We Keep Saying “Soon,” Then Years Go By

We are remarkably careful with things that can be replaced. We compare prices, review investments, and insure our possessions. On the other hand, time, which cannot be replaced, we spend with considerably less scrutiny—sometimes we even squander it recklessly. The realization that I’ve lived more life than I have left nudged me to consider the arithmetic of life. American life expectancy at birth is approximately 79 years, according to the CDC. That’s seventy-nine summers. Roughly 692,500 hours. Of course, this is an average, not a prediction. Still, consideration of this math offers an opportunity for reflection. Our time is finite, and although we don’t choose how much time we have, we can choose how to spend some of it today. Most of us rank family and friends among our highest priorities. Our calendars, however, often tell a different story. Appointments get scheduled. Things come up. The people we love get “soon.” Soon is a wonderfully accommodating word. It asks nothing of us today. We will visit when things settle down. Call when we have time. Arrange dinner when everyone’s available. Each postponement is reasonable. Their accumulated effect can be years. Postponement is not a deliberate rejection of the people we love. It is the consequence of allowing the urgent to outweigh the important. There is a remedy. Call someone who matters. Then make connection a habit. A weekly call. A quick text. Forwarding an interesting article or podcast. Something simple enough to repeat. We can also invite people into what we already do. Share a meal. Cook together. Walk the dog with a neighbor. We all have more opportunities than we recognize. Time spent together can enter through ordinary activities. Fifteen minutes a day adds up to more than 91 hours a year! 91 hours of connection can be life changing for us and for others! Imagine what that attention could mean to an elder who is alone, a child needing someone to listen, or a capable friend whose self-reliance hides loneliness. Children, especially, need access to us during uneventful hours. They do not always announce an important concern in advance. Sometimes it emerges halfway through a drive, after a long silence, or when we have finally stopped doing three other things. Attention creates the opening for real sharing For those of us who believe our days are entrusted to us by God, how we spend the finite time we have in this life is a question of stewardship. We are responsible for how we connect with the people placed within our reach. Seventy-nine years is a broad estimate based on a general study. We cannot calculate how many conversations remain with any one person. But we can decide whether to have one today. Make the call. Set the table. Invite someone for a walk around the block. Ask a question, and allow time for the answer. The calendar will fill. Some of it should bear the names of the people we love. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit rhondasciortino.substack.com