What Should Come First—Him Ending His Affair, or Us Starting Couples Counseling?

We know—the title of this episode is INSANE!!!  But it comes from an actual question sent in by a PBSE listener—My partner and I are STUCK. We have been separated for almost a year now but living together for financial and child reasons. I have told him that he has to break up with his affair partner before I will agree to couples counseling. That goes without saying that I will not welcome him back to our bed without breaking up with his AP. He will say to me that he will break up with this AP but only if I can show him effort that I still want him. He tells me that I am the one that has given up on him and our marriage because I won't go out of my way to set up dates with him, agree to cuddling and physical affection. My heart is PLEADING for him to want our marriage over his addiction. Am I being too stubborn with my boundary that he give up his girlfriend before couples counseling? Some days I feel like I am drowning in heart ache and indecision. A huge part of me knows it's time to talk divorce but a part of me still yearns for the connection I know we could have—Help!Listen as Mark and Steve get SUPER PASSIONATE in their response to this situation!!!Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.comFind out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension CounselingLearn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling ServicesCurious about "why" porn/sex addicts do the kinds of things they do? Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addictionWant to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage