Villain Underground #75

Hello and welcome to another villain underground. I am your happy pukigamuster. And I'm here with four birds of a feather. We have hummingbird Cody playing Megalodon.

So is not good to you this year Jimmy. I think we might all die. Did you say coming bird? That's right.

Yes, coming bird. I hear coming. Yeah. All right, so there's that now.

We've got the Titt Mouse Wheel play, Grubble and Knoll. A Mouse Titties. We have the blue-footed booby, Phil playing Silicon artists. Would have rather been a swallow.

Well, there you give me my last one. And we have the swallow alley, flag updraft. Man, not vicious. All right, so we are a real play-based podcast based in the S.H.U.

universe about the villains. We're all happy to be here. Are we? Are we?

Well, Phil, you can quit at any time. I tell you this every week. You thought I got the message back now. Even when we don't record, I probably messaged you.

You know you could quit. Yeah, it was weird how you sent me a letter this time. It was written in your blood and it had a bunch of your hair. It was like, OK, this is weird.

I mean, you know, I'm trying to be formal. Sure. I don't like to be misunderstood. So yeah, what's something that could tell us what happened in the last episode of The Von Underground?

Let's see, there was some of us were making a F.A.G. to a god of Mastering in it. Robo went on the truck date. And Megalodon hit the road.

That would happen. Not really. Not in that order and not any of those things. I feel like a little bit of a crud.

Some of it. Yeah, you did go on a truck date. That's accurate. And then RoboNova was getting everybody together because Updraft wanted to get a crew together to go blow up a train.

Right. Yeah, to make the F.A.G. And then there was a big issue trying to get Megalodon on board because Jimmy reminded Megalodon that none of these people have talked to him in a week. And then Greg gave him a nightclub.

But Megalodon went anyway. And then he later called Greg and asked him, is it OK if I blow up a train? And then Greg said, no, I'm very much against that. Oh, no, no, it was what happens if we're seen blowing up a train.

And then he took it as OK, we just can't get caught. Yep. Things in mind have changed since last time though. Yeah.

OK, so everybody is there in the hotel room waiting on what's going to happen. So what are you guys doing? You're all there. You're all together.

So is the train. Is the train thing happening like I thought it was a week from now? Or is this like right before when the train is supposed to be unveiled? It is in a week.

You have like a week to do this. OK. Listen, I mean, I can maybe help you out with the train thing. I'm not an engineer.

Jimmy, do you know what I'm saying about trains? I used to play with the wood once that CD class where I was looking at. Yeah, I used to work with a bunch of workers putting in the little rails into the actual train tracks itself. But like that was 120 years ago, maybe.

It used to be a rail worker boss. A little bit. Oh, I never knew that about you. No, I was probably like five.

What? I was very young. That was a good shock man. I was still I was a shark boy.

It was very strong. I don't think you sit down and talk about your tragic past boss. Yeah, it's a very long past. I should talk to you about a lava girl, too.

She was a good girl. I think we should all sit around. Michael O'Donne as he tells us about his best friend, lava girl. You see me a lava girl, we're back in school and we hated this teacher.

Kind of looked like that one comedian. It was just what? Is this the only thing for you? I'm sorry.

Jimmy, I think we might need to make a movie deal of this. This is getting everybody round already. Yeah, everybody seems to really like this idea. We can sell to Hollywood and then make it into a movie.

Yeah, we need to figure out Hollywood, Jimmy. We do. I don't know much about it. Back when I was back in the day used to be called Hollywood Lane.

It's not called anymore, boss. Why are they changing the road names? People get all confused. Well, everyone just kind of, everyone in this, there's like 13 people in this room and they're just staring at us and I think we're monopolizing the conversation.

It's very awkward. Maybe this is why we stick around. Nobody else is talking and they're just kind of looking at it. I'm just fascinated by whatever this is that's happening right now.

She's fascinated. Boys, we're making real good in Hollywood. We're making really good in Hollywood. I mean, so fascinated people would pay for this, right?

We're gonna make $1,000. Yeah, that's a lot of money for a movie. Don't get a little Jimmy, I've encountered a number. Apparently $1,000 is not a lot.

It takes upwards of about like 50,000 in a week for us to keep upkeep. Oh, for the club, you're right. Maybe, I don't know. But who would say no to an extra thousand dollars?

I mean, you're right, Jimmy. Yeah. So where should we put the bombs? Oh, OK.

Not that this isn't entertaining, but I feel like we need to figure out like logistically kind of where we got to put the bombs to blow this thing up. So you're just going to blow it up. I mean, I think Jimmy could take over destroying the thing. I think it needed to be like flashy.

Oh, it would be flashy, don't it, don't worry. OK. I don't know. Can I trust you to actually get it done?

I'm talking to myself. No offense. No offense. Oh, sorry.

I was thinking about myself doing it. It took me a second. Yeah, that doesn't instill me with a great deal of confidence. The really short man with the weird face does not seem to be in on this.

He seems to be like, I'm on this real suspiciously like the short man with a weird. Yeah, you're stretchy friend. He's talking about Silicon. Oh, because he looks like he looks like Danny DeVito still, I believe.

The hell's Danny DeVito? I was jumping out of me. You've said it multiple times. You can see you have the body of Danny DeVito or the face of somebody else.

The hell Patrick. Oh, right. I got a handsome face, but it's trust quite body. That is what I look like, Jimmy.

I just don't see how I can let this happen. Sit back, watch Boss Baby and let it just let it roll. But no. Remember the thing that you all didn't want me to kill a bunch of people with the literal God of death in me and didn't happen.

So that's that was something you guys were happy about. Now we're doing the same thing. So we were killing a bunch of people. We just have to blow up a train.

Doesn't have to be anybody on it. Yeah, when did you get Bealsville Vogue inside of you? That's the webinar. What?

I don't think any of us are around for that. I mean, technically Robo was I had an evil God in me. It's fine. He absconded with half of me.

That's one so short, but he kept the hands apart or I did technically. Aren't you stretchy? Can't you stretch yourself to be tall again? Don't worry about it.

Jimmy. I'm just saying I'm just going to ask the questions. Okay, here's the thing. And I pulled out the silly body.

I keep in my body. Just a body flap. Here Jimmy, you take half of this. Okay.

I told me what I told you to eat it and hope you died. Not new me. Here's what I'm saying. I stretch it out as far as I can and it's not as long as I could have stretched it if I had both pieces.

Does that make sense? Yeah. There's a mass thing there. It's like it could be really short and squat or tall and skinny.

No middle ground. Okay. And when I was short and squat, you have a problem with that. You should see it's like I actually see probably got body issues.

Well, I mean I do have body issues but my mom used to shame you all the time. That's something that's like I just can get to the root of hopefully. Yeah. I didn't mean to open up.

It's okay. I was on I was using Boss's phone. I got on Tumblr and I started looking at body positivity and I got really into it. So I mean you could be tall and skinny if you'd like.

No one's going to judge you. Oh, I know. You want to hug? He's okay if I should stretch your boy.

Of course you can hug the stretchy boy. I can't give you a hug. I can't send to the hug. Okay.

Jimmy hugs. Jimmy hugs. I turn myself slightly squishy so he goes like dark water. One of the other three girls I hear is like are we going at some point?

Is this the way your crew operates? I don't understand. Yeah. Aren't you going to take also sorry.

They was mentioned before and I'm sorry to interrupt you y'all but I thought you guys were going to take the people off of the train. There was something about killing the people that we take the people off the train. Yeah, we're not. I don't want to kill anybody.

Well, look, Capara and Silicon are just apparently on the same page. They don't want to kill anybody. The rest of us don't give a shit. So let's go with not killing.

I just want to blow up a train. Yeah, we just want to blow up a train. Cool. Let's go with not killing people on the train.

All right. So, you can team up with Capara and then your job will be to get all the people out of the way for whatever we plan on doing. It's a divisional labor, right? Who's going to take it?

Sure. But someone's got to drive the train. I've got a lot of people on team blow up the train. Oh, yeah.

And not a lot of people on team save everybody. Who else do you want? Okay. Well, let's draft.

Who else do you want? Not it. I don't want to be the team captain here. Well, you're the one.

Okay. Well, if you're I do I don't do well in leadership roles. Well, if you're not team captain, who's team captain of safe people? Wait, I thought you would delete of this group.

Me? No, no, no. Talk about Silicon on the side. Me?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm a lieutenant at best if we're talking about rankings. Okay. What I'm saying is if no one's going to lead up team safe people, I guess by default that group is coming.

Now's your time to step up. You want me to save people, boss? Yeah. Yeah.

All right. I'll take lead. I'll be the boss. There we go.

Jimmy, my new best friend. He's going to be the leader of team saver. Everybody's going to die. Yeah.

I'll do it. Boss, thanks for giving me this management opportunity. You got Jimmy's anything to prove yourself. So is that the team in Silicon's this lady with Egyptian necklace and me?

Sounds like it. Yeah. All right. Let's go.

Go save people. Jimmy. We got that. Jimmy, we got a whole week until the actual same.

I don't know where we go in. Yeah. Okay. This may be a mistake.

Maybe. Oh, God. Cool. So what's the plan team bomb is doing?

I assume it involves a bomb. Twenty seems excessive. I mean, I'm just I'm just falling. We don't have to have twenty.

Fifteen would be probably fine. Let's compromise to one big one. A nuke. No, not a new.

Not a new dark dark water. She's like, why are we using bombs? We have powers. You have wind elemental.

Well, yeah. But bomb. That's fun. Really?

I'm just going to get up in the air all day long. Excuse me for the class. I kind of want to suplex this train. Okay.

Explain. So Jimmy was watching the wheat tubs on his little computer thing. It went through a bunch of stuff. And I got to the thing called final fantasy in which a ninja suplex the train.

I want to do this. Can I suplex the train? I mean, to be fair, I don't see why you can't. All right.

That's no bombs. Do you think you physically can do this? I mean, I can help you lift it if that's all you need. Oh, that would be.

Hey, okay. Wait, hold on. Up draft. What?

Okay. So we have team saving lives, which are these three over here. Yeah. Do you want to be team distracted heroes of the town or do you want to be team blow up a train because some of us have to go do that too.

See now, that's a tough choice because blowing up a train sounds fun, but beating up people sounds fun too. I guess if the two distracting would probably be more in my wheelhouse. It'd probably be better at that. Setting a bomb.

Not a big deal. Yeah. Okay. I'll go distract the heroes.

Okay. I'm going to go ahead and take Megalodon with you or does he really want souplix train? Megalodon, are you coming with us then? I really would like the souplixis train, please.

Okay. So dark water nightshade and Megalodon, our team actually destroyed the train. Okay. We will go do that.

Wait. I guess what? Who are the heroes here? It's of course, Star starts the new paragons.

So it's a rubber maiden and home and beacon. Okay. I'm going to write those names down. I'm going to go do some research because I've never heard of them.

Oh, and light speed is there too. Sometimes. So dark water is like, all right, Megalodon, I guess you're coming with us. I'll tell you this.

When the train, when they do the river cutting, that's when we're going to blow it up. So just distract the heroes at that point. It's in about one week's time. We should split up, plan our thing separately.

You guys go do that. Okay. Okay. All right.

And then she, she points to us. You just make sure no one's on that train because we're not going to stop. We're doing peace. Absolutely.

Nobody will be on that tree. Okay. Nightshade and dark water start leaving. Megalodon, do you go with them?

Yeah. All right. Jimmy's like, boss. This is like between the two.

Don't worry, Jimmy. You can, you can do this. You got this. I'll handle.

You get the boss now. You're the boss of this. You'll be saving people, you know, get some contacts. I know, but we have, we've really never spent more than like 10 minutes apart in the last, like 12 years.

Yeah. I mean, it's even longer than that with the time travel thing. But oh, geez. Oh, the last 112 year.

I don't know by a fair good boy. I'm going to miss you boys. Listen, you got this. Okay.

All right. You're the boss now. You got to be safe. Please be safe.

I'll be safe, Jimmy. You're like, you're the most honest. You take care of him. Okay.

I'll do you proud boss. Jimmy, proud Jimmy. He gives you a hug. Give him a hug and lift him up and spin him around.

All right. So I'm not going to shake dark water and maggle it on leave. Oh boy. The people that are left in the room, Robo, no, Bob draft, Silicon artists, Capara and Jimmy and Jimmy, Capara and Silicon artists are on team.

Save people. All right. Team. You want to get out of here so we can play out of safe people?

Sure. So tell us like a series of breakout rooms that we can get into. Well, I mean, we got to travel the court stuff. So I thought maybe we can, you know, get, like, travel behind the scenes.

Like travel behind them, whatever vehicle they're taking and kind of road trip, you know, like a separate vehicle close by to wherever they're staying and then like have a room next to where they are. Oh, yeah. And then if we get like adjacent rooms, we could leave that door open and then, you know, we could throw ideas back and forth between the rooms. Yeah.

I mean, we don't have to make it totally obviously that we just followed them right after they left, but, um, where they not like that. I'm just, I'm trying to be a little bit independent. I mean, you're the leader. You can do whatever you want.

All right. I'm along for the ride to roll out. So are you arranging the transportation or? Yeah, I still have boss's phone.

I'm going to get no one. Oh my God. He orders an Uber and goes downstairs, uh, Capara and a Silicon artist. You go with him.

Yeah. Okay. So now it's up to after a row, no, but alone in the room as the two responsible for fighting entire hero team and distracting them. This one and poorly at all.

Uh, Robo's been texting the whole time and looks up and goes, what's our job? Who to be again? Uh, we get to beat up the heroes, which you are going to research because I don't know who they are. Oh, okay.

Okay. So I'm going to do some searching for the heroes. Let's see what we can get on that. What are we up against there?

A pretty well known team out of court star. Uh, Robert Maiden has stretchy powers. Oh, has electricity powers. Light speed is a speedster and guiding light shoots light beams.

Um, they have some, uh, members that are on and on again, off again, members, uh, shift and white matter, but white matter is strong telekinetic and shift can teleport and punch, but they may or may not be there. Okay. Uh, Robo and what you do know them because when Silicon artist was still pretending to be gold narrow, you robbed their high house. Oh, okay.

And knock stole a suit from their trophy room. Yeah. So you look them up, you're like, Oh, yeah, I've been there. I was there once.

That's when gold narrow turned into Silicon artist. Just, you know, another day in the office. Yeah. Yeah.

So yeah, uh, I've dressed for Robo and Obel. You're there alone. The weirdest pairing. We can make this work, right?

We can do this. Yeah, I was thinking we could set up a love triangle between Silicon artist and Rubber Maiden and, uh, and home because electricity and rubber and natural enemies and the two stretchy people, you know, they're just made for each other. Okay. I see.

I see we are going with that, but that might take a little bit longer than we have to work with. So maybe we should put that on the back burner. We'll do that after because that just sounds hilarious. We got to figure out a way to like get them away from the train for a while.

We could start a fire. Where? They have a power plant of some variety. How about we set the animal shelter on fire?

The animal shelter. I mean, we could do that, but that seems a little cruel to the animals who haven't really done anything wrong. I say we set like a power plant on fire or ooh, ooh, ooh, factories, all the factories, all of them. All of the factories.

Okay. All of them. Okay. We're going to cut over to Megalodon.

You're in the car with nightshade and dark water and they're driving towards a court star. Do you say anything to them or do anything? So any of you have seen any good movies lately? No, we don't really watch movies.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe the radio. What?

What? What do you guys like to listen to? It's all Christmas. Everything's Christmas music right now and I hate Christmas music.

Oh, yeah. You know, here, she fumbles with the phone. She's like, you're trying to find like a podcast or something. I can't try to do the phone.

My, uh, okay. I'm like, shit. Can you grab? She's like, no, no, she grabs the phone from you.

She's like, try to find a podcast or something. She's like, okay. So you're sitting silent for a little while while she fumbles with the phone. You're just, you're taking her on the phone while it's completely quiet.

So, um, shark man. Yeah. Yeah. Were you a shark first or a man first?

No, I was on this way. Oh. Were your parents shark people or was your dad a shark and your mama? I'm not really sure.

I was kind of, you know, orphaned. Uh, just kind of, well, this is kind of ironic, but they threw me on a train, uh, back in the day and they just sort of like let me go out, uh, go out west. Oh, like as a baby? Yeah.

But when you're a shark, you can just, uh, you know, I guess eat things, I guess. I, okay. I guess so. All right.

Yeah. So, uh, that podcast, huh? Yeah, I guess so. Uh, yeah.

So, uh, she just, she puts out a true crime podcast and you write the rest of the way, not talking. What the fuck is this? El Pacino guy. He sounds like a roposa.

A true crime. I'm sorry. I just need a crime point. It's, it's Al Pacino's true crime podcast.

Yeah. It's the, it's everybody's favorite Al Pacino based or Al Pacino led true crime podcast. Oh God. That'd be a great podcast.

Can we get some? You know, Al Pacino, it's all. Okay. We're going to cut to, um, it's looking artist.

You're in an uber with Jimmy and this woman you've really never talked to. So. It is. Yeah.

Do you have, I always kind of know how to purchase a subject. Uh, do you have any powers? Yes, I do. Oh, cool.

What are they? It's usually the next. Oh, well, you only asked one question. Dear, I'm sorry.

Um, Jesus. Reether. Okay. Sorry.

I'm just not used to working with such people. It doesn't really put me in a good mood. Every time I die, I come back to life and then I have some sort of minor ability based on the way I died before. So the last time I died, your friend updraft cut me into pieces.

So, um, so you have cutting powers? No, I don't know what my powers are at the moment, but something to do with being cut apart. Maybe my skin is tougher or, I mean, one time I died in a fire and then I could turn in, you know, human torch up and then there was this time I was lost in space and I kept suffocating and then like I would reawaken like with the ability to not have to breathe, but then because you're in space your blood boils so then I died that way. Like over and over again for like six or seven hundred times.

Uh, cool. Cool. Cool. Yeah.

That's fun. How was space? Dark and lonely and I kept dying while floating through endless voids, so it wasn't great. Are you an alien?

No, I'm from Earth. How did you end up in space? Shit that's beyond me, man. Shit that's beyond me.

Alien of Dection. No, me and my family were fighting something, something about portals and like I try not to really pay attention to what people are monologuing about shit like that and then you know you find yourself in an alternate reality or other dimension and then you walk through your doorway and you get flying to space. I don't know how. Just that kind of shit happens.

From family, am I right? Well, it wasn't my family's fault. That was, we were trying to help. Oh, so you were like in a crime, wait, crime, fighting family?

Yes. Me and my children, I'm very proud of them. Me and my children are heroes. And I mean, that's the reason I'm here is I'm trying to minimize the damage that these people are going to cause.

Yeah, because you know they're villains, right? Like they're actually evil. Yes. But you see the scarab that's embedded in my chest is where my powers come from and it's tied to an Egyptian god and the Egyptian god put me on a quest.

And so I'm going to do that the best way I can, which is trying to save as many humans as possible while doing it. Oh, that's pretty cool. Yeah. Kind of have my own Egyptian god, you know, somewhat say.

Yeah, with that. I mean, technically part of my brain was sort of removed by the god of death. Egyptian god of death? No.

Oh, so I think he was Middle Easter. Oh, okay. That doesn't sound like a supposed relationship. No, it wasn't.

He literally stole half of me. But the part that I want to do evil, it's now I want to do good. Well, I mean, I believe in redemption. So my scarabs and my skill and I kind of push it in slightly.

I don't think you have a scare, but you know, I get the metaphor. I get the metaphor. Yeah, exactly. It's a metaphor.

I don't actually have a scare. Right. So your powers are your squishy, apparently. Yep.

Yep. Pretty much. And I heard them call you Silicon artist. Stephen's fine.

Okay. Because yeah, that name is a play on con artist, which is inherently bad, right? Sure. Okay.

I just because you're hanging out with a bunch of bad guys. Oh, I'm very aware. Yeah. I was evil.

Okay. Now I'm good. All right. Kind of like you trying to counteract.

Well, I've all the evil they do. I've never I've never been evil. Oh, I've never been a just a mother trying to protect the planet that are kids. I'm not a little bit of a fun.

No, but no, say the least. One could say I have several thousand children all under my guide. So you know, me trying to protect the planet as well to save my thousands of children, you know, maybe a little bit different than your quest. But yeah, that's fine.

You got family. I understand that's important too. For someone made of silicon, I should I should tell you that. Silicon.

Well, I'm going to tell you to wear rubber anyway, because maybe you should start not having that many children because there is a overpopulation issue and I think it's mightily irresponsible to go around and having that many kids. I'm not a sex thing. Compare. You just said you had thousands of kids.

Yeah, metaphorical children were doing metaphors now. I was talking about my actual children. Yeah, and I was talking about my sort of actual children. Okay.

All right. I don't I run a charity. Thank you for asking. Finally, I run a charity that adopts a lot of orphans.

So you could say I have a lot of children. So you used to have they don't have parents used to be evil past tense. I did I was I didn't kill all the parents and then get the children. The children's parents died other way for someone helping them for someone that claims to be good your mighty rude goodness and rudeness don't go hand in hand.

I got to be rude to be nice. I've learned that lesson today. Thanks. Yeah, you're welcome.

Thanks for engaging in pleasant conversation with somebody you got to share a car with the next. I don't know. We could guess. Oh, my guys.

This is really awkward. I'm going to put on a podcast. I I started downloading this one by Joe Peche. It's a crime podcast.

Joe Peche's petty crash. Oh, my God. I really got back to you. I'm Jeff to Robo.

You're still in the hotel room. The other two teams left. What are you doing? Okay.

So we have to get to court star city. So how are we going to get there? Do you can you like do the truck thing? Yeah, or we could call a truck.

I know what truck. Sure. I mean, I don't care how we get there as long as we get there. Okay.

And he's already had while we've been discussing this. He's already a texted then and asked if if then can bring us to a court star. Viterplies. Yeah, but I have to be quick because Greg might need me back in town.

So just don't just don't tell him. Okay. Do you want to go to monster jam? Monster jam?

What's monster jam? Yeah, it's a truck thing. It's yeah. It's just like a dirty.

Gotcha. Yeah, sure. I'd love to go to monster jam. All right.

So the Vin comes to come to pick you up and you guys are writing in the truck. What do you guys? What do you guys talk about in the truck? Well, Vin and Robo talk a lot.

Vin's like, what's your favorite color, Robo? Just going to roll the window down and drown them out. Okay. Because yeah, the truck and Robo are flirting incessantly.

I keep rubbing the leather seats. They're warm so that the seats are all nice and warm. I'm hanging out the window. So you're just trying to ignore them?

Yep. Okay. Robo no, you're connected to five G's because you got that advancement and whatnot. Yeah, you're connected to the five G network and you feel something downloading into your main frame.

Ooh, what is it? What does it feel like? It feels like nothing you've ever felt before. Porn.

It's like it's porn. It feels very strange. It's like something almost alive is downloading into you. Ooh, I feel like a banana slug is getting inside my brain.

What do you do? Is there a way I can check out what it is or see where this is coming from? You'd have to do like a diagnostic. Okay.

I need to do a diagnostic then. You start diagnosing. So you're kind of offline to the outside world and you're kind of like inside of your own head, like computing and whatnot. Do I just collapse in real life inside of the truck?

Well, yeah. Pretty much. All right. So you're inside of your own head for visuals sake.

You're kind of like in your main frame, like you're standing inside your own main frame just for visuals sake. But I'm all blowing below electron. Yeah, that kind of way. Okay, cool.

But you see something coming out of your circuitry. It's a very tall creature. He looks kind of like a very thin elf with very long ears. He's got like spines coming out of his head and back, but they're all kind of like connected to your main frame, like what they're like wires and ethernet cables and stuff.

And he kind of pours out from your circuitry and he blows like vape smoke out of his eyes. And he's like, what up? And then he dabs twice. Whoa, you look like you're out of that 90s cartoon reboot.

Oh, man. And then he doesn't fit the aesthetics of the rest of my main frame. Yeah, no, I know, bro. Don't worry about it.

It's chill. We 100. What are you up to? Diagnosing what you're doing in here.

Well, I came to talk to you, bro. Oh, okay. Who are you? I'm Robonobo.

He reaches his hand out. He's like, my name is Zinko Cage. Zinko Cage. Yeah.

I'm one of the new gods. Wow. I'm the god of mass communication. Wow.

You're through the internet. Where are you from? How crazy space shit happened? And here I am, infected the main frames, keeping it lit.

And he dabs again. And then he does a Fortnite dance. Which one, the default one? No, he does the flossing.

Yeah, he does the floss. Okay. And then he's like vape smoke pours out of him. Whoa, this is really cool.

I know you're on this mission to blow up this train. It's going to give me another brother, you know, the whole new god thing. And I've been watching you, Robon. I like the way you work.

Really? Yeah. Oh, cool. Can you help me start some fires?