What to Do in Hard Times, by Someone Who Knows | #PERSPECTIVES with Sharon Pearson

What this episode covers

When coronavirus hit, Leigh Chivers already knew our world can be changed forever by things we can't control. Two years after his wife Sara Chivers and two year old son Alfie died of brain cancer, Leigh talks with Sharon Pearson (via wobbly isolation video link) about resilience, gratitude, what to do in hard times to rebuild and reset, and how he’s carving out a new life after tragedy. Read the blog here: https://www.sharonpearson.com/post/what-to-do-in-hard-times Sara's letter, 'What I want my boys to know when I'm gone.' https://thenewdaily.com.au/life/relationships/2017/11/01/sara-chivers-letter-brain-cancer/ Get Social with Sharon Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SharonPearsonFanPage/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sharon.pearson.official/ Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sharonpearsontcicoach/ Website: https://www.sharonpearson.com/ KEY TOPICS AND TIME STAMPS 00:00 Why Leigh’s story is so remarkable · Leigh outlines Sara’s almost-10 year battle with rare brain cancer starting with a shattering 2008 diagnosis at age 25. · He recaps the years their happy ‘confident’ years in between cancers, with a wedding, a renovation and two boys under two. 06:17 The second cancer journey · Dealing with the news Sara had. · Uncertainty and fear the family experienced. 09:50 Sara’s mission when her little boy is diagnosed 11:20 The impossible decision about Alfie’s treatment 19:12 Sara’s ‘What I Want My Boys To Know When I’m Gone’ letter · Leigh agrees the letter gave the family a voice to talk about brain cancer but the real story is a nine or ten year journey. · Sharon suggests listeners/ readers remember adversity and everything that led to and came after inspirational moments. 23:46 Clarity of purpose · Sharon notes Leigh and Sara were clear in their purpose of caring for their family. · He admits his confidence in the future was lost: “I might be dead next year.” 27:14 Finding resilience and purpose · Sharon talks how Leigh became a race ambassador for the Hawaiian event for “characteristics that go well beyond competition.” · He speaks to the resilience and purpose he was tapping into during the 3.8m swim, 180km cycle and 42.2km run. 30:12 Proactivity, not reactivity · Sharon notes that similarities between people being reactive and proactive during coronavirus and the mindset Leigh took to carving out things for himself after Sara and Alfie’s deaths. · Leigh talks to his plan and purpose amid uncertainty and grief. · He reveals his “horrific” stress affected him physically and mentally to the point he had to keep up good habits and avoid coffee and alcohol. 34:09 Three simple things Leigh did when feeling low · His mantra when he struggled: Show up, ask questions and don’t quit. · Shares the perspective that helped when Alfie was sick. 37:00 How to tap into inner resilience · Sharon asks how Leigh came to handle uncertainty in uncertain times while others are fearful of it or dramatize it. · He says while he struggles sometimes to maintain a resilient mindset, he draws on gratitude as a daily practice. · Sharon shares her household gratitude ritual. 40:52 Adversity proves what we’re made of · Sharon discusses her “Five Days of Insanity” and the realisation she wanted to come out of coronavirus being proud of who she was during adversity. · Leigh talks owning it, being proud of himself during tough times and says you have to live the rest of your life with decisions you make in uncertain times. 47:54 Being present for children · Leigh talks how Sara’s illness and death forced him to step up as a father in different ways and how it has shaped how he parents Hugh now. 55:15 Helping kids cope in uncertainty · Sharon notes kids cope if their carers are there consistently and take their cues from adults, which is a “profound gift” we can give them. · Leigh says through his terrible illness, Alfie didn’t have the emotional trauma that often comes as you get older and didn’t have the emotional attachment to what he was losing. · Sharon discusses maturity, hanging on to stuff and what not hanging onto yesterday or trying to control tomorrow will bring. 1:00 Appreciating what you have · The fact that going through something traumatic and life changing doesn’t make you perfect for the rest of your life and how you are still vulnerable. · As you get older you realise the tough times are going to keep coming and we need to be prepared or at least accepting. · Leigh talks hitting limits and that if you don’t be proactive in hard times and take perspectives with you, He suggests people appreciate things and realise they can be taken away tomorrow.