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EPISODE · Apr 3, 2026 · 12 MIN

WHAT "DOING THE WORK" ACTUALLY MEANS

from Love By Design · host Joan Nwosu

"I'm doing the work."It's the most overused phrase in modern dating. We say it in bios. We demand it from partners. We use it to explain why we're still single.But what does it actually MEAN?In this episode, Joan cuts through the self-help jargon and asks the question no one wants to answer: Are you actually doing the work — or are you just performing healing?She breaks down what "the work" has become (a badge, a defense mechanism, an excuse), what it actually is (uncomfortable, unglamorous, and often invisible), and how to know if you're really doing it or just talking about it.This isn't therapy-bashing. This is exposing how "healing" has become another form of avoidance. And challenging you to get honest about whether you're changing — or just collecting new vocabulary.🎁 Download Your Free Love Gates ReportDiscover which of the 10 Love Gates are activated in YOUR design — so you can stop performing and start transforming.👉 newlovelanguages.com/chart

Episode metadata supplied by the publisher feed · Published Apr 3, 2026

What this episode covers

"I'm doing the work."It's the most overused phrase in modern dating. We say it in bios. We demand it from partners. We use it to explain why we're still single.But what does it actually MEAN?In this episode, Joan cuts through the self-help jargon and asks the question no one wants to answer: Are you actually doing the work — or are you just performing healing?She breaks down what "the work" has become (a badge, a defense mechanism, an excuse), what it actually is (uncomfortable, unglamorous, and often invisible), and how to know if you're really doing it or just talking about it.This isn't therapy-bashing. This is exposing how "healing" has become another form of avoidance. And challenging you to get honest about whether you're changing — or just collecting new vocabulary.🎁 Download Your Free Love Gates ReportDiscover which of the 10 Love Gates are activated in YOUR design — so you can stop performing and start transforming.👉 newlovelanguages.com/chart

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Frequently Asked Questions

How long is this episode of Love By Design?

This episode is 12 minutes long.

When was this Love By Design episode published?

This episode was published on April 3, 2026.

What is this episode about?

"I'm doing the work."It's the most overused phrase in modern dating. We say it in bios. We demand it from partners. We use it to explain why we're still single.But what does it actually MEAN?In this episode, Joan cuts through the self-help jargon...

Can I download this Love By Design episode?

Yes, you can download this episode by clicking the download button on the episode player, or subscribe to the podcast in your preferred podcast app for automatic downloads.
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