Hello everyone, and welcome to Living by the Law, the podcast discussing fictional worlds and how wondrous and ridiculous they are. My name is Matt, and I'm joined by my co-host, Jude and Guy. Living by the Law is not currently sponsored. If you were to sponsor us, become an astronaut.
Become the best there ever was, and get placed on the first manned mission to Mars. Once you've finally arrived, write your sponsor offer in the dust. When it can be seen from space, we will hear you. We always do.
What would you do if you woke up tomorrow and found out there were alien ruins on Mars? What if our understanding of physics and our place in the universe was shattered in a matter of years? Today, we set down the basics of the Mass Effect universe, and where humanity finds itself among the stars. So, here's a question that I've been thinking about asking you guys for a while, and I think we're close enough now that I can ask you.
Yes, dude, I'll marry you. We'll marry you together. We're becoming a throuple. We're a throuple.
It's legal. Not in this country. It's a state of this country. Give me a second.
I like Canberra. Listen, Canberra's got some shit going on. If I make two or nothing, because I know some countries will want you married, but if you marry somewhere else, I'll be like, yeah, your marriage is legit. Can we marry somewhere else as a freeway, and then we'll be approved in Australia?
So this brings us to our first exciting announcement of today, Living by the Law. The question that I want to ask you, what would be your drag name? Ooh. There's a lot of fertile ground with guy, but I feel like I may go simple and go girl.
Ooh, girl, girl. I was a lady. Ooh, but guy and girl are. Yeah, yeah.
But also, like, would lady guy just be good? Lady guy would be pretty funny. Lady guy, yeah. You're right at the point.
You want to know what they're getting. They know exactly what they're getting. It was very good advertisement. Yep, yep.
Um, mega. Mega. Mega. I mean, if you want to go similar by name, it could be like Maddie or something like that.
I feel like you could just go fucking out there and be like, Maddie. You could just be like, These Nuts. Yes, yes, baby, that's two but two. Let's go.
These Nuts is still relevant in 2025, folks. Keep in common. You could just be like, just Cinder the World Destroyer. Come again?
Yeah, like, something crazy. I feel like just Comzilla. Comzilla's great, actually. That's good shit.
Is it? I just feel like you want to go balls to the wall. It has to be simple and sweet, or balls to the wall. This is too...
Well, since you've been pondering it, you obviously have answered. Well, I know this, because mine was given to me by... Ah, you're queefed. Yes.
Bequeefed. Who are... I think I can say his name. But, like, his fake name.
I think this can give you the exact image of the guy that you need. He is a massive fucking nerd. He is, like, borderline the definition of a bear. And he is literally, like, the idealistic, bear-dating, perfect twink.
Like, the exact serial type you expect. And he's a massive synth nerd who just does loads of music production stuff. Has a PhD in that sort of stuff. You're getting a bit close to Docs English.
No, no, I'm not going to say any actual names or any of his, like, production names. Because there's a lot of people in the production world that that could fit to. But the point is, that's a bit of an idea again. One day, he walked in to work, walked past me in the office, and he goes, Hey, Twinklelicious, Judelicious.
And I was like, excuse me, just like, that's your drag name now, Jude. And I went, it is. Twinklelicious, Judelicious is just beautiful. It is.
It's like Willy Wonka would come up with. Yeah, yeah. Even just Judelicious kind of works, as a drag name. But the Twinklelicious at the start, just like.
Yeah, yeah. I'd buy that. Yeah. That was like sitting on the counter, like, you're in, like, a, like, a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a, like a wheelie shot, you know.
You'd buy, you'd buy some of the Twinklelicious. Guys back, everyone. We have Gy back with us. I survived.
I survived. It's been Gy. It's been Gy from my second coming of Golden Staff. We sent him, we sent him, we sent him a biological, um, weapon, and he didn't die.
It's very sad. Next time we're gonna send him off planet, I think. If you can get me off planet, that'd be pretty goaded. Talking off planet, today we're going to be talking about a world that happens to be out of this world.
We're going to be talking about a sci-fi action roleplay franchise developed by Bioware. Here's what we're going to talk about, Mass Effect. I've got the roleplay if you've got the action baby. That's really good.
Thank you, that's a good pick up. You do have a massive effect on me. Fucking hell guys. No, brilliant.
I'm glad we're this close. Let's get nasty tonight. This is the nasty episode. The pride flag is golden but all the game is coming to us.
Yeah, we lost our pride flag so we have to represent the game. We don't care what I drove you from. They stole it. They did.
Actually, I'm not joking. The pole on that flag is currently being used to control a puppet's hand. That's sick. I love that.
There is so much of that story that I do not have the time to give you. You wouldn't understand if you are. There's something poetic about an LGBT flag pole being stuck up a puppet. It's not, but if you can control a hand you need to be a wave.
It's got a hand up the air. That's true. There's something poetic about that. It's something delightful.
Anyway, Mass Effect. What is Mass Effect? Have you guys ever played Mass Effect? It's a game where you shoot aliens.
That does happen in the game. You don't shoot the aliens, you have sex with them. That is close enough. Do you?
Mass Effect has so many romances. There are some absolutely cooked characters that are the target of Rule 34 campaigns that are the least attractive things I've seen in my fucking life. It is hilarious. Every time I'm like, that looks kind of weird, Mass Effect.
Every goddamn time. If I see that blue motherfucker one more time, I'm going to shoot myself. Well, it's general premise is putting the user in a Halo-like fantasy sci-fi world while giving them the choice to affect the story, the world, and round them with their choices. And fuck, their pair of shipmates.
If any of my co-workers decide to listen to this episode as their first episode, I'm sorry. If any of mine do, I'm not sorry. You're welcome. Play it out loud, you know.
So, Mass Effect. It started with Mass Effect 1. Actually, I don't know the year it came out. I thought you were about to say, I don't know if it started with Mass Effect 1.
I don't know the year it came out. Which led to a trilogy of games which very much didn't really tell it very well. And a spin-off called Mass Effect Andromeda. 16th of November 2007.
2007, yes. I think the first trilogy came out pretty close. Then Andromeda came out. I don't think in 2021, I believe.
The Mass Effect universe also contains five novels, many comics, a movie, and a couple mobile games. It was an animated movie. And we'll be using knowledge from all canons, but for the most part, we'll be sticking to the knowledge from the three mainline games. Before we begin, I would also like to thank Mass Effect Law, or M-E-L, which is the website.
They very much can tie to the law. They do a lot of good job there. And the Mass Effect fandom wiki. They helped me create this episode.
And a shout-out especially for Josh Romaine. Ah! We finally got it to it. I apologize so much.
This is his request. And again, yes, I do apologize for the delay on this episode, but it has come. Some laws are easier than others. And we'll be doing a few episodes.
I think for our long episodes, we'll be ending in Mass Effect. Also, I'm so sorry to do this to you, but you said Mass Effect Andromeda was 2021. I know time gets faster every time I look at the clock, but it was released in 2015. What?
Yeah, it's eight years old this year. Wow. Thank you, Josh. We appreciate the support.
Thank you, Josh. And this is for you. And also check out those fandom wikis if you want any more information on things we've not covered today. And if you want to have your episode done by us really badly, join us on Patreon.
Living by the Law page. What is it? Patreon.com. www.patreon.com.
www.patreon.com. There might be something else in the middle there. You can figure it out. It'll be in the description.
Oh my god, we are so bad. I love you guys. Thank you. And this year, we're going to kick our goals of hitting up some podcast episodes that our Patreons have asked for.
Happy New Year. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. And welcome to 2025.
May it be better than any other. Best year yet. That's my bet. Best year yet.
Well, it so happens we are looking into the future with the start of Mass Effect. So, just as we are, we're starting with the beginning. So, human history starts most the same as our own. But we will start past it.
Beginning in 2147. So, humans have continued to develop around what we've done. We've expanded our space department. Actually got to Mars, finally.
And doing things on Mars. But in 2147, we'd find something new on Mars. A new material. Something that shouldn't technically be possible.
A material dubbed Elements Zero. Ooh. And we will start by describing you what Elements Zero because it can be very important for the future of these Mass Effect episodes. So, Elements Zero, or Ezo, is an ultra rare material that, when it's subject to a current, electrical current, releases dark energy that can be manipulated from many uses.
And, stay away with me, Mass Effect Fields. Oh. These create Mass Effect Fields. Dub the name of the game.
It affects the mass? Yes. Kind of. I'm going to kill whoever called it Elements Zero because that's not how elements work.
It is dubbed that this is not an element. It is not an element at all. It's called a material. It needs to be made of something.
It's something similar to dark matter. But it's not dark matter because it's material without other materials. It's like, it's in that category. It's like matter, dark matter, element zero.
Yep. Or Ezo. Didn't they decide that dark matter can't exist for something stupid? Hey, it's up for contention.
I don't know. It is a contentious point, apparently. But, Ezo is created when matter is affected by the energy of a star going supernova. Basically, ultra high levels of energy affect matter to make Ezo.
It's commonly found in asteroid debris that originate around neutron stars and around pulsars. This makes it incredibly hard to get, with robots being the best way to harvest it. Ezo works differently, extremely differently to all other matter in the universe, seemingly breaking all the rules, as you kind of said. It breaks all the goddamn rules.
For example, if you run a positive current through it, it increases the mass of the material. If you run a negative current, it decreases the mass. This is known as the mass effect. But it's a field around the material, or just the material itself?
Kind of both. I mean, both is acceptable. That's fine, yeah. Sure.
This is used, for many purposes, by the name of you, to generate artificial gravity. It also allows you to create a safe drop from large distances, create shields from your enemy's fire by creating a high gravitational pull. It also enables you to manufacture high-strength construction, extremely dense materials that don't weigh that much. That's basically what it can do.
It also enables faster than light travel without time dilation. How? This is the most important part of the mass effect field, because it allows for, basically, a galactic empire. Because you can't exist without it.
It has to go over hundreds of years to be able to travel to other systems, right? Yeah, yeah. So the way they get around it, the way they make a fast and light field, is done by reducing the mass of an object, such as a starship, to the point where velocities fast and light are possible. Which means, Guy, before we get there, technically this would have to be negative mass.
So the mass to get fast and light, because a photon is at the speed of light, because it has zero mass. That is why it is at the speed of light. Correct. So this would have to have negative mass, which is hypothetically possible in the current understanding of physics and mass equations.
It is. So if you look at E equals MC squared, are we all losing every part of energy? Are we all going to absolute zero Kelvin and fucking dying immediately? There are equations that have energy loss, and it's the same here.
So a lot of our, I'm sure there'll be physicists that will say there are some equations that break, but a lot of equations, from my knowledge of physics, can work with negative mass. For example, like acceleration works, you just go, you're up to regression. That's fair. I do accept that.
I will also say I'm very glad that whoever got a hold of this material in the mass effect universe came up with this, because my brain immediately went to the fact that if you run enough charge through it, you can just make a black hole bomb. I'm sure that doesn't do anything like that. I'm sure they never did anything like that. But listen, if they did, you wouldn't hear about it.
You have a lot of energy to make a black hole, but yeah. Well, I mean, if you can increase something's mass with electricity, it's probably easier to make a lot of electricity than make a lot of mass. Yeah, it's fair. But like, yeah, I don't know.
Spontaneous planet generation? That's cool. There's lots of cool shit you can do with that. That's a really cool material.
I like that. I can't wait to see how boring and weapons and world war, galactic war, it comes. Hey, it's 2007. They weren't quite here yet.
So that's basically what it is. So it creates that negative mass. Also, the one thing it does make, because of the way faster light travel works, in our universe at least, it would mean you could arrive before you left. Nice.
Which, because it's instant, then you go back, and then you get there before you ever left your place. So time travel would have to be possible. That's fantastic. But I don't believe that's possible in mass effect.
Correct me if I'm wrong, I do not believe. Because it does take some time to travel. It's not instant. We know that it's very, very fast.
It's faster. There are different speeds. Depending on different times, there's different speeds. But it's either 30 times speed of light or 1000 times speed of light.
It's not instant. We know that because in Andromeda, so that's another galaxy, right? We know that the reason it's called Andromeda is because they go into Andromeda and they don't get there instantly. That would be like the way that we define time is very much based off the assumption that nothing can travel faster than light.
So time travel has to occur under our common understanding. If something can move faster than light, then that's all fucked. I'm going to throw that out. So, debatably true.
That is also true. Anyway, yes. Anyway, so that is Element Zero or Ezo. In the next year, in 2148.
Ezo, I just got it. I thought it was like an I or something, but no, it's E. Element Zero. Yeah, I get it.
Good. It's pretty good. The mining team spent on their discovery of Ezo. Investigate the South Pole of Mars, kind of like a mysterious area that they've discovered, and find an ancient research station.
Who? It's found it was abandoned by ancient aliens known as the Protheans. Okay. I'm walking out.
It's an abandoned research standard. What could literally be better? They are a long-extinct race who give humanity a head start in their massive technologies. Humans use this to massively expand their space exploration and start their understanding of fast and light travel.
Does it occur to them at any point that the place that they found the technology is a ruin? Yeah. It's a ruin. That seems ominous, but that's okay.
What do you mean? What do you mean? We don't need to worry about that. You guys need to play Outer Wilds, but that's okay.
We don't need to worry about ruin. What's the point, you know? Ruin's a good. That's where you get ancient technologies from.
Sometimes some gold. Sometimes some citizens beyond nearby city. I like Siv, yeah. Motherfucker.
This is very changes humanity on a fundamental level, and it is finally proof they are not alone in the universe. Culture and religion changes almost overnight as people try to make sense of this. Some people claim that humanity is being controlled, created or even directed by these aliens this whole time, and some dismiss the evidence as fake. So it might even be proven to people like, Atlantis, we used to have a cult, we used to have a huge empire here.
Right, yeah, yeah. And that's giving them a lot of juice. Yeah, I mean, it's like when the person you dislike the most is right and you're wrong. It's like this.
Hmm. But it's not even like technically right. Because just because they're islands, they control everything humanity did. They've got a lot more ammunition in their cannon now.
They found a fucking research on Mars. It's very close, right? It's out. That is like, if it's you like that, there must be a lot.
If it's unrelated, that is an insane coincidence. Exactly, right? So, through all this chaos, one thing reigns true. Humanity is scared.
And takes a great effort. But they join, they join to be of something. It's actually something that brings humanity together. The Systems Alliance is created signed by all the largest nations on Earth.
This pulls together resources from across the planet dedicated to space exploration and, classic, a space military. Yay! There we go, baby. I told you it was coming.
In 2149, technology leads them to discover, basically they find a bunch of research notes there and a bunch of stuff, and it points to a discovery in one of the darkest pockets of the solar system. Hundreds of kilometers, under 100 kilometers of ice orbiting Pluto, the moon Charon is discovered to actually be a mass relay designed to shoot a ship into deep space. Basically shoot to another star system. Oh, like a big space cannon too.
Yes. Like, you want to go fast? We'll go fast. Basically designed to shoot a ship to another star system.
That's pretty good. I was quickly Googling Charon to see what the moon looks like, but do you know what Charon is named after? The person who brings you to the underworld? Yeah, the person who's the ferryman in the Greek underworld who ferries the souls of the damned.
What an incredible star is... Oh my god, listen. Basically the moon wasn't a moon at all. It was a...
That's no moon. It's a space station. Basically, yeah. Under 100 kilometers of ice.
Yeah, that was Star Wars. Yeah, that's fun. I was saying well, but I didn't know the Star Wars. You got it though.
Yeah. And it's in the one Star Wars movie I know you've seen. Sure. Because I watched it with you.
Is that the first one? Yes. Nice. Yeah, technically.
The real first one. My god, we need to keep talking about that. Yeah, move on. After sending probes, basically led them to dropping off once they went through and they heard nothing back because you sent them across to another galaxy if you can't get a response back.
A team of explorers are sent and discovered it leads to Arcturus, which happens to be the brightest star in the northern sky. So it basically leads to another star system. That's all. Not only that, they find three more relays in the star system.
Soon, humans will discover that this is just one of a network of relays across the galaxy. I mean, they're playing on fucking easy mode at this point. In 2151, the Alliance, having now explored other systems, began to create an Alliance headquarters on Arcturus, basically creating a point where they can send things out from. Unfortunately, the same year, there's a terrible mass effect engine accident occurs at the Singapore International Space Port exposing humans to Ezo in dust form.
And unfortunately, this is very toxic material and approximately 30% of the children born after exposure have cancer. Oh, that's sad. What the fuck? Space mutants or something.
They got cancer. Very quickly, sorry, you said Ezo makes the mass effect fields, yes. You also mentioned dark matter being generated. Is that part of the mass effect effect or is that to do with...
So by definition, when a current runs through it, it releases dark energy that can be manipulated in the medium forms. Right, okay, cool. And that one of the effects and the main one that it is used for is the mass effect field. Yeah, changing gravitational.
Oh, good. I was just like, fuck, dark matter gives you cancer. I mean, I know everything gives you cancer at least to go into California as well. It's basically a bunch of radiation.
That's fair. It's destroying the DNA and that creates cancer. Absolutely. So a year after that, so in 2152, the first true colonies start to form on new star systems.
So the first is named Amida, then soon comes Eden Prime and Terra Nova to follow. Two years after that, a second terrible Ezo accident occurs, exposing more children to this terrible dust. Why is that the goddamn kids are in this dust? Coincidentally, a little boy named Shepard is soon to be our protagonist is born.
Oh, he's got cancer. No, no, he's got cancer. That's why he's got cancer. Oh, that's the kind of cancer that gives me superpowers this time, not the kind of cancer that makes me sad.
In 2156, so two years after this, a few of these children who are exposed to the start to show abilities that match the massive engines. Motherfucker. And they're exposed to and biotics are discovered. It said once, it was very few children that I found out that said 10%.
So it might be 10%. 10% might be the accurate numbers. About 10% of children show these abilities. 10% of the kids with cancer or 10% of the kids without cancer or both?
Exposed. Exposed, okay. So it could be either. Yes, I believe so.
10% chance of getting through power, 10% chance of getting cancer. Usually if it's white, you don't get cancer. Okay, hear me out. 30 to 40.
Well, the government might disagree with you on that one, unfortunately. They would agree to much worse stuff than that, my friend. Yeah, yeah. So, but basically the reason is, so Shepard is our protagonist and there is different classes you can take and one of the classes allows you to have biotics.
Yes. Yeah, so he could or not have it. But basically, so let's explain what biotics is because biotics has now been discovered. In dust form, iso can have toxic effects that causes mutations including a high chance of cancer.
It can also induce or stimulate the presence of biotics. Basically, it makes them produce or it can make them more stronger and more powerful. If a child is exposed to the dust, they have a small chance to develop iso nodules throughout their nervous system that can react with the electrical stimuli from the brain. But once the link is discovered, it is heavily rumoured and kind of pretty facely proven that it's spread intentionally from now on.
Of course it is. Yeah, okay. We'll get to a bit later. There's a mention later of how they did it above colonies, basically, to make a new generation of people with biotics.
Oh no, the dust exploded right over the kindergarten again. Oh no. That's the fourth one this week. Oh no, sorry, because they're already born after the un...
The paternity ward, no. No. Cool. Biotics, so basically, use biotics.
Hear me out. Oh no, right over the sperm down to clean their gut again. Yeah, I mean, get in there early. That makes a little dust in with the sperm every time.
Okay, this cup, this cup. Don't open the second cup. Do not open the second cup. It's for later.
It's like if I bet asbestos, if you give you a new power. Hey, it wouldn't be better if it did. Yep. Yeah, because they're filling their walls with this shit, right?
Oh. Because it removes for like really strong materials, right? Yeah. Oh, so it's literally just asbestos, basically.
Yeah, kind of. The mention of the way how it turns to dust, but it's any dust formed. It's basically asbestos. Asbestos is fine.
Yeah, very good. Yeah, that's true. Asbestos has a small chance of cancer. Yeah.
I'm making magic. That's better than asbestos. It's better than asbestos. You literally said it has a higher chance of powers than cancer.
No, no, no. No, it has a 10% chance of powers and a 30% chance of cancer. I definitely heard the other way around. That's why you said 3040.
That's great. So what's the other 60? Nothing. Oh.
Oh, I totally take this list. 70% chance you're fine or better. Yeah. It's pretty good.
Oh, but it's not me. It's my kids. Well, I can't. You agree.
I believe it. Yeah, I don't know. I know adults who have it can be stimulated to have more. But I don't understand.
And is it me that takes the odds? Or is it my kids? Like, if I get it, and then I have, like, a bunch of kids, like, each kid, when a kid is born, you roll the dice. You know what I mean?
Oh, you're not sex infected. That's fine. My question is, like, is each kid rolling those odds or do we roll the odds once when I get the dust? I can't remember exactly if it is the people and the children are the people, but I can't remember if it is the children themselves ever exposed.
This is the weirdest new form of baptism. It's been the dust. And it must have been the ability for life forms to create mass effect fields or have some abilities that are similar. So, abilities, for example, let's see what people can do basically in the game.
You can create a kinetic barrier of high energy field, basically a wall. Similar to how ships make their shields. Magneto-coded. Yeah, similar to that.
You can lift or throw objects. We can do that. But you make a strong gravitational pull in one direction. You can create a singularity, create a single point of strong gravitational pull.
Stasis, lock an area by creating a strong gravitational field in that area. Warp, create a rapidly shifting gravitational field that rips the target apart. Sick. This is similar to our torpedo weapons work on starships.
Oh, they like Pyraminy Warp. They go fast, fucking sick. Dominate. So, Warp and Organics being brain forces to force them to attack its allies.
That's what it does in the game. But you can probably do other things as well. Suggestion. Yes.
Am I just giving them an aneurysm? Is that what that is? I believe you're affecting the electrical signals in their brain. Because this was a mass effect field.
Yeah. And correct me if I'm wrong, I don't believe the electrons have a ton of mass. It starts to get more magic when they get into that. Dominate's probably the one power, but it is shown in multiple races to have to be a thing that exists in this universe.
So, it's probably some sort of psychic thing with the mass. That's fair. I would also just accept that you're giving them an aneurysm and they're just going to a frenzy. That's also possible.
Precision aneurysm. There's also shown to be races that can kind of enthrall other races. That's fucking sick. Yeah.
Charge slash shockwave create a wave of energy that can topple or damage others. Yep. All right. And that's basically most of the abilities.
That's the basic ones. I mean, I can do a couple of those. I create a gravitational pull every time I enter the room because everyone's drawn to me. That's so true, dude.
You're so right. I am the singularity, is what I'm saying. Well, I'm attracted to you, so. You both said you would marry yourself, so clearly.
I'm not a mass effect, man. I'm such a mass effect. There are also implants that can be fitted into those with abilities to enhance or give new abilities. So, the use of mass effect fields create a static electrical charge in those using them.
So, for a ship, this is a discharge that must be grounded every now and then to discharge the energy. For a person, basically, a static shock every now and then. They can be on a trampoline. That's good.
Yeah, but that is as a basic level. Fuck yeah. In 2,157, humans finally find what it's looking for this whole time. Life in the universe.
But, where comes life? Comes war. Now, I was going to say, I was going to say, here comes war. Listen, there is one thing that humans are known to be good at and that's fucking murdering things.
Well, I'd say two things. One fucking, two murdering things. I think that if it's a living, actually, no, I was about to say, I think it's a living thing it needs to, but then again, who knows how it works. Two of the constants of the human state and the human condition are actually going to fuck everything and they're going to kill everything.
What was the, Spy Team Fortress 2 once said, no, no, Sniper Team Fortress 2 once said, if there were two people left on the planet, one would want to kill the other. Fair enough. That's not the exact way, I apologize. The first contact war begins as the Turians attack humanity, seemingly out of nowhere.
Basically, they're setting up one of the mass relays because all the mass relays that have come across so far have been dormant and they're basically activating them. Are they mining them out or are they just hanging out? They're activating them. They're in good shape.
Because, yeah, so the only one that we had in our system was in a frozen moon. So some of them probably are less in good condition than the others, but like, as they're turning one on, the Turians attack them. That's bastards. Three months of intergalactic war ensue as humanity gets its first taste of galactic warfare.
Shanexi, I can't remember how to pronounce this one colony, sorry, basically falls to the Turians. It's a colony that falls to the Turians but is soon taken back by humanity in a month. Both species ramp up more and more ready for a full fucking conflict but just as they're ready for no whole buzz, the Citadel Council intervenes, a major executive committee of the galaxy who apply a sort of galactic war, law, sorry, not war. Galactic law to the galactic war.
Yes, exactly. Fuck yeah. So the council intervenes and basically says, whoa, whoa, calm down, what the fuck are we doing, why are we having this war, you know? And it's like, mom and dad's like, can you attack me first?
You know? Yeah, okay, okay. And then, this person's like a step above the humans and the Turians. They're just another species.
But a part of the council? The council, yeah, the coalition. Okay, so this is like the cops. It's like, it's like an interview mediator coming in, it's like, whoa, whoa, what's happening?
It's like America. Okay, let's not, no, let's not, I don't know how to get in there. No, whatever you're going to say next, you're not going to be good. I'm going to say the us, that's a little bit.
Basically, the council broke the peace between the humans and Turians, explaining to humanity that they broke into natural law unknowingly by activating the mass relays. How the fuck else were we meant to get here? Me standing at a stranger's house after I busted the door in. Yeah, basically they busted in, they go, what the fuck are you doing?
How the fuck else was I meant to get in here, idiots? Turians, it's okay, the silly eight people don't understand. The council explains the intellectual laws of humanity and let them build their colonies as a species. They don't quite join one of the council, they're kind of like, yeah, we're here, keep existing, come back to us when you've grown up a little bit.
You know what I'm interested to this? Well, not everyone can be in that council. Exactly. So the Citadel Council, let's explain what it is.
So the Citadel Council is made up of three major races and other small races who have embassies in the council. Like the Citadel. The Citadel is basically the political, economic heart of the galaxy. Even though they are the most powerful force in the galaxy, they only cover about 1% of the space.
A lot of galaxies are undiscovered or dark space. Basically, then, fairly many stars. But this is, sorry to clarify, just making sure. This is all happening, oh yeah, because Mass Effect Andromeda, obviously, this is all the Milky Way galaxy, Andromeda is the Andromeda galaxy.
Yes, they do stand up to the Andromeda galaxy, yes. The goal for the council is compromise, cooperation, and peace. So the three main races are the, and do bear with me now, Asari Republic, the Salarion Union, and the Turian Hierarchy. So the Asari, you won't want to look up a photo of the Asari, I don't know if I've got this in you, but I have a photo of my thing.
They are the oldest and most experienced of these. These motherfuckers! These are the ones even racists who don't have attraction in their race, they have notified that these guys are hot. So if you're a first-time listener and you're new to the internet, just a quick tip, if you add rule 34 to the second session.
No, no, don't do it. Unless you know about the legal age of characters, so that way you know... Basically, the Asari are the oldest and the first to find the Citadel, which was interestingly there before they were. What?
Okay. They are a monogender race with feminine appearance. After missing the other races for so long, they have been known to use feminine pronouns, some use male pronouns, and some use neutral pronouns. The way the most use female, that's what people expect when they see them and they call them like daughters when they refer to their offspring.
They are also... But this does not mean they are asexual, however, they do require a partner to reproduce. So Asari resemble humans with a blue or purple complexion. There's also possible to be teal complexion, but that is very rare.
It's like being a viner, basically, in their race. In place of hair, they have a semi-flexible cartilage-based scalp crest that grow into shape. Is that how you describe what their hair looks like? Tentacle, yes, sir.
It's like dreads if they're fleshy. Shoo, terrible. They're cartilage. It is, no, you're 100% correct, and that's what's fucked up.
It comes to what it is. Yeah, not long. I mean, I say tentacle, it's like it's attached to their head. It's just like if the back of their head was a bunch of...
What's that? Oh, what is the... I'm going fucking crazy. Never mind.
There's a monster I'm thinking of. Oh, the hunter thing. Alien vs. Predator.
Oh, Predator. Yeah. I see. Yeah.
I imagine that's what it looks like if they're unflexed, but for the rest of the time they're all sitting down. Yeah. They're also known to reach well over a thousand years old in age. The Asari can see in ultraviolet light spectrums.
Their blood is purple. They also have a natural attitude for biotics, which probably explains why they were the first people to reach the... Wait, so did they discover the kid cancer thing as well? They're naturally born with it, basically.
Oh, okay. Well, that's... Yeah. They don't need to be exposed to cancer stuff.
Damn. That just sounds cheating. Yeah, well, magic powers are a little cancer, isn't it? Yeah.
Yeah. They live under a law of all-inclusive legislation. Legislator. But basically they have a council, like legislation senate kind of thing that defines their laws, but they also have a matriarch made up of the oldest Asari.
Basically, a group of the oldest people basically get together and they have the final say. So if it's a law... They don't handle most things, but if it's a more important thing and they disagree, they will be the same and say, no, that's not true. Okay.
Or if it's something they need to pass, they will pass it. They're also the ones who deal out the punishments when needed. I would trust this person to punish other people. Stop.
You can't fault them. That is the Asari, basically. Yes. Also, their breeding...
We won't get into today if we talk about it maybe another time, but their breeding is very intimate. It's all about staring into their eyes and you mend. You meld like your DNA. It's a bit interesting.
Also, every... Doesn't matter what race breeds with them, I believe it's always an Asari child. Asari child. That's some elite blood group shit.
Dominant, dominant, dominant. I didn't do a ton of research into how they breed. That's very unlikely, Matthew. I know, right?
I think you did, but it's pretty difficult to separate the fan cannons from the reality. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next one is the Salarian Union.
So, secondly, joined the council. They joined about only like 60 years after they arrived at the Citadel. They are a warm-blooded amphibian race with a much faster metabolism. You can lock them up.
What is the name? Salarium. S-A-L-A-R-I-A-N. Oh, yeah.
This is like your classical kind of... I think I would want to fuck. Oh, yeah. That's better.
That's doing it for me. Look at the first lips waiting for me. Great. So kissable.
So wet. So kissable. I was so certain that you were going to be like... Looking into his eyes.
Basically, kind of like reptiles' faces. Kind of like a frog face. It's a stretched frog face. I was going to say, it's a thin frog.