“We Used to Have Such Great Sex”: Can Sexual Nostalgia Help Desire?

“We used to have such great sex" is one of the most common things I hear from clients as a sex therapist and coach.Along with this confession usually comes grief, shame, and worry that something important to them is lost forever.In this episode, I explore the science of sexual nostalgia: why remembering past sexual connection can sometimes help rekindle desire — and why, in other cases, it can actually make things worse.I also include a free exercise toward the end to help you revisit past positive sex memories and increase desire.We talk about:Why remembering “how it used to be” can either ignite desire or shut it downWhen nostalgia becomes a resource — and when it turns into griefHow sexual turn-ons can become turn-offs, and what to do if that happens for youA guided, free exercise to ignite desire by diving into sexual nostalgiaChapters:01:41 What is Sexual Nostalgia?04:09 Study Overview: Sexual Nostalgia & Satisfaction04:43 Attachment Styles & Nostalgia05:33 When Nostalgia Helps vs. Hurts08:41 Clinical Insights: Attachment & Desire12:05 Using Nostalgia as a Tool, Not a Time Machine12:39 How Turn-Ons Change Over Time & What To Do About It17:41 Nostalgia vs. Fantasy19:53 Guided Exercise: Access Desire Through Memory21:21 Interpreting Your Response to the Exercise24:27 Closing Thoughts & How to Get SupportThe study discussed in this episode is Rose Colored Glasses: An Exploration of the Relationship between Sexual Nostalgia and Sexual Satisfaction by Thompson et al., published in The Journal of Sex Research.Download the free exercise Access Desire Through Memory.Interested in my services? Check them out hereJoin my 1:1 online program Re:Desire here.Do you want to submit a listener question for the podcast? Here's the link