Was that you or me?

This guided meditation starts with a short talk meant to help clarify the concept of not-self in Buddhism. It’s a pretty good guided meditation, but if you read all the way to the end of this article, you’re in for a real treat.When our first child, Huck, was born, someone saved the umbilical cord for us, shaped it into a heart and used a dehydrator to dry it out. I had it sitting on a windowsill for a couple of weeks before I noticed that it had gotten a little moldy (sorry if this is grossing you out). When I saw it my first response, as is typical for me, was shame. How disgusting and embarrassing, this fleshy piece of me sitting out growing mold! But then I realized that it wasn’t exactly part of my body. I mean– was it even mine at all? Was it Huck’s? Where does the mother’s body end and the baby’s body begin? Somewhere on the placenta? Halfway down the umbilical cord? When I realized this, something new happened. The shame got confused, lost. I could be ashamed on my own behalf, but not for Huck. That’s not how shame works.Shame can only exist when it has a self to be ashamed of. When the concept of me starts to break down, shame stops having a home to keep itself alive.Your help really matters. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.The concept of not-self in Buddhism calls for us to see that there is no separation between ourselves and the world. Your body does not belong to you. It was inherited from your ancestors. It’s also constantly renewed and altered by what goes into and comes out of it. At what point does the food you eat turn from something separate from you, to part of you? Your thoughts are not yours either. As much as it seems like you’re doing the thinking, in reality, thoughts come and go in the same way that a sound does. There’s no one back there controlling them.When you start to see how blurry the lines are between yourself and the world, you’ll also see that shame cannot stay alive. You are intrinsically a part of this world. Maybe we could say that the opposite of shame is belonging. So when we break down the notion of the self, what we find is non-separateness. In other words, belonging. In other words, love.Cutting an umbilical cord is only a symbol of a separation that does not exist. The illusion of separation happens so that we can experience the contrast of suffering, see through the illusion of separateness into the truth: that we were never separated in the first place. Then we get to learn the ecstatic bliss of uniting once again. You don’t need someone else’s body to melt into if you want to experience this bliss. Let your body melt into the world around you and you will find complete and utter love and belonging.Thanks for reading. Huck and I wanted to share this musical number to sum it all up:I’d love to hear how this landed. Please share your thoughts! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit caralai.substack.com/subscribe