Hello and welcome to another episode of the villain underground. My name is HappyPuke and I'm a game master and I'm here today with three saucy beasts. We have Merinara Alley playing updraft. I'm the Red Sauce.
We have Alfredo staff playing the librarian. Super White, that's me! And we have a nice vinaigrette reduction. Will playing Robonoble.
Don't get me on your skin. But you cannot get vinaigrette on your skin. No you can, I don't know. It'll make you smell funny.
Why do you want to get to the rebel? Okay, good. It might make you smell funny. Anyway, we are real play-based podcast, canonical with everything else on this feed.
We're centered on some bad boys and villains. I hope you like that. If you don't, why are you listening? Because they love us.
Oh, that's a long podcast. Yeah. So would somebody like to give us a rundown of what happened on the last idiotic episode of the show? I can do it this time.
I'll volunteer because I'm the... We will offer that later. Yeah. So last episode, Robo had gotten his upgrades.
He was, after being left by Silicon artist, he went up to find Updraft who was tailing a car, blew to the area in the new upgrades. It had a few mechanical difficulties. He's having trouble with that. The car was getting away and then back draft and pinball wizard were there.
Got it? Got it right? Yep. So Updraft was in a face off with pinball wizard and back draft.
Pinball wizard was attempting to drain Backdraft's essence. That's a spirit. Yeah. Blood.
Yeah. There you go. And this makes it so like, like a scene. It means the same thing, right?
You have a beige in the story. As you did before, then that was very troubling. Pinball wizard was that givial essence. Pinball wizard, the jerk off, back draft, so hard.
But he played unconscious. He drained him. Damn. So every last wrap.
Yeah. So Constance showed up after discussing who was the other old lady in the... Involary in the princess. Yeah.
We're two old ladies talking about bathing in children's blood. In order to stay young. All bargains blood. You know, you got to make sure.
Yes. Yeah. So they all grouped up together and went off to chase down the car. Robo turned into a swamp boat with a giant rocket.
And everybody jumped on. Everything went super great. Nothing bad happened. They knocked the car off the road and were attacked by Frosty Cop.
Spun around a lot. Eventually got out and Updraft Nitro'd Robo-Nobo to get that out of there. And then they all met up and disappeared into a crowd with a very uniformed, amazing stealth roll. Yeah.
That was the most impressive thing we did all of it. So pretty much. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it very much.
Okay. So all of you are there. Bikerbot has driven off now that he is not one-sulled down. He is flush.
He came out of that. What's the word when you come out of it with no negatives or positives? Flush. Was a wash?
That's it. That's the word I'm sure. Came out of the wash. He was a washer him.
So yeah. He took him to the washer and he's not... He's non-plussed. So now he's gone.
And you guys are standing there at the crossroads and Updraft got a message from Gaia that says, come visit me. So I'm going to look at Constance and Robo-Nobo and be like, so I need to go for a bit. I don't know when I'll be back, but I kind of... I got to go visit my mom.
You know how that is. My mother's been dead for 60 years. Well, my mother was asleep for three millennia. Seems like you're trying to one-out me right now.
I am. Well, I'm coming with you. What? You can't.
Why not? Because I'm going somewhere you're not allowed to go. I wasn't allowed to go there until recently. What?
Yes, can I go? I'll pick you up. I think you're just assuming right now. I'm not gonna ask.
Can you ask your mom if we can come over? She doesn't talk to me enough for me to ask her anything. So you haven't asked, so you don't really know. Well, all right.
You're not coming. Robobongy. Let's go. Let's go.
You don't even know where we're going. And you're not coming. You can't follow me if I'm Air. Why am I so handy?
I think you can figure it out. I'm not turning into a rocket again, but yeah, I'm gonna figure it out. You know what? You guys figure it out.
And when you figure it out, you can find me. Until then, bye-bye. I'm gonna turn into Air and float away. All right.
Are you floating towards the island? Yes, I'm floating towards the island. Okay. Fung towards the island.
Librarian Robobong, what are you guys doing? Look at each other. What are you up for? Are you up for a caper?
Are we gonna sneak into Updraft's mom's house? Yeah, I mean, I was tasked to watch over her. Oh my god. I'm like, I do what I'm told by authority figures.
Now, I don't know. You have, you know what I'm up. Air girl detector in there somewhere? I could see what they say on Reddit.
About how to track out an aerial elemental. I don't know what that means. Do we know where she was going? Has she told us this or where we?
She said an island and that it's her mom's place. Okay. If you know that her mom is a guy, you would assume that guy has an island. Just.
Does Robob know that? I don't think I know that. I don't know. I think Updraft says that it talks about her mom enough.
Can I roll the Lord to see if I know that like, elementals are a children of Gaia? Sure. That works. I got a two.
Yeah, with a two. Yeah, sure. That's enough. Are we?
Gentlemen. Are we gonna need to hit up any magical villains that we might have contacts with? But we did just make friends with a lizard. You.
Do you have a map in there? I know. White pages. Yeah.
I hand her my cell phone. It has a Google Maps full-down. No idea how to use this. Ready.
Shut up. I'm gonna find me a library. I don't know. We can look things up.
Okay. I use Google Maps to look up the library. All right. You find the nearby library.
All right. Let's go there. Okay. Let's see what we can figure out about this Gaia island.
Okay. All right. So you guys are gonna go do some research on Gaia island. This is a library look like, is it like a big ghost town?
It's like a tomb. There's a few people in there, and it's mostly like school groups. This is skeletons in school groups. Everything's on microfiche.
Yeah. What a go to this. Do we decim system? What do you mean go to?
I want to use it to listen app, right? Yeah. It's okay. Yeah.
Are you going to use the do-we-desimal system to find stuff? Go to the card catalog. Yeah. Okay.
So we can use the decimal system to find stuff. So we start looking at books on pre-contology. Okay. All right.
So you're looking at books, you're doing research. Both of y'all give me some investigate role. Okay. I was going to get a bonus because I have an aspect which is great with most of the terrible technology.
Yeah. Absolutely. Now that you're working with it. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. One plus whatever you want me to add. It would be a two because it's like aspect.
Three total. All right. So you got a three robot. You're doing research too via the card catalog and doing decim system.
Yeah. I got it. I got a one. All right.
So you guys are researching. It takes a little bit of time. But you guys are researching. But before that, we're going to go back to updraft.
You're floating over the ocean. You're heading towards the island. Um, and you make it there. I will land.
All right. You land. It's a beautiful lush island with all sorts of wildlife spread everywhere. It's for you, it's paradise.
I want to lay down on the beach and make sand angels. All right. You do that for a while. You make some sand angels to the sound of the the the splish in ocean.
Shesum. Shesum. Shesum. Shesum.
Like this sounds magical and I want this in my life. It's it's pretty good. There's there's not a trace of man made anything around. This is the best place ever.
Can I stay here? Like are we done? Oh, a woman steps out of the forest. She what does she look like in the show?
Kind of like kind of like, kind of like whoopi Goldberg a little bit like a young whoopi Goldberg. I don't know what she look like in the show. I mean, look it up. Show.
Captain Planet. Oh, yeah. Oh no, she looked totally different. Like a young whoopi Goldberg.
I'm okay with this. Yeah. So she looks like a young whoopi Goldberg like a jumping jack flash days, you know, whoopi Goldberg, jumping jack flash around that era. Steps out of the the rainforest area and she's like, someday my child, you'll be able to rest.
Okay, but when because like it's been how many thousands of years and I've been trying to wake you up because these damn humans will not stop being assholes. Yes, I know. After the war, you may rest. Oh wait, the war?
Yes, there's a war coming. What what what? Have you not noticed the gods are restless? Wonder that God's not restless.
I mean, have you met Dionysus? He's he's useful though. For what? He's an ally.
Oh fair, but also drunk all the time. Well, some people need to drown out the voices somehow, right? Sure. Either way, after after the conflicts, we will you will be able to rest.
We will be able to rest. Oh, okay, but why am I here now? I wanted to congratulate you, invite you back because you you've done something good for me. I just followed orders.
Unlike my other children. Listen, you've been asleep for a while and absentee parenting never really works out very well. So kind of cut them a break, maybe? No, I am unforgiving in this.
I mean, okay, whatever. You do you, I guess. We had to raise ourselves, but you do you. I could do with less snark, honestly.
Look, you had me living amongst humans for millennia. What did you expect to happen? For you to guide them. Guide them.
Become a leader. Not let them become what they've become. You had a responsibility. You told me to watch them, not guide them.
Those are two very different orders. When you give a baby to somebody, you're like, hey, watch it. You know, you usually stop him when he's eating razor blades. Okay.
Hold on. Getting all, getting all worked up. Yeah, watch him like you would watch children. You okay, but you told a freshly born elemental.
You told a child to watch a child. Yeah, babies, raise babies. That doesn't work, obviously. Apparently it doesn't.
We've all made mistakes, but listen, the people that you're working with, they're working for other teams, other pantheons, but we're above the petty squabbles. So work with them when you can, because there's basically two outcomes. Either a new pantheon is in place or cast reigns. Wait, is this like some weird ultimate showdown where only a certain number of gods can survive or something?
No, but there are 12 seats and at the 12 seats, gods must sit and if no gods sit in the seats than cast reigns. And cast is not good for us. Yes, I'm part of a pantheon that sees ourselves more fit to sit in the seats, of course. But any of them would do a decent job and will still be here afterwards to fight.
Just we can't let the seats go empty. So as long as somebody wins, everybody wins? Well, I'm pretty chill. So I'll tell you.
Okay, I mean, I've been doing what you've told me to do for a while. I guess I can do it for a little bit longer. So in the end, as long as somebody sits in the seats, everything will be fine. It'll all work out in the end.
So what am I supposed to do? Like I did the rings thing, which by the way, there are some rings that I did not touch because they were gross. Those aren't mine. Oh, okay.
Those are made by man. No wonder. If you wanted to destroy them, that would be fantastic. How do I destroy them?
I don't know. They're made by man. They must be destroyed by man. You know, that's a topic for a different time.
They're hidden. I can find them again. I really don't want to touch them. Another gross.
They're gross. Yeah. Exactly. Like humanity.
It's gross. Well, whose fault is that? Yours. Mother.
Yeah. Okay. Well, anyway, so if you want to destroy them, that'd be great. Otherwise, you can rest here until the gates open.
And when the gates open, we'll fight for our place in the pantheon. How long is it going to take for the gates to open? It's not long now. It'll be shortly.
Why didn't you bring your friends? What friends? You've been hanging out with. You've been helping you get the rings to places.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You didn't let me come here.
For millennia. You kept me away from here. For millennia. Your own child.
But you want me to bring a robot and some old human? I mean, if the friends are yours. Friends might be stretching it. Okay.
We don't have friends. Whatever. Okay. I mean, that's a real sad existence.
Maybe you should make some. Maybe I should have a mother who actually pays attention when I try to talk to her. I'm listening. You said you had no friends and I feel very bad for you.
Now you're listening. You weren't listening before. Well, okay. Well, I'm listening now.
That doesn't help me a thousand years ago. I just worry about you because you have no friends. You seem socially isolated. Maybe you should go see a counselor.
You know what? I can't stay here until the gates open. Okay. Because you're making me very angry and I should not be angry at my own mother.
Why do you keep saying mother over and over again? Because that's who you are. Yeah, but I mean, it's just weird when you put a pin on it like that. How you created me.
You know what? I'm done with this conversation. I can't anymore. You are something special and I don't mean that in a good way.
Okay. Are you leaving then? I'm leaving. I like being an annoying mother.
God. That was really good. Okay, back at the library, you're doing some research. You mostly find that there was a super team in the 80s who would publicly say that they worked for Gaia.
And they would say that they went to an island on some weird futuristic, at the time it was futuristic airplane of sorts. And they would disappear over the ocean. And they were a bunch of kids and they had rings that could control the elements. And yeah, so that's what you find basically about Gaia's island.
Are there pictures of the kids at all? Yeah, there's plenty of them. Are you recognizing the lady from the open zone? No, this is a different lady.
But you do recognize them because you were around in the 80s. You remember these people. They used to have like a really shitty animated segment that they would play before and after kids cartoons and that kind of stuff. You remember these fuckers.
Yeah, they were really annoying. There were some people with the plant trees and telling everybody about the temperature of the planet. Now it keeps going up and hey, we're reaching a threshold and oh no, we just passed thresholds and we're all doing that kind of thing. They're really annoying.
No, kids don't know anything. Yep. All right, so that's the culmination of your research as far as Gaia's island is concerned. So do you think you could find this place?
Oh yeah, sure. Do we know where it is all? Is it in this realm? Is it in this realm?
She gestures towards the Pacific Ocean. Maybe we should, uh, maybe oh wait a minute. Do you think that Silicon artist knows these people? Who is that?
He's one of our teammates. I think he may be an elemental. How much blood would you say does he have? I think he's got a lot of blood.
Oh my god, let's go see him. He's a metal elemental. I looked it up and it says it right here in this book. It says that Silicon is a metal.
Sure. Look at the elements that I found. Education has gone downhill to states. Where we're teaching our models.
As you're talking, a elderly librarian woman comes up and goes, I'd say that's our problem. Okay. Perminently. Yeah, we're off in a few hours.
I think it's the librarian that's one of your talking out loud in the library. I thought I'd do what I want. Okay, so where are you two headed? Where are you two father?
Is this? Sorry, is he trying to find Silicon artists? Yeah. Okay, so you are doing that.
Up draft, where were you going? We don't really have like a home base anymore, do we? Not necessarily no. Okay, um, I'm going to go to where I left the bad rings.
Okay, so you're heading there? Yeah. Okay, and they're looking for Silicon artists. I guess you're not going to be able to find Silicon artists.
Why? Because he's not here. Can I roll notice? Sure.
Try to find Silicon artists? I know, I don't know what he looks like, never mind. That was going to work that otherwise. Okay, it was going to work otherwise.
Yeah, we could just summon Phil here. Let's put some candles around in a circle and hope he shows up. All right, so Robo and the librarian are looking for Silicon artists. And Robo, you get a message in your head from Zinko Key.
Oh, what does it say? It says, hey, bro, want a hack-a-plant? Whoa, am I responding in like a meme form? Camera zooms in on my face, my eyes get really big and it goes beep, beep, beep, beep.
Like I'm able to reply with that as a meme to him. Okay, does that mean yes? Yeah, it's like done in real time. It's really weird.
All right, so, um, Constance and Robo out of some TV monitors, crawls this weird looking elf person with wires spraying out of his head. You, librarian, you instantly hate this fucking dude. He's like, like, vape is pouring out of him. And he's dabbing all over the place.
And he's doing the Fortnite dance. Oh my God. Do you know this person? I'm completely forgotten about Constance and I'm just like dabbing and Fortnite dancing along with him and his pumping.
All right, that goes on for a while, librarian. What are you- Constance leaves. What's that? It's leaves.
He's just leaving. Yeah, I'm gonna put up with this shit. I got, there's books back here I can read. All right, you start walking away.
Zinko's like, hey, bro, we totally need something done for you. We need a lot of energy. You want a hack-a-solar system? Yeah, that's a hack-a-solar system.
You want to bring your friend along? Yeah, and then I go grab nonsense. Okay. All right.
You both are digitized by Zinko-Kish and shot through the internet. Oh, I don't like this. What's happening? Okay, so- You forgot your purse?
I don't know. Does my domain belongings go- I have a body? Yes, yeah. You basically like- You ever see Pleasantville where they get sucked into the TV?
It's like that. All of your stuff is still there. Technology. You got- Yeah, it's technology.
Constance? Oh my god. Get on board with the sweet tech. Hey, just gotten used to Horstle's Carriages.
Thank you very much. All right, so you are zapped beyond anything that you'd imagine. And you're standing on an asteroid with Zinko-Kish off in space. And in the distance, you see a solar system.
And there's a couple of planets. And also, I forget what it's called when they build a thing around a sun to harvest the energy. What is that? Sun- Harvester?
Sun- Color array? Solar? No, it's something that they talk about in like UFO shows on YouTube. Right.
A Dyson Sphere. Like the vacuums? Yes. No, not like the- I think Dyson was a scientist who suggested it.
But you see there's a Dyson Sphere with a couple of satellite planets orbiting it. And he's like, hey, bros, dab, dab, dab, we're in space. How weird is that? I just looked at it.
I just looked up the Dyson Sphere. And this is absolutely just the thing that's at the beginning of the problem. That's what it looks like. For listeners, if you haven't Googled a Dyson Sphere, it just basically looks like a giant asteroid.
Yeah. It's supposed to go all the way around the sun. Yeah. Yeah.
And it's the same guy who did that piece. It's not the guy who did that piece. I want to check. It's basically a thing that's like harvest as much energy from a star as possible.
All right. So you're standing outside of a Dyson Sphere. And Zikoki is just like, what up bros? Isn't this sweet?
We're in space on Asteroid. Dab, dab. For my deaths. Grab Robo by the shoulders.
Stared to his eyes and take me back. We can go back in a minute. We just got to help hack the planet. Yeah, we're going to hack this fucking Dyson Sphere.
What? Y'all ready? Yeah, let's do it. Plug in.
Oh my god. The only plugs I know are for the kettle. All right. You have to access the mainframe.
It's down inside of a bunker on the Dyson Sphere. I'll toss you on top. You know, infiltration. You'll be good at this.
All right, guys. Let's go. And he's using towards the Dyson Sphere. And you Asteroid drop on top of a building.
No. With a loud crash. Robo and Constance on top of a weird alien building on a Dyson Sphere. A bunch of aliens are surrounding the building.
They all look up and they point laser guns at you. We're going to come back to updraft. This is what we're going to try to find some cars. Yup.
It's punching us. Yeah. You want to you want to you want to fucking find Phil when he's not here. Fuck you.
You're space now. Oh, okay. Upcraft. You go back to where you had put the rings.
I think you put them in the middle of the city, right? Or where do you? Yeah, I did. Yeah.
You find the rings that you had placed there. Is there like a nuclear power plant anywhere nearby? Um, there's a there's one like a like half a state away. I don't want to carry these rings that far.
Um, I mean, I can try it. And then if it doesn't work, I can try something else. Why am I still following her orders? You know what?
I'll see what that later. I'm going to take the rings. Like tie them on a string and hold the very end of the string. So I'm as far away from the rings as possible.
Okay. And I'm going to fly them towards the nuclear power plant. So I can throw them in the reactor core. Okay.
You you get to the power point. What kind of security is there that I need to slip past? Um, you since you can go invisible and turn it to air, not great. Not great security.
Okay. Um, well, I basically just want to throw these rings in the reactor core to see if that will destroy them. Okay. You you toss them in.
There's a there's a shake and a rumble and you hear a lot of noises going on with inside. I'm going to wait and see what happens. All right. The alarms of the power plant go off.
Where where it seems like it's going into meltdown. I'm going to leave. Okay. You you leave the area as you're leaving the area.
There's an explosion. The power plant explodes. You don't look at it, right? Yeah.
Don't look at it. Um, a big plume plumes over and you feel like a wave of disgust wash over you as radiation pours out. Whoopsies. We leave Earth for like 10 minutes.
Yeah. Um, maybe that wasn't the best I'd. Yeah. Rony and notice.
I believe is a plus three. Yes. Perfect. Okay.
So you notice after like as things are calming down in the the the rumblings of the explosion are calming, you hear a really loud maniacal laughter coming from behind you. Oh, no. I'll turn around. All right.
There's a kind of a dirty looking dude in a gross mullet. He's wearing like, like a piss yellow and like rust red clothing. That's all kind of fucked. He looks disgusting and he's he's tackling to himself.
Standing like right in the middle of where the power plant exploded. Um, I think I fucked up. He starts to he starts to flow up toward you. Who are you per chance?
I am Admiral Pollution. Uh huh. Okay. Why are you here?
You freed me. Oh, that's not what I wanted to hear. No, I can finally achieve my plans. Your plans of what exactly?
Carbon dioxide, blackened skies. Oh, so nothing good. Plastic oceans. Definitely not good.
How about you? Astro turf. Wait, Astro turf. The fake stuff, the plastic.
Oh, oh, okay. Yeah, that's still not good. How about you just don't do any of that? It's what I was created for.
But we can all be something different than what we were created for. Dream big. He starts to grow in size and his jaw on hinges like a snake and he starts shooting like radiation blasts into the forest. Okay.
Um, I'm gonna fuck up. Roll be a lure. Oh, no. That was actually decent roll plus three.
All right. You know that the one man that is able to defeat this man is a man that is summoned by the power of the rings that you just gave away to five random people. Um, do I remember where the apartment was that I sent at least three of those people to? Yeah, you do.
It's a little bit away, but you know where it is. I'm going to go towards that apartment. All right. As you're going towards that apartment, you do notice that there are a number of superheroes headed toward this large man shooting radiation blasts.
They'll take care of it for now, hopefully. Shit. Okay. All right.
So you're heading back to the apartment. Uh, we're going to cut back to the Dyson sphere. Some weird looking lizard like aliens are pointing laser guns at you, uh, Constance and Roba. What do you do?
They're speaking on alien speak. Froux. Froux. Froux.
Froux. Froux. You don't. Oh.
Do you know about languages? Can you talk to them? Froux. Froux.
Froux. Uh, I will. Froux. Froux.
And they start firing me. Okay. Okay. So, uh, roll me some dodges.
They got a three. So roll some headlights. I got a two in athletics. I got one.
All right. So Constance, you take two from laser fire. Roba, you take one from laser fire. PPPB is like a bunch of crossfire because you're shooting from all different directions.
Roba, what do you do? Is there any visible ports or openings on the sphere? Um, you're kind of on because the sphere is big because it surrounds the whole sun. So you're kind of on like a building that looks like it's the top of a bunker.
And there is there is what looks like a doorway. Okay. I'm going to head to that and see if I can, uh, interface with it. All right.
Roll me a burglary. Is a three. All right. You are interfacing with the door and you do get it open.
Shh, it opens all Star Trek style. And then I wave, I wave Constance towards it. Constance. Definitely go in there.
All right. So you go into the weird alien hallway. Everything is futuristic and weird. There's bizarre, bizarre lights and the stairs are, they're not the normal distance apart you're used to.
So you kind of have to really be conscious about how far you step down the steps because there's like, there's like, you can't tell if they're like a little too short or a little too high. That's not true evil. This is. Who designed this?
This is so stupid. Put lights in normal places. All right. So you're creeping down these stairs.
You do hear a commotion underneath you. How do you decide to approach? Oh, I've got a little hand mirror in my purse. I will use that to look around the corner.
Okay. You see that there's some of these alien guys are talking to each other and they're like pointing in your general direction and they're like fanning out. Like they're going to try to search for you guys. What's the situation in front of us?
Like, is this hallways? This is a little room. You're in a hallway and it kind of, it's the hallway splits off into a couple different directions but they're definitely coming from one direction specifically. Okay.
I'm going to chuck a hard candy and make a sound at the end of the office of hallway to us. Okay. Give me a roll for that. I got a two.