What If It’s Not Self-Sabotage? | The Fear Beneath Addiction, Distance, Love & Self-Protection

S2E35: Cup of Awakening: Do You Abandon Yourself First? What if the thing you’ve been calling self-sabotage is actually self-protection wearing an old disguise? Sometimes we abandon ourselves first so nobody else gets the chance. The wall that holds pain out can keep love out too. In this Cup of Awakening, I’m sharing something that surfaced for me during an AA meeting, how easy it can be to get comfortable, think we have “the thing” under control, and then realize that the deeper patterns underneath it may still be asking for our attention. For me, that led somewhere unexpected: relationships. I started getting curious about the ways addiction has affected the relationships I care about, the friendships I haven’t always nurtured, and the ways betrayal, abandonment, and feeling taken advantage of may have taught me to want intimacy while simultaneously keeping people at arm’s length. What if I didn’t avoid closeness because I didn’t want it? What if some part of me learned that closeness wasn’t safe? And then came the question that changed the whole conversation: Do I abandon myself before someone else gets the chance? Because this pattern doesn’t necessarily stop with relationships. Where do we keep one foot out the door with our work, money, health, sobriety, dreams, opportunities, or commitments? Where do we say we want something while quietly protecting ourselves from actually receiving it? In this episode, we explore fear of abandonment, addiction, relationships, self-protection, self-sabotage, trust, vulnerability, and the old strategies we may still be using to keep ourselves from getting hurt. Not to judge them. To understand them. Because sometimes the question isn’t: “Why do I keep ruining this?” Maybe it’s: “What am I trying to protect myself from?” And perhaps even more importantly: What am I asking other people, or life, to give me that I may still be withholding from myself? You don’t have to get it perfect. You just need to notice, pause, breathe, and make a Better-Than choice. One choice that treats you with a little more honesty, a little more care, and a little more self-trust than the choice before it. That’s how you come home. I am Margarita Rose, and this was your Cup of Awakening. Sip it slowly, sisters. #sparkcast #cominghometoyou #cupofawakening #soulsparkyourlife #soulsparksanctuary #margaritarose #empoweredwomen #womenwhorisetogether #abetterthanchoice #youareenough #embodiedleadership