What Are Your Values?

"Send Ben a text"Do You Know What Your Values Are?If you are like most people, you have a pretty good idea of what your personal values are, but I'm guessing you don't really spend a lot of time thinking about it.Sometimes when I work with teens who think that they have no values. Everyone has values, but most people don't take the time to identify them or really even think about them.That's okay, but it can sometimes be hard to know exactly what your values are. Sometimes we think one thing is a value when in reality it's the exact opposite that is your value. How To Identify Your Values. Your values live in your subconscious thoughts. Usually, you don't even know about them, but they still impact your actions and behaviors. Your values are a way of BEing. You live and express your values subconsciously without even thinking. Your values drive you. Your current results and reality are a reflection of your values. “Whatever you have and do not have is a reflection of your values.”~ Jim FortinSo, if you want to know exactly what your values are, look at your results. Oftentimes people will tell me that their health is their top value and then when I ask about their health they tell me, "Well I'm not there yet," or "I'm working on getting healthy."In this example, their results don't reflect the value of health because it's not their driving value. Sometimes people tell me that they want to be healthy, but they can't stop eating junk food and binge-watching Netflix all day. These results would indicate that their driving values are comfort, satisfaction, and being entertained. I have one client who told me that he valued working hard, taking risks, having lots of responsibility, but he is in a job that he hates. When I asked why he told me about the security he has in his job, the comfort that is salary affords him. In this example, he values comfort and security more than he values working hard, taking risks, and having lots of responsibility. Conflicting ValuesWe all have conflicting values; it's part of being human.But when you become aware of this, you gain the power to choose one value over the other. For example, you might have conflicting values of BEing healthy and BEing a "Foodie."It might make it hard to be healthy if you value eating lots of good food.I struggled with this. As a former lineman/football player, I valued eating lots of food. It was comforting, and I was kind of proud that I could out eat everyone. Turns out this value makes it hard to be healthy. When we have conflicting values, the value that offers the most immediate reward usually wins. When we have conflicting values, the value that offers the most intense pleasure usually wins.In this case, good, tasty, satisfying foot beats out boring old health. This is where choice plays a vital role.You Get to Choose Your Values!You have a choice! You are not at the mercy of your values. You get to choose your values. You can either accept the values that are creating your results or choose new values that create new results.You have the advantage that you can gain some awareness surrounding your values. With that awareness, you can now be intentional and start choosing different values. Call to ACTION!Come join me in the Firmly Founded Parent Membership!JOIN HERE!Are You Caught in the Parent Trap?Discover the hidden patterns that are keeping you stuck—and how to break free.Take this quick (and eye-opening) quiz to uncover which common parenting trap you’re falling into with your teen. Get a personalized roadmap to help you parent with more clarity, confidence, and connection—starting today.https://benpughcoaching.com/parent-trap-quiz