We're Back: Life on Life's Terms, Sleep, Suicidal Thoughts and Why We Went Quiet

We've been gone for eight weeks. This is what happened.In this episode Toby and Rudy get back in the seats and do what they always promised to do on More. Tell the truth about what's actually been going on. No polished comeback. No neat narrative. Just two blokes in recovery catching up honestly about one of the hardest stretches either of them has had since the podcast began.Toby opens up about what happened in the weeks following the sleep episode. The not sleeping that continued regardless of everything he tried. The way exhaustion stopped becoming tiredness and became something far darker. The suicidal thoughts that came back, the fixation on the drive home, and the moment he knew something had to change. He talks about getting in the van, parking somewhere safe, and sleeping for eighteen hours straight. And about the slow three weeks it took to pull back out of it with the help of meetings, therapy, and people who kept showing up.Rudy talks about launching a new business, the fine line between drive and addiction, and the realisation that the work was starting to consume him in familiar ways. He gets into changing medications, trialing ADHD meds again after a previous attempt that contributed to a breakdown, and what it feels like to finally set a boundary with someone and walk away with your self-worth intact. Properly intact. For maybe the first time.There is also a motorbike, a broken down van, a ransacked Range store during a heatwave, a swimming pool that looked like a scene from Toy Story, a sound bath, a camp out, a lost land purchase, 700 fence posts, and a ten year old's birthday.This is not a topic episode. It is a real one. The kind that reminds you why the podcast exists in the first place. Two people in recovery, being honest about the gap between the version of yourself you present to the world and what is actually going on underneath. The self-sacrifice that masquerades as virtue. The boundaries that feel terrifying to set and life-changing once you do. The sleep that still doesn't come easy. And the small, unglamorous, incremental business of staying well when life keeps arriving all at once.If you've ever been too exhausted to care whether you wake up, or found yourself white-knuckling through the days on autopilot while everyone around you assumes you're fine, this one is for you.More is hosted by Toby Lerone and Rudy Youngblood. Recorded in a single take. Unedited. Unfiltered.Send us Fan Mail