What If The Problem Is The System Not The Child

“You’re nice to us.” That’s what the kids said when Sally Michaels asked why they could learn in her setting but not in school, and it’s the line that frames everything we explore here. Sally runs Blue Squid, a non-school alternative provision supporting young people aged 9 to 16 who are struggling with school attendance, especially neurodivergent teenagers who feel crushed by rigid rules, sensory stress, and constant pressure to perform.We get into what changed after COVID and why so many schools drifted toward high control when the system demanded quick academic catch-up. Sally shares what she sees behind the scenes: bright students with huge aspirations who have lost confidence, families who feel dismissed with “they’re fine in school,” and teens who hold it together all day then unravel at home. We also talk about what flexibility can look like in real life, including realistic GCSE pathways, spreading exams over time, and building a bespoke plan that reduces harm while keeping doors open.You’ll hear clear explanations of PDA (pathological demand avoidance or pervasive drive for autonomy), why everyday demands can trigger fight or flight, and why neurodivergence can overlap with trauma responses. Sally breaks down an easy brain-state model (executive, emotional, survival) and we spend time on a topic that doesn’t get enough airtime: shame, how it grows, and how it can drive anxiety, self-harm, and crisis if nobody names it.If you’re parenting a teenager who is struggling with school, or you’re recognising yourself in these patterns, you’re not alone. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find the support and language to move forward.To get in contact with Sally visit:Sally Michaels | LinkedInbluesquidlearning.comResources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk