We are so fucking clever........?

Egos can make us think we are so fucking clever! Whilst my nuggets are intended to offer insights I’m well aware that sometimes I may stray into telling and therefore coming across as being clever. I apologise for these lapses because I know coaching is more about offering perspectives, allowing others to reflect, consider and then choose their own path. The fact is we are not that great at giving advice - our egos make us think we are better than we are when in reality no one knows better what they should do than each person for them self. If we are forceful and confident we can persuade others to take our advice yet as well meaning as we might be the truth is we can often be wrong because we are seeing the solution from our lens and experiences not through theirs. Going back to last weeks nugget - offering advice assumes a helluva lot of mind reading and arrogance that we know best. If someone asks directly for your advice and you have experience and expertise then it is fair to reply “In my experience this is what I would do but emphasise that the decision still resides with them. Naturally this applies to adults because asking a young child to make their own decisions in situations that they cannot understand or where their driving emotion of want will win no matter what the danger or folly, would of course be irresponsible. This is one of the most difficult judgments parents have to constantly make - the timing of how much liberty to give and which decisions we can safely allow children to take? This is a constantly evolving boundary that requires on going and thoughtful evaluation. What I’m working on is to master the skills of asking the right questions to help others decide for themselves or to offer an alternative perspective through a story that relates to their predicament. One question that helps people down the path to their own solutions is “what options do you have?” If they run dry quickly a good follow up question is “what else could you do?” and if you feel there is another burning option ask the person if they would like you to give them another option to consider? This leaves the power in their hands. The finest compliment any coach can get is if someone says to you - “wow I knew what the right thing to do was, and what I had to do and you helped me get the clarity to take the decision.”Finally, join me in a challenge to avoid as much as possible the trap of thinking - “I’m so fucking clever and know what is best for another person.” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices