【文稿】情侣闹分手，男友索赔10只烧鸡

Xiaohua: If you want to break up with me, you have to return the ten roasted chickens I sent you. This is not said by me. It’s made by a young man in Henan province. After a policeman mediates, the girl agrees to return five roasted chickens, instead of ten. 焦作街头一对情侣闹分手，男友称“分手可以，得赔我十只烧鸡！”在民警调解下，姑娘答应赔五只。Hilarious it may be, but this actually touches upon a sensitive topic among couples, that is should people ask gifts--if we can call food a gift—back, when they break up with their partner? Liu Yan: No, I would say very simply no. Because by definition, when something is considered a gift and when you give that gift to somebody else, then that person is the owner of this specific thing. Xiaohua: Unless it’s an engagement ring; then that’s different. Liu Yan: So if this thing is already that person’s, then you have no right to say I want it back, because it’s no longer yours. John: Yeah, I don’t know. I think it’s really difficult to say what is appropriate and what is not appropriate. I think that break-ups are always difficult; especially if it’s a passionate relationship. In English, we have a phrase. It’s very politically incorrect but we still use it quite often. It’s used to describe someone who gives the gift but then asks for it back. We call them Indian giver. It’s kind of referring to the way the Indians were treated usually by the British and the subsequent American governments. Ostensibly, they gave the Indians their land. Only a generation later or ten years later, they just take it back by force. Xiaohua: Shouldn’t that be an American giver or British giver? John: Yeah, you are right. But this is the phrase that we use. I think it’s difficult. Because for me, it just comes down to sentimental value, right? Like if I was in what is understood to be a committed relationship and we have been together two or three years, I give you something of my mother’s-a necklace. My mother has died and I give you one of her pearl necklace or something like that, which has enormous sentimental value for me. I think it would be appropriate, in fact. I think it would be justifiable at least to ask for it back after we broke up. Xiaohua: So it’s not material value that matters the most just more of the sentimental value, if you attach sentiment to it. Liu Yan: I can go along with that, but my question is if it is that important to you. Shouldn’t you have thought this through better? John: No, that’s the point, because at the time I cared for you so deeply, right? And maybe this man cared so deeply about the chickens he gave to this woman. Xiaohua: What sentimental value does he attach to chicken? John: I don’t know. Maybe he raised them himself and treated them like family. Xiaohua: I do agree with what John said in that there’s big sentimental value attached to that item, and then it’s OK. But if it’s food and if it’s perishable items… John: Apparently some people are making jokes, like a man asks for his sperm back… Xiaohua: I don’t know if it’s a joke. It’s probably a real thing. John: or a man asks his ex to cover half of the condom money. That’s obviously perishable. Liu Yan: This is getting weird. John: I am just reporting what I see. Xiaohua: My concern is there are numerous more stories about this. We call it Zha’nan. It’s the really horrible guy story on the Internet. My question is maybe the girls like to complain a lot, but I’m sure there are girls like that as well. John: I think also we have to remember even in western culture, there still is an implied financial transaction between the man and the woman. While the man pays for the dinner and the man pays for the movie tickets, and there is expectation of certain reciprocity after the man has paid for that, whether that is in physical intimacy, other types of romance, emotional intimacy or something like that. So perhaps that’s kind of what we are seeing here, it’s just like there was an expected reciprocity that is since been broken or something like that. Xiaohua: I guess if you are a good girl and you don’t want to be in a tangled relationship after break up, you should probably not accept very expensive gifts. John: or just give the chickens back.