watching you and like when you change stations, like she changes stations to a station closer to the station you change to.

That makes sense? Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. She's doing the same split time. Don't let me interrupt to you.

Yeah. But are you wearing your wedding ring? Yeah. Okay.

So you notice her kind of keeping an eye on you basically. Can I use my telekinetic powers whenever I see she's like starting a rep. I want to and I'm on my rest two minutes to rest in between each set. I'm going to use my psychic abilities or my telekinesis to kind of put more weight on the weights she's trying to lift.

Just try to give her some problems. Yeah. Just give her a hard time. Mostly.

Okay. Cool. All right. You seem to be giving her a hard time.

I do this with everybody. I'm just here. You're just helping her out. I'm making everybody look weak around me.

That's like character so insecure. Yeah. Yeah. So what Alex?

Remember that whole bleeding in like my reality bleeding into role playing games? Yeah. I get it. Well, now I'm sad.

Okay. I think somebody needs to borrow Robo no for a while and suck one. He's like let us tea. Oh, we'll lend me your tea.

Okay. So yeah, back at the rubble site, things are pops out of the rubble and he starts climbing out. It's right in the early in the morning you've been metal detecting all night. The metal detector goes crazy on Robos arm.

Yeah. As he's pulling himself out of the rubble. He's doing that. What do you guys do?

I guess Knox would be waking up in Robos arms in the morning. You slept? Well, I mean he's doing all the work. You said he was overnight.

All right. So you woke up. He's a growing boy. He's only like 14.

Come on. Okay. All right. So you wake up and Robo know what you noticed that someone is crawling out of the rubble.

Robo nove actually just notices that he sees the rings that he's been looking for and he gets excited, starts jumping around and then you don't see the ring. You just see a fist. Oh, just a little thing. Yeah.

And then a guy's climbing out of it. You don't see rings. Okay. No rings then.

But the metal detector is going up. Yep. Okay. Well, so then he begins to shake Knox and he goes, Knox Knox, Robo nove will find what you're looking for.

Just bring them. Yes. Get the rings or whatever they are. Whatever's beeping.

Just make it stop. I need to go back to bed. Is he continuing to climb out of the hole? Yep.

He's pretty much out of the hole now. Okay. He climbs up and does himself off. Robo nove has stopped in his tracks and just goes, Hi, I'm Robo nove.

Hi. What do you need from me? I see you got Knox. You failed to help me.

Knox sent me to get rings. That's too bad, isn't it? Robo nove confused. I'm sure you are.

So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to leave and you tell Knox when he wakes up that he owes the committee something and we don't take our debts lightly. Okay. Then he turns away and starts walking away.

I don't like owls. Tell them to go away. Okay. All right.

So he walks away. Away away. What do you do, Robo nove? I start gently rocking Knox to wake him up.

Okay. All right. Back to Gomero. Gomero.

You're getting pretty close to your end of your workout. Okay. I'll let you just like work out all day. No, it's probably a good two hours.

Okay. But you know that's a little bit of optimizing rest in between sets. Right. So I'd finish up my workout and I'd hit the shower there.

Let's pay for the membership might as well. Okay. So get cleaned up. I'll have a change of clothes and change into that and then I'm going to head towards the chaos committee thing, the clubhouse.

Okay. Okay. All right. Okay.

You get stopped by the girl on your way out the gym. And she's like, excuse me, sir. Can I talk to you? Yeah.

What's up? I have a problem and I heard from a source that you might be able to help me. Yeah. Is it about your form?

Because you're doing some things fairly wrong. I mean, I'm not a personal trainer. They have a few good people here, but have you ever been to Ryan's? It's the gym on the north side of town.

No, I don't need a personal trainer. No, it's not what I need. I need your help. Something else.

Something. I have a paying job. That's the definition of a job, lady. Okay.

But I've heard that you're willing to do certain things for money. I'm just going to stay there dumbfounded. I'm just not saying anything and not like be like, yes or no. I'm just going to like look at her and are you willing to help or?

Well, I'm always here to listen to some problems, I guess. That doesn't help me. You're not very good at speaking in code, lady. Are you?

I was trying to say that I'm willing to listen to your problems and maybe help you with them. Okay. Look, okay. So here's the deal.

I'm going to get in a lot of trouble and there is a guy who has evidence that's going to put him away and I need you to get the evidence from him. I'm no dick. I'll see you later. I thought you were willing to bust heads for money, but I guess not.

Yeah, seems all sappy. Not into that shit. Okay. All right.

Okay. Knox, you wake up. Robinobo is cradling you. Were you out here all night?

Did you find the rings? Robinobo didn't find rings. There was a man under the rubble. He climbed out, made new friend with Robinobo.

Great. You met hot Carl. Great. Or whatever he wanted to call himself.

Yes, that probably was interfering with your metal detector. Well, wait. Now, was there anyone else? It was a fancy man climbing out.

Made a metal message. I think so. He told Robinobo tell Knox the community has gift for him. Wait, do you mean the TV show?

I mean, it is a gift to our age, but no. No, no. Wait, that's not right. No, he said you owe community.

Well, of course, I blew up one of their buildings. I mean, I could probably kick back some insurance money. I'm not even sure if I don't have any. No, I mean, I could probably get back to the community, but no.

Wait, no committee. Oh, oh, that's it. Man climb out to Knox O committee. What do I owe them?

We did their job. It's not in my fault that the man can't handle a destroyed building. This is nonsense. I'm not to call somebody for this.

I'm not going to like this conversation. Anyway, do you think you've searched the entire area? You know sign of the rings whatsoever. I'm Robinobo search the entire area.

No rings. Knox, when are we going to go see Puzzle King? I forgot you had that. Sorry, Fred.

Last thing Robinobo remember. Hold on. Yeah, I remember this. I've got it here on my phone here.

Let me look at my gaggle drive. OK, OK. All right, go narrow. You get to the committee hideout.

I will go to a blueprints office and be like, hey, I know it's only been a day, but we pay for Amazon prime for a reason. I guess it's prime now. Did my equipment come in that I ordered with the beef palace? Yeah.

Oh, cool. Is it in there or is it down at like the receivable day? It's all in the storage room. OK, cool.

I'm going to get that. OK. Is that where you're going to work on as building the gym? Right.

I'm just going to fast forward your bit because I don't really want to go through building a gym. Are you all right with that? Or do you really want to go through building a gym? To each their own, I suppose.

I'm going to do what I'm going to do a follow up to this podcast, like the Talking Dead, where it's just the talking beef. And it's me talking about the beef palace expansions in each series. You know what? Tell you what, remind me at the end and I'll let you I'll let you ramble on about your beef palace.

Let me ramble for a good 10 minutes. All right, so let's go. Yeah, I'll do that. All right.

OK, just let me know. Just remind me because I'll forget. OK. OK.

Back to actual things happening. That's bullshit. Well, barely. Barely anything is happening.

All right. Knox and Robinobo. What are you guys doing? You know what?

With that with that of pubzoking, I would just say that we go back to the mansion, see how things have progressed there. How fucked is everything? Is Donaldson alive? Do you guys do?

Do I wonder why there's flour all over my kitchen? Is that where you're going? Yeah. Yes.

OK. So you go back to the mansion. It looks pretty ransacked. There's like a lot of like tagging, like they've tagged the word massacre on a bunch of stuff.

And like it seems like there's a lot of it that's kind of just bombed the fuck out. They burned a lot of stuff. They broke a lot of stuff and stole a bunch of valuables. So your house is pretty fucked.

What the? Why would they page over? This is priceless piece. Why would anyone call a grave digger's morning?

They must have been searching for me. Check the safe rooms. Is Donaldson? Donaldson.

Donaldson. You find Donaldson. He's tied to a chair. Kind of beaten up pretty badly.

He's like, sir. Look, whatever your fetish is, keep it on your own time. Why weren't you defending the building? I tried.

They tied me up and beat me. Oh, I guess that would explain that. Yes. You could probably get stitches for that.

I'm sorry. What did they want? Did they want me, obviously? Yes.

They came to kill you, sir. Well, that's a long list of people. My day has been like shit. How has yours been Donaldson?

Oh, well, obviously. Let's cut you down and put you back to work. You have a lot of cleaning to do. He looks at you like right in the eyes and says, Masker's coming again.

Please, sir. Just kill me now. I want to kill you. We had a deal.

You see a terror in his eyes you've never seen. Even through all the terrible shit you've put him through, he seems absolutely horrified. Hey, Alex. Yeah.

I'm going to provoke on Donaldson. OK. And I'm going to say because of my background, I will even spend a faint point for this to get an additional plus 2 because he's mine. OK.

You're going to try to scare him? Yes. All right. I'm going to replace the fear of Masker with mine, the fear of me.

OK. I hate you, DICE. I hate you. I got a negative 3.

Provoke is a plus 4. But then you said I could get a plus 2. OK. All right.

So you got a total of 3. OK. He's kind of frozen. You're just trying to scare him, right?

Right. OK. Just kind of lean up in his face. Like, I own you.

I don't care who else is coming to kill you. Your life is mine. OK. He doesn't respond.

He looks pretty scared. Just like, fine, whatever. Cut him down. And then just like, do what you will, Donaldson.

Fine. Do what you will. OK. All right.

He doesn't really move. He just kind of lays there in his heap. Robo, I think we're about to have guests again. Robo-nobo, get Donaldson out of here.

He picks up Donaldson, puts him over his shoulder. OK. Can I rig the house? Can I actually make this a home alone situation?

Like, you're trying to make traps? Oh, yeah. I want to rig the shit out of this place. All right.

What kind of things are you rigging it with? I am rigging it with like, more flash bangs. But I'm not going to use like the crap that Donaldson bought. I'm actually going to use legitimate flash bangs from the military this time.

Just under doors. I'm going to put little cameras in places so I can observe the entire house. Like, I probably already have cameras up and set up. But I want more cameras.

I want just put like random TV screens everywhere. I want to wire them all up. Oh, god. I want to like, I want to put every amount of effort into making this the most insidious death trap that doesn't kill people ever.

So you don't want it to be lethal? I would say that it would only get lethal whenever they get closest to me. And I would be like in the middle of it, in the basement, like doors everywhere. So that way I have like a bunch of ways to get out.

And like, there is where I have like places set up where guns would be. There would be like machine guns and everything there. OK. So outside it just says don't tell golden arrow about this room.

Because it will bring weight sense into it. Yes. Don't tell my own guns. Oh, you should buy guns.

I get it. Yeah. And slow on the uptake. Sorry.

Because then you will expect him to do something. Exactly. OK. All right.

So you are working on making your place into a death trap. Yep. OK. All right.

Back to beef palace HQ. You are building your beef palace. It's coming along nicely. All right.

I'm going to try to I'm going to go find after I've done the necessary work. I will go find dark bell and see if thing has checked in recently. All right. She says no, he has it not yet.

Why didn't you go out with him? Yeah. We what did he want you to do? We took on this nightshade girl.

She had four rings. We were trying to get this back. And then the building blew up on us and I lost track of them from there. Probably for the better anyway.

What do you want from me? Oh, I was just seeing if you had seen him. Why is it for the better? It's just probably better that he doesn't get those.

The rings? Yeah. Oh, I think pretty bad has. Yeah.

He's been chasing for a long time, but it's probably best that he doesn't get them. Well, that nightshade girl wanted to bring back Gail or something. Guy, probably. Sure.

Yeah. That would probably be preferable to fan getting them, honestly. Oh, interesting. Either way, you guys try to help him, but you failed.

Yeah. We did. Probably for the best. Probably for the best.

I don't give a shit out. Why would I give a shit? Aren't you kind of like my boss? Well, I mean, if you're going to hang out and do stuff for the committee, I guess so.

But I mean, I don't give a shit if he doesn't get what he wants. I mean, I've already done that. I mean, we're quite a bit for the committee. Right.

I'm just saying we're kind of a loose organization. We don't like we all have our own personal agendas. And sometimes they don't all agree. So yeah, I kind of noticed that like there's not like a dedicated mail room person.

The mailboxes I built, nobody's putting mail in them. So why don't send mail to a secret hideout? The mail doesn't come here. Well, it's a secret hideout.

I have my Amazon account sending here. That's stupid. Why did you say that? Well, secret identities.

If I stop, if I start buying like bombs and stuff from Amazon, my wife's going to be like why their bombs come into the house. Not that I have a wife or anything, but I'm just saying like hypothetically, if I did have a wife, she would be confused as to why there's bombs coming to the house. Okay. But from now on, send things to a drop site and pick them up because it's not great to have our address on record.

Ah. I don't know how you got Amazon delivered to the middle of a swamp, but I guess they're not. I guess they're not. All right.

I think I was like drone things that they send. Fair enough. Yeah. It's kind of cool.

All right. So yeah, just send it to a drop site for now. Anyway, do you need something from me? Oh, a board.

Anything I could do. Got some jobs that you could do. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. I'll take a job. It depends. It depends.

What are you looking for? Are you looking for money? Are you just looking to move up or meet people or what? If I move up, does that mean more money in the future?

Yeah. I guess so. Okay. Here's the question of your little crew.

Who's in charge of all of that? You know, that little short dude with the mask? Yeah. He likes to clean.

He's the leader, but is he? Sure. That doesn't sound very committed. We're more of a cope.

So you want to do work to move on up, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's what you want to do?

Of course. All right. So, I mean, that means getting your hands pretty dirty. You have to do some stuff to prove loyalty.

All right. Let's do it. Do I get to burn something down? Maybe it's enough somebody out.

You willing to do that? Yeah, let's do it. Are you guys do wet work? Because from what I know, you guys seem to be kind of just stupid criminals really.

But if you're willing to do wet work, I have a job for you. I don't have rubber boots or anything, but I can kill somebody, certainly. That's what I mean by me. All right then.

Well, I will give you the location of somebody, and you go take them out. All right, that's cool. She gives you Adosse, and she's like, I need this person dead. All right.

All text knocks. It'll be like, hey, committee's got us a new mission for us. Where are you at? I'm going to put text back busy at mansion, but it's the at sign.

The least amount of characters as you can type. Yeah, I will send one back that says, on my way. Are you going to write it all out all the most letters you can type? Sure.

Because you could put OMW, right? All right, on my way. But if you've raised the things, I don't think it's funny if he takes it back the least amount of gear responsible. And then you write out and fold it on my way.

Yes. All right. OK, that sounds good. I'm on my way.

Hang there. Fucking a paragraph. And I'll be texting him my ETA every about 10 minutes. Oh, damn it.

OK. All right. Coldner, you eventually reached the mansion. They are picking things up and cleaning up after some sort of devastating attack.

I was kind of. I'll walk up to him and be like, so are you guys cool with murder? Just stare at him with a mask. Look, do you know how to wire?

Do you know how to wire this? You take it to one side, screw it to one door. Why, to the other side, I need you to cover at least the living room and the war room. I'm really doing something right now.

Can this question of morality wait? All right. Sure. OK.

Thank you. And I'll start doing it. And I'll be like, well, so the committee wants us to murder somebody. Oh, the committee wants something.

Great. To move up in the ranks. So we can get on a better standing with them. According to your friend, the Fang, apparently they have a gift for me.

If sarcasm wasn't there, I'm using the quotations with my fingers. See quotations. I just talked to that dark bell lady, and she seemed OK with it. She didn't give me anything to give to you.

You should check your mailbox, though. Like, they've been they've started to put things in there. Like, in her office stuff. Apparently, we have to go to a drop site for outside delivery.

So that's a good note. Wait, we had offices at the what you might call it? The little pretty little base they had up in the middle of the woods? Not offices, but you've got a mailbox there.

Like, they have the weekly newsletter and announcements that come out. I guess in her office. I'm going to open the background going, robin nobo, taking care of Secret Santa. Why am I always the last one to know?

Who is? Gosh, darn it. I didn't realize they were that organized. Yeah, they're working on it.

They're starting to get there. I think they just need a firm hand to guide them. So. Well, if they're not out to kill me, I would be more than glad to join in the Secret Santa.

Speaking of which, they had you want to kill someone, or did you already finish the job? Well, she handed me this pack of papers. Well, just read it out. I need to finish this up real quick.

I'll follow behind Knox reading out the dossier. OK. There is a defense attorney in Ambrville City that they need iced. You don't mean Jerry?

I play with his kids. Wait, what? I think his name was Jerry. I've got him on my payroll.

At least I think Father did. You said it was the defense attorney. Well, another one could have been, I don't know. If it is Jerry, he's a lovely man.

I'd hate to have to kill him. Go on. Go on. Anything else in the dossier?

Well, there is this one thing. Alex. Boy. I was trying to get you to give us more information.

Oh. I thought you were going to make it. OK. There's some context to some local villains in Ambrville if you need to connect with them.

And they know the way of the land. It could probably help. Do they have cell phone numbers attached to it? They have numbers you can call you.

I'm going to try texting first. OK, what do you got to take? A big group message with all of them. OK.

With all of the numbers that are on there. How many numbers are there? Six. Sure.

OK. It's open. Hey, gang. You don't know me.

I'm with CC. That stands for chaos. I will put that in print. The CC is not spell.

Chaos committee behind it. Oh, God. I need some information. Do you have?

Are you guys available to talk? You know, send it. OK. You get one reply of somebody willing to meet.

All it is is an address in a time. When is the time? It's like close to night, like 7 p.m. And it's like in a day.

OK, a day away. Yeah, you can get there in a day. OK. So they want to meet in one day.

Does that work for you guys to schedule with your... I mean, they're going to be done decorating for Halloween after Christmas after this. I think it might only take about another hour or so. I'm not sure when our guests will arrive.

I guess so. It should only take today. It depends on how bloodthirsty they are. If you're having a party, I'll bug out.

So don't break up your party. I'm debating about whether staying or not, myself. Oh, don't worry about it. Just people trying to kill me.

It's apparently a new thing, a new fad with the kids these days. You are. I hate it when you remind me of that. I'm just wondering how melodramatic I want to be.