If your private student loans are in default, you're not out of options. Go to yrefi.com Ramsey I have a daughter that just turned 21 and she has a horse. And we, her parents pay the 400amonth in boarding her gas car. George.
George. And horses are not a good. Yeah, keep going. Ashley.
This is her life. She's been riding horses since she's been six years old. And we paid for her insurance, her gas, for her car, everything. And we're kind of wondering not to be so mean and tell her, hey, you need to kind of start contributing now.
The backstory about this is not going to be too hard on her because a couple years ago she went through depression. Pardon me, I'm gonna start crying. Start cutting self cutting self harming was very, very depressed. Yeah, literally.
Literally. Yeah, literally had a plan for suicide. So this horse, did she get some help? Yeah, she's.
She's in therapy now. She had a cut in probably two years. It was one of those when she was like 15 or 16, just trying to find out who she was and confused and so we, we kind of almost walk on eggs. You're just like.
Exactly. Yeah. So we can't afford paying for her course every month. But I just told my husband she's got a second job.
She goes school. What happened after high school for her? She does not go to college. She basically helps give lessons at the barn with a main trainer.
How much does she make? We never. She doesn't make a lot. I don't know, a couple hundred dollars a month.
And then she just got a job, a second job. And now she should be bringing them close thousand a month. So we really feel like she should. Yeah.
I'm trying to think of like five years from now, are we still doing this? Is she still making a thousand dollars a month at 25 years old living with mom and dad? Because otherwise we need a totally different plan. We just need a trajectory and it can be baby steps actually because I totally get your caution around it because of your history, what you guys walk through as family.
Like that's, that's horrible. Every parent's worst nightmare. Right? So, so I can, I can totally understand that.
But I also think it's two different things. I think helping her become an adult is not being mean. I think it's actually the most loving thing you can do because it actually is going to give her self confidence, it's going to give her some dignity. It's going to give her a reason to wake up in the morning and Be productive and, like, these things are good for all of us.
Right. We were created to work into and to make and to be part of society. And so how that looks and how that plays out over time, you know, we can talk about. But.
But that in general, that principle, that's not harmful to her. If anything, that's actually a gift. And again, if you do it in the right way. Right.
We want to be cautious in the sense of, like, how you handle it with her. And I totally understand that. But that avenue is the best thing for her general as an adult. So just hear that.
That's a loving thing. That's not a. That's not a mean thing. How do you.
How do you approach, like, going about it, considering. Feel like you've been spoiled her whole life? You know, I would start with. With you guys.
Don't make about her say, hey, we. We really love you. And part of that love has caused maybe some enabling. We've covered your expenses.
We want to give you a great life. But part of becoming independent means you need to learn how to handle money and contribute on your own. And we're not going to throw you the deep end. We're not going to say you need to pay all these expenses tomorrow, but you need to start taking on more responsibility so that you're not 30 years old, still not.
Not unsure how to live as an adult, because that's unfair to her. Yeah, I like that approach, actually. I mean, honestly, taking accountability for your actions. Because as the parents, y' all chose this.
You know what I mean? Like, this is what you guys implemented. And so I think on that end, talking to her of, hey, I'm sorry that we have failed you in a sense of how to set up your life as an adult. And again, she's 21, so I think there's a lot of grace here.
She's not 31. Right. For talking. I mean, like, you guys have not screwed up as parents by any means, but I think it is a, hey, we want in the next season, maybe over the next six months, we want to start working with you on finding some more income, finding a schedule that, you know is sufficient as an adult, you know, and whatever it looks like.
And then the money you're bringing in, we want to write down a budget and have some things that you're gonna start contributing again. That can be slowly, over time, every two months or something, you know, you add something else in or whatever it looks like, and then eventually a plan. Ashley, again, I'm not in a rush with this I don't know, George. Maybe March in time, you know, but where you guys feel comfortable as a family to say okay, and our goal is by next July, you, you rent apartments and we will be with you, you know, every step of the way in these transitions.
But starting to make a year plan, I think is really great. From November. November. What does that look like from.
She has a 17 year old brother and now he's kind of. He's a little bit more responsible than her. But for instance, he wanted this winter baseball thing. It was 150 and I feel we have to give it him.
We're doing giving your sister 400amonth for her. So yeah, we have to say yes to you now for certain things too. I wouldn't do the, the tip or tat thing, but I think brother is 17, so he needs a student checking account with a debit card. And you guys can put a certain amount of money in that account.
And he needs to start budgeting his life and that he needs. Okay, perfect. That's great. That's a great.
Do you have a part time job? Yeah. Yes, he does. He's a very horrible.
Very, very. Yeah, it sounds like. I think we just need to. Yeah, I would just kind of up a little bit of the pressure of.
Okay, let's find two things that you're gonna start paying for. Because we want her to start experiencing real life and it can still be under your roof for a period of time, which again is great. But when she starts to learn these things, when she goes on her own, it's part of who she is. She knows how to do it.
Right. That's equipping her really well. Right. How does the horse situation work?
If you guys stop making these payments, what happens? Are you leasing the horse from someone else? No, she bought it. She actually watched mama give birth to her.
The people. That's about the experience right there. Yeah. Okay, so the expenses for the horse, just to keep the horse in good shape is 400 bucks.
Well, it's at the barn and all her friends are at the barn. And that's boarding. Boarding feed. I mean, she works there too, so she gave her a discount.
They should give her a discount. But her life can't be that forever, Ashley, you know what I'm saying? Some. At some point she's going to have to say, wow, that makes me really sad.
I can't be where all my friends are. I'm gonna have to go get a job. Right. She just got another job.
She needs a full time job. That can support all of the expenses in her life. That's where we need to get to the barn. That's the goal.
Otherwise, she needs to go to school and pursue something that can actually pay the bills. So that's the hard truth that you're gonna have to unravel with her over the next several months. But this idea that we're just gonna work part time at the at the barn, not making not even cover the expenses for a horse is not a winning plan. There's only two types of horse people, right?
Broke horse people and super wealthy people. And she's about to be a broke horse person for the rest of her life. We don't change this asap. Why?
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